Love is so ... complicated. I'm over 30 and I feel I should be thinking about settle down and make my own family. But it is not that easy as it seemed years ago. It is not about make decision. I'm decided so but ... . When I was 18 my only expectation from GF was that she is girl and she loves me. Now it is a long list of pros and cons that bother me. I think I'm scared make a wrong step because this time it could be more painful than I could stand. My previous long term relationship was almost ideal and failed anyway. I'm maybe too sensitive and naive like a child but that's me. I'm open minded to everything but lies and betrayal. Being betrayed by most beloved one is unbelievably painful. Affects my inner peace and trust in people for years. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I'm closing my eyes and trying imagine it is not true, that it was just a bad dream. After a while I have to open my eyes again and understand it really happened ... yet another day in my shadowland.