The Love Life Thread

[nathalie]

Lower expectations.
I don't know what that means when it comes to a subject like this?

You don't just settle for someone because that person seems 'the best you can get'.
That's not good either.

Just don't set any bars, meet someone and see how it goes without thinking too much 'they don't have this or that'.
I think only then you really find out if its the person for you.

Leor, that's cool! Whereabouts in Europe would it be?

[Sharifu]

Just thought I would mention that today was the 10th anniversary of when Petteri and I first got together. We'll be celebrating it properly in a couple of weeks from now, by going to Las Vegas for a few days. It will be fun to get away for a few days, just the two of us, and relax a bit. It's been a long time since we went on any kind of trip together (other then driving to Oregon to spend Christmas with my family). I would say it's been almost two years we took a trip together, just the two of us.

[Leorgathar]

Hmm you know, I was taking it more like being more accepting with who I am with, not really as the 'best I can get'. But... You're right, I agree that it shouldn't work like that. The person I look for must be someone special to me, not seen as a list of pros and cons, of course. Perhaps it's just that I don't have good experiences with girls around here (maybe one of the reasons I would like to move from here -.-).

Leor, that's cool! Whereabouts in Europe would it be?

Well, as far as I've heard, it would be pretty much in any country within the EU or UK, but I'm still waiting for a reply to know if I'm elligible for the program this year or not (if I'm not, I would have better chances for next year, though).
I'm not sure where would I go to, or at what point it would be up to me, but I wouldn't mind learning a new language

Just thought I would mention that today was the 10th anniversary of when Petteri and I first got together. We'll be celebrating it properly in a couple of weeks from now, by going to Las Vegas for a few days. It will be fun to get away for a few days, just the two of us, and relax a bit. It's been a long time since we went on any kind of trip together (other then driving to Oregon to spend Christmas with my family). I would say it's been almost two years we took a trip together, just the two of us.

Aww that's so awesome!! Congratulations guys! I hope you have a lot of fun in Vegas

(Sorry for the quick edit, I was writing my post at the same time as yours xD)

[nathalie]

I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh so hard

within the EU or UK

The UK is in Europe you know haha

[Leorgathar]

Oh true true that's the way they put it when I looked into the program's info, so it isn't my fault xD

[KanuTGL]

The UK is in Europe you know haha

Well, if certain politicians have their way, the UK may not continue to be part of the EU, so...

Anyway. I'll join the lonely hearts club I'm pretty much in the same situation as Leor regarding everything - back to square one. My attempt to get to know the fellow I wrote about before kind of just faded into nothing. "The feeling" wasn't quite there, you know? And it doesn't bother me much, so I suppose it just wasn't meant to be.

I do have a couple of "crushes" that are more in my immediate area, but I don't really think anything is going to happen there. One has already turned me down once and one is a "this isn't supposed to be a crush at all gah what is happening!?" kind of thing that I'm trying to ignore, haha. So there is no lack of interesting people around where I am, but I feel the issue lies rather with myself. I'm very insecure in social situations and getting to know me is not easy For that reason I feel that I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to meeting people and there's little I can do about it. (Simply deciding that "Right, I'm going to be an outgoing person now!", as is one piece of 'advice' I've been given before, really doesn't cut it. Social anxiety, yeah!)

However, there's little point in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. For now I should focus on what lies ahead - everything else in my life is working out beautifully - and love comes along when love comes along~ Hakuna Matata, right? It's difficult to not think about it though.

Edit:

Lower expectations.
I don't know what that means when it comes to a subject like this?

You don't just settle for someone because that person seems 'the best you can get'.
That's not good either.

Just don't set any bars, meet someone and see how it goes without thinking too much 'they don't have this or that'.
I think only then you really find out if its the person for you.

This!

[Guntur]

I think this thread just become a Lonely Heart club.

For me I've been in this situation for 9 years believe it or not. But I know everyone have a reason on their love life problems and separations Well I did wrote something on the last page so I assume people already read it.

edit: Great, once again less than a year she blocked me again, not surprised and suspected but it's good that I told her everything about it. either way I'm going to keep her number anyways, just in case if she's called as I don't pick up unknown number.

[Leorgathar]

Lonely Hearts club.... that has a nice ring to it, heh

Fendi, I did read your post. I can't say I relate exactly, but I get you in the feeling of loneliness, and maybe also the concern of being a complicated person for someone else, to some degree. I don't know what to suggest, but here's hoping that you'll find someone who can overlook that and like you the way you are


Oh well, I'm sorry if I get a bit off-topic here, but I kind of need to let this out.

That scholarship for Europe that I mentioned.... I didn't qualify for it after all, and it also seems that I won't be able to anytime soon
I kind of already expected that I wouldn't get it for this year, but I thought I could at least apply for the next. And now I was told not even that is possible. All because I need a 8.0 average grade from my University, but I have a darn 7.9 (yes, I can't get the scholarship Because of that tenth of a point xP)

I gotta say, it wasn't just the Masters degree what I wanted, nor just the chance to travel to Europe again, but I also thought it was maybe an opportunity to... you know, start a new life. Maybe the degree would help me get a job there. Maybe I'd also have a new relationship there and stay. I don't know, I guess I just don't feel so happy living here, where I can't even be myself, and perhaps that scholarship made me fantasize a bit too much.

...Am I being ridiculous?

[nathalie]

I don't think you are. I don't know what life in Mexico is, apart from the things we see over here on TV (which usually aren't good).
It's understandable, you may not feel that you belong there, or aren't happy in your own country because you've travelled a lot, and you've seen so many places.

Though, it's usually true what they say "the grass ain't greener on the other side".

[Safila]

Sorry about the scholarship,it sucks when you get your hopes up and then it falls What do you mean about you can't be yourself ?

[KanuTGL]

Aww, Leor I'm so sorry to hear that. Such a shame, especially when it's by such small, silly margins too! But maybe it's an indication, that perhaps you should look for opportunities elsewhere? If the thoughts of moving to somewhere completely different and starting anew were that appealing, a change of scenery might be something to really look into? Just a thought, of course :3 Either way I can imagine this kind of disappointment is extremely frustrating to deal with (I know very well from my own experiences), but I hope you feel better soon

[Guntur]

Sorry about your scholarship program man, I know it's a heartbreaking situation when you're not eligible to do it.

Yeah, like you I always fantasize myself living in another country with their promising dreams, but I don't think I would ever leave this country without any permit or specialization, I would just live happy here with my current life, single, working with music and just live an easy life. I always dream to have a foreign woman in my life, not that I hate local women but I think I'm really picky when it comes to women.

Man, life is complicated, I say it in 08 and I will say it now. Unless there's a 360 with someone I knew in my life and would just accept me for who I am, I guess every girl that I know really don't want me because I'm a living breathing nuclear bomb that waiting to explode. Like the edit I wrote she blocked me again, I'm not even gonna bother adding or befriend her again because I already did what I had to do last year. She's married, I'm used to cling my feeling about her but luckily I told her everything I wanted to say to her. It's like giving your heart out and just say goodbye and start a new life. If she's decided to go 360 on me I would just accept her invitation and try to make things work even though we may be in the 30's. Love is never too old for some people.

[Leorgathar]

Wow, this probably should fit better in the advice thread, hehe. Thanks for the replies

I don't know what life in Mexico is, apart from the things we see over here on TV (which usually aren't good).
It's understandable, you may not feel that you belong there, or aren't happy in your own country because you've travelled a lot, and you've seen so many places

Hehe yeah, media does give us such a bad image, and in many ways it lives up to how it really is, it's definitely not a safe country. But actually living here isn't really that bad, I can still make a quite decent life here, and I do love the good side of it. Mexico will always have a big place in my heart wherever I go. But it isn't much about the place as it is about the people around me, which brings up the next point...

What do you mean about you can't be yourself ?

It's what I mentioned earlier in this thread, that I don't feel I have anyone here I can have a totally open talk with. I have friends, but still not the kind of people I can share my true feelings with. I don't want to criticize them so harshly, it's just a group of people I don't feel I belong in. Like I said before, there's a lot of people here who give me a reason to have trust issues. As for my family, don't get me wrong, I do love my family, but then again, I don't share the same ideals with them (being the only agnostic/atheist in it surely doesn't help), I know them well enough to know they won't take me seriously if I come up with a concern of my own, like my depression, as if it was a sign of weakness or immaturity. No wonder why I don't let them know I'm a big TLK fan, for example.
That being said, there's also some truly amazing people here, of course, I don't want to generalize. I just don't know them, or they don't live around me.

But maybe it's an indication, that perhaps you should look for opportunities elsewhere? If the thoughts of moving to somewhere completely different and starting anew were that appealing, a change of scenery might be something to really look into? Just a thought, of course :3

Yeah, that pretty much was my plan before I looked so much into that scholarship, and it's still my plan now. I think I'll do a Masters degree in another city here, like Guadalajara or Monterrey, they're pretty good places to go, as far as I've heard.
But also... the reason I got so excited about the scholarship, though, was that I would have been much closer to people I actually do care about (yeah, perhaps that sounds a bit selfish, depending on who hears it), I mean, real friends I've grown so fond of, and with whom I can be myself with. They just happen to live that far away.
Maybe the scholarship thing was a bit of an eye opener. Before that, I had already accepted I would end up staying in Mexico, and that's probably what will happen in the end anyway, but with all the excitement and thinking of all the possibilities, I thought maybe that's what my heart really wants.
I just thought I could have a good shot to make it real

I always dream to have a foreign woman in my life, not that I hate local women but I think I'm really picky when it comes to women.

Hehe, I actually get you there. I'm a bit too picky when it comes to women as well. Maybe that's a reason I don't find anyone here I particularly like either. And ok, I guess I too have a thing for foreigners, I admit it xD

[Safila]

Is there any reason why you can't leave home and find an apartment by yourself ?

[Leorgathar]

Just the timing, really. At the moment it's convenient to be here because of how close I am to my workplace, but it won't be long before I move away. Since the scholarship thing isn't happening, I think I'll stick to my original plan and move to another city to do my Masters there, most likely it'll be in Monterrey. It'll last about 2 years, so if by then I haven't settled down yet, and my grades end up above average, I might be able to apply for the scholarship after all. But who knows, anything could happen within 2 years, a new relationship, maybe ><

I'm still disappointed, but I'm feeling much better now after my last couple of posts. Thanks so much for the support

[Utora]

Lower expectations.
I don't know what that means when it comes to a subject like this?

You don't just settle for someone because that person seems 'the best you can get'.
That's not good either.

Just don't set any bars, meet someone and see how it goes without thinking too much 'they don't have this or that'.
I think only then you really find out if its the person for you.

You kinda just answered that for yourself.

Don't set any bars.

But I will. It's like going to buy a car not expecting anything, or entering a business negotiation with no expectations. I don't find it wise. Not everyone compares a relationship the same way and that is fine, but for me it is serious business, and I draw lines on certain things. That's natural. I'd sooner be alone than compromise on something like that..I can be very reasonable, but making excuses and getting your heart tangled with someone that ultimately isn't what you wanted or needed...just a waste of time.

[nathalie]

I didn't settle. I ain't staying/living with someone who I really don't like at all, and who I don't give a damn about.
I know there's issues, but don't even try and go that far!

[Utora]

I didn't settle. I ain't staying/living with someone who I really don't like at all, and who I don't give a damn about.
I know there's issues, but don't even try and go that far!

I wasn't talking about your personal life. My original post was directed to Lweek.

Whatever you are doing is your prerogative, not mine.

[Kirauni]

I've been quietly following this thread for quite some time now, but I didn't know how to put my thoughts into words.
Your answers here prove me right: Love is really a difficult issue and what works for one doesn't apply for everyone else. Okay, there are many things like that, but I think love is still even more difficult. It's sad to read that many of you are really struggling to find a partner while on the other hand others have to fight for their relationships. Come to think of it: I've been married to a couple of years now and I think love has never been easy. At least not as easy as you see it in some Disney movie *lol*.

No, for me it's also a constant fight, but at least I don't have to fight alone. And by "fight“, I don't mean that my husband and I share different opinions... or quarrel. That's only natural.
I mean it in metaphorical way: You can live together with someone for a few years, keeping the love for your partner or the "candle burning" needs a lot of care an attention from both sides. But of course you all know this already XD I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts.

I'm currently having a hard time, too while everyone around us thinks "They must be so happy!". Yes, I have a wonderful husband and a lovely daughter, but I still have to face many difficulties in our everyday life. The fact that I don't have any relatives close by adds to this. I miss my family, especially my mother sometimes. My nephew plans to move to a city nearby in September, which is great, though.

However, my husband's contract at work is about to run out in July, so he has to find a new job. Unfortunately, no company around here wanted to afford another employee with his qualifications. Bad luck Still, God provided for us because one of the companies actually forwarded his job application to another company. Pretty weird, but the company actually wanted my husband to work for them. The only thing is that it's a job abroad in Switzerland, which is about 3 hours from where we live. Therefore, that means he has to move to Switzerland and we'll only be able to see each other at the weekends and I have to raise my daughter on my own. Because of my job, I just can't move along with him which is giving me a hard time right now. I'm a teacher but I can't simply switch schools. I have to wait until my headmaster approves and then the regional council/regional board has to approve as well. That's one thing in Germany that's rather complicated, at least when you work as an "official teacher". Some of my colleagues have been waiting for a chance to move for quite a few years now. So I think it will take me quite a few years as well.
On top of that I don't even know where I should move to, because I can't just move to Switzerland that easily (because of my job as well).
Nevertheless, I guess that whole story would also qualify for the advice-thread, right? But to be honest, I don't think I need any advice because I've already set on staying here until my request to move has been granted and I'll try to make the best out of it.

But of course all of this is affecting our relationship pretty much. We both decided to fight for our small family and I know we can do it. We've had a weekend relationship before, right at the beginning of our marriage. The problem is that I don't really feel like moving now. After five years of living in this city/village here, I've finally started to like it here. However, I think that also depends on how things will turn out when I finally return to my job in September. We'll see and I hope that our love is strong enough.

[Sharifu]

Aww Kirauni, that is a hard situation to be in. I also kind of worry if I continue getting involved in the animation field, that I might have to move where the jobs are, and not be able to stay in one place for very long. I guess that's fine if you're single... But if you're married, it's hard. Unless your spouse can always go with you, but normally, they have a job too and can't follow you every time at the drop of a hat.

Plus, I think I might want to have children some day... And I really don't think that kind of lifestyle is the best for a family, unless that one working spouse makes so much money to support the whole family on that income alone, so the family can move with them. But I know that is not going to be the case with a job in the animation field...

I'm sorry, I'm going a little off topic with my own thoughts, but it's one (of the many) things that I have been thinking about for a while, if I continue pursuing the animation field.

Kirauni, that's too bad that it takes years to be able to get approval to switch schools and be able to move... What a tough situation.