The Love Life Thread

[King Simba]

About moving and such, yeah... we have had the idea of both moving to the US sometime in the future, but it's just an idea. It will need much more planning and discussing if we decide we want to do that, and hearing what you said Audra, it does sound quite difficult, but I'm sure it's possible.

I did some research last year about Emilio moving to England to work over here as a dentist (after he graduates, of course), and it doesn't seem so complicated. He would just have to take some sort of exam to be a registered dentist over here, and then he could apply for a visa to work in the UK. Alternatively, he could just apply for a fiance/marriage visa.

Shadow, I don't think you can make yourself love someone, even if they seem perfect for you. Like Kanu said, you don't usually find love, it happens when you least expect it and you don't choose the people you fall in love with.

That's really true. I get it quite often at home actually.

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.

Shadow, I'm sorry to hear about your hard time finding love, but unfortunately what Kanu said is true. You can't make yourself love someone. You either feel the same towards each other or it just doesn't work. I know how you feel because it's happened to me in the past, but by no means does it mean you're "incapable" on loving someone. Everyone is capable in loving one way or another. It's just about time and patience. Be patient and give it some time and the right person will come along eventually, mark my words.

I mean, it happened when I least expected it... (well, Emilio was making it quite obvious in the end so I had my suspicions, but I never would've thought I'd have fell in love back then at that time) and look at where we are now. I'm sure the same will happen to you sooner or later.

Audra, I'm glad everything is going well for you. And happy 6th anniversary for tomorrow!

Little Lottee, that's great to hear, and sounds like there is some chemistry between you two. That's great to hear that you can both get along and have similar personalities too. I wish you the best of luck with that.

[Simbaspirit]

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.

aw KS.. I know where you're coming from, for the first year my mom did not support my relationship and I needed to move to my dads in order to be able to visit my boyfriend. My family wouldn't really speak to me for a while, and when Blair and his dad visited me in Vancouver, my dad would not stop making fun of them and putting them down. Now my mom supports my relationship but Blair's parents don't anymore so I have no way of visitng them as I am no longer allowed at their house and they have made it very clear that they would prefer me to be out of Blair's life. Its not the easiest thing ever since they had previously told me they loved me as if I was their own daughter. It's really hard when the people closest to you are the most unsupportive.. but the only thing to do is to keep loving, keep fighting, and one day maybe they'll see.

[King Simba]

aw KS.. I know where you're coming from, for the first year my mom did not support my relationship and I needed to move to my dads in order to be able to visit my boyfriend. My family wouldn't really speak to me for a while, and when Blair and his dad visited me in Vancouver, my dad would not stop making fun of them and putting them down. Now my mom supports my relationship but Blair's parents don't anymore so I have no way of visitng them as I am no longer allowed at their house and they have made it very clear that they would prefer me to be out of Blair's life. Its not the easiest thing ever since they had previously told me they loved me as if I was their own daughter. It's really hard when the people closest to you are the most unsupportive.. but the only thing to do is to keep loving, keep fighting, and one day maybe they'll see.

Well, this is the thing. My dad supports my relationship with Emilio fully and is always willing to help me out in whichever way he can. There are just times where he feels a bit "used" too much I guess, for example, he had to spend quite a lot of money on petrol to pick Emilio up from the airport, which is something he keeps nagging me about (I've had it since Emilio booked the flights, and Emilio even apologised to him because of the cost of going down there). Petrol over here is ridiculous and so as a result of driving to Heathrow there and back twice and for the overnight accommodation both times before we picked and dropped off Emilio at the airport, it's costed him over £100. Money is just tight on him right now, since he doesn't really have a secure job, and so they have to watch what they spend.

Maybe if he was more stable on money, it wouldn't be so difficult for him, but he's just a difficult person to be around in general, at least since he lost his job (he was made redundant after the company he worked for went into administration). He just doesn't like it when I feel down, hence why he says those things about me being in a long distance relationship, but really I wouldn't change Emilio for the world.

My mum on the other hand understands my feelings very well and is a great support when I can talk to her. I think the problem with my dad is he just doesn't understand the things we both have to go through with all this distance. I would prefer it if he could just understand how I feel and not go off on one everytime I feel a bit down. That's what would make the separation from Emilio a whole lot easier for me, no constant arguments or pressure. Just a willing to understand how I feel and therefore at least not nag at me so much. I just feel that I can't talk much about my separation from Emilio around him as a result.

I would take a break from my dad every now and then, but what makes it hard is that my parents are married still, and so we all live in the same house. Unfortunately it's not so easy for me to go and live at another house since I still don't have my own place, so I have to put up with it I guess... xP

On the bright side, even though we're separated now... just 57 days and I'll be going to Mexico.

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

I think to be fair to your Dad KS I can see where he's coming from. I think if my daughter was in that position I'd probably tell her to get a job if she wanted to pay for petrol and hotels!

[King Simba]

Yeah, but there's also such thing as doing a favour too. It's not like I sponge from them and it's something that doesn't happen very often, so I don't see why he should keep nagging me about it. I'm not stupid and I know what I have to do, so nagging at me doesn't help with my feelings. Besides, getting a job when having holidays already booked can be tricky, even more so in this mess of an economy we live in right now.

It's all very well saying "get a job" but people are just so damn choosy nowadays, for example having a holiday booked is most likely a reason why you won't be employed. :notamused: Not to mention my time in Mexico will be 5 weeks, which is unacceptable for time off.

If Emilio had flown to and from Manchester it would've been a different story. It's just because London is so far from here. At least I'm flying from Manchester next time so hopefully he won't nag me too much.

[nathalie]

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.

I can kind of understand why he might say that.
Not saying it's right or wrong for saying it though

You can love someone so much, but sometimes, you just have to think with your mind instead of with your heart.

My ex boyfriend told me so many times he still loved me, but he had to think with his mind on this one, otherwhise he'd be miserable.

Sometimes you just have too.
There are other people out there, in the same situation as you, and care for another person so much, but think with their mind, that it's just not possible.

And I do think you "kind of" choose for it, not trying to step on someone's tows here, definatly not!
But you know this in advance, that this person lives across the globe and that it will be though beyond believe, and that though, sometimes requires thinking with your mind also, and not only with your heart.

But that's just my opinion
And as you all know, I could never deal with a long distance relationship, so still, admiration for all of you

[King Simba]

Well, in my own personal opinion, anyone who hasn't been in this situation before will never fully understand, which I think is my dad's problem. Like I said he's not the most supportive of people and so talking to him about my issues isn't really an option. He just doesn't really listen.

And the complaining and arguing is about things in general, not always just about spending money or travelling long distances. I just used that as an example.

This is exactly why I'm thankful that a few of us here at Lea have been in the same situation as me. It gives me comfort and hope for my relationship with Leor to work out in the best way possible.

[Sadiki]

I don't really have much to add on want has been said. I do understand when it comes to money and long distance relationships, I do think you should be able to make enough to afford seeing the other person or at least most of it. My parents helped me many times.. actually I think most of the times I traveled to US they gave me some money towards my tickets. My mom has told me a few times as well that I knew what I got myself into when we first got together and yeah it's some what hurtful but I do see where she is coming from. You can either choose to follow your heart and your mind or try to compromise and follow both your heart and mind in delicate balance. That is what I basically did, I wanted to see Audra every chance possible but even if I had the money together and I could have taken time off from school and work at the time, I didn't do it as I knew that in long run I could not get anything accomplished if I did it like that. Also I could have just moved to US and not go back to Finland until I'm 30 and try to avoid military but I thought it's a less of a burden to go through it than try to avoid it for years.

What comes to never be able to be in long distance relationship... I really don't know how to approach that as the thought of being in a long distance relationship was never an issue for me, yes the distance and the money spent was but like any relationship it needs some work in order to work. We spent way over $20k on just visa process and plain tickets and all that and been putting our lives on hold for years, but do I regret that from past 6 years (to date) most we had over 7000 miles between us. The answer is, I wouldn't change a day. Yes not everyone is capable on handling the obstacles and go through months of separation, but in the end it's at least as rewarding as any other relationship if not more rewarding once you two get it to work and finally be able to live as any old couple in this world.

[Sharifu]

I hate it when people say, "You choose to be in this relationship." Yes, it is true you choose to be in a relationship with that person, but you already fell in love with them, so much so, that the pain of not being together is far worse then dealing with some time of separation. Honestly I kind of feel like if you decide not to be in a relationship with someone you love just because you have to deal with distance and be separated at times, then you must not love that person very much. Obviously you think, "Well I don't want to deal with a long distance relationship, so I just wont be with this person because I'd rather find someone else who lives closer to me to replace him/her." That might be a little more harsh then what you are thinking, but that is how I picture it. Yes, the separation was hard, and it always got harder over time. But there are neat things about long distance relationships too. Being able to travel and go to different countries was a neat experience for me. I don't think I would of been able to go to Europe if it wasn't for me being with Petteri. (That is not why I got together with him though, haha) Besides, long distance relationships eventually become "normal" relationships if that's what you want in the end. It may take many years, it will take a lot of money, and a lot of work. But I think if you are willing to go through all that for the person you love, then your love is really strong.

[King Simba]

I hate it when people say, "You choose to be in this relationship." Yes, it is true you choose to be in a relationship with that person, but you already fell in love with them, so much so, that the pain of not being together is far worse then dealing with some time of separation. Honestly I kind of feel like if you decide not to be in a relationship with someone you love just because you have to deal with distance and be separated at times, then you must not love that person very much. Obviously you think, "Well I don't want to deal with a long distance relationship, so I just wont be with this person because I'd rather find someone else who lives closer to me to replace him/her." That might be a little more harsh then what you are thinking, but that is how I picture it. Yes, the separation was hard, and it always got harder over time. But there are neat things about long distance relationships too. Being able to travel and go to different countries was a neat experience for me. I don't think I would of been able to go to Europe if it wasn't for me being with Petteri. (That is not why I got together with him though, haha) Besides, long distance relationships eventually become "normal" relationships if that's what you want in the end. It may take many years, it will take a lot of money, and a lot of work. But I think if you are willing to go through all that for the person you love, then your love is really strong.

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

I also think long distance relationships make you both stronger as a couple, and therefore give you a chance to show how committed you really are to that person. Like you said, if you love that person so much, then you'll be willing to deal with any type of distance, no matter how long or far it is. Unlike "normal" relationships where you live in the same town/city as your girlfriend or boyfriend, I also think it's much more exciting being able to see different places and be able to learn about different cultures. At least that is one of the things I like about my relationship with Emilio. We come from totally different cultures so I find it interesting to see how we both live. When it comes to cultural differences, I don't see how that should be a reason not to be together.

I never thought I'd travel all the way to Mexico by myself, but I've done it and seen places I never thought I'd see because of it, and that'll continue. ^^

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

I could say a few things about love but I'll save them for my own miserly thread...

[Nalas]

Little Lottee, that's great to hear, and sounds like there is some chemistry between you two. That's great to hear that you can both get along and have similar personalities too. I wish you the best of luck with that.

Thanks!

More information, everyone;

I saw Eric this morning before he had to go to class. He sat by me at a table and we were just talking. He tossed me his phone at one point, stating, "You better put your number in there." He took mine and put his number in my phone. I texted him throughout class (since my class wasn't really doing anything today).

As we're texting, he randomly asks, "Do you have a boyfriend?" When I read that, I was like: o.O I answered, "No, not yet!" He replied, "Good for you!" I stated, "I'm waiting for that perfect guy." He replied, "Nice.... But you should date around." I told him, "NOBODY asks me out, though!" He replied, "Seriously?!" I replied, "Yes. I'm serious."

Here comes the cute part.

He replies, "I'd date you, but there's two things holding me back.... 1) I don't have a car/license and 2) I don't ask for dates by text." I'm with him on #1; I don't have a car/license, either. And I agree with him about #2. He was texting cute stuff until he texted, "I love you chica (in a non weird way)". Again, I was like: o.O I'm pretty sure he was being playful with that "I love you", but I thought it was cute, though!

ANYWAY. Thought I'd share. :3 Btw, we're texting each other now as I type this. What a coincidence!

[Azerane]

^ That's cute, hope it works out for you if that's where you want it to go

As for me, this is weird because I don't really know where this mindset has come from and it may just vanish when I get a chance to talk to Pat but I need to vent. For those who don't know, I've just been away for a week on a camp as a volunteer with Uni students (for the course I used to do at Uni). I had an absolute blast and I loved every minute of the camp, but it's gotten me confused. I almost feel like I'm living two lives, and that those lives don't really mesh together. The Uni students were split into two groups, me and a staff member were supervising a group of 6 of them for the week, they were fantastic students, really friendly and chatty, great work ethic, strong interest in their projects and just stuck together and supported each other and didn't complain. Someone mentioned on the first day about road-tripping America (I don't know how it came up, I just overheard it) and I mentioned that I was doing it in August. So there was a brief discussion about that. But I never said why I was going to America and although I got to know those 6 students really well over the course of the week and we got along great, I almost felt like I hadn't been honest with any of them seeing as how none of them knew about Pat. Which is kind of a dumb thing to think. If the subject of boyfriends etc had come up, I would have mentioned it, but I've always tried to avoid telling people about it because I have had some bad reactions in the past and it's sometimes tough for me to mention it for that reason.
So I feel like I'm not being honest with people so I can't actually make proper friends here, and yet at the same time, half of my life is in america and I feel split in two. Because I absolutely love Australia, not so much the people or the cities but simply the landscape and the feel of it, it just feels right when I'm out there. And I know it's going to be hard to leave, and I really don't want to leave it. But I feel like at the moment (apart from my 3 friends from high school) that I don't have proper friends, because I don't let people know me and because half of my life isn't here, I feel like I can't get close to people because I'm not going to be around anyway. It's just a really weird feeling I have right now after getting back from the camp and I just don't know what to make of it. I think after simply spending a whole week with the same group of people doing stuff together all day, it's a bit of a shock when all of a sudden you get thrown back into the real world with more than just those 7 other people in it. And after so long of not seeing Pat, I feel like I am closer to those people than I am to him, simply because of the situation and the fact that being out there on camp meant no electricity, and no phone reception, so no contact with the outside world at all. Which I love, but for some reason it's done my head in.

Anyway, I don't even know if that really has anything to do with this thread topic, but I just feel... weird... Nevermind, I'll get to talk to Pat tomorrow, and hopefully it will fade.

[Azerane]

sorry for the double post but I'll keep it short...

[rant] i hate long-distance relationships.[/rant]

[Guntur]

sorry for the double post but I'll keep it short...

[rant] i hate long-distance relationships.[/rant]

I agree, I'm the guy who doesn't believe Long Distance Relationships in certain topics. IMO? Love should be getting the both satisfaction for both lovers, also including Physically contact, Psychology contact, and emotionally contact. I mean I love a person not base of their looks or style and looking towards Psychology and emotionally, but I will never get any satisfaction on physical interaction between me and my lover! [not making love but, verbally talking to a lover face to face instead of webcam or 'technologic' things.] I want a love that physically and emotionally there in front of my eyes to have a love contact on each others. As for friends, there's not much of a bonding attachment between two people and we are all understand our schedule and our personal life as long it don't demand much on the friend relationship.

[Sharifu]

Bec, I am sorry to hear what you are feeling right now. I'm not sure what to say. I'm surprised you have had bad reactions to telling people your boyfriend lives in America. I have never been afraid to tell people that my then boyfriend lived in Finland. Some people thought it was weird, but I didn't care. I knew our love was real, whether or not they thought a long distance relationship could work really didn't matter to me, because it worked for us, but look at us now, we are married and living together.

It seems to me you are having a really hard time with idea of leaving Australia. I don't blame you, I like the environment and the weather better in the U.S. then Finland. I would rather stay living in the U.S. then move to Finland. (Although don't get me wrong, if Petteri couldn't of moved to the U.S. I would of moved to Finland to be with Petteri) This sounds like to me you are kind of mentioning about moving to the U.S. because you are mentioning you can't make friends in Australia because you will be leaving to the U.S. and that you love Australia and how hard it would be to leave. That doesn't really sounds like you just talking about a vacation or just a visit to the U.S. I don't know what you and Pat have talked about moving, if anything, but you make it sound like you have to be the one to move. I don't want to sound like I am judging you or Pat, I know how hard it is, the idea for someone to move. But I just wonder if Patrick would be happy in Australia. I don't know, I think I am rambling. Sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

[Simbaspirit]

I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in . It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.

I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so hard Azerane I can't even imagine.. I really hope things get better for you soon.

[Sombolia]

Wow, that's great SS! It is a little scary but I'm sure it'll be really exciting. Best of luck.

[Azerane]

Bec, I am sorry to hear what you are feeling right now. I'm not sure what to say. I'm surprised you have had bad reactions to telling people your boyfriend lives in America. I have never been afraid to tell people that my then boyfriend lived in Finland. Some people thought it was weird, but I didn't care. I knew our love was real, whether or not they thought a long distance relationship could work really didn't matter to me, because it worked for us, but look at us now, we are married and living together.

It seems to me you are having a really hard time with idea of leaving Australia. I don't blame you, I like the environment and the weather better in the U.S. then Finland. I would rather stay living in the U.S. then move to Finland. (Although don't get me wrong, if Petteri couldn't of moved to the U.S. I would of moved to Finland to be with Petteri) This sounds like to me you are kind of mentioning about moving to the U.S. because you are mentioning you can't make friends in Australia because you will be leaving to the U.S. and that you love Australia and how hard it would be to leave. That doesn't really sounds like you just talking about a vacation or just a visit to the U.S. I don't know what you and Pat have talked about moving, if anything, but you make it sound like you have to be the one to move. I don't want to sound like I am judging you or Pat, I know how hard it is, the idea for someone to move. But I just wonder if Patrick would be happy in Australia. I don't know, I think I am rambling. Sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

I haven't had that many bad reactions, but it's more that I can tell that people are judging me because of it, and although in some ways it doesn't bother me because it's my life anyway and I'm going to be with him no matter what people say, it's still easier when people are understanding. I find young people are more understanding In terms of our situation, we haven't made any plans yet to move, it's something we're going to figure out during my visit. But sometimes, it does just feel like I'll be the one moving. It does kind of make sense though, he hasn't finished his study yet, and he's taking a break from it so I don't know when he'll go back to it or because of that when he'll be done. But I dunno, as much as I don't want to leave Australia, I also don't want him to come here if he's not going to like it. America has so much more convenience than Australia and because he's used to it he finds it weird here that you can't just go to walmart at midnight or something I don't know. As I said, we're yet to discuss it in great detail.

I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in . It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.

I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so hard Azerane I can't even imagine.. I really hope things get better for you soon.

Congratulations! That's really awesome. I wish you all the best for your studies, that's great you'll get to be so close. A town of 5000 people sounds great to me And thank you for your thoughts

[Simbaspirit]

Thanks guys I'm really excited, though thrown off as its a complete change of the original plan but this way Blair gets to move out on his own while still close to home, and since he's a year younger and not yet 18 it will be better for him to help him get adjusted, whereas I'm accustomed to leaving home for months at a time. We've never seen each other for more than 14 days in a row, and the two I saw him it was always 9 days or less. Azerane I know where you're coming from with the reactions, my parents didn't support my relationship at all for a long time (my dad still thinks its a joke) and most people I talk to find the whole thing laughable. I can only imagine that it gets harder as one gets older.. do you know when you will see Pat next?