The Love Life Thread

[KanuTGL]

^ I'm with you both there. I've heard the word before, but I only recently looked into what it means and basically thought "Huh. There's a name for this that I feel? Fancy that." I'm tentatively rolling with it, but at the same time I'm also a hopeless romantic which feels kinda contradictory? Or maybe it makes perfect sense? I don't know. It's confusing

[Guntur]

I'm kinda the same with you both. Even thought in a friendship time I was expecting too much to be honest.

[Vidan]

I'm tentatively rolling with it, but at the same time I'm also a hopeless romantic which feels kinda contradictory? Or maybe it makes perfect sense? I don't know. It's confusing

I think you could totally be a hopeless romantic in the abstract sense, yet need to establish an emotional connection before developing feelings for someone. So while it might be harder for you to establish that connection, once you do, there'd be a lot for you to offer in terms of cementing that connection. That sounds like a positive thing and not contradictory at all. At least IMO, but what do I know, really xD

[Nalas]

Glad to see I'm not the only one who's a demisexual here.

[nathalie]

Not to step on people's toes ... but, to quote Vidan "I think you could totally be a hopeless romantic in the abstract sense, yet need to establish an emotional connection before developing feelings for someone."

Isn't that how it's supposed to go anyways? I've never met a guy and went like "I want him in my bed" before actually starting to get feelings, or an emotional connection with them.
I feel you do that first anyways, and it goes on from there.

[KanuTGL]

^ Not necessarily. Different people operate in different ways. I have several friends who aren't opposed to one night stands and who have taken people home from parties for exactly that. Another friend of mine will happily get intimate with someone she's been on two or three dates with. Things like that are so far off my map that it baffles me how sexual attraction to them is no big deal. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I could never do anything like that. I move slowly, veery slowly, in relationships and couldn't imagine gettin' it on, even a basic thing like a kiss or holding hands, with someone I'm not good friends with and trust - someone I have no strong emotional connection with.

What a "strong" connection means exactly is the confusing bit I guess, but I feel that this article and this quote from Docor Who (because where else? :'D) sums everything up for me very well: "You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they're as dull as a brick. Then there's other people and you meet them and you think, 'Not bad, they're okay.' And then you get to know them and... and their face just sort of... becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just... they turn into something so beautiful."

That's what is is to me anyway, in my own personal experience that doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Nalas]

^I feel the exact same way as you do with people. I wouldn't want to get intimate with someone right off the bat. I'd want to get to know them for at least a year or so before "gettin' it on". I don't have anything against of how people live their lives, but for me, I would rather move slowly, too. I've been in two relationships before, but they both were rotten. Edit - I've actually been in three; the first one was actually decent. Ex and I were on and off (long distance) for about 5 years. But, he's in a relationship, and he has a son now.... So, I've been single for at least 3 years now. And I'm content with that. If I ever date somebody again, I'd want a genuine relationship; not a one-night-stand or all about intimacy. Take me on actual dates; movies, dinners, bowling alley, etc.

That's my two cents.

[nathalie]

But I don't want to get intimate either 'straight away'. And there's millions of people who don't, who want to get to know someone first on different levels, but that doesn't mean that I feel I'm a part of that 'group'.

I'll walk away from this specific topic now, as I just don't understand what's so very different about it. I still feel that's all a very normal way of wanting to be with someone.

There's always exceptions, enough people who don't care and do it night 1, or just for the fun of it, or for whatever reason they seem fit.
But I like to think that group is a minority.

[nathalie]

Not much going on in here anymore either ... has our love lives or single lives become that boring? hehe ^^

Not much to tell, things are going good
Actually, since the last time I saw Adam in October, it's still a 15-day wait untill I go to the UK again for the holidays, and this has then actually been the longest time we've been apart. Usually saw each other again within about 45 days.
Since last year May, that will be 16 trips altogether then.
Not bad for a long distance relationship, lol!

[Lyonize]

I think the last time I made a post about my own self here was... high school? I had a MAJOR crush on this girl. That all ended horribly, but who can say they're still with their high school crush, right? By now, she's just a distant memory and in retrospect, I can see that it never would've actually worked out. I was better off staying single.

In January of this year, I moved out to rent a house with a couple of my best friends. They're a couple and they've been together for a few years now. I never expected to be so emotionally affected by living so close to people that have what I'm looking for. I soon began feeling an intense loneliness. Spending time hanging out with my friends was great, but every night, they went to bed and still had each other and I went to bed and I was alone. The juxtaposition was jarring. I soon fell into a deep depression. Not the kind of depression you can understand if you haven't been through it. Not just a long period of general sadness. This was different. It was like a constant loop of emotional numbness followed by fear that I was going to be this way forever, and then back into numbness. I developed panic attacks. I'd lie awake late at night or stare off into the distance, heart pounding, just feeling crushed by the weight of the world and feeling so alone. I could always rely on my friends to lift my spirits but nobody could pull me out of this. All they could do was be there for me. But even then, I still felt alone. Slowly, but surely, I began picking myself up. There were several "footholds" along the way, events that helped a lot. I've moved on now. Things are feeling back to normal. But I still crave that closeness to someone that I've never had.

These days, I'm looking to the future. I'm working on self-improvement now. I want to be the best person I can be for the lioness that comes into my life. I'm about to move into an apartment closer to work. I'll be living on my own, which I'm actually looking forward to. It'll allow me to focus on developing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally, without the distraction of people around me who are already where I want to be.

Finally, I want to reach out to anyone who may have been through the same thing, or maybe you're in that dark pit now. You're not alone. It will end. You will feel happiness again.

[cleargreenwater]

Not much going on in here anymore either ... has our love lives or single lives become that boring?

My dog and I are doing just fine, thank you for asking

Seriously, you and Adam both seem super chill happy and that's awesome, it's great you guys are doing so well ^^

[nathalie]

Haha, CGW, good for you ^^ a dog can be such amazing company though. I really miss my cat. I know some cats are just buggers, but I got so much love from mine, he was a real lap-cat.

I am super happy ^^ Audra is getting sick of me talking sometimes I feel :P


@ Lyonize: It's good you managed to pick yourself up again, and starting to feel better! Renting a place for just you will probably also do you so much good.
And how cliche it sounds, but for 99 % it's true: it always comes when you don't expect it.

[KanuTGL]

Ah, love life. The sentiment that "lovers come and go, but friends remain" is, I think, one of the biggest lies I've been told. Every time a friend of mine finds love, I lose them

Most recently, my previously-single best friend and I swore that if we find partners we'd never become one of those "boring couples" that just isolate themselves and "forget" to hang out with their friends. Buut - she found a partner and has now herself become part of a "boring" couple of exactly the variety we've talked about. I barely see or hear from her now, whereas before we'd see each other frequently and talk often. I know that's what can happen, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned since we've really talked about it and said that neither of us would do that :C Point being, I don't think it should be that difficult to maintain both friendships and a relationship - or is it?

[Lyonize]

Ah, love life. The sentiment that "lovers come and go, but friends remain" is, I think, one of the biggest lies I've been told. Every time a friend of mine finds love, I lose them

Most recently, my previously-single best friend and I swore that if we find partners we'd never become one of those "boring couples" that just isolate themselves and "forget" to hang out with their friends. Buut - she found a partner and has now herself become part of a "boring" couple of exactly the variety we've talked about. I barely see or hear from her now, whereas before we'd see each other frequently and talk often. I know that's what can happen, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned since we've really talked about it and said that neither of us would do that :C Point being, I don't think it should be that difficult to maintain both friendships and a relationship - or is it?

You're totally right. That does tend to happen. I think I've only ever had one friend who still keeps in contact with me regularly even after he got married. There was a period where he sort of disappeard for a while when he was first dating his then girlfriend but he came back around.

I feel kinda hypocritical because I hate that it happens to me but if I ever find someone special, I'm TOTALLY going to disappear on my friends for a while whether I put effort into keeping in contact with them or not. It's not that I'm going to TRY to stay away from my friends or something, I just know myself well enough that I know it's going to happen. I just hope I can remember to message them at least to aknowlege that it's happening and that it doesn't mean I care about them any less.

[nathalie]

I've had that happen. And then, when their relationship ends, they think they can pick up with me where they left it.
I don't think so. The people who done this to me, and then came crawling back I just ignored. I don't need people like that. Who are only my friend when it suits them best.

[Leorgathar]

These days, I'm looking to the future. I'm working on self-improvement now. I want to be the best person I can be for the lioness that comes into my life. I'm about to move into an apartment closer to work. I'll be living on my own, which I'm actually looking forward to. It'll allow me to focus on developing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally, without the distraction of people around me who are already where I want to be.

Finally, I want to reach out to anyone who may have been through the same thing, or maybe you're in that dark pit now. You're not alone. It will end. You will feel happiness again.

I'm glad to hear you're picking up after yourself and working on self improvement. I'm sure moving into your own apartment will do you good I'm kind of on the same page, working on myself to be economically stable and preparing to move out whenever I'm ready. I'm still hopeful a new romance may spark at some point, even though I still feel very lonely more times than I'd like to admit, and sometimes I get cynical too. I'm learning to be patient, and I'm slowly boosting my confidence, so... who knows, maybe I'll be in a good shape when it finally happens.

And also, thanks for those last words in your post, I know deep inside that you're right. Remember that to yourself too

Ah, love life. The sentiment that "lovers come and go, but friends remain" is, I think, one of the biggest lies I've been told. Every time a friend of mine finds love, I lose them

Most recently, my previously-single best friend and I swore that if we find partners we'd never become one of those "boring couples" that just isolate themselves and "forget" to hang out with their friends. Buut - she found a partner and has now herself become part of a "boring" couple of exactly the variety we've talked about. I barely see or hear from her now, whereas before we'd see each other frequently and talk often. I know that's what can happen, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned since we've really talked about it and said that neither of us would do that :C Point being, I don't think it should be that difficult to maintain both friendships and a relationship - or is it?

I can't say this is the case with all of my friends, since I still hang out with a couple of them who are married (Not as often as we used to before, but we're still friends), but it did happen with some other friends before. I get to see them sometimes for a special occasion like a birthday or something, but with them it's always the same conversation that starts with "what has been of you?" and ends with "We should hang out more often", only to leave it like that and not see each other again for months -.-

I guess it's easier when you're friends with both your friend and their partner. Like, they both have their own life together, but like to hang around with you because you're all friends. At least that's the case with the friends I still get so see often, sure, I get to feel some degree of jealousy, but at least they don't totally ignore me, which I'm grateful for (although that may change with time, I guess)

That said, I know it can't be the same for everyone. I agree that it shouldn't be that difficult to maintain a balance between friendships and relationships, and I wish you didn't have to deal with that, Kanu. Here's hoping things will change for you at some point, and hey, at least you still have us Lea friends here for you

[Lyonize]

I guess it's easier when you're friends with both your friend and their partner. Like, they both have their own life together, but like to hang around with you because you're all friends. At least that's the case with the friends I still get so see often, sure, I get to feel some degree of jealousy, but at least they don't totally ignore me, which I'm grateful for (although that may change with time, I guess)

For this very reason, I don't think I could date someone who doesn't want to be friends with my friends. It just makes way more sense to me if she hangs out with everyone, and I plan to be the same way with her friends. It just makes the idea of someone more attractive if they're "part of the group." Ya know? I've got several friends like that here.

[nathalie]

That'll be a challange then, because keep in mind, not everyone will like everyone, and you might end up not liking a few people from each other friends.
That's just how it goes. And that's OK though. As long as everyone is mature enough to be polite around each other.
Off course it's always so much nicer if everyone just gets along. I've met friends of my partners I didn't really like, just be nice and that's it.
Apart from this one girl who totally ignored me, and then told my ex I was anti-social, and we had a huge fight about it. Ridiculous. But yeah, I can understand you really would like everyone to get along. I rather not have that experience again. But as said, she could have acted her age and be an adult about it. But some people just choose to be stupid. And I'm allergic to stupid people

[Safila]

People who cut off their friends because they have someone new in their lives are just selfish.. if you do that obviously you don't give a stuff about that person/persons and what the term 'good friends/friendship is is all about., especially when they have always been there and helped them through things. In my group of friends, there's a girl who does that, each time she has someone 'new' in her life, it's annoying and hurtful, you just want to tell her to grow up. And care about those that have been in her life for ages and have helped her with all sorts.

haha Nathalie.. I'm allergic to stupid people too

[nathalie]

I can't believe me and Adam have been together for 2 years today