Community Advice Thread

[nathalie]

If I were you I'd take this to some union.

Don't you have that over there?

In Belgium, everyone who works must be part of some (you can even choose between christians, liberals, etc ...) union.
So, if it would be my boss, I would report him (or the company) to my union, and they would sort things out.

Did it before, threadend a boss of mine January 2006 to report him.
He was refusing to pay me for the hours I worked.
You should have seen how fast he did pay me when I said I would report it.

[Tiikeri]

Basically I couldn't be arsed making a new thread so I'm gonna whack it in 'ere.

I am in the process of moving out of my parents home. I will in fact be moving to Bristol, which is down in the South West of England in a county called Avon. I've not set a date yet so that's why I'm posting a warning, if I vanish for some time, you'll know why. It won't be for a few days though.

To Dan & KS ~ The York$hiteman is leaving York$hite

To LKS ~ I'm on my way xD

[Lion King Stu]

Ave it another person down in the south. Hurry your *** down and settle down and we'll meet soon for a drink!....or two....or three....etc!

^^.

[Daniel]

Originally posted by Tiikeri
Basically I couldn't be arsed making a new thread so I'm gonna whack it in 'ere.

I am in the process of moving out of my parents home. I will in fact be moving to Bristol, which is down in the South West of England in a county called Avon. I've not set a date yet so that's why I'm posting a warning, if I vanish for some time, you'll know why. It won't be for a few days though.

To Dan & KS ~ The York$hiteman is leaving York$hite

To LKS ~ I'm on my way xD

what?!?!?!?!

YOU MUST NOT DO THIS!

[King Simba]

Originally posted by Tiikeri
To Dan & KS ~ The York$hiteman is leaving York$hite

Oh shoite!

Just don't turn completely Southern on us York****e people, 'kay?

[Dyani]

YAY! Come join us!! (We have cornish pies!)
LKS, I didn't know you were a Southerner... Whereabouts do you live?

KS - Methinks he will still be a Yorkshireman through and through, even though he may develop some Southern behaviour! I'm Southern 100% but I have family in Yorkshire and my parents are Yorkshiremen so... I'm kind of a hybrid!

Good luck with moving, Tiikeri!! Devon doesn't rain as much as it does up in Yorkshire!

[Guntur]

Originally posted by Sombolia
Yo, Aldenti! ;o

Congrats, Zackers. Although that's not saying much, you gotta go to college now.

Well sorry Somby, college is a hard place.
I just drop out from college last month and my mood pretty swing lately with all the useless lecture. I'm feeling all stress up and anxiety attack take control of me, I'm all crazy like the Phoenix in X-men 3.

well that's all from my heart: sorry if this is not a right thread for it!

[Dyani]

Not going on an emo trip here or anything, I'd kinda like some advice from anyone willing to give me some. ^_^

I'm beginning to consider seeing a pscyhologist or someone similar. For a while now I guess, I've begun to realise I'm fairly messed up in the head. Nothing severe or anything, just enough to thoroughly confuse me in many aspects of my life. Thing is, although I'd like to see someone, the likelihood of me doing so without my parents knowing whilst I live with then during the summer, is very low. I'd rather they not know because.. well I'd think they would judge the action wrong and believe it was their fault their kid was messed up, and would rather me talk to them than anyone else. I'm not really as close to my parents as I guess I ort to be so the thought of talking to them about something that is very deep within me, is kinda creepy.

The situ is - I'm going back to uni (hopefully... once my coursework is done) in septemeber. Do I start finding a pscyho-prober now or when I go back to uni, where the liklihood of my parents knowing what I'm doing is very very low.
Help greatly appriciated, friends. :woeisme:

[Iaganatzi]

Woooo! Cornwall FTW! I'm originally from Cornwall, and their cornish pasties are unparalleled!

Just thought i'd have my brief input. :P

[Utora]

I wouldn't come here, if there were other options; but sadly, there are none.

I'm 17, as you can read. I have a younger brother living with me, he's 14. My parents have been together for 32+ years now.

To make this as quick as I can in words, my mother is planning on leaving my father. My father choses to be oblivious; regardless, my mother hides it from him. I know, and some other sisters who are grown, married, and living away from the home. My brother does not know.

I've known this for a while. I now know, she'll probably leave around the 3rd of January. Before my birthday, which hurts some more.

She has not directly told me, but I do believe she is leaving the country of America. I think she has a friend on the outside. Male or female, I don't know for certain, but I assume male; just as a comrade for the time being.

My mom use to take care of the bills. I never heard about it. A child, doesn't need to fully know their parents finances; not like my dad makes me know. My dad would go and buy things and not tell my mother, so surprise bank statements would pop up for my mother to suddenly figure out, when no money was aparently there to begin with. It's driven her mad. My father CANNOT work TOGETHER, with my mother on this. He must have all or nothing, total control or oblivion. She has handed him all the bills. She no longer has money; she has to ask him for money. So my mother and I can no longer be out and just buy something for fun.

My father had me forcefully involved with the bills. Highlighting my doctor statements so he could send it to the IRS and show them why we don't need to pay [so much money here] as opposed to [so much money here]. He told me how I'll be living on the street, and nothing will matter. That is a horror to me. My mother's father was Bipolar, and became a hobo, and lived off the street and by chance was picked up by a social worker. Then he lived the rest of his life in a mental hospital, where he eventually died.

Anyways. My dad feeds me toxic shame. He tells me how my mental doctor milks him of our money. I say nothing. My doctor is very, VERY considerate of our finances and offers so much to me and my family at no charge. I am, ashamed of my father. Embarrassed, humiliated. I am humble to my Doctor. To the Lord. To my situation; that I can at least HAVE help, in America.

Being Bipolar 1/Schizophrenic, I do not have the same skills and ways to deal with stress like 'some' people do. Instead it stacks itself, and becomes lethal to the stabilization of the disorder, leading to suicide attempts, possible violent behavior to save oneself, or hospitalization. Hospitals here, uh uh.

:disagree:

I've been to 6 different ones; each one worse than the other. It's not what I need, to be simple, and the environment is dangerous for my problem. My doctor knows all this, and has told me this furthermore.

To bring you up to the main focus of the problem, my father controls all the finances. My mother has to ask for an allotted amount, and give my father the exact reason why, and see if it's ok. This means if I'm out with my mom, like I always am [never my dad on such occasions] I can't get underwear, deodorant, a toy soldier, a game, shoes, food, feminine products; without my dad knowing. Now I have 600USD in my own account from my old jobs. However, due to tight times my parents pulled from my account to pick up the slack, promising me payment; which I agreed to. When my mom ran the bills, I had to say "Can I get this with my money?" and she'd approve and keep all the receipts to follow up on, later.

Not anymore. My mom says I have to get my dad to take me out. So I do. In the store I say "I need this." Normally health care things, my parents would buy for me as I am 17 and still under their roof. My father ignores me. I say with, my money. He ignores me. I try some more, he says "Come on, let's leave." and I silently do. I'm not a combative person.

As of late my mother no longer asked him to do things. She has a secret account of her own with a few hundred dollars in it. For Annie's birthday, and some time with me, it no longer exists. I had to sneak things into the house, that I had bought, so my father would not see and stir a conflict. This must be done because he's unreasonable. Unapproachable. And we have told him this; but he ignores us; the Captain Oblivious he is.

He says things to me out of place, things I shouldn't have to hear. Things about my mom. He is a strange man. And he choses to be.

Tomorrow we get passports made. My mother and I. I know why. When she leaves, she will go away. She cannot take me. This SCARES me. I am left in the care of my father who already ignores me as it is, and feeds to my disorder in a violently negative way. I told my doctor this, and my mother. It has to be done, so......I wait. I feel like some lioness, waiting at the horizon, watching the storm come in over the Savannah. I can't run, it comes in from all sides. I can't hide, it's all powerful.

I thought of leaving at 18. Not so good. I have no outside life. I can't even drive; my father ignores me and does not help me train, even when I ask, and my mom's car is the best car and we crash that we're done, so my mom can't help me too much. So, I have a permit, and I sit. My father won't sit down with me and arrange an online homeschooling course for me; so I do nothing in all these months of sitting online. I go nowhere. I escape, so desperately as I can here online, but it's starting to overflow, you know. Into my life whether I like it or not.

I'M TRAPPED. I don't know what to do. Run, where? I ran once, no money. Police found me. No sibling can take me in; they all live to the penny, and I've asked, even if I got a job; they don't know how to help people with my problem and fear they would only be more a threat. I can respect their apprehension. But this storm, is creeping at me.

I don't know how my father will be when she leaves. Devastated I know for sure, but violent or depressed, or mellow or free, I can't predict! I am powerless, hopeless, lost, stuck, trapped, and my heart is starting to panic and my body trembles and I want to run to escape, I want to LIVE!

This is what happened last year, in a different situation. I threatened to kill them, and finally I was heard. I don't literally want to kill. But if you've ever been this panicked, like a soldier in combat, you know killing may get you free of your situation; yet, only for the moment.


My doctor has no answers. My mother has no answers. My siblings have no answers. I have no answers. I don't have friends, like some do. I'm, very much in the dark here.



I need help. Anybody. Anything. It's only getting worse and my doctor said; it's lethal. Sometimes some people say "I don't know what to do." but they just haven't tried hard enough. No. This time, this is it, this is the end, game over, no more answers, hold on and bite your lip; give em' Hell.

But I know I can't survive it. I just, know this. No shelter in the storm. I'm just waiting to be killed.

[sighs].....what..DO I do? This is my last call for help. I seriously mean this. I can't wait around much longer; I have to react before I'm too crippled to even look up anymore.

I want to live. I want peace. I want, happiness.

[Dyani]

I don't understand the nature of your condition, Utora, but I can kinda see where you're coming from. I wish you strength, hope and control. Live for yourself, for what you stand for, for the people you truely love and care for. You may feel alone, but you aren't. People are going through situations like yours all over the world, some in even worse scenarios.
Is there -no- where you can go? Any relatives, friends of the family? Can you contact social services (or the russian equivilent)? Seeing as you are 17 and techincally still a dependant on your family, could you call a child's helpline? Is there some way you can take out your.. energy/anger/stress on sport or something? Not in terms of joining a club or anything because that costs money, but stuff you can do on your own?
I hope I have been a small help to you, Utora. I'm so sorry you are going through this and that I can do nowt to help you.

[lionloversam]

Okay, I was not sure where to post this so I'll put it here. I have been ... concerned for the past month. The reason is that one of my friends at work offered me some soda out of a 2-litre he just drank out of, being really thirsty I got a cup and accepted the offer. The reason I am concerned is this guy talks about how much he ... lets just say 'gets around' in his personal life. And, I have been concerned about if I could of picked something up from drinking after him. I researched HIV and that can't be tranfered by drinking after somebody. So, I guess my question is can any STD or related illness be caught from drinking after somebody that may have one?

[Fire_Hazard]

The answer to that question is probably no. As much as popular belief and the media attention of HIV and AIDS proclaims it to be, these diseases are rare in countries that have high medical standards such as US, Canada, England, etc.. I am NOT under-estimating the power of these diseases, nor am I trying to reduce them down to 'not-to-worry-about' issues, but HIV/AIDS is highly unlikely. However, your concern for getting it from drinking th same water is quite real Sam, as to an extent, that's how few viruses are carried into our bodies.

By the way, ST'I' is the correct term. Sexual Transmitted Infection. Anyway...

It is possible that a virus may have gotten in. Although, with soda.. The carbontion in the soda is.. somewhat of a neutralizer?..

Here's a quote from a site that I found interesting:

I've done some research on this topic, and I feel that the answer to this question is more than just a simple no. Since Gonorrhea can thrive in the throat, I believe that it would be possible to contract the infection through heavy kissing. I don't mean dry kissing, I mean heavy, wet, shoving your tounge down your partners throat kissing.

Sexual Diseases can only be contracted by direct contact or by passive contact. The soda might have milled down the virus and/or bacteria in it and made it more difficult for it to spread.

To answer your question now, Sam. I'd say no, but check up on the guy's history as to who he slept with or played with

[Sharifu]

Utora, why is your mom leaving without you? Have you asked her why you can't go with her?

[Sadiki]

There is STD's that can be caught from drinking drinks that someone else has drink but HIV isn't one of them. Unless the person have bleed in it just before you drink out of it and you got wounds somewhere in your mouth, stomach or such where the virus can enter your system.

I know gonorrhea can spread from a touch but I'm not sure if you can get it by just drinking same drink than someone else.

[Utora]

She can't afford to bring me with her, initially. I've asked her, and she said she could, but there wouldn't be the proper money to provide me a stable life, at first. After several months, possibly a few years, she could take me in.

My sister after recent visiting and talking about the subject, has offered me to stay at her place. Possibly my own room, a computer, stability, food...etc etc no charge for a while. But I just worry about the younger kids and such. If I relapse or freak out or fall unstable....I don't want to stress these people out in this small apartment.

If worse comes to worse....I'll reside with my sister. I mean I could always leave, right?

[Elly]

Utora, a few options off the top of my head:

Have you considered about joining the military?
Obviously, you are in the right direction for that.

It would be better off to stay with your sister, your dad sounds like a royal butthole. Probably is.

If at all possible, could you get tender assistance through the state.
And what I mean by that is a kind of assistance that helps you to get away from your current predicament, there are programs out there that could possibly help-you-out - 100%.

The options are on the table; but it's up to you to sort them out...

[Utora]

The military has always been my fix. Mainly the Navy. I was quite crushed to find out I was Bipolar 1. Flying a Hornet is out of the picture. I am searching for military-isk things that wouldn't press too hard upon my disorder, but given the severity of the disorder, it's practically impossible. I'm not too crushed, but I'll be damned if I don't fly and make a solid hearted career out of it. I just wish I could fly for my country, in the military sense.

Flying for FedEx/Aeroflot.....it's good for flying, but in the sense of defense, combat, and that adrenaline rush I'd kill for....it doesn't quite hit it.

No worries; there's a will, so there WILL be a way.

I will live with my sister, as it's unfolded, and thank you everyone, for your advice. It's helped me to this point and in my future decisions.

[Utora]

I have to delete this soon. My fathers tracks my computer to hunt my mother down. This is the end. I am to die very soo; this is my love to you my friends. I jmust delete within 12 hours.

Look people think I'm some insane Russian, ok. Why? Because in my past I ran from my house in Nazi uniform screaming The Russians are coming!, or threatened to kill someone, or get deranged over Nazism or whatever it is God it does -not- matter now!

I have been, going on about it for so long, and it's one of those things where American police say Until there's proof.... but this is a situation where the end result IS the proof. I feel like I am delusional because it distresses me so. I have been on Lithium, and other pills for so long I am so very stable. And here I am, sitting out back my porch in Siberia, watching a sunset, you know all the worries of my parents nestled safetly.

So I talked to my mother for a while, and we just talk of things in our daily life. Then I'm on my own. I go up to the ridge where I practice snipering, and draw for the secret santa drawings. Here I am drawing perfectly for my buddy in the drawings and my pencil tip breaks and I grit my teeth and swear in Russian, then smile as if 'I know something' right like that matters, I'm just another Russian fool. And I sigh, no sharpener and look down the valley and ponder things. I think over my mother's conversation...my dad.

Yes, she will leave soon....he will go deranged. [sighs] He will go on and on and as if to shake you by the collar saying You know comrade you know where she is! and if, I do not break, which I pray to be so strong.....he will pursue her.

No he must know. See I suspected my father knew about my mother wanting to abandon him, and I warned my phscyatrist. Like I said long ago, when he ran about with a sidearm, planning her death and -openly- told her of that after she left the man! [tries to think in the mess; licks tiger maw and looks about in intense thought]

Ok so he says things now like "You need a passport for Canada?" and stuff, like he doesn't know, she's running to Canada. This man worked on DEFCON for the American Government. He is an ex Navy/Seal, he was top marksman on a damn B.A.R. I know, everything, and am not going to squeal. Nyet. I would like for my mother to live. I have been watching my parents for long time now, and you know it happens so slowly over time you start passing things up.

[trembles] Last night, he came in with my younger brother and my younger brother said, You know back in the states you can get a license to conceal a firearm! I'm like yeah Ben, I know this story I talked about it years ago at the Sheriff's department with the guy. My Dad says, in happy tone you know everyday life, and says Yeah! I'm thinkin' about gettin' one! Carry a .44 or something...Blackhawk! and he laughs, and I laugh....guns are common place in my home. We have over [scoffs] 103 rifles and pistols and it grows, with ammunition. We reload our own bullets. Our guns are not government tagged, they are curios, relics. I suspected I would not see it happen, for it could unfold like it was common talk or conversation; the moments leading up to her death.

I do not think of these things. My doktor say, you ignore stress and coupe, life gets better.

So here I am frustrated with my broken pencil, my broken home...and I am shot, right in the head by my own lack of account of things; I -saw- it happen.

[tries not to laugh; shakes tiger head] It's sick, it's a sick game that is going down! Like some mafia or KGB or police mental trick to make you break.

21 years ago, my father carried a sidearm, -without- license. He stalked my older brother Nickolai, when he was a boy, in the woods, and surpised him practicing his assault tactis. He swung my brother on the swing and carried the sidearm. Why do you carry that father? I like the feel of it by my side. This was before the Internet was involved. My father tracked my mother and her other man down, by hand, secretly....but because of his intellectual behavior he fronts it carefully among his offspring....like a lion bantering out to his cubs he will strike out and they should hide.

21 years later....it is common talk of getting a license...to carry, a sidearm. I am not, insane.



History repeats itself. It is happening and I have told everyone I know, and love and hope to give some advice. Police ignore me. God they practically have me on auto name so they know to ignore my calls, emails, letters and even physical presentation. I've called other people, you know safe houses social workers; nah....they've been here before..it's redundant. Nobody believes until it is in front of them.

So here is the situation, at present.

[sits on tiger rump; head erect, voice mellow tone as if a soldier reporting enemy plans on the front]

The game has begun. He knows it will go down within 2 to 3 months. His bonus from work arrives then too, convieniantly. He -knows- this man she goes to with love. It was an old friend of his. But he perhaps does not know she runs to the same man at this moment. He is good at hiding but I am too. He knows where she is going, airfaire, passport, medical information. He knows her intentions. All the chess pieces are in his favor now; he calls the shots...I can read this quickly...others cannot present. I warn them. My mother is appauled. She tells me her comrades at work know everything and when she dies....they will know. There will be truth to be served at my father in court.

I am DONE. Waiting. For a death, I coould perhaps prevent. Unnecssary for me to get involved; once this theory was true, now due to lack of proper help, I must defend what my mother cannot. I am trained by my father, 7 years now, ancient sniper ways. I can kill a being from 600 yards with a peep sight, no scope, in sunlight against me, any terrain. I can relocate, and dissappear, reappear and kill more again. I can assault from behind, I know close combat tactics. Ways to strangle; slit the throat in one move; break neck quickly, silently; razor wire. How to rewire explosivies; make instant homemade bombs. Kill and hide the bodies.

I strongly believe God, has ...allowed me to learn these things, for a certain shadow that creeps up behind me, as I wander in blindfold like a starved tiger, searching desolation for salvation and I pull the blindfold away and look into the black, the death, to come and see my face a mirror; I am the salvation.

No one, will listen. [falls to tiger knees and burries head; weeps] I will, do my best to lovingly mislead my father, lie for preservation of my wasted family. But I know him well, he will kill me too. I have seen this in his eyes. I will not fall before him blinded by compassion. He killed in cold blood in Vietnam, for his Navy tactics union. He lead it and achieved it; under his name. I will become, the soldier he made me and break bond and love, to reduce myself into a killing and defending being; worthless and hopeless yes but I will not let my mother die.

So. [fights tears, bites lip, curls tail and closes eyes] I will either die, running to catch the bullet. Or I will allow my, .....past..my ways, mixed with hate and evil to dislocate me from the love that would wish only both their lives; and I will snarl down the path and pull the trigger; and again, and again, and again until he no longer breathes among us.

They will arrest me.

Unstable and Schizophrantic daughter murders father, found 1000 miles from home found today. Will be trialed for first degree murder.

I will kill my father and kill what he made me along with my very self, to preserve an innocent and yes not perfect mother; but who would only dream of love and success and peace for her family. But due to my father's adultery, and verbal abuse..she is broken and torn at 50 years in age and will salvage whatever is left of her woman like soul.

I will never get to that point. I feel it, I know this; I always have! I think of my future. I wanted to fly, so high, like my grandfather, and his father.....to defend the motherland. I was insane and the military rejected me. I was in pre-training in Russia and they sent me home, and I walked away with my tiger tail between my legs, head hung, tears in my eyes. But I battled the depression and the suicidal thoughts. I can, fly for Aeroflot! Da! 2 bucks an hour to pay off my 100,000 dollar debt to college my mother wished for me to pass and my father said he'd support me and when the check came and I said Papa I have succeeded! Because of you, because of my mother, and now I will work for Aeroflot for life, so happy to just fly, and bring you money and pay off your debts, and mother and you live so happily together!

And there I am, my tigeress face beaming with pride for my father and mother, holding out the check, oh just reach out and sign it Papa we are so close!

I am left in the wind....smile falling, eyes searching for the face which now is turned, his tiger back to me, as if..I were not his own. I retract the bill, ashamed I asked for help. Wait, and then leave, for my brothers before me too, were cast away. I knew and would not wait. He buys his guns. 50,000 dollars worth in guns! If I am not with him I am against him. And, only darkness deals in absolutes.

You see I have no place in a future, that will not exist. I am here now. Letting you people know. The only people, to know me! A shallow, insecure afflicted tiger broken and lost, dellusional and ashamed of herself, shakily writing stories to bond with you, and be close and say Oh I have family!, because you are all I am.

Oh I had other friends! My father says They do you NO good! Nobody will love you like -this- family; this is it, this is as good as it ever gets. They manipulate you, lie; and you would listen because you are foolish.

I am not allowed friends!

[hangs head and cries]

I am spent. Nyet. I have, snuck...a Russian Makarov pistol out, and I have hidden it in my tiger hidey hole. [laughs and shakes head] It's...I will not say for my father will know. It is my mothers. she say I keep it. I slipped ..or more of forced my CZ-52 into the Makarov holster and set it back. He will never look twice. Because a man, who turns his back to his family, cannot see their drawing swords.

[shudders; wipes maw; sniffs]

Someone hear my cries. Say something; nothing to fix this. No I know my fate...just words of goodbye, of love and fellowship so I may know my family is not as good as it gets...but YOU people are better! Lions, tigers, dragons, and wolves; my brothers and sisters. Oh...da..[breathes softly]

I won't wait for the government to call my fate. Nyet. I am Russian by blood; the gun to my head, once I have run to the four corners of the Earth and they loom over me in my fathers shadow.

I don't do this willingl;; I do this, unknowingly.

[wipes tears away, smiles; puts tigress paw over eyes and stumbles about jokingly]

...yes comrades...I blind myself to save another. Not scraifice, NEVER, sacrifice I am....but of expent lies, and ailing love..for a family no more.

[looks down; is not crying; nods and smiles]

Yes. This is my cry. Know I am good person, I mean so well......and I go well too. To the stars I hope, with fathers who look down on me, plagued by their own madness now at peace; forgiving and ready to embrace their tigress daughter...perhaps a small star beside one so great and bright; my father...he is free now and so am I from the plague.

Da, it is certain.


Salut!

[nods once and heavy, happily, swallows fate and turns and pads away]

[Guntur]

I cry when i'm reading half of your post, Have faith my friend Patience my friend, soon you will gain your freedom and peace