"Friday Night Out." (Story)

[King Simba]

Originally posted by Guntur
nice one KS
can ya tell me why friday?
jk

Because that's when the activity goes off in town.
You'll find out on what'll happen anyways later on in the story.

[unregistered user]

me and reina??

[King Simba]

Originally posted by Guntur
me and reina??

Nope...you or reina haven't even been mentioned in the story yet.

[unregistered user]

i can't wait

[Lion King Stu]

just read the new part...very good KS ^^

[Lucy Lioness]

Tis groovy! Can't wait to find out whats gonna happen on friday night!

[LunarCat]

Originally posted by King Simba


In answer to your question I'm not sure. I know that my parents keep the house keys in seperate places to the car keys. Maybe that's just my parents...

heh........i just thought that it was a little inconvenient

read the new part, very good keep it comin!

[Iestyn]

Great stuff KS!

Originally posted by Lunarcat
just a question about culture, do you Brits always keep your house keys separate from your car keys?

No we don't, well I don't anyways, and neither does anyone else in my family.

[King Simba]

Thanks everyone.
Here's a little bit more of the story that I've just wrote and finished... =)

************************************
Katai increased his speed to 60Mph and kept his breaking distance from the car in front. He shook his head at the thought of the adolescents as he turned the radio on for the travel news. He kept listening for any news of traffic jams or accidents on the motorways and routes he needed to take in order to get to work. Katai turned and accessed the motorway again. The traffic was busy since it was the morning rush hour and it was harder for Katai to turn onto the motorway. He kept his indicators flashing and waited for someone to let him in or until it was clear. He looked into his mirrors and it was clear so he accessed the inside lane before pulling out into the outside lane and putting his foot down on the accelerator to gain speed. He looked into his mirrors occasionally checking on the traffic behind him, he also kept his eyes on the road in front to keep an eye on the traffic in front too. He travelled at a speed of 80Mph and kept listening to the local radio station also keeping an eye on the time which was now 7:56am. Katai always tried to get to work at approximately 8:15 so he could be on time but of course, if the traffic was bad, Katai would be late which would put him behind in his paper work for his business.

After travelling down the motorway for about 10 miles, Katai moved over into the inside lane and flashed his indicators to indicate to the driver behind that he was leaving the motorway at the next exit. After taking the exit, Katai decreased his speed and came up to a round-a-bout. He took a right turn towards Manchester which was where his business was situated. He continued down the stretch of road at a speed of 60Mph for a few miles until he reached another round-a-bout. He took a right turn towards a large building which was where he ran his business. It was easily visible because it had a big sign on the side of the building saying ?K-A-T-A-I Corp.? Katai flashed his indicators and turned into the large car park where all his employees parked their cars. He drove down to near the front of the building and parked his car in his usual spot. This time, he was on time; it was 8:12am. He decided to put his hood back up on his convertible just in case it came onto rain. He then opened the door and climbed out of his vehicle before opening the boot and taking his briefcase out. After that, he locked his car up safe and secure. One of his employees, Keyut, a slightly older lion than Katai locked his vehicle up too which was a 2003 metallic gold Peugeot 307 with the registration plate ?YT53 NUA?, ?Morning sir.? He smiled over to Katai. He put his rucksack on his back which he needed to store all his equipment he needed for work in.

?Morning Keyut. Nice looking vehicle you got there. What is it? A Peugeot?? Katai smiled over to Keyut before putting his keys in his pocket and keeping hold of his briefcase.

?Yeah, a Peugeot 307.? Keyut smiled to Katai, ?You don?t have a bad looking car yourself. There?s some money?s worth there??

?Ah, I see. I kind of knew with the lion badge on front?? he smiled over to Keyut, ??and thanks. It was well over 30 grand?? he paused for a few seconds before sighing, ??well, I?d better be heading up to the office. See you later, Keyut.? Katai smiled to him once again before entering the building through the automatic doors and taking the elevator upstairs to his office. Keyut entered the building too.

In the elevator, a female employee entered, it was Nura, one of the youngest employees. She was only 17 years of age, but she did her job. Katai employed her because she had talent and she seemed to be very polite towards him and other employees, ?Good morning.? She smiled to Katai.

?Morning Nura.? He smiled back at the young lioness, ?I?m assuming you?re off to work on the 5th floor today??

?Yes sir?? she replied politely, ??I?ve got some work to finish up there.?

?I see?well, I?m just off up to my office. If you need anything, feel free to pay a visit.? Katai smiled to her politely before exiting the elevator at the top floor which was the 5th floor. Nura stepped out too.

?Sure will?? she smiled to him before walking down the corridor to one of the offices.

Katai smiled and walked down the corridor to his office. He entered his secret code into the door and entered his large office before closing the door behind him. He sat down at his desk and took some of his papers out of his briefcase looking through some of his unfinished paper work.

[LunarCat]

very nice KS

[King Simba]

Here's a bit more that I wrote last night...I wrote about a page more.

**********************************
Time seemed to go so slow at work and the thought of Asha was still deep in Katai?s mind. He smiled to himself and as the day went on, his excitement continued to rise. The time was now 3:30pm and Katai yawned to himself. It was Friday so he allowed all the employees to go home around 2 hours earlier than usual work days. He looked out of his office window watching some of the employees get into their cars and drive away. He decided to go too so he packed all of his work papers away into his briefcase before closing it and walking out of his office. He took the elevator down. After he reached the bottom, he walked out of the elevator and walked through the automatic doors out into the car park. He took his car keys out of his pocket and walked over to his car, opening the doors and climbing in. This time, he put his briefcase on the back seats and inserted the key into the ignition before turning the engine on. He put his seatbelt on and reversed out of the car parking space before driving off and out of the car park. He drove out onto a large stretch of road again and put his foot down on the accelerator keeping to a steady speed.

After driving down the road for a certain amount of time, Katai turned towards the motorway again and flashed his indicators again. A lorry driver flashed him and Katai stuck his paw up to thank him. Katai put his foot firmly down onto the accelerator excited about his and Asha?s night out together. He travelled at a speed of 80Mph. He finally reached his exit and he turned into the inside lane ready to turn off. He turned his indicators on again and decreased his speed when he left the motorway. He stopped at some traffic lights behind a turquoise Ford Focus. Katai seemed to go into dreamland for a few seconds until the lights turned to green and until a car behind tooted him to go. Katai looked into his mirrors and put his foot onto the accelerator following the rest of the traffic and turning right. He drove down the country lane to his house to get changed and all ready for his and Asha?s night out. He continued down the road for a couple of miles and turned into his property where he had left the gates open. He parked his car outside the garage and left his work gear in the back, ?I?ll take that out later?? he took the house keys out of his pocket and inserted the key into the lock before turning it clock-wise to unlock and open it. He yawned to himself as he walked in through the front door into the hallway, ?Another day of writing and organizing things?thank god that?s over?? he shut the door behind him and walked up the sweeping staircase up to his bedroom. He entered his room and closed the door.

?Something casual or something smart to wear?? he asked himself looking into his wardrobe. He then thought about Asha?s personality and style himself, ??casual, most definite.? He looked through his wardrobe for something casual to wear. After he had decided, he took some casual and smart jeans out of the wardrobe which he bought new a few weeks before. He then took out one of his Man Utd shirts and decided to wear that with his jeans. He closed the wardrobe and began to take his clothes he wore for work off. After doing this, he put his Man Utd shirt on and sat on his bed so he could put his jeans on. After getting changed, Katai walked into the bathroom and sprayed some aftershave before smiling to himself in the mirror again, admiring his looks. The time now was 6:30pm and Katai decided to turn up at Asha?s house early. Of course, he didn?t really know what it was like where Asha lived but he knew just to look for her red Clio. He grabbed hold of his jacket on the way out and picked up his car and house keys, locking the door behind him.

[Lion King Stu]

kool'ness ^^...Man Utd woot!!

[Lucy Lioness]

Yay more story! Keep writing - I wanna know what happens!!!

[King Simba]

Thanks guys. =)
Here's some more that I just wrote...

***********************************
He walked over to his car and looked up to the sky. It was still dry and sunny and was a perfect summer?s evening. He unlocked the doors and opened the driver?s door. He climbed in and shut the door behind him. He adjusted his mirrors and put his car into reverse. Katai switched the radio on and turned the volume up. He turned his steering wheel and drove out of his driveway turning left down the country road. He kept Asha?s address visible so he was able to find where she lived. He drove down towards a round-a-bout where he saw a sign for Bury. He turned left and put his foot on the accelerator travelling at a speed of 60Mph. Since it was a Friday, there was quite a bit of traffic on the roads. He kept his distance from the car in front which looked like Twilight?s Smart car. He recognised the registration plate, ?TW1 L1GHT?. He smirked to himself tooting his horn and flashing his lights. Twilight looked in his mirrors and saw Katai?s car behind, he laughed to himself and waved out of the driver?s window.

?Looks like he?s off on a night out?don?t blame him.? Katai laughed and continued down the road behind Twilight?s car. Since the hood was down on his convertible, his mane started to blow in the wind but Katai didn?t care. He travelled down the road for about 5 miles or so before entering the outskirts of Bury. Twilight turned into a garage for some petrol again and Katai touched his breaks again touching his horn again. He looked around for ?Rosebank Drive?. He entered an housing estate which looked pretty new and looked like an overall nice area. He travelled at a speed of 30Mph since it was a built-up area. He saw the sign for ?Rosebank Drive? down the road and turned his indicators on. He turned left and drove down the road. Down the road, all the houses were new and private. He looked at the houses on both sides, ?141, 143?? he then spotted Asha?s car in the drive and pulled up straight in front. He opened his car door and took the keys out of the ignition. He closed the door after him and walked down the path of Asha?s detached house. The time now was 7:15pm and Katai was early. He knocked on Asha?s door and waited patiently for Asha to open it.

?Coming!? Asha called from inside, and walked out of the lounge into the hallway. She unlocked the door and opened it, she smiled at the sight of Katai.

?Hi Katai. You?re a little early but good news, I?m almost ready.? She giggled a little looking at Katai?s Man Utd shirt, ??so you support the reds? Nice??

?Yeah?great game it was the other night. Me and Twilight support them together?? he laughed a little seeing Asha hiding a little behind the door, ??mind if I see what you?re wearing? Don?t be shy??

Asha blushed and giggled again opening the door wider. She wore a red, casual dress and some nice red sandals, ??I?ve just gotta put a little make-up on.? She smiled to him.

Katai gasped in awe at the sight of Asha, ?Wow, you look?beautiful.?

Asha giggled shyly, ?Thank you. You look very smart, casual and handsome too.? She rubbed her paw down along the side of his face, ?Would you like to come in? I won?t be long?? she smiled to him opening the door wider to let him in.

?Sure?? he smiled to her politely and stepped into the hallway which wasn?t quite as big as the hallway in his house but still fairly big.

?Come and sit in the lounge. You can watch a bit of TV if you?d like. I won?t be long.? Asha offered politely before heading upstairs to her bedroom.

Katai entered the lounge and sat down on one of the soft couches. He waited patiently for Asha to be fully ready.

[Lion King Stu]

thats a awesome part ^^ good job KS

[LunarCat]

great job KS

[Aurelian]

Waht really interests me about your style is your strong attention to even the smallest details. For example, which direction Katai turned his house key, which directional he put on before turning his car, or the licence numbers on some annonomouys car. This can be both good and bad. In this story, it helps. This is a look at everyday life in out society, with lions in the place of humans for humor. The extra details really help us see exactly what is going on in Katai's mind. Had this been a sci-fi or fantasy romance, those details would actually kill it. Unneeded informarion would create a delay, ruining the suspence in that case.

[King Simba]

So you're saying I should stop including the registration plate details on cars in the story? And any other extra details like the direction Katai turns his keys etc?

[Aurelian]

That's up to you. I can't tell you how to write.

My best suggestion is to rewrite a already posted portion of the story, and remove some of those kinds of insignificant details. Than. you xcan decide what you are more comfortable with.

[soulImbibe]

Actually I was going to say the same thing as I read through your story KS. The extreme level of detail can be used effectively in some circumstances, such as to create a dramatic delay, but it's not usually something that you would carry out through the entire story. Once you have established Katai's routine I think it would make things more concise to leave out the extra details.

Now, if they are relevant to the plot you should obviously keep them in there--like a license plate that is funny or has relevance to someone here on the LH boards. In regard to the driving details, if Katai gets into a high-speed motorway chase I would certainly get detailed but not for normal commuting.

Bottom line is, if you like the way it reads now there's no need to change it. Just trying to offer constructive support.