The Love Life Thread

[King Simba]

I'm sorry Azzy. The talk about moving does seem quite daunting for me too, and I'm dreading the whole visa process. But if I left England, I wouldn't really mind, because I would be with Leor. I actually speak in pride of having a Mexican boyfriend, I don't mind one bit when I tell people. It's not like either of us will be cut off from our families either because we'll still be in contact with them (yay for computers! ) and we'd be able to visit once or twice a year, but of course, it may be a few more years for that to happen. Yay for the waiting game.

There are people here who just don't understand how I really feel either, or they haven't in the past. It's like they thought the whole thing was a joke, just because it's not how they fell in love. Some people just don't see how you can fall in love with someone online, yet it's becoming more and more popular now, with the increasing number of dating sites out there. I think that's why it's a bit "odd" for the older generation, because in their day, there weren't any computers and the internet didn't exist, so long distance relationships weren't as common back then.

I hope you two work out a plan which you're both happy with during your time together in the summer. I guess you'll be able to speak in more detail about it in person. Good luck, and I hope things improve for you very soon.

Oh, and I just thought I'd say, I like the ticker in your signature, so I decided to get one too... xD

I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in . It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.

Wow, that's great news!

The size of the town you'll be moving to does sound quite a bit drop from the population in Vancouver, but I'm sure it'll be a much more relaxed way of living... and hopefully it won't be too boring, but that'll be cured living near Gunner.

Congrats on getting accepted into university too! What will you be studying, if I may ask?

[Simbaspirit]

If it gets too boring I'll have a car, bigger cities are pretty close and I'll be with Gunner which is awesome, at least if I'm bored we'll be bored together I'm going to be going into my second year of my bachelor of commerce, as I want to start my own non profit organization for at risk youth in Vancouver. KS I can't even imagine the idea of having to get a visa, that must be so daunting But whatever you guys end up choosing I know the two of you will be uber happy together

[KanuTGL]

Aww, that's great news, SS! I'm very happy for you two ^^

[Simbaspirit]

I'm seeing Gunner in 26 days!!!!!! I'm so excited - his parents told me before that I would not be allowed back into their house, and they were pretty adament. But things have changed and I get to see him for a whole week... I am sooooooooooo excited!!!!!!! And I got an amazing deal on airfare.. I am stoked!

[Leorgathar]

That's so great to hear, SS It's a big step forward. I hope this meeting in 26 days turns out for the best, and that you and Gunner can see more often and for more time

[Safila]

Sounds cool that you're going to be together.. Hope his family are nice while you are there

[Sombolia]

That's so great SS! I'm glad they've seemed to have changed their minds. Hope everything goes well for you

[Azerane]

Congrats Simbaspirit, that's awesome! I wish you all the best for your trip. Lucky you getting a good deal on airfares too, I'm still hoping for one

[King Simba]

I read about that on FB a few days ago. I'm really happy for you both, SS. I'm glad to hear Gunner's parents have changed their minds for the better. All the best for your trip in 26 short days, I hope they pass by fast for you both. And yeah, cheap airfares are always very much welcomed.

As for me, there are just 38 days (as you can see in my signature) until I fly to Mexico to stay with Leor for just over a month, long enough to be there for his Birthday. Not too long now! I'm excited, but it really does seem much longer than 3 weeks since he went home.

[shadowland]

Managed to see my girlfriend in London for the first time since feb had a lovely time (apart from some terrifying bus drama lol Dx) spent the day at Hampstead Heath together ^^ really missing her now :c

[Utora]

I haven't posted here even though I do, in a manner of speaking, have a love life (non Lean ) but lately, I'm coming to a point (from observing other people's posts here) where I've concluded maybe it's not what it really is. I know their are factors in a relationship that just make it evenident it's love and it's going to be forever....but there's other things that can be worthy of going in the other direction, permanently.

The man I'm with lives close to my area, a 20 minute drive, not bad. He's Russian and there's a difficultly with the language at times (but we've found a happy median and he's getting better as am I) and perhaps maybe cultural differences that extend beyond us being compatible. But I don't know, I've known other Russian men who did not do what I'm about to explain.

He says he loves me, frequently, all the time, and he's even told me he loves me forever. I get this feeling he's at a point in his life that he doesn't know what he wants and we've discussed this (I'm always putting communication before assumption here) but, he gets quiet, for both he cannot express his complete articulated thoughts as he thinks in Russian and secondly, he doesn't have anything to say about it because it's true. I fear when he finds out what he wants in life, he'll find some girl who fits that bill.

He likes to go to clubs, so do I, but..not so much. Now I'm on medication (and probably always will be being Bipolar 2), therefore, drinking like at a club? Not a real smart choice and I won't do it. Also staying out so late, I can't do this because I work and have to be up by 6AM. He's the type that rides life rough, stays up till 3, gets up by 9 and does another full day. He works two jobs and goes to college, I'm very rpoud of him! He works so hard. Yet he does this thing, we've discussed, and it makes me feel as if I'm arm candy, for show. Even a few nights ago. First off, I drive to his place, because his family let's me stay at their home, and there's more things for us to do in his area him being so close to Saint Louis. Where I live, 30 miles West, eh, not so much and my family would like to meet him but they feel he has not comitted (engaged or offered marriage) and is using me for me beauty so, they don't want him in the home right now. Anyways, I drive, a lot, and I'm not complaining, I love him, but it's a haul. And when I go, I expect to spend the time with him. Much of the time I get there and theres a few things that can happen; he's working late which is understandable in which case I get to bed and watch a movie until he comes home. Second case which, happened a lot more before but after some talking, has been less an issue ..he is with his friends and puts me on hold. Well, two nights ago I drove at 10PM, arrived by 1040PM, he gets off work by 1130PM (I have work the next day and have to be up by 0630!) and he comes in and says, "Let's go to a club." ...ah...I'm in my pjs, taken my pills (which make me tired) and I have work the next day so, I say I can't, I don't feel like it. Then I say something which I didn't mean entirely but I did in a way. I know his friend was waitin g for him there, so I told him he could go and I'd stay at his house. He said he wanted to go with me, but then asked if it was ok and...left.



I don't want to be passive agressive and I don't want to be the type that "hopes" he gets it but come on, it was a time to show me I mean more than his social life. And I believe I should, if he loves me forever! It doesn't mean he can't be with his friends, as I've explained to him, I'm happy he has such good friends and I'm happy he keeps up with them but, I'm a brutally honest person, perhaps it's the Russian in me, who does he sleep with, me or them? And who is he going to love forever? Me or them? and if we're together forever, who will have his children, me or them? feel like his prioroties are them first, me when it works out. Also that, I'm kind of there for him to make him feel more like a man..like "Hey he's got a good looking girl!"..yeah, thanks. And it takes me getting moody, pouty and disgruntled before he starts acvting, then I refuse things because I know it's not from his heart.

His grandmother came to the home, I waited to be introduced...nothing, I introduced myself.



We go to his grandparents condminium for his grandfathers birthday, I asked if he'd introduce me to them, he first says yes, when we get there he tells me to wait in the car. His story was that they don't speak good English and his grandmother will dote on me to death, boring me and give me tea until the sun rises. I asked him, was that so bad as opposed to me sleeping in your jeep out front for 45 minutes!? He says nothing. Then, that he will take me to them next time. I say, no, no next time, it means nothing to me now. ((sighs))



He's 21 so I pardon him for a lot, and he's also a single child, I comecome from a large family. I also put myself in his shoes a lot and it doesn't match up. If I was living in Russia, had my group of American friends and went to a party, I'd proudly show him off...he, does not introduce me to people very much if at all and actually avoids taking me to parties with his Russian friends because he worries for me, that I'll be "bored". I don't think he's happy I'm an American by birth, but I think he likes what I look like. I don't know anymore. I can't emotionally imagine seperating from him, but there's times where it seems logical...and that's my battle, heart over reason, reason over heart. I want to give him as many chances as possible. He's done a lot for me, too. Good things, but he's also left me waiting, forgotten about me sometimes..and I just think if you loved someone, you'd be driven like mad to show them this, and you wouldn't forget or leave them standing. I'd die for him, I'm loyal. But I don't think it means anything to him, he might care the same as he does now if I were to go about ignoring him or being with other guys, I don't know! ..

Any advice?

[shadowland]

^ Sounds like they're things you could work on during the relationship. Everyone has their foibles, and theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. Do you feel like this all the time, or do you have periods of feeling like this and other times its plain sailing?

[Utora]

All the time, and I know nobody is perfect hehe, I see my parents and others with their faults in relationships up close...but I know there are other men who wouldn't say, leave me up and standing wondering all the time. It makes me anxious when he says, "I'll be back in an hour." ..so I tell myself it'll be 2 hours..sure enough it's always more than what he alotted and I'm left waiting. Starting to make me angry and put off all the time, but he takes that..like, is that what he wants? For me to be downright rude to him all the time and disappointed and sad? ..Maybe?

[shadowland]

Well, if it bothers you enough, why not leave him? :P

[Azerane]

I hate to say it Utora, but it simply sounds like he doesn't appreciate you very much, if he doesn't stick to his word and doesn't even want you to hang out with some of his friends. In my opinion, I always found that when you care about someone, the introduction to the friends is always an important step, because whether they approve or not, you're showing them that you want to hang out with that person.

I can't give much more advice than that, I've never broken up with someone or been broken up with, so I don't really know how to proceed. But at the end of the day, it is your decision and you're the one that has to say the words. I can't imagine that a break up never hurts, even if you aren't feeling properly loved, because there's always some sort of emotional connection there. Best of luck

[Safila]

I hardly say anything in this thread but .. if he says he loves you he would be wanting you to meet all his family and his friends, not hide you back at home. Yeah he can go out with his mates and such but it's not nice that he forgets about you and just thinks you will be always waiting for him. Some people hate to be alone and would rather overlook what their bf/gf does, but wouldn't it be better to be by yourself or find a new person than being someone there when they have nothing else to do.And how many chances do you give someone, when they keep doing it over and over.

Just my thoughts about it, even though I've never had a bf.
Liked someone and he supposidly liked me, yet when I told him about my dad having cancer I wasn't good enough any more. Guys are asses sometimes

[King Simba]

Sorry to hear that Utora, but to me it seems like he's either embarassed about you, or is just not emotionally committed as you are. If he truly loved you like he says he does, he would take every opportunity for you to meet his friends and family. The fact that he holds you back from meeting his family seems a little weird to me. When I was in Mexico last year, Leor took me to meet his grandmother a couple of times and she can't speak English at all, but I still felt welcomed there, even if the conversation was minimal or non-existant. I was also felt welcomed in his group of friends. I just think it's an important step in a relationship to meet friends and family, and for you not being able to do that kind of suggests that he's not committed to you as much as you are to him.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh in a way, I don't really mean to. But what I'm saying is it's no good to be in a relationship and to not feel happy. There has to be a fine line in the centre of you both, where you can accept each other's differences and where you show an equal understanding and level of commitment to one another.

If I were you, I would talk to him and express your concerns, unless you have already done that...? If he cares and loves you that much, he should be willing to improve and find a solution so that you're not feeling unhappy or depressed.

How long have you been together, if you don't mind me asking?

The very best of luck. I hope things improve whatever you decide.

[Simbaspirit]

My mom just changed her mind and decided i'm not allowed to have a car in university.. since Gunner's parents won't let him get his license, the bus costs $100 and his parents won't be able to drive him, we'll see each other close to the same amount as we do now, even though we'll only be living an hour and a half away.. knowing he's so close and not being able to be with him will be even worse.. and at least now when I visit him I can see him a few days in a row and stay there, and i won't be able to come university...

[Azerane]

Aww that sucks. But at least you still do have the comfort of knowing that he's close, even if it is a frustration to have him so close yet not be able to see him. $100 though a large sum of money, is much better than several hundred for a flight.

Think of it this way, the money you would have been spending on maintaining your car and putting gas in it, you can now use on the bus fare to visit Gunner

[Simbaspirit]

haha that is true, although at least when I spent airplane fare I got to see him for a week straight instead of paying $100 to see him for only a few hours, and the money i would spend on gas would be much less I guess its just the disappointment - I wish my mom wouldn't have told me beforehand that I would have a car, I got so excited that I would be able to see him every week.. but such is life i guess.