Community Advice Thread

[This Land]

Not Only i would like to tell the rubbish way im feeling right now but to also pay my respects to a Great Man, who sadly has died in a motorbike accident. I knew this happened before the papers got the story out. I was shocked to hear the news, i was shocked even more when i read the whole story on the newspaper today.



Even though i didnt see him that much, he was a great guy. A person you could always have a good chat to, i just no now he is somehwhere better than this world.

This has put me in a rough position, im scared riding on the roads now, and this death has turned my whole veiws on motocyles and how easily and quickely things can happen But one thing is for sure, i will still ride a bike..........for him.

---RIP Jason---- Member of the Antelopes Motocyle Club

[lion_roog]

Sorry to hear that, dude...that happens here pretty often and it makes you sad, it's one thing to hit someone, but then to take off afterwards...I mean, you could have atleast possibly saved the guys life by stopping and all.

[This Land]

yeah, this is whats makes me so angry, Some drivers have no respect for others at all

its just such a shock he is gone

[Kovu The Lion]

When you apply for a motorcycle license, You write your death on that contract also,

Chances for dieing on a motorcycle when you ride, is 60%, riding at night, 70%, riding during rain ,85%,

Riding a car, reduces all that by 40%,

the roads just aren't safe, though i'm sad to hear this that a good man is gone, i guess he didn't wanna face penalties of murder :s

[Tiikeri]

Originally posted by Kovu The Lion
When you apply for a motorcycle license, You write your death on that contract also

Totally

Sorry to hear about your friend TL, but really it stuns me how some people still wish to ride around on motorbikes, seriously if I were still suicidal, I'd probably die quicker whilst riding to Leeds on a Suzuki 77X42 or whatever they're called these days than by taking an overdose. Not to sound uncaring or anything, but if people value their lives then they shouldn't really be endangering them by riding around on two wheels with more bhp than a modern car.

That aside, it was obscene of that truck driver to just carry on. He can't use the excuse "I didn't see him" because even if he didn't see him, he would definately have heard and felt the collision with the motorbike, I hope he's caught and charged for hit and run, possibly murder.

[This Land]

I know what you mean, but i cant see why people are always making bikes sound so horrible.

Yes there are more bike crashes than car crashes, i know that. But the the amount of Fatal Car crashes is alot higher than fatal bike crashes.

Anyway, i read the newspaper today, there was another article about him.



Quiet alot of Antelope members are comming for the weekly wednesday bike run to a pub. and on the way back we are all going to the place where he crashed to lay down flowers by the side of the road.

[Dyani]

*Hugglesquish* mate its so sad when something like this happens.

[Tiikeri]

Right ok, it's not very often I post in here since I don't like opening up very much, but I just wanna know what everyone else reckons to this....

I just had a huge argument with my dad, many of you may know of my intentions to move to Scandanavia, it was originally Finland but now it might not be but that's not important. Basically he was having a go at me because of my intentions, he said that it wouldn't work out and that I shouldn't even bother trying. That upset me since he has no idea how things will turn out, and he's been like that for everything I've voiced as an ambition, which is probably why I have very little self esteem.

When I asked him why he was being like this, he simply said that he didn't want me to move out of the UK because he wouldn't see me as often. My response was that can he blame me after the way he shoots down every ambition I get, and that I've lived in the same house as him for nearly 19 years, and that it was time to move on and live my own life, which he didn't like since technically he can't stop me. I don't by any stretch of the imagination hate my dad, I love him, I just wish he wouldn't say things like "it won't work out in Finland, you won't be able to afford things" etc

I dunno what's wrong with him, he seems to be scared of me leaving or something. But everyone's gotta leave home at some point, and even if he is, why does he insist on saying upsetting things to try and make me stay? Surely a "Dani, we'd miss you too much if you left the UK" would suffice instead of a "It'll be a waste of time, don't go because it won't work out and you know it" but I don't know it, and neither does he. I just want to take that chance, because in my eyes, it's a chance worth taking.

What does everyone else reckon? I guess it's not very important but I just wanted to rant it off my chest.

[Neola]

Of course it's a chance worth taking, and it sucks your dad thinks that way...or at least he says things like that. I dunno but I guess he's just being that rude to make you stay...maybe he thinks saying "We'll miss you" wouldn't help.
But since you're old enough to make your own decisions I reckon it'd be best to go anyway, showing him it works out well...but as I said, I dunno.
Anyway, good luck, whichever decision you make

[Daniel]

it's just your Dad doesnt want to let you go, but he knows he has to.

He just doesnt want to.

Just say "Dad, i need to spend time away" and the like, and it should work if your dad respects you =)

[Utora]

Originally posted by Tiikeri
Right ok, it's not very often I post in here since I don't like opening up very much, but I just wanna know what everyone else reckons to this....

I just had a huge argument with my dad, many of you may know of my intentions to move to Scandanavia, it was originally Finland but now it might not be but that's not important. Basically he was having a go at me because of my intentions, he said that it wouldn't work out and that I shouldn't even bother trying. That upset me since he has no idea how things will turn out, and he's been like that for everything I've voiced as an ambition, which is probably why I have very little self esteem.

When I asked him why he was being like this, he simply said that he didn't want me to move out of the UK because he wouldn't see me as often. My response was that can he blame me after the way he shoots down every ambition I get, and that I've lived in the same house as him for nearly 19 years, and that it was time to move on and live my own life, which he didn't like since technically he can't stop me. I don't by any stretch of the imagination hate my dad, I love him, I just wish he wouldn't say things like "it won't work out in Finland, you won't be able to afford things" etc

I dunno what's wrong with him, he seems to be scared of me leaving or something. But everyone's gotta leave home at some point, and even if he is, why does he insist on saying upsetting things to try and make me stay? Surely a "Dani, we'd miss you too much if you left the UK" would suffice instead of a "It'll be a waste of time, don't go because it won't work out and you know it" but I don't know it, and neither does he. I just want to take that chance, because in my eyes, it's a chance worth taking.

What does everyone else reckon? I guess it's not very important but I just wanted to rant it off my chest.

It sounds like he's doing everything to keep you home, even if that means telling you your ambitions will get you nowhere. I think that he doesn't believe that, but he fears you leaving the home. It sounds like he loves you alot, but just has trouble "letting go". I could be very wrong, but this is my assumption. I'd express to him that it hurts greatly, shutting down your hopes and dreams, and I'd ask him if it was your ambitions that bthered him, or the fact that you are leaving. Find out why he's so afraid of you leaving, and letting go. Reassuring him that you'll still come around to see him, and that you'll keep in touch may help. I'm just giving advice - I might be of no help.

I really hope it works out. I'll be praying for you Tiki. :-)

I have found with people that sitting down, taking all your pateince and love and pouring it out to them get's you very far in life. It may not give you all the answers, but it will open others towards you. ....annnnd it took me long enough to figure that one out....:Psst:

[Utora]

Not to be a swine and double post, but something serious has come up, and I am in dire need of some advice.

A long while ago, I knew my father was looking at pornography. Mainly because he and ym mother had no intimate relationship, which still does NOT justify him. I assumed it was over, it was about 4 years ago and all and since they are seeing counseling I figured he's on a better road.

Last night he says he needs the computer, and I said, "Well I need it soon because I need to talk with Jessica in an hour."
He said he'd be done soon. He got on at 8:23 PM and got off at 2:17 AM...yeah gee thanks.
On top of this my brother saw him several times looking at porn as he would come up the steps. One time my brother scared my father and saw he was looking at pornography and my father goes, "What the **** is that!?" and clicks X.
I was so angry. My brother had an issue with porn once, and my father sat him down and said, "You should cherish your wife's body, and only her.
He's a hipocrit. And it makes me just...god.....I can't be around him. It's perverse that my father is doing this! If I approach him with this, his pride will be hurt. When this man's pride is hurt he turns into the wrath of God and emotionally tears you apart and makes you feel like a infant when he's through. Am I just suppsosed to shut up and suck it up? It's eating away at me...and I want to cry when I know he's doing this. I really need some advice, and once more, forgive me for the X2 post.

[Ciara]

well from own experiences you gotta tell what you think. Even if it will hurt someone, that's just the truth everyone has to accept. And if you don't tell what you think and lives with it kept in yourself, I'll promise you it'll kill you slowy, and that's so not fun, trust me. I know it's hard to say it probably, but after it's all good for ya ...

[Utora]

I took your advice Ciara, thank you very much.



I told my mom , mainly because she asked about last night. She was shattered, but she told me that she's going to confront our father. Our battle is tolerating the whiplash my father is going to cast out because we reported him.

It just horrifies me. They shut me off when they found out I was a furry, and saw me with my mate. But he turns around and does this?....well ...I'm going to start praying because these next few weeks aren't going to be a picnic.

:disagree:

I just feel sick.

[Ciara]

good that you told someone about it, I know it probably will be a hard time for you and even your family later on with all this, but it's just to take and go through, sometime it will be better. I hope everything is going okey for ya.

[Azerane]

Hopefully it goes ok with your mum telling your father Utora best of luck with that, it can't be an easy situation that you are in.

[Neola]

I'm sorry to hear that Utora

Originally posted by Utora
Last night he says he needs the computer, and I said, "Well I need it soon because I need to talk with Jessica in an hour."
He said he'd be done soon. He got on at 8:23 PM and got off at 2:17 AM...yeah gee thanks.

Is Jessica your sister?
If so, maybe he REALLY spoke to her for that long? I wouldn't know though...
And maybe (just maybe though) he really isn't looking at porn? Would that be possible? Those windows do turn up from time to time, when you click links etc...

Either way, I wish you all the best and hope you can sort things out soon

[Utora]

Well...he was looking at it we found out, he admited to it. But he wasn't buying it, he was going to sites and looking at it. Either way he said it was wrong of him and he is very sorry. My mom cried and I think that was the worst part of it all. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but my mom told me to look at in in his eyes and tell him what bothered me - that was ery difficult because I didn't want to make eye contact with him. Period.

[Only-now]

Well, I don't want to come in and be the "bad guy" or anything..not to mention I am the only guy who is commenting on this so far. I mention that because it is an obvious fact that the majority of people who look at pornography are male (most, not all)...because men are more visually stimulated when it comes to sex. So, in a way I have a different perspective on it..and I think maybe that might help.

I know you are religious (at least from what I have heard) and so I think that probably has something to do with you being so upset. If you set that aside for a moment (because regardless of religion we are all human)...you might be able to understand the situation more clearly. First, I guess you have to ask yourself what is it about that that bothers you? Is it the hypocrisy? Is it the fact that it is unjustified religiously? Is it just a shock and that is why it is so upsetting?

Being a human, and a male, it is natural to have such urges..and to be tempted to look at such material. You must make a differentiation here. When you say your father is being a hypocrite..that is not necessarily true. The reasons that a man (or woman) would look at such material is not comparable to the way he cherishes his wife (or her husband). There is no glory, or "goodness" in the reasons that someone would look at the material. It is for pure physical pleasure and rarely has any emotion behind it. Now it one way that is what defines it as being so bad...but in another, it seperates it from the type of love and emotion that is felt between a man and woman who are married. To be a good parent, sometimes requires making sure that your children do not make the same mistake as you..etc.

It wasn't bad that you brought it up...but you also have to understand that he is an adult...and so in the end....it will be hard to turn someone from doing something like so. I have been in your same position before..except not with the same substance. In my opinion..my situation was worse..because in this instance what my father was doing is against the law (not really serious or anything) and I was VERY upset. He didn't stop either...but I also realized that he is a grown person..and that there is no sense, or use in making life hell to try and stop someone from making that choice. Ultimately it is up to them...and you can only help them come around in a peaceful way.

I hope I helped a bit. I don't know the situation exactly..but I hope whatever happens you find some clarity and such. Good luck.

~Kiva

[Utora]

I have taken much of this into consideration. The reason I see this as an issue is, one, he is the leader of this household. He has established that pornography is not tolerated by any member in this household. I've looked at furry things before, and was punished. My brother was pulled aside at looking at porn once, and redirected by my father.

When he himself does it, it's contradicting his teachings and our decision to believe in him. Why should I listen to a man that apparently has no regard for his orders? I lose respect for him.

Furthermore, I would not have been too bothered if I knew it settled with my mother alright. It wounds my mom, thus why it bothered me more. It is a big issue with them. It was destructive of his leadership. And we are christian, therefore that only crippled it more. I am not as religious as the rest of my family, and it didn't bother me on a religious basis at all. It angered me because I have urges, my brother has urges, ...practically every person has the urge to has sexual satisfaction. It is only human, and I'd be more concerned if a person didn't have any sexual disires. My father told me and my brother that is destroys relationships, 50% of American divorces are over porn, and that is warps your mind over time. So I was very hurt to see my father resorting to that, because that means one of two things:

A : His teachings are false and he lied to us, just to have control over us.

Or

B : He does not think he has to pay any respect tro the order of this household and the rules he set up.

He is the father, the foundation, the role model of this house. It is hisnduty to keep in order his commandments of this household, and my duty to obey them. When they become a switch that can be turned off and on under certain authoirty, it becomes a weak link and soon the followers of his household learn to manipulate suck links.