The Love Life Thread

[nathalie]

Hehe, thanks ^^

I found it amusing, that people immidiatly go like "oh, because of the pics I saw on FB, so that must have been for a reason".
But not really no.
He's said for years he'd visit Belgium one day, because it has always been me going to the UK meeting up with people.
Me having my own place now made that rather easier then if I'd still be living with a boyfriend or at my parents

[Nalas]

Congratulations, Nathalie, I'm happy for you!

I was kinda-sorta in a relationship with another girl, but things haven't been going too well, so, we've pretty much gone our separate ways....

[nathalie]

Thank you Nalas ^^

Too bad it didn't work out for you :-(

[cleargreenwater]

Oh wow, awesome Nathalie & This Land. And Nathalie just think whenever the flying could get annoying, that you hauled butt halfway across the globe to Florida & Texas, what's a short flight every now & then compared to that??!

Have fun & I hope it works out, at least you know you both like Lion King--very important priorities, ya' know? xD

[nathalie]

Haha Brea
Thanks!

I'm actually flying to the US again in October
I'd rather take the train though to the UK, I don't think I wanna be in a 'tiny' airplane, lol.

[Azerane]

Awww, that's awesome you two I'm going to be one of those people and say I totally knew it Adam had that trip to visit you and I just had a feeling, was really hoping for you both that it worked out, and I'm so glad to hear that it has

It's been just over a year now since Pat moved to Australia, which is just crazy. Where did that time go...

[nathalie]

Why can't a male-friend visit his female-friend when being friends for over 10 years? haha

Thanks Rebecca ^^ hehe

[This Land]

Thanks everyone , Means alot Hopefully it shouldnt feel too long until we meet again

Time has felt very quick since i heard you and pat moved in together Azzy x3, I hope you both continue to have a happy life together

[nathalie]

Don't think I've ever in the history of Lea had many positive things to say in this topic, lol.
Last week Adam surprised me by waiting for me at my appartment when I got back from work

Ex-boyfriends who lived near me, never even bothered to even come to my house as a "surprise"/just because, ever ... so this was quite a shock But a good one

[KanuTGL]

Surprise visits are the best Ask Adam, he knows

Soo for me then... about two weeks ago I actually went ahead and asked out this fellow I like. And he said yes! I suppose? In a "I'm busy with work stuff right now, but later that could be nice" sort of way. But he said that I should remind him if he forgot, so I asked again the other day and he more or less said "I'll see what my schedule's like when I can.". So he doesn't expressly say "yes", but he doesn't say no either.

And I guess I'm wondering what to make of that :'D

I'm not one to go chasing after people if they don't quite clearly show me that they're interested too, so I really don't know if I'd ask him a third time. I can't help but think that if he was interested, he'd make some sort of effort to get back to me maybe? At the same time, I'm a little encouraged by the lack of an outright "I'm not interested, sorry." Or is this a way of getting people to stop asking?

I've never ever played the dating game before, so I don't quite know what to expect

[nathalie]

I don't need to ask him, since he was the one doing it, haha.
Twice he managed to keep something like that a secret.

I can't keep a secret for the life of me, lol.

Hmm, if you you need to remind someone I think that's kind of odd :/
I've never actually been on real dates either, but if you need to remind the same person more then once, would he really be interested in doing something sometime? :/

[Leorgathar]

Hmm I wouldn't know what to make of it either, he doesn't sound like he's excited about it or something, but that's just my impression. Did he look nervous/smiley when you asked him? Honestly, I think if a girl asked me out that would be in my thoughts all day long (not that it would happen to me though, girls asking guys out on a date isn't really common here, which I find kinda silly xP)

I wouldn't say I have real dating experience either, but I actually was set on a... blind date some months ago. I never got around to mention it here because, well, it didn't go so well xP We had some things in common I guess, but since the moment we met at the restaurant she kept talking and talking about herself, constantly interrupting me, and when I found a chance to talk she got distracted with her phone
(Graphical description)

What really put me off was her disinterested attitude, I was nervous about meeting this girl, and she was acting as if she had done this many times before. I try not to judge people easily, but it all gave me a bad gut feeling I couldn't ignore, so next day I decided to tell her the dinner was nice, but that I didn't think it would work between us. I got very scared of saying it, but at least she took it well ...I hope.

As of right now, I'm still on square one, I haven't really fallen for anyone in a while. I try to keep an optimistic attitude about it, but... sometimes loneliness kicks in and it does get to me I guess I'm not so good at meeting new people, but I'll keep hoping I find someone one day.

[KanuTGL]

I was thinking more in the sense of having someone come to surprise you :P I did that once, in collaboration with Adam's mum

Hmm, if you you need to remind someone I think that's kind of odd :/
I've never actually been on real dates either, but if you need to remind the same person more then once, would he really be interested in doing something sometime? :/

Yeeah, that's what I've been thinking too. I'd more or less written this off, but funnily enough he did actually write to me today and apologised for not being in touch. So that's something? We're still no closer to actually arranging a date or whatever - still no definite yes, but no definite no, so I'm scratching my head at this, hah. He seems like he kind of wants to meet up, but doesn't... take that step? I thought I'd have an answer and be able to take or leave this by now, but I'm feeling none the wiser

Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud. This is sort of the one place I feel like I can turn to with these kinds of things ^^;

And I'm sorry to hear about your date, Leor. What a rude person to pick up their phone like that That's the last thing you should be doing during a date, I'm pretty sure! I understand that loneliness too... Many hugs

[nathalie]

I was thinking more in the sense of having someone come to surprise you :P I did that once, in collaboration with Adam's mum

Yeeah, that's what I've been thinking too. I'd more or less written this off, but funnily enough he did actually write to me today and apologised for not being in touch. So that's something? We're still no closer to actually arranging a date or whatever - still no definite yes, but no definite no, so I'm scratching my head at this, hah. He seems like he kind of wants to meet up, but doesn't... take that step? I thought I'd have an answer and be able to take or leave this by now, but I'm feeling none the wiser

Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud. This is sort of the one place I feel like I can turn to with these kinds of things ^^;

Oh yeah, I've got to experience it myself a few times now from his mom, hehe.

I've never ever had to "throw myself in front of one's feet" so I'm really not one to give advice, lol.
But it seems like a bit of an awkward situation on his end. It is nice of him though to message you in that way.
If you keep asking you could come on to strong, and if you don't, he might move on from it too. Very tricky :/
I know myself, and I would just keep asking once every so often, hehe, or a subtle reminder "hey, weren't we going to go to the movies *wink*wink*"

[Utora]

I have two emotions right now; restoration/happiness, and then sadness. It's confusing.

My boyfriend, Jean, flew in from Belgium on Saturday evening. We'd been apart 2 months and I reached my threshold, I suppose... so he flew out to restore everything and we so badly needed it. It really helped us, and we are moving forward with the "next steps".

We decided the best course is for him to come to the USA, instead of me going to Belgium; if it doesn't work, we'll work it out and discuss it from there obviously. His company is not in a position to bring him out, so he's getting a job here and moving, but in order for me to sponsor him we should be married, which we've taken great lengths to discuss.

As this process can either go smoothly or as complicated as possible I've decided it's best to visit if we cannot be together in two months time; the distance is the biggest battle right now.

Jean flew back home today so, I'm a bit sad but ok...I think we can do this.

[nathalie]

I didn't know you guys were together already for such a long time? That's what I assume though, if he's willing to move already and discussing marriage (weather or not to get him to stay in the country)

If he already knows the language, and you don't know any French (you don't need Dutch where he's from), then that is probably a better option.

[Utora]

I didn't know you guys were together already for such a long time? That's what I assume though, if he's willing to move already and discussing marriage (weather or not to get him to stay in the country)

If he already knows the language, and you don't know any French (you don't need Dutch where he's from), then that is probably a better option.

That was a strong deciding factor, the language I mean. I have no issues with starting from the bottom over there, as he's pretty established, but I am too over here and he believes there are more opportunities so, I'm ok with the decision so long as he is happy.


We have not dated very long but have known each other for a bit. Distance hindered dating. I would like to date longer, personally, but also don't have a problem with marriage. We didn't intend to meet but he flew out corporate wise in July this year and both him and a coworker were stranded outside the hotel in the rain on a Sunday; no one was available to assist them, so I picked them up. From that very moment we both felt something but that was the first we met in person. I admit I was attracted to him for quite some time but it never developed for obvious reasons; distance, other engagements in my life, etc.

I've taken a lot of time alone and with family and friends to process these decisions because I don't think they're some light issue, etc. I'd hate for him to be out here and it fails, but I don't worry too much in that right now, we are happy.

For me I have issues with the fact we work for the same company, and his boss knows it is us dating, and it is me that Jean will basically quit the company for. I don't know but personally I avoid the guy now; his boss is at my building etc. I feel like I have blood on my hands.

That aside, I'm 26 and he's a little older and more decided in life. I want to be with him, but at times the totality of circumstances added to my indecision with commitments; I've warned him over everything and am honest every day. You know it's a battle between my heart and mind. A lot of my detached, aloof mind says look Utora don't, this is steep, and where will you be in 10 years?

I'd hate to have him out here after dissolving his life in Belgium, and then we part as he's in the USA with no network, etc. I can't do that to him. But I am talking with him every day, we both know one of us could wake up the next day and it just is too much finally. I don't manage emotional health very well, I usually just disconnect...

I imagine all this sounds terrifying. I just know when I"m with him I feel peace, love and happiness for the first time in my life. He's truly happy, also. It's when you start putting all these details on the table, I get strategic like combat mindset to tackle it and my mind says "No. Don't." So you know, I have to find a balance between my heart and mind, not be rash, and be honest every day. I just don't want to lose what we felt, or hurt him but..life is so unpredictable. I don't know what I fear sometimes but it could be healthy? We'll see.

[nathalie]

And then there's me ... having seen Adam quite a few times already this year, more then we originally planned, and I keep thinking "how do you know if you can live together, even though you've met so many times, we've known each other for 10 years, but visiting one and other for 1 week every other 2 months or so, that's not really living together is it".

But I guess that's everyone's own opinion, and everyone should do what they feel is right for their own

[Utora]

And then there's me ... having seen Adam quite a few times already this year, more then we originally planned, and I keep thinking "how do you know if you can live together, even though you've met so many times, we've known each other for 10 years, but visiting one and other for 1 week every other 2 months or so, that's not really living together is it".

But I guess that's everyone's own opinion, and everyone should do what they feel is right for their own

You don't know, until you do....



Obvious I know but, there's no point in speculating until there's evidence it cna work. If you're truly happy with them when you do see them, it's worth a shot!

I've been with several guys that, things worked, some things didn't. My first love was the hardest because it was just, infatuation but I couldn't see it.

I was with a guy for 5 years and we never even approached the concept of marriage; the idea of it then even, I disregarded it..there was no way, until changes were made. Then another guy, where we worked great together but, better apart than together. With Jean it was different immediately, and that sense of "let's make this happen" has been pushing all along.

I will say now; it shouldn't take 5 years to make a decision, at the very least. You know when you know. People rarely, if at all, change at a core level.
I thought some more and I am certain my main issue is I worry for Jean so there is my hesitation - I worry to the point I shutdown. I know what I can handle, but I want to protect him. He has to also make his own mind, I need to give him that choice, and we need to communicate as we are. I am sure of what I want and it is him.

I also wouldn't fear for long term. You either know or you do not know if it can work. What is it worth to you, and the other person to take that chance? Is it even possible? Etc, etc.

For Jean and me, we both have acknowledged the potential for failure; and we continue on, mutually. So yes, everyone is different, some people don't really need to live together to be happy, etc. There's no one way to be happy for every person , and even that being said, sometimes it is so hard to achieve as I will soon find out with immigration.



there is something I like,because it helps me realize my past and present:

Sternbergs Love Triangle



That first guy I knew for 5 years, it was definitely Liking which dissolved into Empty Love and finally to nothing.
The second deep relationship, Companionate Love.
Jean and I are Consummate Love. Passion, is something I acknowledged missing in all my relationships prior, before I even saw this graph.

Anyways it's just something that I enjoyed to see lol.

[Guntur]

By looking at the intimacy, I've been stuck on that circle for 12 years now I'm glad everything is going well for you.