I'm glad to hear you're picking up after yourself and working on self improvement. I'm sure moving into your own apartment will do you good I'm kind of on the same page, working on myself to be economically stable and preparing to move out whenever I'm ready. I'm still hopeful a new romance may spark at some point, even though I still feel very lonely more times than I'd like to admit, and sometimes I get cynical too. I'm learning to be patient, and I'm slowly boosting my confidence, so... who knows, maybe I'll be in a good shape when it finally happens.
And also, thanks for those last words in your post, I know deep inside that you're right. Remember that to yourself too
I can't say this is the case with all of my friends, since I still hang out with a couple of them who are married (Not as often as we used to before, but we're still friends), but it did happen with some other friends before. I get to see them sometimes for a special occasion like a birthday or something, but with them it's always the same conversation that starts with "what has been of you?" and ends with "We should hang out more often", only to leave it like that and not see each other again for months -.-
I guess it's easier when you're friends with both your friend and their partner. Like, they both have their own life together, but like to hang around with you because you're all friends. At least that's the case with the friends I still get so see often, sure, I get to feel some degree of jealousy, but at least they don't totally ignore me, which I'm grateful for (although that may change with time, I guess)
That said, I know it can't be the same for everyone. I agree that it shouldn't be that difficult to maintain a balance between friendships and relationships, and I wish you didn't have to deal with that, Kanu. Here's hoping things will change for you at some point, and hey, at least you still have us Lea friends here for you