Community Advice Thread

[Kovu The Lion]

Originally posted by This land
i dont want to sound like the admin or anything, but correct me if im wrong

This is community advice, not communtity arguments.

posting problems is fine but it seems to me that a arguement is un-earthing here. May a suggest this carries on in pm?

Just my opinion

You're quite right,

Sorry Lea, :]

Not much I'll say anymore in my defense to what Utora says,

Just leave this thought to you lea,

Belive the lier, Or walk in the light.

Kovu

[Nephilim]

ITT: INTERNET DRAMA.

Please to be remembering the rules of this board, the fact that we would like to be keeping something around a PG rating. So quit the talking of sending nude pictures and yiffing. In fact, stop talking altogether. This is for advice, not angsting your broken little hearts out; save that for MSN, phones, whatever. Somewhere personal.

[Only-now]

I would have to agree with Neph on the argument part and such...and to point out that it isn't very good for either of you to try and make the other look bad in public. Everyone has their issues...if you need help that's fine (which I tried to give before) but...the argument part should be between you two personally.

~Kiva

[Dyani]

In other words, stop whinging to us when you can solve the damn problem (or not) between yourselves.

Have a nice day

[Utora]

Dyani and Kiva that was completely useless. Neph took care of it and I made a mistake brining my arguments here. I see that..I don't need 8000 people telling me and I'm sorry Neph and everyone else.



We're human for Christ's sake. I'm sorry I brought it here. The. End.

[nathalie]

Next time, just keep personal stuff like that off the board.
I doubt it'll do anyone good.
(*edit* some things are just way to personal to put out in the open like that!)

I'm not really interested in what kind of pictures you gave someone else (in this case, the ones you mention) and all that stuff, 'cause it's your business and not mine.

I can imagine what a rough time you must have been through/going through, but even in times like those someone really must try and think twice before putting stuff like that on a public forum.

[Suki]

I don't even know why I'm posting this but:

Has anyone seen ChildOfThePride lately? last thing she told me was, "don't freak out, but I won't be online for a while....." I know, it's probably school or something, but she sent me that on Nov 30 of last year. I haven't seen or talked to her since. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I still keep looking her up on Google for anything she's joined or posted or whatever. So....yeah.

[Dyani]

I haven't seen her for a bit. She may have left for a bit because she was p*ssed off at some topic or something. She wasn't banned or anything. She may be moving or something similar, something major that would stop her from visiting Lea. Have you seen her at all visit Lea?

I just have a suggestion for the ATTN thread. Should we move it into The Shadowy Place? Sometimes controversial topics or sensitive issues concerning one of our members come up. Moving this thread into TSP would emphasise caution when reading the topics and concerns raised. What do people, and especially Mods, think about this?

[Stormfury]

Originally posted by Dyani
I just have a suggestion for the ATTN thread. Should we move it into The Shadowy Place? Sometimes controversial topics or sensitive issues concerning one of our members come up. Moving this thread into TSP would emphasise caution when reading the topics and concerns raised. What do people, and especially Mods, think about this?

The Shadowy Place is for debate and Commons. This thread is for emotional support; you can't diversify the two. Scar's Lair seems to be the most logistical forum at this time.

[Pnt]

I hit some pretty rough times. I dunno guys, I really screwed some stuff up; definitely makes my list of top three regrets in life. I'm not one to get worked up too easily anymore, but I got really hot headed and said and did some things that I really wish I hadn't. I've apologized dozens of times but no one around me wants anything to do with me anymore. The worst part is that I'm completely to blame and there's not a damn thing I can say or do to turn this one around. Guess it's one of those Don't-know-what-you-got-till-it's-gone sorta things, but damn, I dunno what to do now. I guess I feel a bit a bit angry too. I mean, all my friends know that I'll never ask for more than an apology if someone wrongs me, and every single one of them have experienced that at least once with me, but when I screw up, I can't even get the benefit of a doubt. It just feels wrong, ya know? I know an internet forum isn't the best place for support, I don't think I'm looking for advice, but I don't know what I'm looking for and a lot of you guys are my friends. I guess it'll be a lesson in life if nothing else, but I gotta say, some of these lessons really suck.

[lion_roog]

Sorry to hear that, man. I guess everyone forgives people at different speeds...and some people hold grudges for a while. Maybe if you give them more time they'll be able to move on and forgive you.

[Stormfury]

Originally posted by Pnt
I hit some pretty rough times. I dunno guys, I really screwed some stuff up; definitely makes my list of top three regrets in life. I know an internet forum isn't the best place for support, I don't think I'm looking for advice, but I don't know what I'm looking for and a lot of you guys are my friends. I guess it'll be a lesson in life if nothing else, but I gotta say, some of these lessons really suck.

Sometimes in life you have to take the high roads, and sometimes you have to take the low ones. Of course, all roads lead to nirvana or a road divine. Lessons can be taught; but they're even harder to learn. The only thing you should regret in life is regret itself; not anything else. Some astrologers believe that we're guided by a star; perhaps by Fate. Or our own accord. We can make plots and points throughout the galaxy. One thing is for sure, you're not alone on your journey.

[Only-now]

Well...I never ask for advice from you all....at least I haven't yet...but I do have something to talk about and see what people think. I will probably have a hard time describing it all..but I will give it my best shot.

Well...as some people know...I used to date someone from the TLK fandom. We broke up a while back...were together for 7 months...met each other 3 times, once for a month straight etc. We were friends for a long while before we were ever together...a year and something or close to 2 years. Well...we broke up for various reasons..she broke up with me I mean.

It took a while, but I adjusted and we still talk. We still both wanted to be friends, and for a while things got better. Then she got a new boyfriend..they got worse..then better again. Then they broke up...and we are still friends. We went through some rough patches. I had some issues with the way she was treating me....much different than how it was before we were together. She didn't treat me like a friend really...didn't say much to me, didn't laugh as much....etc. It is more complex than that..but we kinda had a fight, and got over it..and my perspective on things changed. She told me, she thinks she has been acting this way because she still thinks about me the way she did when we broke up. The reasons she broke up with me are still there...and so she doesnt want to be close much etc. Anyways...I accpeted that..and I learned to change myself and focus on being just friends and sort of drop the lost hopes and all that.

So..I have been doing my best now. I try to keep my thoughts about everything to myself..including what I am about to talk about here. After all the talks...it is better to not involve her in knowing what I really feel..though I would love to tell her it is simply not an option. Me telling her bothers her...stirs up trouble etc. So...I have been trying. Well..it was working fine...but the more time goes by...I don't know if submitting to the circumstances was such a good idea. Before...I was so ready to fight for our relationship to get better..I strived for it..and wanted us to be like we were before. Afterwards...I gave that up in hopes time would heal this. The more time goes by...the more it feels like it won't get better....that by just accepting what I have will allow it to stay where it is. She doesn't have any motivation to change things...she won't ever get closer to me...we won't ever be friends like we were...or even close. Sometimes it seems so bleak..other times it seems brighter....but idk what to do about it. I can't talk to her about it..because it has all been said I feel it would make things worse...but it also feels like no way I act, if I am myself, no efforts I make ever changes anything. It seems like no matter what I do...I can never succeed in making things better...only worse..when I have no intentions of that. I always seem to come across in a negative way that bothers her.

For instance..today, we were talking on the phone after about 2 weeks of not doing so. Well...she seemed like she was feeling alright..so we talked...but I felt more like I was doing all the talking. She didn't say much..but she wasn't in a bad mood or anything. So...we got on the topic of drinking....she has never done it and I haven't and we both were against doing it (before it is legal etc). So...I am used to that being common ground..and being secure in knowing she wouldnt do that. After everything that has happened and us not being as close...I don't feel so sure...so I asked if she was planning on drinking at all at this party she is going to and she said no. So we kept talking about stuff like that..and then she said something like "You know even if someone were to drink and be breaking the law, there is a difference between doing it responsibly and getting fully drunk". Now...I didn't know if she meant that like what it really means...of if it was a pacifying statement. As in...she knows I don't like drinking..and she has had the same view...but she is going to drink so she is trying to seperate herself from the extreme people to make it seem alright. I feel bad thinking that...but the way we have been I wasn't so sure...so I asked and explained and she said she wasn't going to drink...but she was bothered clearly. I never intend to come off like a parent...or bother her. I care about my friends...but it seems like since she doesnt feel so close to me...and it doesn't seem like it is improving...I feel like I have to ask because I get worried. So..then she gets bothered..and it makes me feel like I am just making things worse...but the state of things is what makes me worry in the first place. I am just really confused. We used to be so close...and I want to be again. If it takes time, I have time....but I want to see an improvement. I want to know it is working...to know she still cares and wants it..and all that. I am just so confused. I know it is hard to make things like this work after relationships..but I want this to work. I haven't changed...I am still the person she got along with so well before...but it seems like she just doesn't see me the same and can't...and it is hard to deal with. Any ideas? (sorry for the length)

~Kiva

[Stormfury]

^Well... it's good you stick to your guns; alcohol... you don't consume it, it consumes you... 'neways, you may be i n something, you can't get back again. From what I can tell, you have some conflicting interests that probably can be set aside. But it doesn't always work that way. You have to get the root of the problem, together; if you per say want a relationship with someone again, both have to be willing. Women are extremely complicated, and men by comparison are mere simpletons. If you really want something to work out; you have to be open and honest, if not.. it won't work out!

You have my sincerity, my friend.

[LunarCat]

Originally posted by Pnt
I hit some pretty rough times. I dunno guys, I really screwed some stuff up; definitely makes my list of top three regrets in life. I'm not one to get worked up too easily anymore, but I got really hot headed and said and did some things that I really wish I hadn't. I've apologized dozens of times but no one around me wants anything to do with me anymore. The worst part is that I'm completely to blame and there's not a damn thing I can say or do to turn this one around. Guess it's one of those Don't-know-what-you-got-till-it's-gone sorta things, but damn, I dunno what to do now. I guess I feel a bit a bit angry too. I mean, all my friends know that I'll never ask for more than an apology if someone wrongs me, and every single one of them have experienced that at least once with me, but when I screw up, I can't even get the benefit of a doubt. It just feels wrong, ya know? I know an internet forum isn't the best place for support, I don't think I'm looking for advice, but I don't know what I'm looking for and a lot of you guys are my friends. I guess it'll be a lesson in life if nothing else, but I gotta say, some of these lessons really suck.

You're gonna have a tough time, i won't deny that. I think the only solution now is a little change and time. if ya want to vent shoot me an e-mail. you know i'm always around to listen

[Azerane]

@Kiva: I honestly don't know what to say or to suggest. Though it does seem like you're having a bit of a hard time with it and I'm sorry for that. Maybe it won't ever be the same, and maybe it just needs more time. But in a situation like this, I don't think you'll know unless the issue resolves or unless you just ask her straight out how she feels about your friendship and all that. I do think that's probably the best idea, ask her about it. I'm sorry I'm not much help, that's all I can think of ... best of luck though.

[Only-now]

Thanks guys....I'm just going to give it time, but if anyone has any other suggestions or has been in the same situation then that might help. I don't necessariy want her back...since I have accepted that it wouldn't work and we are past that...but I would really like to feel like friends again....the type of friendship where you don't have to wonder if you are really friends...where you just are and know it. That's how it used to be, but now it seems a bit different. I hope something improves soon....because friendship is a two way street.

~Kiva

[Juniper]

Hey guys, I made a similar post on the Majilisi; just figured I'd let you know what was up. My mom was recently diagnosed with multiple myeloma, which is a cancer of the plasma cells in her bone marrow. As far as cancers go, it's not a very good one to have. The doctor said that her initial prognosis is very poor and I don't think it's right for me to be spending much time on the internet when my mother is as sick as she is. So yeah, I'm gonna be on even less often than I already am. It sucks, but we can't go back and make things different now, so we just gotta make do with the time we've got, keep looking at the bright side, and cross each bridge as we get to it, ya know? I'll be sure to check in periodically and let you guys know how things are going.

[Stormfury]

Sorry for this cancer your mom has; I hope she has reviewed any / all treatment/curacion options. I can't stress enough how sick she may get, and I'll pray for her recovery.

[Dyani]

I can symapthise with you Pnt. My boyfriend's father has been recently diagnosed with three cancers, one in his neck, ribs and spine. He is not expected to last 6 months.

I wish your mum luck with overcoming cancer and, like Elliot said, is looking at all the options available to her. Experimental treatment might also be an option. I hope she will recover this, cancer is a buggeration of a disease.