Community Advice Thread

[Only-now]

Yes...he should follow the rules he sets, that is true. But he is also an individual and there are things that he doesn't tell you.

Let me ask you this...do you think it is okay to look at porn? Of course not..that's obvious. Are you angered by him? Yep..sure are. So what does that show you? That apparently the teaching he set out to teach you has been instilled in you. He suceeded in teaching you what he wanted to...and that is extremely evident in that you can point this out.

It doesn't make his offense any better, but it deos show you that even though he may be going against his own rule..he did accomplis the goal of teaching YOU that it wasn't a good thing.

My dad does something that he makes the choice to do (though it isn't a smart one) but he still tells me not to...explains why..etc. For me...even though he does it...it doesn't turn me away from the actual lesson which is deeply rooted in me.

I understand why you are upset..I was just taking a different perspective and such.

About the 50% of American divorces are over porn...I would beg to differ on that one. Porn is not as negative a thing as that...and I think if two people are getting married then their relationship should be stronger than that...to be broken up by that. If that figure is true, then I think the problem is too many people are getting married hastily. That's not the point of this topic though..lol..so...

Anyways, I hope this gets resolved in a good way. Good luck again!

~Kiva

[Utora]

Well thank you, I appreicate your input.

:fini:

However it hurts me, greatly. It is far worse than i knew of. I have heard more, found more, been confirmed of this going on for years, and years. My trust in him has deminished...I just can't be around such a person that would deny it being any cause for alarm. He tries to make it sound as if it's something small and simple, but it's affecting us all.

:mad:

I'm just tired now. I struggled so hard to preserve myself, and I stumble upon this. It eats me up, and crushes my heart. It's a different aspect of respect now.



I don't want to be his child. He's a good man, but i don't feel proud admitting he's my father. He was a hero to me, but now I have to proove I can outbest my father.

Such distgusing disordinance. I'm done - there isn't a day of rest in this lord of flies rat nest in..I hate it all.



So, maybe it's a right thing to look at porn! Maybe the whole damn world says, "It's okay! I look at it and my wife doesn't give a rats behind." Well laddee frickin' da - not in this household! It's evil here, I hate it...it's destructive and ...everything wrong in this household.....and I won't stand for it. The End. He ruined my mom, he killed her very soul...and every child has suffered my father viewing porn. He's flirting with destruction and I won't watch. He can only save himself. He is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I trust him less, and he does not deserve my respect. I shall give him the respect of an offspring. But as friendship, as a close heart with him - nyet! He will not get an ounce of it! Over my dead body.

[Only-now]

I dont want to sound mean or rude..because I am not you. But...I think it does more harm to have the perspective that you do than it does if it were a different one. I am not saying that you should accept it...but it does seem that you do more harm to yourself, him, and your relationship with him by taking it so harshly. Maybe that was put in you by his very teachings...but this is a complex situation.

In all honesty...and I don't mean this in a belittling or disrespectful way..I think you are taking it out of proportion. Because he made that mistake, and has that flaw...it does not ruin his character and stop him from being your father..and I don't think that you should take it as such. NO ONE is perfect...and I don't believe that this offense is so harsh to deserve the "punishment" you are stating.

There is a lot to say...but I don't want to make a really long post...especially when I think your mind is pretty set on this. I just don't want you to make the mistake of tainting your relationship with your father. One can argue he did that himself...but you also have a choice in how you view it. As a mistake that can be forgiven, or as an offense that should be punished. I think the former is much better.

~Kiva

[Bahati]

Better that your father satisfy his urges with images than with an affair.

[Utora]

I don't understand you Kiva. Seriously.

Come into my home and see how life is, then make such a statement. I am not blowing it out of proportion...I assure you comrade. i am tainting nothing. My father is tainting our relationship. I forgive him, but he does it over, and over, and over again. You couldn't understand so I speak no more of it.


@Bahati : Well..I can only pray that hasn't happened.

[lion_roog]

It sounds like everyone is more upset with your Dad being a hypocrite in this situation than the fact that he looked at porn. When a man looks at porn it doesn't really mean anything emotionally. It a physical thing and since a man's sex drive is physically driven, it's a lot more common for us to look at and enjoy porn. I recommend your family keep communication open rather than shunning your father or anything like that.

[Utora]

We keep it open. Good advice roog. It's my dad that shuns everyone else....I donno why I'm angry..I just am.

My father doesn't like being his true self, therefore I can't really approach him. He just shooves us away in that sense. It's difficult, but I got two years 'till I'm gone.

[Only-now]

Wish my advice would have gotten that response...since I generally said the same thing..just in more detail *laughs*. Sorry if I upset you further...was only trying to help. I'll stop now.

~Kiva

[Utora]

No...I'm sorry Kiva...I'm confused and in a bit of denial here. I'm sorry, forgive me. Your advice was probably true..but it's hard for me to agree to anything about this situation...because I've never felt or communicated with these feelings before.

[Only-now]

It's alright. The advice is for you...so i don't wanna make it about me by complaining etc. I'm sure the "answer" so to speak, will come to you once you have a little time-distance from the actual event. Need anymore help you can ask me. Though I don't think I have your msn address anymore (at least I never see you on).

Oh,and I like your avatar btw...you know a nice tiger rump is always a good sight! *laughs* just kidding...well maybe for Kiva it is on the other hand..heh.

~Kiva

[Utora]

Thanks Kiva.



I only get on aim btw, utora.

Thanks for the comment on me avy....I think of, My rump, my rump my rump my rump! when I see it...

[Only-now]

is that supposed to be in tune with that awful "my hump" song? *laughs* It is better your way...but the real song...*sighs*.

Okay about the messenger thing...I don't have AIM on this new comp yet..but if I get it I will add ya.

~Kiva

[Dyani]

Hey people.. *waves* remember me? I think I had better post on here just to see if i can clear up, or define problems I have.
I'm currently in University, and have been so for a month now.
- I constantly get *assasin moods* (where you are happy one minute, then for seemingly no apparent reason, you feel very sad or angry and self-distructive).
- I think I'm being selfish most of the time, and that I never think of, or care about others.
- I'm still pulling my hair out / bite myself (last three years, and a pathetic form of self harm).
- I think I deliberatly being emo for attention, not sure if what I feel is for real or whether I'm putting it on for attention.. which is pathetic. I mean heck, I'm posting this crud..
- I have two great new best friends here in Uni who love me to bits, but I feel like I'm burdening them with too much of my emo-ness if I tell them.

Meh, I'm being messed up.. any advice people?

[simbamarasa]

are you talking to any one at your uni? sometimes they have programs for students where you can just talk to someone.

BTW, I am glad to see you back. we missed you around here.

[Dyani]

Well I'm considering emailing annonomusly the Uni Healthline, or whatever its called.. just so that I can get some advice or another persons perspective on the situation.

And thankies ^.^ I've been too busy to breathe here, its been difficult to do anything other than popping in every now and then.

[simbamarasa]

tell me about it. i am taking a full class load plus two seminar series, plus i work in the computer labs. sometimes i am so tired i can hardly think. i hope it's worth it.

but i would seriously consider talking to someone who is not related or associated with you, someone who would be inpartial. it will really help.

[Dyani]

Thanks hun thanks your your advice ^_^
And it will definatly be worth it! :kovusmile KEEP WORKING!

[simbamarasa]

i will. this is my last year. i am trying to get into a good grad school now, so i can keep writing.

i think you were one of my very first fans, and i don't think i ever thanked you for that. you don't know what a great boost it was to have someone like my art.

[Dyani]

Ah, no need to thank me. You can feed me chocolate instead Do you have a DA account with non-tlk art on there? I'm surprized you aint a Artist of the Month yet.
Theres a reason why I added you to me favourite artists list, cos your damn brill when it comes to drawing!

(EVERYONE CHECK OUT HER ART BTW!!!!!)

[Utora]

Originally posted by Dyani
Hey people.. *waves* remember me? I think I had better post on here just to see if i can clear up, or define problems I have.
I'm currently in University, and have been so for a month now.
- I constantly get *assasin moods* (where you are happy one minute, then for seemingly no apparent reason, you feel very sad or angry and self-distructive).
- I think I'm being selfish most of the time, and that I never think of, or care about others.
- I'm still pulling my hair out / bite myself (last three years, and a pathetic form of self harm).
- I think I deliberatly being emo for attention, not sure if what I feel is for real or whether I'm putting it on for attention.. which is pathetic. I mean heck, I'm posting this crud..
- I have two great new best friends here in Uni who love me to bits, but I feel like I'm burdening them with too much of my emo-ness if I tell them.

Meh, I'm being messed up.. any advice people?

Oh man.



God I say you and I were twins in most parts. I don't pull my hair out or bite myself, but I use to carve Swaztika's into my flesh. Not for the relieving feeling like some cuters do but because I get manic about expressing my Nazism. Like some on and off switch that I'm not controlling I go from happy highs where I feel like I could conquer the world, then I slip down and go back to being a Nazi mainly because it's a comfort zone for me, and I have this mad craving to hurt others, myself, and just watch people suffer. I see people and hear their voices. Hell, they have names, histories, famlies, lives and I've been communicating with them for years now. only recently was I told, "Hey Lex that's not normal."
I usualy cannot maintain good friendships with anyone because of ym uncontrolled changes and it drives me insane. I have a severe panic/anxiety disorder. I am bipolar, borderline Skitz, manic depressive, have ADHD, OCD and stuff they're finding out wih each physc test and blood test. I've gone for the suicide road. I'm on a good level right now. good enough to say I don't want to be a Nazi. I don't want to die. I know what my dreams are and I have a good life ahead. But believe you me, when I fall into my dark hole nobody is going to tell me that and I'm going to get as dark as I want - and this makes me sick.

I'd like to get to know you better Dyani. I think if we suffer at least some of the same things, communicating with eachother may help because of our understanding of the circumstances. You don't know how much I'm sorry for what you go through. I rage every day over my suffering. Seeing others go through it....you have no idea how much I respect you for making it this far.


=)