The Love Life Thread

[Azerane]

It's JULY!! I'm so excited! That is all...

[Sharifu]

We were a long distance relationship until February this year, when I more or less moved here. I'm a "temporarliy permanent" resident of England xP I say that because I don't quite know how permanent this move really is; I might be going back to Sweden to study next year, see :/ But we'll see. Maybe I'll study in UK. I have no idea xP

Moving back to Sweden to study? In my opinion, it was be hard to go back to being in a long distance relationship once you already lived together for so many months. Don't get me wrong, I know how important it is to study, but I think it would be hard for me to do that. I have been living with Petteri for 8 months now and I do NOT want to go back to doing the long distance thing. I am so done with that. Though I am ok with Petteri going back to Finland to visit his friends and family of course. That is not the same as him moving back.

But I know whatever you end up doing, you know it's the best decision for yourself. Studying is very important. And I know you are strong enough to deal with the long distance relationship since you have been through it before.

It's JULY!! I'm so excited! That is all...

Yay! I am excited for you! And I'm looking forward to seeing you again at the end of the month.

[King Simba]

I've been wondering about this, and since I know quite a few of us here are or have been in long distance relationships, I thought it would be interesting to hear people's experiences.

Here I am, now in Mexico with Leor. Not being able to speak spanish, and only knowing a few words or phrases. There are times where I'm sat around the table having lunch with Leor's family, and they just speak in Spanish. There are also times where I say something and confuse others with my accent, particularly his mum. There's definitely a language barrier. I often feel a bit awkward at times, but I'm finding I'm feeling a lot more comfortable since last year, and I've been learning more spanish, even during the past week I've been here.

As you know, Leor is able to speak English and Spanish, which make his trips to England not so daunting as my trips to Mexico are. I am also spending much more time here than he does in England, because I don't have college commitments to follow. There is also a big difference between both countries. Leor visits church regularly on a Sunday, and I don't. Of course I have no problem with him going to church, I actually found the experience quite interesting and beautiful when I went to church this Sunday gone. We also don't have as much privacy as we do back in England. Rules are different and I have to sleep separately from him. It was quite difficult to get used to last year actually, but this year I knew what to expect, so it's not so bad. I'm more understanding of their rules now.

What I'm curious about is how you guys have dealt with the difference in culture during your long distance relationship? Were the times visiting the other countries daunting or interesting? I would say visiting Mexico has been a bit of both, but definitely more interesting. It has felt quite awkward at times, but steadily I'm getting used to their way of living and their views, and so it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I think I'm progressing pretty well.

[Simbaspirit]

We also don't have as much privacy as we do back in England. Rules are different and I have to sleep separately from him. It was quite difficult to get used to last year actually, but this year I knew what to expect, so it's not so bad.

Aww, that sucks.. I've always had to sleep apart from Gunner, and it does suck, but at least there's the whole daytime together

I've had only a few cultural differences, as Gunner and I live in the same country, but on opposite coasts. They are much more traditional there, and it is a very catholic city. Some language is different, as well as many customs, but it's nothing like it is for most. KS, that must be challenging, but its awesome that you and Leor are taking it all in stride, it sounds like things are goin real well

[King Simba]

Yeah, you're right. It's the fact that we're together that counts, sleeping together is just a bonus, although from tomorrow we're able to have a whole week of that.

On the plus side, at least with me sleeping separate from Leor, it means I don't have to put up with his snoring.

[Sadiki]

For me US culture is not that different. We have pretty much same things and as I know English, language is not an issue either. Only thing that is different is pretty much the way people engage the conversation as in Finland the personal page is quite respected and usually people don't just come and talk to the random person in a store or something. It does still happen, but not like it does here.

I think the Language barrier bothers Audra way more than it does effect on me, but then again she doesn't know Finnish and I guess she feel like she doesn't want to bother the people in Finland and make them speak English.

What comes to snoring... I snore like crazy... but I have learned to sleep on my stomach or on my side so that doesn't happen that much. Me and Audra haven't still slept a single night apart when being together... and by what I hear from other people, I feel extremely lucky...

[Safila]

KS.. don't mean to be rude, but with the language thing, you don't work, thought you would have bought some language tapes and maybe an hour each day learnt Milo's language to show his parents how keen you are to be able to talk to them more and stuff. And as for the sleeping with him, I'm sure he would have told you his parents/family were church people and you wouldn't be sharing his bed in their home. Lucky I guess you're seeing things out and about while you're there and away from his home.

[Sadiki]

well I wouldn't be that worried about language to be honest. My friend moved to Thailand a year ago and he says that normal every day conversations they have in Thai and if they argue or have to talk about something more complicated they usually use English. And I don't think he ever studied Thai and his English and Swedish are awful... So with enough passion you can learn a language.

What comes to impressing parents... I don't believe in that one bit. You are who you are. You should be accepted as you are or not accepted at all. I don't believe in favoring games.

[Azerane]

I guess I'm pretty lucky in terms of language. English is english, and apart from a few differents expressions and terms for things, and things we don't have here, it's pretty much the same in that respect. I do on occasion find it hard to understand Pat's sister, because she talks fast because of where they're from. And I find it a bit hard to fit in with his family, because they're fairly social and his mum is to me a typical interested in gossip type person, and I've just never been that person and I'm fairly quiet, so it's been quite hard for me to adapt in that respect. Even after all the time I've spent there, I'm still not that comfortable around his family, his dad is fine. But at times his brother comes across as mean, even when he's not intending, I simply have no idea what to say to his sister, because I just don't. The same with his mum too I guess. They're all nice, but I just find it hard. I guess I'll get over it with time though, hopefully.

[nathalie]

It's not only like that in long distance relationships (apart from usually the language).
(I'm just saying it like that, because KS mentioned it like that)

I'm used to doing things my way and they way my family does them.
For Kenny it's the same, they have so many different costums in his family, that I'm not used to eather.

And both have to adjust to it too.

Like, something "stupid" though lol, but every weekend (Saturday + Sunday) they all eat together when they get up in the morning, and then again at noon.

I can't get anything inside when I get up, or at noon. I'm like: I eat when I'm hungry.

In the beginning, I didn't eat along with them, and it actually made me feel akward.
But at noon, out of respect, I always ate along with them, even though I wasn't hungry.

Now, it's more like a habbit, and I look forward to it, with spending that time with him, hehe.

It's really something silly, haha, I can't find something better at the moment, lol, things will come to mind during the day or so, lol.

The sleeping things: my mom would always make sure there was an extra bed ready for them to sleep in, they didn't really like it, untill the relationship got longer.

[Azerane]

^ I understand what you mean there nathalie, I'm used to almost always eating dinner as a family except of course unless I'm not going to be home. Yet that doesn't seem to happen that frequently at Pat's house, so it's strange for me and so then sometimes I don't know if I should be eating something, or if I should be waiting.

[nathalie]

Yeah, it's little things like that, but if you're used to something it can be a very big thing to change.
If you wanna change it off course, I'm mean, if I'm hungry in between, I just eat, no one is going to tell me I can't eat something when I'm hungry

I've seen some "mad" looks on his mom's face, when I didn't eat at times.
I'm not going to eat, when I'm not hungry, making myself sick :s


Oh well, soon we'll all be grown up, leaving the nest ... do whatever we wanna do, haha ^^

[KanuTGL]

Knowing the language tears down a huge barrier, and that is I think the main reason why me and Adam are currently living in England and not in Sweden (apart from the fact that Adam has a secure full-time job, and I don't xP); I know English, he doesn't know Swedish. Of course I don't mind England though :P In terms of "cultural differences", there are more than what you might think. But it's mostly little things in terms of "Oh, I didn't know that. We do things this way - blahblahblah" and it's fairly easy to adapt to. The big difference is the left-hand traffic xP I'm still not quite used to it, but I'm getting there xD

On the subject of parents, I feel we've been very lucky with both mine and Adam's parents. The first time Adam came to visit we'd booked a hostel for him to sleep at, in case it turned out we didn't really get along that well. But since we did get along very well, my parents and I decided that he could sleep at our house and they asked me whether I wanted him to sleep in my room or not. I said that he could, so on the third day of his visit my parents pretty much asked him "Would you like to come over here and sleep in Anna's room instead?" :P For a while though, we didn't actually sleep in the same bed (because I didn't want to) so my parents would put a matress on the floor, but when I mentioned that we probably wouldn't need the extra bed any more my mum went "Oh, okay." and didn't seem to think much more of it. My parents are awesome xD Adam's mum has never seemed to mind us both sleeping in the same room since the beginning either. So if we've slept apart, it's been by our choice, not by someone else's. And I realize how lucky we have been.

[nathalie]

I guess I'm at an age where I'm supposed to decided for myself those things, but living with your parents at my age, gives it a nice twist, lol.

First night I spend with Kenny, I did sleep in his bed. They have a guest room though.
I wasn't going to spend 2 days with him, if I already didn't like him so much, and just like Kanu said, if things turned out differently, I could have always stayed in the other room.

Even though we're in our late 20's, our "pain" is we both still live at home (or rather: both moved back home, [because of a previous broken relationship]) and also kind of still have to listen to what our parents say.

Since I was at his place every weekend, if his parents would have mentioned something about me sleeping in his room, I off course would have to listen to them and stay in the other room.

[Azerane]

Ahh yes, the seperate or same bedroom thing When pat visits me, he sleeps in the guest bedroom, my mum has never mentioned it, but I feel there's an unspoken agreement there. Plus my bed isn't really big enough for two people.
When I stay at pat's house, at first I had to sleep in the guest room, but since my last visit when I was staying with him at his apartment at UF, I was sleeping in his room when we were at his house, and I assume it's going to be that way again this time. Fortunately, his bed is big enough I always feel really lucky getting to sleep next to him, and when I got home from my last visit, after 6 months of sleeping in the same bed as him, it was really hard to adjust sleeping by myself again. I imagine, after 18 months that I'm going to struggle sleeping next to him again Shouldn't take me long to get used to though, I imagine the snoring will be the most annoying thing

In terms of listening to parents though, I've just always thought that since I'm lucky enough to be staying at their house for extended periods, that it's simply nice to be respectful of their wishes in terms of sleeping arrangements etc. Fighting over that would just cause uneeded tension.

[nathalie]

I am SO lucky Kenny doesn't snore, haha

True about the parents thing Azerane.
I think it's something you actually (should) know, that if you enter someone else's house, you follow their rules.

I've never experienced it though.
My previous boyfriends all had a place of their own, no parents in the same house, so this was/is quite the adjustment for me.

I already got me a pair of them, I don't really need 2, but yeah, I do listen when his parents say something, as it's their house and such.

And I have to say though, even though I see him every weekend, the thing I miss the most is lying next to him *blush*.
It's the thing I look forward to the most, lying next to each other, hugging ^^
I miss him too though, don't get me wrong

[Sadiki]

My parents rules have never been strict on sleeping rules really. Is it just a friend or a girlfriend, people have always have right to sleep at my room or guest room. It's their and my call. I actually think my mom would have thought it's weird if I had Audra sleep in a guest room instead of my room.

But I think in that culture plays a big role... Finnish do usually keep to themselves, but ones they form a close relationship, be it a friendship or any other relationship, people usually aren't really drawing lines on what they can and can't do. I been in Sauna all naked with probably every single friend I have and it never really even crossed my mind it would be not appropriate in most places.

[Leorgathar]

KS.. don't mean to be rude, but with the language thing, you don't work, thought you would have bought some language tapes and maybe an hour each day learnt Milo's language to show his parents how keen you are to be able to talk to them more and stuff. And as for the sleeping with him, I'm sure he would have told you his parents/family were church people and you wouldn't be sharing his bed in their home. Lucky I guess you're seeing things out and about while you're there and away from his home.

Safila, I myself are not going to force Tara to learn spanish, I'll be sincere and say that where I live she doesn't really need it that much, and what she can and gotta learn, she can learn with social experience, which I think it's much more important. Really, all my friends can speak English, and they like to talk with Tara in English. there's indeed a language barrier, of course, but she's making an effort to be through it, and little by little she's learning spanish phrases, either from me or from my friends in a fun way, and she's doing quite well.
As for the sleeping in the same room part, of course she knows it's a culture difference, and we both have accepted and are happy with it, whatever happened last year is long ago in the past now.

I know perhaps you meant no harm with those statements, but please try to be careful with what you say next time, sometimes things are differently than what we really think, and sometimes what we say can hurt, even if we don't mean it. Just a little piece of advice.

I can relate in many ways with other users, but I'll reply to them later.

[Safila]

Excuse me .. I picked my words very carefully so it wouldn't come across as rude or mean. And I didn't say you should FORCE HER, if you are with someone from another nationality it makes sense to learn as much of the lanuage as you can so you can join in alot more things/conversations etc.

If you want to post about your personal life, people are going to answer and ask things, which is what I was doing.. If you don't like that I will stay off the threads. You should know me by now Leo after talking to me nearly every day for months that I am not into hassling people. If you want to tell me off further, stop being an *** and PM me.

[Lucy]

@ KS - I've gotta say that I think it's really sweet that you're trying to pick up bits of the language. I've never been in a relationship with someone who speaks a different language/whose family speaks a different language, but the times I went to visit Nathalie in Belgium were fairly awkward with the language barrier. Obviously Nathalie's English is good, and her family can speak a little (or could, I've not been for a long time) but mostly everyone was speaking Flemish, obviously. Was amusing playing Monopoly though, lol. I did learn a few of the numbers (see, Monopoly is an educational game ) but I didn't stay long enough to pick anything up. It must be a lot more daunting for you though.

The sleeping together thing is tricky too. Obviously you have to respect their rules, but it must be a bit rubbish not to be able to sleep together. I understand why it must've been difficult to deal with at first. When I started going out with my now ex boyfriend, my parents wouldn't let us sleep in the same room and I remember being really frustrated by that, because I was 16 already, so we kind of snuck around and my mother was furious when she found out. I should have respected her rules but what can I say? I was 16 My girlfriend's mum lets us sleep in the same room, but we're both girls so I guess there's no worries about anyone getting pregnant, lol. I still haven't told my parents, but they don't really read anything into girls sharing beds I guess.

Anyway, my point is, I'm glad you're doing well And I not so secretly think it's sweet that you went to church with him. I just think it's a nice gesture that you're including yourself in that.