The Love Life Thread

[Kasei]

Glad you had a good engagement party! If it makes you feel any better about the few no-shows, we were all with you in spirit and support you guys!


As for the kids convo....ehh. Who can say if I'll want any in the future or not? Lots of people I talk to say, "oh, I didn't want kids either until I met the right person." So I suppose I might change my mind whenever I meet him...but for now, I know I am far too interested in pursuing my own life to bother with kids. I have lots of goals I want to reach and I know that kids are a huge commitment, one that I refuse to take lightly as I have seen the terrible effects of poor parenting first hand. The way I see it who cares about a biological clock? If I want kids later in life there are plenty that have been abandoned or neglected looking for a home, unfortunately. Therefore I can always adopt. Again, some people say that there is a surreal beauty in having someone who is a part of both of you in your life and a testament to your love but, really, I feel that an adopted child can be that as well. And they probably need the love more. Just my thoughts.

I do see the reality of getting old and having no one to take care of you, but I agree with Az in that that is not a good reason to have a child (though oddly enough I do know some people who had kids for exactly that reason. 0_o ). I suppose that makes me a burden on the rest of my family at some point in my life, so I guess I'll have to deal with that eventually. Maybe they'll let me wander off into the woods to go camping until I pass on, not a bother to anyone, enjoying nature, piddling away at my easel....yeah, that'd be nice. :3

[cleargreenwater]

Oh jeeze I sounded terrible in that post! I should also note I sit face-to-face across from someone at work who's so stuck on mothering she still dramatically refers to her 5 & 7 year olds as "my babies" at least five times a day. It just gets old, I'm not actually negative towards people's children, lol.


I'm really glad to hear your mom was well enough to go to the engagement party, too, Azerane, I don't have too many of you on FB and it was a while since you mentioned it, playing it by ear over the long term sounds like it turned out perfect in this case. Parties like that are still stressful to throw together though, hope with everything else going on you guys are enjoying some downtime.

[nathalie]

Something interesting just happened, lol.

Kenny is at his mom's since this morning, to help her fix her place up.

Kenny came home about 30 minutes ago as he forgot something, and first thing he says is: my mom thought you would have maybe dropped by on your bike today, you know, as the sun is out.

Euhm, OK, so, because the sun is out, I have to go over there on my bike to see them work?
Well, mostly, I think, because his mom already thinks so little of me, by not actually doing this, she can call my lazy again towards him

Then he tells me: a normal girlfriend would do that, and come see what we are doing.
I laughed out loud ... so funny.

Yes, the sun is out, it is COLD and VERY windy, I ain't riding my bike for 40 minutes in that weather to get there.

He knows I can't stand her, so why on earth would I do that to myself to go over there on my own, so in the end I can blame myself for getting anxiety.

I swear, I just don't belong here, and I'm getting more and more fed up with it.
His family, his retarded "best friends".
I did my best to go to all birthday parties (and trust me, a lot of those happen within a year in this family), holiday party things (Easter, Xmas, etc ...), I put up with is friends who only take advantage of him, but since I was in the hospital last year, I feel like I have an awesome excuse to not go to these parties anymore, I never felt comfortable at them anyways, and like, I'm invisible to everyone.

I'm not sure what to do.
And I don't know if it's really all just me or not

[Lweek]

I'm very sorry to hear that Nat. It seems to me you both getting a cabin fever. It is dangerous because you both acting emotionaly and may leads to regret later. I think you need to speak your worries to him as he would speak his to you. It might be hard and it is not a shame if you don't feel to be strong enough to do that. Then there are two additional ways. You could spend weekend separated or do a vacation together. All you need is reveal your needs and ensure yourself in love. Don't wait because situation might get worse. But apply my advices only if your problems ale long lasting. If it is an occasional conflict then let it be. *hugs*

[Utora]

Something interesting just happened, lol.



I'm not sure what to do.
And I don't know if it's really all just me or not

Leave him.

To think you have endured the horrors of anxiety; you are very strong inside from this. You'll be relieved without him.

[Sharifu]

Then he tells me: a normal girlfriend would do that, and come see what we are doing.

Wow, what a rude thing to say...

I hate to say this but I agree with Mufasa. I really don't like to tell people whether or not they should break up with someone, because I feel that is never up to me.

Plus, I feel if you stay with him, he is just going to keep bugging you about having kids, even though you clearly told him in the beginning you never wanted kids. I really don't like that when someone thinks they are going to change your mind over something as big and life changing as that.

[Sombolia]

Aw, Nathalie. It doesn't sound like it's "just you", it sounds like he's being a really big jerk... if someone makes you feel terrible about yourself all the time, you need to other confront them and try to work through it, or cut them out of your life. Both options can be really difficult but you'll be happier in the long run. I hope things work out for you

[nathalie]

It's more his mom really. And his retarted friends.
It's like they all look down on me, because I don't have some fancy degree and such. And I'm not worthy of being here.

This morning he told me how his mom was surprised I talked so much to her last week.
NEWSFLASH: I ALWAYS talk a lot !!

But usually, she just cuts me off, doesn't listen, starts talking about something else, and then I'm thinking to myself: why even bother ... I'll just shut up (every single time, over and over again).
And so I just stop talking altogether.

Last week we talked about physics and chemicals (as that's her job, doing stuff with chemicals), that's the ONLY reason, she was actually listening to me, and actually talking back about the same subject.
I started talking about it, because it's my sister's major in school.
And we ended up talking which drinks you shouldn't mix together (like baileys and schweppes).

Thing is, she doesn't realize, that that was the only reason it appeared to her as "wow, she talked a lot".
While I talk a lot all the other times, she basicly just ignores me.

[cleargreenwater]

It's more his mom really. And his retarted friends.
It's like they all look down on me, because I don't have some fancy degree and such. And I'm not worthy of being here.

Then next time he starts, tell him a normal boyfriend would take his girlfriend's side when his mother and friends are being critical and condescending instead of agreeing with them like a toady.

My godsister was engaged to a boy who let everyone else's opinions (namely, his mother's) sway what he thought about everything, and they disliked her too. She ended up breaking it off two weeks before the wedding; she would always be second to his mother in their life and the mother despised her, it wasn't worth it. She would rather loose a few deposits then put in for a lifetime of snipes.

[nathalie]

He actually does, he tells me to try not to hear it / not listen to it, to just let her be.
He has also told her that it's not her place to but in, so he is on my side when it's about her.
But I think he doesn't wanna say much about it anymore, as their relationship only started to get better too in these past months.

Where as I feel, something needs to be done, and I want her to know, that the way she talks to me is really hurtfull, and that she makes me feel like crap all the time.

But I'm afraid if I wanna say something about it, she'll get mad, and then he is in the middle of it and will just make things worse.

I don't think it goes as far as dispising me, but we are just very different people.
I care for other people's feelings when doing something. They mainly don't.
Nothing wrong with saying how it is, I guess ... but they all know about my problems, and they don't understand that I'm already broken very much, and it's just harder with people who don't really care for other people's feelings.

I've never had to deal much with family / moms before.
My first ex's mom treated her 30-year old like a little baby, so I kind of cut off all contact with her after I had a "fight" with her (I basicly told her in a very nice way that he is a grown man, who doesn't need to be checked up on by his mother, and she went CRAZY on me. Example: when we would go to the movies, he would have to let his mom know the car wouldn't be in the garage before 10pm or so, they had a 2nd garage for his car they lived 500 meters down the road, if he didn't let her know, she would call all evening asking where he is and why the car isn't in the garage yet), which was totally fine with me.
The 2nd one hadn't seen his mom or brother in over 5 years when we met, and I've never met them eather, so no problem there.

And now this.

Is this the typical-mother-in-law-stuff??
I sometimes feel I'm in high school again, being bullied.

I'm not one of those people who gets stronger by all these insults and remarks.
It makes me weaker and weaker, where I just wanna crawl into a little ball in the corner and don't do anything at all (which is what happens most times really).

His mom isn't really love-life related I guess, but I ain't opening a new thread for that, lol.

[Utora]

You need to take these external things, (his friends, his mother) and remove them mentally from the equation. If what is left without these things, is salvageable to you, then I advise you fight for it. However, you have to ignore these external things. If these external things weigh so greatly, then you have to fight, or demand he fights. Otherwise you are optionally staying, by your choice, in the dysfunction.

Sometimes standing up for yourself doesn't require brute strength and anger. Sometimes it can be simply stated. It can be an establishment of boundaries. There can be consequence. You lay the law and peacefully uphold it. If its not respected as it should be, enforce consequence. Consequence doesn't have to be completely severing the relationship. It can be removing yourself for 30 days to think, or retracting to your own personal space, etc. You need to set up a system that works. If even in this there is no benefit ...you really..really gotta ask yourself..what do you love more? Being mistreated, or treating yourself properly? You have to stand up for yourself

I spent 3 years with a man and made personal sacrifices, even of my better character, to be with him thinking it'd create some ideal relationship. I was also afraid of standing up for myself and embracing the pain of isolation, of being the "bad guy" and being the one to leave and see this person I bonded with, if even just a little, be hurt by my decision. It was not easy. Finally it came to a climax and I laid the law.
His mother locks me in the basement (which does have a walkout door) whenever she would leave the home. She accused me of stealing and other false things. He never valued me enough to stand up for me. Mind you, I communicated. I'll take the pride in myself of knowing I am very articulate and very communicative with people, especially my partner. He told me three times, the locked door is not a big deal.
You know, if you poke someone very hard and they don't mind it, but you poke another and to them it's excruciating....what should you do? Respect the person who is hurting and stop. Regardless if the door being locked did not phase him, he should have regarded me, the woman that would stand by him forever, have his children and defend his honor, and tell his mother to back off. This is only one of the many issues we had. I would often ignore it honestly. She's paranoid and sees me, someone she would have a great relationship with, as a threat. That's fine, and funny even. I disliked how she bossed me boyfriend around and did not value him as the young, hard working man he was. One day, I told her off. I asked her to kindly shut up and fill her own car with gas because he needs rest after working so hard to provide them with the money and utilities they possess. Se was stunned and disappeared. Good. I have spoken.



I'm not so harsh, but obviously the drama needed some clear insight front my part.
Regardless.
As of two weeks or more so, I told him that it was time we parted. He of course, put it all on me. That hurt also. The fact is I no longer could visualize or accept the prospect of being married to him, or sharing a mortgage on a home. Wen this dawned on me, I immediately changed my relationship with him. I did not shut him out either; he's not a threat. I told him if he wants to share time as friends, this is fine. It has stipulations. Also we share a car, the Audi which technically is mine but he has the second Audi and repairs it, which he owes me after wrecking my Nissan and leaving me with a 1700$ bill. He knows this. He's pretty humble about it actually...I didn't know what to expect. Thing is, he IS is denial. He'll have to manage that.

While I have only had about 3 weeks from him, my heart is pretty stable and calm. I may have detached quite some time ago.

In the past week, or maybe two weeks, Lweek and I have been talking and have fallen in love.
I am amazed. Everything I have searched for in a man, is in Lweek.
His heart and his mind are aligned correctly. I am overwhelmed. I hesitated naturally, because it is a little soon. Yet, I feel peaceful inside about this, and I know he does also. I know Lweek has had more time without being involved in someone, but the feeling is mutual. I am so amazed I am still a little shocked. In a week he has initiated real plans for us. It is a long distance relationship, but we have settled plans to meet in London, soon. I am so excited but also so at peace, I cannot explain the true feeling...it's something you have to know yourself. As soon as we video chatted together I was so sure of everything we had discussed. I am so happy!

I am so focused on our plans, all my stresses and mental exhaustion over 3 years of crap is over. I am free, and I am free and in love with Lweek. I am not irritable anymore, my disturbing dreams have passed....I just really know inside this is right. I am so thankful for having the opportunity to meet him, and the funny part is it is thanks to Leahalalela, and his initiating the first conversation.

[Sharifu]

Ah, possibly another Lea couple... I hope it works out for both of you. Don't let others tell you long distance relationships never work... When are you planning to go to London? That's exciting.

[Sombolia]

Aw, how cute. I hope things work out for you guys

I feel like the only one who's never dated anyone on here sometimes. Who wants to make out

[King Simba]

Yep, that's Lea... part of the Lion King fandom, but also like a dating site.

I hope things work out for you and Lweek, Mufasa. I wish you guys all the best in your relationship.

Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.

[KanuTGL]

Aww, that's so sweet! I hope all goes well for your meeting in London, and if there's any place that will tell you that long distance relationships can and do work, it's here!

Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.

There's no way it's been four years since you and Leor got together! Whaat Geez, it's scary how time flies

[Sharifu]

There's no way it's been four years since you and Leor got together! Whaat Geez, it's scary how time flies

Haha, I know... It seems just like yesterday...

[Lweek]

It is very funny story. A relationship that has started by an insult After break up with my ex I was lonely and in bad mood for very long time. I acted weird. Insulting people but I usually realized that too late. It happened in this story too. I insulted her and then I felt sorry so I wrote her but she wasn't mad or anything, she was actually very kind and nice. I was amazed! We has been talking a lot and we found we have a lot things in common. Then I noticed I don't feel to be depressed that much and that I'm very stunned by her personality. I didn't want to hurry things up, but it all happened so fast and I personally believe it has to be that way. I think it is our destiny.

When we had our first video call I was little bit nervous about my english but I understood her absolutely everything. It was like second nature and I also love her voice ♥ Well, I love everything about her, she is a wonderful woman and the one I want to be with! I love her so much!

London is going to be my and later hopefully her home for few years and our first date site. You know, there is nothing more romantic than first date in London or such vibrating place. I was so hype about going to London and I'm so much more hype about it now. I'm really looking forward to it.

[Leorgathar]

Guys, I have to say these news took me by surprise, and in a way that made me feel much better in a heavy and stressing day I'm very happy for you both, and you have my best wishes for your future as a couple
I can agree with Lweek about a romantic first date in London, KS and I had it, and it was a very special trip for us So yeah, go for it, you won't regret it

Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.

Oh yes indeed, hard to believe it's been that long! Do you remember our announcement post? what a happy time it was ^^ I bet you're feeling just the same, Lweek and Mufasa, you have so many good days ahead

[Utora]

The long distance does not worry me at all; I'm sure it will be a real test of patience but I am excited by the adventure required to fufill the relationship.

I am still so excited. Just by reading Lweek's post, I'm going, WOW.
I've never been talked about or talked to this way...I am so thankful to have found him and soon have the opportunity to meet him in London.

Now all my focues are for saving and planning.

You know, that post you made Lweek, I never even saw as an insult; maybe I'm naive or maybe I just knew you meant well LOL. I think it takes a bit more to have me over anyways.

Thank you everyone for the best wishes. I really feel inside there will be a life long committment shared between us.

[Lweek]

I'm very happy you didn't see it as an insult Mufasa. It wasn't an insult indeed but it was written so bad way it might sound as an insult. But I've met you thanks to it then I'm very happy it happened.

I see it same way. This relationship would be not easy but it would be fun and an adventure. Everything but no routine and that is what makes us feel we are actually alive I think.

I'm connecting to my beloved Mufasa with thanks for your best wishes. I think this relationship is karmic one. Dunno why but I believe it. I trust we both know what we want and what to do to make us both happy. I cross my fingers and I promise to give this relationship the best from myself. I love you Mufasa!