The Love Life Thread

[Leorgathar]

Thank you all for your support. I've talked with some people here and it has helped to some degree, but there's really nothing like talking to people who have been under something similar and understand much better our situation. I've already chatted with some of you, and I can't thank you enough

Anyway, congrats to Audra and Petteri for their 9 years and Bec and Pat in advance for their 8 years

[ThiagoPE]

I also want to congrat Audra, Petteri, Bec and Pat. I hope you all can stay together for many many many more years

Enviado de meu XT687 usando Tapatalk

[Azerane]

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, especially from someone still in a relationship but my thoughts on break-ups have always been that if there really was an issue so troubling to one or both people, then despite the pain of the break-up, it is the right decision and ultimately the decision that will make both parties happier. I know it doesn't seem like that, especially if it's not a mutual thing. Two people apart, are better than a broken relationship. My parents stayed together for years (probably for the sake of us kids), but they were always short-tempered and grumpy with each other and it was hard to be around. I had always believed it to be because of my dad being away for work all the time and moving us around, but I had the wrong end of the stick on that one, only found out the real reason last year.


Also thanks everyone

Coingrats on your 8 years, Bec and Pat. I am super excited for you that Pat is moving to Australia. (The plans are that he will move this year right?)

Thanks so much Audra. It is exciting, though I think I'm still not properly feeling the excitement because we haven't submitted the VISA application yet. I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though. Otherwise, yes, depending on when we get everything submitted and how long the approval takes, he could be here before the end of the year or at the latest, early next year.

[KanuTGL]

Thanks so much Audra. It is exciting, though I think I'm still not properly feeling the excitement because we haven't submitted the VISA application yet. I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though. Otherwise, yes, depending on when we get everything submitted and how long the approval takes, he could be here before the end of the year or at the latest, early next year.

Oh, wow! That is exciting! Here's hoping the application process will run smoothly for you both

[Sharifu]

I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though.

Did he at least start that? I know that can take 4-6 weeks to get a renewed passport.

I need to renew my passport with my married name, but I don't want to do that until I actually have plans to travel outside of the U.S. And I have no idea when that will be.

[Azerane]

4 to 6 weeks! He told me it was far less than that. Damnit no, he hasn't started it yet. I keep asking but he keeps saying "I'll do it soon." I just want to get things moving.

[Sharifu]

Well that's just the info I got off this website: http://travel.state.gov/content/pass...rts/renew.html

Looks like he can expedite it though, but I am sure that cost more money.

[Azerane]

Eww, you're right. I suppose the time can be used to make sure we have all the other VISA stuff in order though.

[Guntur]

Okay guys, I have this weird tale about my self and my love life.

Back on 2003, there's a new student in my high school, she is the same age as mine. For me without a doubt she's the sweetest girl I ever known in my life, till this day.

She was on my high school for a year and I didn't talk to her at all in the entire year over lack of confidence. On 2006, I was in the boot camp or National Service I saw a glimpse of her at the canteen hall. I asked her why is so familiar and such it turned out to be her twin, I mean Identical twins.

While I never saw her again, I'm quite close but ups and down friendship with her twin. It took a toll on 2006 and we never chat with each other again. But early this week I was a little weird about this facebook chat because there's a chat log on the message. It turns out to be her again and I apologize about my behavior and she does the same. It just weird that this kinda like a turned around in my life. But the real problem is I still fell into her despite all these 11 years. I'm so torn over it and I'm kinda restless about it as they both are married and have families. I feel that slowly but surely it would heal the wound.

[Sharifu]

I'm not sure what to say about this. You're upset because both of these girls are married and have a family? Is it because you wish you would of talked to them more in the past? Tell them how you felt?

I'm sorry I don't have an suggestions to make you feel better. I have never been in a situation like that so I don't know what to suggest.

But I hope it will pass and you'll feel better about it soon.

[Guntur]

I'm not upset about her getting married or have a family, although I wish that I could talked to Her in the past and tell her about everything.

it's cool that she contacted me again and want to befriend me. I tried million of time to approach her but this time she approach me and say hi to me personally.

what puzzled me or upset me that I still have feeling for her after all these years, the feeling never fade and I tried million times to bury the feeling and it doesn't work. With her approaching me again just give me a full nostalgic love feeling that I had in the past.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, right now I'm not making move and just wait for her to start the conversation. we had a good chat like yesterday talking about our personal life and such, one things that she changed into a better person, It might be the time for me to changed to a better person too. She, Inspires, Me.

[cleargreenwater]

Inspiration is great and it's wonderful to have friends that do that, that inspire you to be a positive, forward-moving person, but she may very well suspect you still have feelings for her & be why she looked you up despite being married and having a family in the first place. Tread carefully and don't let anyone take you for a ride, be wary of the potential that she's filling holes in her own life and you would be the one with sorrow from it.

[Utora]

I'm not sure where to start. I'd like to keep it simple I think.
I've been with someone off and on for 4 to 5 years. I say off and on, though we've only had one or two major breaks in the situation.
First time, it was because while we had a falling out he promptly pursued someone else. He got back with me and was still with this person, while telling my own friends I was lazy, etc and they kept that secret from me. Yeah, so when I got back and discovered this I ended it.

I had to make a decision over the months. Forgive him and rebuild trust if I loved him and wanted us together, or move on. I gave him another chance. The hardest part was trust. Without trust, there's nothing between two people. I was shakey all the time. Things got better, and he even started to mature ....

Few months ago, the field he works in had many opportunies out west so he went. Stress started with this. There was no ETA for how long he'd be gone, so I lived in anxiety and uncertainty. He took a one day flight to see me and all this ridiculous stuff instead of communicating and planning. We would send texts and call, he has always says he has loved me, etc..but depth was lacking and in long distance there's extra care needed.
I was sure to be there for him but my needs were not met so much. Still I took it head on - started getting depressed ...losing track of myself, getting angry and irritable.

He asked if I would move out there with him. Thing is, of course I would ..I love him. We didn't really plan it though - there's no team aspect. It's like he goes and I follow. So it bothered me a little. He's making very, very good money. I never have cared agbout money. Sure it's nice, but I wanted quality time and phsycial affection most...My prime concern - he's a workaholic and status is so more important for him in many aspects. In our arguments he always says, "But I'm making money, we can get a house." ...I don't mind him working, being successful and working on plans but there's little care for our relationship...no effort put into it. I know this will never end. I told him there will always be money to be made, one more thing to buy. In an argument I asked why for so many months he works out there so much while I hurt out here, and he said "I have a life to live." That was hard to swallow. It wasn't about us...and he said it rather promptly. I always thought of us in all things..and he's been thinking of him first..it did explain a lot.

He's hot and then cold..I can never understand. He gets up and see I texted him a question and ignoresd it for many hours but he's available...I'm usually patient but, it's strange too.

Well...


yesterday I found he had a dating profile, active, in the city he is currently working. The stuff he wrote about himself angered me - it is not honest, and on top of that, his headline stated,

looking for a cute girl..

that was so hard to read, I almost passed out at work. I thought I was his cute girl.
I guess not....

I lost my mind, for all the anxiety and stress I've endured, running errands and keeping his situation established here..missing him like crazy.
He wrote that his last relationship was lasting him 3 years..and he was seeking a woman, for dating.

I thought I would die last night, my head hurt in the strangest way and my eyes burned..I hardly made it home and slept for whatever time I could before my next shift.
He knows I know. He tries to explain that he made it and never used it.

You know..I know that to be true but it's the coldness of that moment he made it, and put that crap in there...while I sat here thinking of him and waiting...waiting a long time.

He stated again he cares for me, loves me..sure he does..I don't think he loves the girls he messes with but, I don't think in his heart he sees what he does as wrong. Something is wrong with him. I don't want to believe this has happened. I told him that he's shallow, cold but has $10,000 while I hurt. I had $20 in my bank but believed he loved me so I thought I had everything...

I don't know what to do right now.
Yes, I'll live..I'll move on..but I cannot believe it. I cannot see it at all. I feel all sorts of shameful things; useless, inadequete, weak, foolish, displaced, stupid..worst of alone, very, very alone for the first time in forever. I get angry too, crazy angry..I want to break something. Then I'm sad I was angry. Then I'm angry I'm sad.

He sent flowers to my home while I was at work so naturally my mother inquired. Now she's all fired up and on the prowl so everyone knows my story and I get no rest there. As soon as my dad finds out I'll get this "I told you so" story that will provoke me yet again.

The flowers make me want to cry. It's like the very person that hurts you, you want to soothe the problem because that's who you love. It's not an issue of love - trust is gone, you feel in danger all the time, and some bitter resentment. I see flowers and want to be intimate with him, verbally affirming...he's panicking and really down, not that I care half as much...I really do love him..but I can't do it anymore. Maybe those who read this see this instance and go, why the hell does she care so much? - well, there were many good, tender moments I can never forget...we are truly connected deeply despite those hardships but the violation of trust....it kills the heart. The love doesn't leave me, but I'm in survival mode; I have to isolate myself to make it through the day.

That's the worst thing I've ever felt, and it won't go away for a long time.

[Leorgathar]

I'm very sorry to hear you going through all that, Utora. I don't even know what to suggest If I were in that situation, I guess I too would have many mixed feelings. But I also think that if someone doesn't value you as much as you do, as much as they say they love you, that probably won't change in a very long time. He might still have his feelings for you, but people don't change that easily. I think a good and healthy relationship is one where you admire a person and they admire you back with mutual respect. And you must value yourself in the first place to know that you deserve the same respect back.

Then again, I don't know the situation well enough since I haven't really been through something similar, so I'm no one to judge. I just hope for the best for you and that eventually things will look up

[Kirauni]

Whoa... that's really a sad story, Utora.
I agree with Leorgathar there. I understand why you're having mixed feelings. I don't know how I would react if I found out about my husband having a dating profile or something like that... or maybe if he started a relationship while on one of his buisness trips. That would be horrible...

I'm so sorry for you, really. But don't think for a second that you're worthless, stupid and weak. I know these feelings are natural if you've been betrayed. And that's what has happend to you. I think you're actually very strong, because you don't just give up and resign. You know very well that you have to live with these feelings for some time now. However, instead of giving up, you know that you'll get over it sooner or later and you just have to move on. I really admire this ability. I don't think I could do this.
I really wish you the strength to go on and of course I hope your family will back you up instead of saying "See? Told you so!".

All the best!

[Guntur]

Sorry to hear that Utora. as other says I would have mixture feelings and second thoughts about the relationship. But I will keep this short and simple, If you stumble into a situation like this, there's no second guessing that he's going to leave you for another girl, I'd say ditch him and find someone who willing to stay with you until god's knows when. I would not go far and try to find someone beautiful or anything just find someone that you can and willing to put your trust on.

It's running in my family, when my mom found out that my dad was dating with someone else my mom said he want a divorce with my father. As I did to reina, I ditch her with someone I know or a mutual friend of my cousin. But we only dated for 8 month and things ain't work out on my side. And I was single for my whole entire adulthood since then.

I just want you to know that find someone who you can trust 100% totally, which is checking his (New BF) history, it might sounds hard for you but once you got the answer you may just lay your head on his shoulder. I just keen on someone who I could trust on someone and there's where the feeling grows.

[KanuTGL]

...I just found out that a fellow I kinda sorta have a bit of a crush on apparently is single now.

Ooh, dear...

I've only ever met this guy once, some time ago now, but he made such an impression that I haven't been able to forget him. The fact that I'm now I'm really debating whether to say something to him or not tells a lot about how blown away I was after seeing him that one time, hahaa. Is it weird to get in touch with someone you saw three months ago and haven't spoken to since?

[Guntur]

...I just found out that a fellow I kinda sorta have a bit of a crush on apparently is single now.

Ooh, dear...

I've only ever met this guy once, some time ago now, but he made such an impression that I haven't been able to forget him. The fact that I'm now I'm really debating whether to say something to him or not tells a lot about how blown away I was after seeing him that one time, hahaa. Is it weird to get in touch with someone you saw three months ago and haven't spoken to since?

Kanu, You're not alone on this case. I had to wait for 8 years for her to reply my message in Facebook. Luckily these days I look for a better future after listen to advise from my close friends about moving on because she's married already.

talk to him and Seize the day Kanu, or else you're going to be stranded in the rain for long period of time.

[Sharifu]

Is it weird to get in touch with someone you saw three months ago and haven't spoken to since?

Yeah, I wouldn't know how to approach that without it seeming weird that you haven't talked to him in three months and that all of a sudden you want to meet again. Where do you see him? Do you go to the same school? Can you become friends with him on Facebook? Maybe that wouldn't seem so obvious. That way you can chat a bit and ask maybe to go out to lunch after talking for a bit? But I'm honestly not very good with advice like this, as the last time I was single was almost 10 years ago, and I was way too shy and nervous to be the first to approach a guy that I had a crush on.

[Leorgathar]

Hmm well, you know I kind of suck at reconnecting with people I haven't spoke to in months as well But maybe you could start some conversation about a topic you have in common, commenting his posts, show some interest in the stuff he likes. If things go well that'll lead to longer chats, a friendship, and hopefully later on more than a friendship.
I don't know about him, but as a guy who spends a lot of time for myself, I'd find it nice to get a message from someone I haven't talked with since months ago.

Then again, I'm not good at doing so myself ><