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Hmm I'm not going to say I havn't forced myself to talk to some people,
People that just add me for a reason to get something out of me, Is the ones I dun like.
However, This is not the case. I'd really like to talk to youBecause I havn't got a lot of people on AIM
Give me a reason to keep it ^^ And if you are one of my friends, then you would know. - I don't shut up - ;D
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Yes, Nephilim is a very nice someone to talk too off-board.(No, really she is = ).
@Nicoga: Just by reading your last few posts on this thread, I would say, you were bottling things up - and you just splurged it all out. I believe some of the things you've said you don't quite understand, fully. Let me skip ahead a bit... I can see you want someone to really talk to a bit, and it is clear you don't wanna force your intentions on someone to do so, am I right? I'm sure you'll notice that just about anyone here will listen to what you'd have to say, it's just the way of conveying the means, if it were to fall upon deaf ears. We're all here to help one another, and the way that you feel is very natural.
Retrograding to the previous, "I believe some of the things you've said you don't quite understand," I could say you have some displaced anger. You feel like the one left all alone, and you have had patterned advances with those feelings. Hell, I'm sure a lot of us felt that way one time or another. But hardships like those can be ruled-out by friends like us. As far as making new friends would go... "You'll catch more bees with honey than with vinegar." The people who have turned you away, don't treat everyone like that as a whole - instead find out who are the real McCoys are and I'm positive you'll be content. Nicoga, I believe you have already found us, we were under your nose the whole time; we as well as you, just the same, we want your friendship and not the heartache.
=^^= . . .
=)
I've been told time and again to be nice to people and they will be nice to you. And I've honestly tried to be nice to everyone I met, even those who are mean to me. But it is sad to say that that saying is not always true. People can and sometimes will be cruel right back to you if you're trying to be nice.
And it just makes me wonder... if you say people don't treat everyone like they treated me, then why treat me badly and not someone else? I try my best not to make anyone mad. I hate it when someone is mad at me. But just deciding "hey! I'll ignore this person just because I want to!" just doesn't make any sense to me.
My anger may seem misplaced, but I am truely sick of seeing people treated improperly, not just me. Little rings of friends are too tight these days that no one can join in, and I've seen such a "ring" displayed here. Everyone who's ever "popular" are in this ring, and others are cast aside. At least, that is how I'm seeing it from the posts and reactions I've seen. If people are wanting this "friendship" you're talking about, then why have none replied or tried contacting me? It doesn't make sense.
Flame me if you want, but this is how I truely feel, and I'm not going to lie about it and say it's all right for how I've been treated here and in other places. Lieing won't get me or anyone else anywhere.
Let me get this straight... you are seeing popularity "rings" among Pride Members because of their posts and to its responses? Well... actually such things do take place and you are correct, partially. But this shouldn't let you dictate a negative influence towards everyone. However, I do see where you'd feel confined at. Things like these cannot be controlled, and this is the way things are. Why haven't people contacted you ? I have no idea. I only speak for people at large, and nothing more. People being mean ? Well... that's just life. If you're nice to someone and they don't give you the same respect back, hey who's the better person, hmm?
It all comes down to this Nicoga, you are a bit displaced, and you have every right to be, attentively; we care and you do too, and I believe that's a firm basis of friendship ....
=)
why not sogn up for a hotmail account? its free
Avatar drawn by Azerane - thank you! :3
I want my father. I need my father. And I can't get him. It'll be too late and I hate myself and wish to God that it will all be over soon. It has to b so difficult to share time with someone you love, you're only friend. And to be harassed, attacked for it all hurts more. I'll always be alone. I've never had a true friend, never had someone that inside I really felt was there. I want to die if anything. I need to.
They don't have to suffer me.
Well today is 40th day since my teacher death at NS.
12-02-06 around 0200.
He Died Near Bandar Kemaman, Chukai Terengganu. 25km from the camp, he's involved in Car Accident. We(Trainees and Teacher) accept his death as a tragic and we are all satisfied of god choice and return to our loved one.
May he rest in peace.
well. I come back after 3 days, bearing worst news possible in my case. Prepare for a long, crappy post.
On Sunday, March 20th I think, idk maybe it was the 19th. I was told my cat, the last one I had (Friskey died about 4 months ago) Now Tabanasi, (Not tabansi -.-) had "ran away" from the house. Now I expected nonetheless, because our cats always wander away from the house from time to time, and usually come back after about an hour or two. But this was not the case. I sat on the front porch calling his name for about.. 5 and a half hours, parents wanted me inside at around 10 pm because it was about 48 degrees Farenheit. and I was already blue as the sky on a sunny day. But besides that, That night I had went up to my parents room on the third floor, and hid by the stairs because they were conversing with one another.. And believe it or not. it was about how they were to tell me what had happened to Tabanasi. All I wanted to do, was to go up and ask to stay up for about 10 more minutes to pack my school stuff. Since I had left my backpack upstairs to use on the desktop since they took my laptop away from me after a humungous argument about school, and other IRL events I was going through that they had no clue about since I wouldn't tell them. I was shocked, realizing after my stepdad had said he was "eaten alive" basically by a stray dog that wandered into our neighborhood. They had already buried what had remained of him in the side of the house, (Yard whatever) and I really didn't care to check anything out about the yard, unless I was about to mow it or something.. But this was not the case. I ran to my room, and fell asleep crying, to wake up to them telling me that cat was gone, my 8 year old cat I had had since I was 7 years old, the cat I recieved on my birthday. The one that slept with me every night of my life, had died. This was monday that I was told this, a day I was supposed to go to my public school, but I fought with my parents, and they got pissed off at me majorly. Because I told them I wasn't going to school, and I wasn't going to go anywhere. Basically I had good reasons to not want to go to school, but I never tell my parents anything that goes on with my life at school, or anything. Hell they dont even know i'm bi, Ffs they know nothing about me o.O; But still, I never told them and they never saw the truth in me, the truth being this:
Everyday that I went to school, I was greeted by kids holding the front door shut, mainly seniors and sophmores that hated me majorly. Every day I was thrown around, I'd open my locker sometimes, and get it slammed shut by some passing guy, sometimes ones that I know, some that I don't that were just told to do it cause it would be funny to "Pick on the little guy" or some stupid excuse. In class, I was constantly poked fun at, mostly because I didn't do drugs, I didn't smoke, I didn't wear cool clothes, I didn't drink, I didn't have sex every monday, I never partied, and I had no friends. The biggest reason, being I was bisexual. I put up with this for about.. 8 years of my life, and I had never told anyone about my problems, just day by day would go by with me going to school and the same routine happening to me. And believe me its not a fun thing to experience. I was told the schools I went to were a positive learning environment, and full of friendly people. I had seen different than what I was told. Because the kids were not positive to me at all..
Back to the point, on monday morning my parents yelled at me, and told me "Fine be a reject, and a person that never will succeed, see if I care" and slammed the door on me, I was still in my bed, wrapped up, crying to myself as they took my little brother to school. I woke up at around 6, got the "glare" if some know it, by my parents, ate my dinner silently, and went back to my bed room and tried to fall asleep but couldn't and hell that was the only thing I could do, until I grabbed a hold of my cell phone. And started to talk to Prince_Kivoru via text messages. I had some fun in that, for about 4 hours or more just talking away with my online bro, who's probably one of the nicest persons I have ever met in my entire life.. And when my parents walked in my room and saw me using my cell phone to "communicate" outside of the house with people I wasn't supposed to be talking with, aka People I don't know being on my cell phone, because my parents think if I meet or know someone online they are just someone wanting to find me and rape, or kill me. My parents are just way to overprotective, one of the reasons I took weight training to increase my muscularity, so I could prove I could take care of myself, but obviously... It didn't help :/ They took the cell phone away from me, scoured at me for about 30 minutes with a huge lecture about how I was to never talk to that person again (Kivoru) and how much they were dissapointed in me for breaking yet another rule by them. And by this time, I was nearly to the point of breaking down, once again like I had done about 3 months ago when my parents almost decided to break up because of me. 8 years had built up, of taking this kind of crap, and my head just couldn't hold it anymore. It was just killing me from the inside out, my heart was about to explode. I couldn't talk to the ones I loved, and it was tearing me apart slowly, but surely.. it was getting the job done, Every night I dreamt about the ones I loved, mostly LC, Because she's who I am, what I am, and is everything about me, I can't stop thinking about her for some odd reason. If I'm breathing, you better know I'm thinking of her. And everytime I thought about her, it made me even worse feeling because I couldn't have a conversation with her, and it only made me long for her more, and made me realize, how badly I need her in my life. Tuesday came, I did the same thing, got yelled at again for being the most pathetic person to ever walk the face of the earth, that I wouldn't ever be accepted into the crowd because I give up way to easily.. And once again.. I let it slide, not telling my parents anything about why I didn't want to go to school, what was going on at school and why I needed to get OUT of school. After this, my head was starting to pain so much it was causing me to black out momentarily sometimes, and my parents noticed this at the table at dinner that night, A tear fell down my eye that I had let slide on accident, and the ocassional "whats wrong baby.." came out of my mothers mouth, and I had no response, I just continued eating, and finished.. walked back to my room and fell asleep, crying once again. This time I must have been crying in my sleep still because I woke up with a wet pillow, and my mother at my side, at 9 am. 2 hours after the begining of the school day. I didn't know what was going on. Or what had happened, all I knew was my mother was wrapped up around me holding me tightly, asking what was wrong, and why I wanted out of school and why I wasn't willing to go to school anymore. Because everytime they asked me "how was your day at school" I would always reply positively "It was awesome we did this and this" or "It was amazing mom, thanks for asking", but then I had had enough, I couldn't live with it inside of me anymore, I broke down.. Then and there.
I stayed huddled up to my mom for about 3 hours talking about all that had happened, why I was tired of school, and what was going on. She said she had no clue why that was, because she would always say "Why don't you go and hang out with that kid.. you know.. Nicholas, he seems nice" when that kid, or him would be one of the major guys that picked on me, but was always the nicest perfect angel whenever your parents or an adult was around. And you just really didn't feel like being a "tattle tale" or a jerk for pointing out they were doing something or something else. And she realized after I told her what had happened, That I needed out, I wasn't going to make it. She had grounded me before because of my grades, and I told her that I had cared less about school for months now, I started even not caring about my own well-being, my health or anyone online. It was basically to the point I was a walking brick. I had no emotions for anyone, except for the ones that I kept private and in my mind, those being my online family, Lea Halalela. It was one of the most embarassing, and saddening moments of my entire life, I felt as if all my pride of being male, or whatever it was. was washed away then and their. I just didn't feel like the "big tough guy" My stepfather always thought I was. But sadly, I wasn't that to begin with, I never took action to those who picked upon me or anything. I'd just shrug and walk away acting like it didn't phase me a bit. But when in reality. It was killing me, breaking me down, and slowly eating away my life.
(Continued)
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
And then, my mom told my step father about what was happening whilst I was curled up against my stuffed leopard, and they talked and talked for what seemed to be an enternity, until my mother told me about possibly going to a private school. Now bare in mind these things cost a fortune, and I was slightly worried that my parents might not have the money to send me to one, but thankfully, they did, I was considered lucky there as if you wanted to say that.. And then I agreed thoroughly, I'd do anything to get away from the kids that went to my school, because I was now walking the line, a line about as thin as a string, between life and death. My parents knew I'd tried suicide before, when everyone started to come to me online with all their problems and I was going through an emotional state of being (no not a period, i'm a guy -.-) I was just really down, and with trying to help others, it was not helping at all. And still thats not the point, they said they'd do anythign to help me out. Because to them now, it seemed they really wanted me to stay in my educational purposes, and become more than what I am now, but they told me "We have a really bad way of showing what we really think you are, and how much we really love you" and by this, I guess it proved how much they really did.. I don't know.. But we got the phone book and started calling numbers, and found a school. Its called Gramarscy or something like that.. I had my first real day of school today, it was totally different.. about 7 classes instead of 4 like I was used to.. And all the kids were extremely nice, the sad thing is.. Its a christian school and i'm not really the /greatest/ christian in the world, though I did find out you can be christian and gay/bi at the same time.. so I am, but the sad part is, I've already heard so much about people not really liking gay's at lunch and in class that its so saddening, I don't really know if I should let anyone know about my sexual preferences.. Because I don't want what happened back at my public school to happen here either.. I'm actually happy here, with kids my own age, that are nice, and friendly. Instead of having the two major groups "non popular" and "popular" kids, this school has 22 kids in my grade (10th) and everyone sticks together for one another. And its awesome to actually have people that care about you, rather than your own parents for once in a while.. Its just an amazing feeling, that I have never felt in a long..long.. time. And with that.. I guess thats all I can really say, thats why i've been gone for 3.. or 4 days now.. Thanks for reading.. Just wanted to give a heads up about what was going on with me.. Love ya guys.. Thanks again for reading *sighs and walks off*
~KTL
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Glad you found a place that's cool and all, KTL. I hope things start turning around since you are in a more positive enviroment.
Concerned ... I'm quite concerned right now and I've been so the latest six months or so, if not the whole year, but right now, I'm extremely concerned and I've been so the whole week ... and last week too ... And it's getting worser, 'cause I know Talli will be home today sometime from his trip, in some hours maybe, and it might only be hours left until he hates me ... >< And if he will, I'll die ... And if not, I'll kinda die too 'cause I just feel so embarrassed. But it's more bothering that he will hate me ... of course, I know he will ... I don't see any reason why not but ... I don't know, he might be understanding, and able to forgive me for whatever I've done, 'cause I just regret it so much, and it's so bothering thoughts I'm concerned over that as well ... And I'm so concerned about him founding my letter, and read it, and if you read this Tall, please forgive me ... I wish I never met you when I did, but right now when things were changed, but now the reality is like it is and it's nothing to do about it, but to try and fix it up ... And I'm doing so, okey ... ? And I've felt terrible the time you've been gone, when I wrote the letter, I was crying rivers. When I sent it, I felt a black hole grow inside me, though I know there was no escape any more by then unless I didn't blow the mailbox up. It took me days to get the courage to actually go down and post it. And the next days I felt terrible for your last mail, and how bothering your trip week would be, but now I read you had fun anyway, not thinking about what I had to say too much, but I guess you've been wondering about it sometimes ... I hope you weren't too concerned and could enjoy the time out there a lot, but I was really worried you wouldn't ... And the last three days I've been ill, I had a terrible stomachahce I couldn't move, really, and I spent all those days in my bed, thinking, watching your present, feeling how much more bothered and regretful I became every day ... I really feel terrible, trust me, and now the end is so near I can barely stand those last hours, 'cause I'm afraid of the future and how it will destroy everything >< I'm so stupid ... *hits head in wall* Oh ... well, if you really are reading this Tall, I hope you will talk with me again, and maybe let me explain some more, 'cause that letter couldn't tell you enough, but I guess I never will be able to explain everything completely to make this good again anyway, so I guess I shan't complain ... But if ... even if I'm scared of talking to you again ... Mm... maybe I should end this message here anyway ... No one probably understand what I mean, except Tall, but I'll let you know sometime, don't ask now, I've problems enough to deal with first ... And I just had to lighten up my heart a little and all I guess ... I don't know ... Thanks for me anyway, now I'll go and die a little more until I'll hear from BB again ...
*edit*
Just notice he had sent a PM before he left for a goodbye from me, but of course I didn't have a message I had got a PM, no, fine, now he probably think I didn't want to say goodbye to him too xX Stupid computer
Oh my gosh, KTL, I can't believe it but that post made me cry. I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through, I can't imagine how hard it must be. But now that you've talked to your parents about it and you're at a private school I really do hope things go better for you.
And Kiara, I'm not sure what it is what's happened, I'm assuming there's something you've done that Talli may not forgive? I hope you two can sort it out, whatever it may be.
That which you manifest is before you.
Kiara I sent you a rarther possitive e-mail so you should fell way better.
Wow, KTL... I am glad it seems things are starting to improving. I know we don't know each other that well. But any way, I hope this new positive enviroment helps out.
Thanks for the banner, Sombolia.
Okay, so I just noticed that Boos' account on here is deleted. So I'm wanting to know what happened to the ol' chap?
It's gonna get out anyway, so I might as well let it out. Boos and Nuka/Ravoc have both retired from GT. No one knows why Boos left, and Nuka's reasons are none of my or anybody elses business.
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Our time on this planet is precious, and can be snuffed out at any moment. Every second of every day should mean something.
Hm.. I think I need a real job. This jobless staying at home killing me :/
Well good luck with finding one
Ok I finally got around to actually thinking of what to post so I'm going to just go ahead and post this down here now. Today I recieved very bad news; I've learned something that has really gutted me and felt like I've been in the gut with a sledgehammer. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't cried because I have cried quite abit already.
Alot of people already know why I am so down and my screen name on MSN gives it away at the moment.
My close friend of six years and clan leader was killed at 11:38 last night in a car accident; I found this out at 3:00pm this afternoon and little details have been given out to me yet. I have no idea how bad it was; but since the medics couldn't do anything and died it had to be really bad.
Anyway for six years I've grown close to him and now hes gone I can't quite believe it; he seemed so invincible even I started to think it.
He was fighting out in Iraq pratically since the begining; hes been sent back twice due to injuries sustained out there. One for a broken leg being thrown from a 2-3 story window breaking his leg before going back to be captured and tortured. He lost a eye but somehow got out and came back again; he was going to be sent back to do basic stuff since losing his eye in about 2 weeks.
But unfortunatly that isn't going to happen no more after what happened last night. I feel sorry for his daughter and the rest of his family and friends plus those who ever had the honor to have this guy play for there online clans.
J Goddard a.k.a IceMan 1979-2006 ..Legends will forever live on....RIP Commander *salutes* you will be missed
I raise a beer to you dude
May you rest in peace.
Members I have had the pleasure to meet: STM [x2], Sharifu [x2], Taneli [x2], King Simba [x4], Shadow [x1], Nathalie [x2], Lucy Lioness [x2], This Land [x4], Daniel [x2], Nephilim [x1], KanuTGL [x2], Revo [x1], Naline [x1], FCSimba [x9], Leorgathar [x1]
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