The Love Life Thread

[Azerane]

Other habits, I always sleep with the plushie he gave me, I literally take it everywhere with me, even away on my volunteering trips although I try to make sure people don't see it as it makes me feel a bit silly. I also find, that since my last stay in the U.S where we got to sleep in the same bed all the time, I have to sleep with something like a hoodie or similar bundled up against my back, to make it feel like there's another body against my back. It's silly, but it helps.

[Simbaspirit]

All my past love lives keep resurfacing, and it's getting really confusing.

First off, my ex Gunner (we met on vacation, dated long distance for two years before I moved to his province and then had a VERY messy break up just days after I moved) and I talked for the first time outside of email since we broke up. He confessed to me that he is still in love with me after a year and a half of barely talking, and that although he has a girlfriend and such, the only thing he wants more in life than us getting back together is for me to be happy. We both were crying and it was very emotional.. I couldn't get back together with him after some of the stuff he put me through, but we thought we'd always be together. It's very weird knowing that someone out there is writing and singing music about you every day and would do anything to be with you.

Then yesterday I found out that an ex from a few years back is going to be a father. He's 21, so not all that bad, but his girlfriend is 17 and still in high school. He, too has confessed that he wishes we never broke up and still has feelings. I just can't believe he's going to be a dad.. especially with the mother being so young.

And my current boyfriend, whom I love to bits, wants to get engaged in the next little while and while I love him so much I don't know if I'm ready yet because I'm only 20 and it's an extreme commitment. He always talks about our future and while I look forward to it, sometimes I feel as though I don't have a say in my own future.

I'm sorry for the rant, I just can't really vent to anyone I know in real life because the gossip just gets spread around and makes things messy.

[Sharifu]

I know what you mean... When I was 20, I don't think I would of felt ready to be engaged, although Petteri and I first got together when we 20, so it would make sense I wouldn't of felt ready then... It took a few years of being together for me to feel ready to be engaged.

[nathalie]

If that's really how you feel, it's not that you don't love him enough, it's just that it seems to be feeling that it's too soon?
Just tell him that, he should understand.

And off course you have a say in your own future!
Just try and sit down one evening, and discuss what's on your mind.
Trust me, if you don't, things can get out of hand, and you'll be bottling it all up inside, and you will pop one day ...

[nathalie]

Ugh.
I really don't feel like being judged right now about anything, I just need to get this off me.

We've been fighting all week now, the word "break-up" has come up a lot more then once this week.
No one seems to care about me in this family, and I'm not sure how much he cares about me eather.
I'm definatly not part of this family, even though we've been together for over 2,5 years now.
His mom just really hates me.
They don't ask me if I'm OK with certain things, they just decide everything on their own, and a day in advance they tell me.
So I'm all alone today, untill 10pm or so, and tomorrow also from 8am to 10pm.
And this every week now on Fridays and Saturdays.
("but we still have Sundays ..." yeah ... you are in the garden on Sunday, and I can look at you work in the garden, on Sunday everything is closed!)
I'm not OK with this, and he doesn't seem to care, and his mom didn't seem to ask "what does Nathalie think".

I hate this family, I didn't do anything to them, to be treated like she treats me!

[Sharifu]

I'm sorry Nathalie. I know things seem hopeless, but I do hope his family will change.

[Simbaspirit]

i'm sorry nathalie, I hope things look up real soon for you

[nathalie]

He's is just so close to his mom, that this is a real problem.

I'm in therapy again because of all this anxiety business, and at one point, he texted me his mom would come over.
From the moment he texted me that, I got so sick (while I was doing fine the whole day), anxiety kicked in big time, and I wasn't better untill she left.
I told my therapist about it, and how it was "kind of funny", and he asked me if I talked to her about it.
And I do want to, I wanna know what her problem is!! But I'm just too scared, and not in a position right now where I wanna have arguments and fights, and they are so close, so it's really effecting the relationship.

(you can definatly tell he's her son)

And he's like: you can come with me each time ...
And I told him, to ask his mom first, what she really thinks of me, and then ask me that question again.
I don't think he'll ask me again.

He was really sweet though today, and got home "early", and we watched Brave together.

[nathalie]

*sigh*
If anyone else I know is getting engaged, I swear, I'm gonna drop dead

I'm happy for those, don't get me wrong.
But knowing it's something I always dreamed of, which isn't gonna happen to me ever, just hurts.

On the good side, his mom finally got a little smarter, and last Saturday, when he was working over at her place, she told him, that he should go home, and have dinner with me, that it wasn't all that fair, to leave me home alone all day untill 10pm or so, and that I'd have to eat alone.

He got home, he told me she said that, and I'm like: what did you say before she said that ???
Apperently she said that all on her own.
Couldn't believe it o_O

[HasiraKali]

I know what you mean Nathalie. A bunch of my friends got engaged on Christmas and New Year's Eve. I feel like I'm the only single one left.

I just want a Disney and Doctor Who fan who will go to hockey games with me. Too much to ask?

[nathalie]

I know the perfect guy for you Amanda

[HasiraKali]

But there's a huge ocean in the way. And I haven't talked to him in a few days.

[cleargreenwater]

That's good and hopeful that his mom was considerate and thoughtful for a change though. Maybe it was her New Year's resolution to improve the relationship between you some

[nathalie]

But there's a huge ocean in the way. And I haven't talked to him in a few days.

So? You get to see the world, and will only be a 3,5 hour drive from Disneyland Paris haha
(also, probably because his sleeping pattern is changed again, it changes about every 2-3 weeks ... for 2 weeks he'll be awake during my daytime, after that, for 2 weeks he'll be awake during your daytime )


@ CGW: I don't know ...
I mean, it's just how I feel about it, and how it comes across to me all the time.


Had a huge fight again this morning, because I was sick again.
His sister was coming over with the boys, and I hate the oldest, so I was really anxies and sick to my stomach, as this kid is extremely rude and busy.
I couldn't vacuum this morning because of it, and he flipped out on me.
"you're always sick, it's been 6 months now, is it for attention" ???

Yeah.
I'm totally faking my panic attacks.
This anxiety disorder / panic disorder I have is ONLY to fool you!
And it's gonna be for at least for another 6 months before I'm going to be much better.
There goes "in sickness and in health".

God, I'm so tired of this *sigh*.

[Azerane]

Hang in there Nath, people who don't get anxiety themselves I think sometimes find it difficult to grasp how it can actually make you so sick, and don't understand why it would make you feel anxious when it doesn't make them feel that way at all. Although it doesn't quite compare, I have trouble with roller coasters, not always that bad, but one time I was buckled up ready to go and I started hyperventilating and had to get off before they started the ride. It wasn't that I was trying to feel that way, I actually really wanted to try the rollercoaster but I couldn't breathe. Other times I've felt so ill prior to getting on that I have to get out of line. Pat's tried calming me down, but I think because he doesn't understand it, he doesn't really help because he doesn't know what to say

[nathalie]

He doesn't seem to understand what it's doing to me.
He's just like: snap out of it ... do stuff!

I can do all the stuff I want, and then go outside, and start hyperventilating.

I don't take all this medication just for fun, I take it because it's real.
He should know that.

I can understand, that it is hard on him, in a way ... I mean, I'm always sick, as good as every day. And sorry, but when I feel nauseas, I can't function, I'm not him or someone else who probably can, but I can't.

I always had this, and like you say, to go in a coaster you haven't been before or something like that, going to a concert.
But it was never this bad, untill last August.
And for him to say "it's been 6 months now ..." and things like "I can't take it anymore".
I really don't think he has the right to say that.
I'm the one being "stuck", and even though you wanna go out so badly, and even if you do, I can't go without medication, and even then, sometimes I still get sick.

So really, he has no right to say those things to me.
Because I'm the one fed up with this disorder, and I'm the one who's on the edge and can't take it anymore :/

[Nafisa]

I'm so sorry for you, nathalie.

[Utora]

He doesn't seem to understand what it's doing to me.
He's just like: snap out of it ... do stuff!

I can do all the stuff I want, and then go outside, and start hyperventilating.

I don't take all this medication just for fun, I take it because it's real.
He should know that.

I can understand, that it is hard on him, in a way ... I mean, I'm always sick, as good as every day. And sorry, but when I feel nauseas, I can't function, I'm not him or someone else who probably can, but I can't.

I always had this, and like you say, to go in a coaster you haven't been before or something like that, going to a concert.
But it was never this bad, untill last August.
And for him to say "it's been 6 months now ..." and things like "I can't take it anymore".
I really don't think he has the right to say that.
I'm the one being "stuck", and even though you wanna go out so badly, and even if you do, I can't go without medication, and even then, sometimes I still get sick.

So really, he has no right to say those things to me.
Because I'm the one fed up with this disorder, and I'm the one who's on the edge and can't take it anymore :/

Worst thing possible for anyone going through this is to be attached to someone who degrades you for it or doesn't even have the strength to carry you through it. Those that don't care, don't deserve to stay. I honestly think your situation with him is exasperating your condition. From there, only you can decide what to do....and I am sorry you go through this.

I had small episodes of my anxiety attacks two winters ago and now every winter I'm slightly concerned it may return...I saw some hallucination from stress and didn't sleep for 1 week, I had really delusional thoughts....couldn't work or function. I to this day, do not exactly know what happened but it was directly after a bad car accident ...I don't know. It kept my boyfriend awake sometimes, and what really made my anxiety worse was that he wouldn't understand this and fear it and in turn, reject me..because in a time like that all I needed was just someone to hold onto. He didn't understand it, and I could see how he wanted to fix it but couldn't, so he in turn was quiet, but I would ask him directly, "Do you think I will live? will I be ok?" and he would say Yes, and hold me. In two months this episode passed. I have minor anxiety, mainly I think about basic things and I am a master of my anxiety now...unless that episode returns, and he will never understand it, but you don't have to understand something to care about it.

It's selfish of this man in your life Nathalie, to say he can't take it anymore..what does he think you do this for fun or to torment him, or that it is all about him? I wish in that moment I could defend you, it makes me angry, and I'm sorry for you.

I have faith you'll find relief and joy soon.

[nathalie]

Did we really had a fight last night about me blowing my nose not the way he wanted to ??

*talk to the hand dude when you come home tonight* !

Good thing I'll be going home for 2-3 weeks, so he can cool down.

We did went to the movies last night.
But all the way up there, he kept talking about when he was younger, and how he would go places with his exes (and not with me).
What ?? So that ruind the whole night.

At least I start all over again whenever I meet someone new, he just keeps hanging in his previous relationships and drags it all further, and I'm paying for it?

Well, I guess he'll be paying for it sooner or later.
I'm happy to be going home.

What a crappy live I live.
*sigh*

[Simba]

I'm sorry about the struggles you are going through nath *hugs*

For those of you who are not friends with me on facebook, I got married January 5th

We went to Cancun, Mexico for our honeymoon and got to see one of the great Mayan pyramids!