Wow, a lot has happened.

I survived the flu/sinus infection which required hospitalization. My anxiety almost conquered but it was over in a day or so.

My cat died, and 4 days later my lizard. My cat basically starved to death. Why? Uncertain. 2 months before her death she was getting bony and lethargic, I told my dad we needed to take her in. He went on and on about bills and filthy animals. So they day she dies, which I didn't know she was going to...I told him we need to take her now. He said "She's dying." in an aggravated, put out tone. Denied, she passes away while I'm sleeping and I still haven't gotten over the loss so I'll stop now.

My Dad was supposed to pick up crickets for my lizard. Had to remind him 6 times; he mocked me; lizard died. Now he's sorry. That's good for you. I've overcome a great personal loss so far, I feel like I deserve and edelweiss pin.

I'm stable, finally!

All my pills are in check and I'm a happy camper.


...


Today I nearly had a panic attack. 'Bout a week ago I started getting faint, weak, heart pounding, can't make it up steps, and shallow breathing. I about passed out today and I started wandering in confusion. I was in the kitchen trying to find my slippers. It was like I couldn't figure it out..why..am I...in the kitchen? ..Why..slippers, ok. Where..is my room?

Then I had a streak of chaos, panicking before my mother, even my dad, then my mother trying to figure out why I was so faint, shaky. I went up the steps and my ears started ringing. I thought I was dying which is a hard thing for me and my anxiety, rationally is long gone. I was working down a pretzel when it hits me.

:knowdees:

I ran upstairs and took my sports bra off and ran back down to my mom. Is this too small? No, not really. Wait. I can breathe.

I'm alive. I conquered le bra! ..I can only imagine passing out and being drug to the hospital. My parents in fear of my pills being toxic ask the doctor What's wrong with her!? and the doc'd give a very mundane stare, ripping the sports bra off and slamming it down. Tricare won't cover bra suicide. 500$.

So yeah, life is back on track. I can breathe again and live my life without my pets.

I'm a hero.