The Love Life Thread

[nathalie]

I'll just have a pitty party for 1.
I'm not a bad person? I'm nice, odd once in a while maybe, but nice, I'll do anything for the person I care for, then why do I get treated like this every single time.
Nobody wants me, not even my parents will be "happy" to see me coming back home.

They don't even know yet, as I don't even have a solution myself yet, I'm still at his house for the time being till I could find something I can afford to rent, but obviously staying here is not even a good solution till I manage to find a place of my own.
Work is too far from my parents, like 2,5 hours by public transportation.

Even though I'm already in my 2nd week of work, I'm not signing my contract till Monday.
Maybe I should just quit it now and go back home, where there is no big city, where there is no job uppertunity for me, where there is nothing at all, then to just die slowly in my room.

[KanuTGL]

Aww, Nathalie, I'm so sorry

Don't talk like that though - you're a great person, who deserves better. If you can keep your job and find a new place to stay, do that. Maybe, if you feel that it's possible, find a hostel or something as an emergency accommodation until you find something more permanent? It must be such a difficult situation to be in, and it's okay to throw a pity party, but don't give up I believe in you

In the meantime, come join the Lonely Hearts Club - maybe we'll form a band or something...

[Guntur]

I'm sorry to hear that Nathalie, We're here. There's nothing wrong with you, you're normal and okay for all of us, especially with this 10 years. Maybe it just a clash of personality between him and you.

Speaking of Lonely Heart club? following the high school reunion, I might try to ask one of my female friend if she want to start a relationship, she's been into rough time during engagement. I'm not a healer person but At least I would ask if she willing to be a close friend or even lovers. Time will tell.

[nathalie]

I've find an apartment nearby hear, it has the same buslines, it's behind a grocery store etc, but it's way too much I can afford really.
I went to the realtor yesterday to ask about it, and he said he was there in the evening showing it to other people, so I could come and have a look too.
I was actually there, but then saw this young couple going inside with the realtor, so I went back home.
I can't compete with that. Dumped, alone, parttime job that hardly pays, who would they pick to rent the place? :/

Though, I would pay that "little" extra for a place that isn't tiny where the walls are crawling up to you, as I've lived like that for an entire year in his house already while renovating the living room/kitchen.
And comparing the price of this place with many other places, this place I like is really huge comparing with the rest.
Thing is, I'll have about 150 € or less to live of every month.
I made another apointment today with the realtor, going to have a look Tuesday.

[ThiagoPE]

Nathalie, Life os full of adversity and we need to live with them and trying make trhought it

I really wish and hope the best for you.

[HasiraKali]

Sums it up pretty nicely.

[Sharifu]

Aww. to Nathalie and HasiraKali. I hope you both find a sweet and caring guy who will be perfect for you.

[nathalie]

Yeah, we all know in my case that ain't gonna happen, they are all lying jerks

We have been talking lately though, which made us clear up some things, which is still good anyways I think, not that it matters much.

It's extremely confusing, but I shouldn't go on about it, otherwhise I'll have 5 pages typed, lol.

[Azerane]

Nathalie, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation Not sure what else to say...

I just wanted to share that last night Pat and I submitted his partner VISA application. So he's now officially able to stay in Australia until a decision is made on that in 12-15 months time, and he is able to work as well.

[Sharifu]

I'm glad to hear that Bec. When Pat starts applying for jobs, I wish him luck in his job search.

[Kasei]

*joins the Lonely Hearts Band with everyone else* One chronically single girl checking in, whoop whoop! xD

I guess I'm a little different as I'm not necessarily down about being single. Despite having just turned 28 and never being in an actual defined relationship before (the guy I "dated" in highschool doesn't count), I'm so busy trying to get my career off the ground that I really feel like boys would just be an unneeded distraction for me right now. Of course, I've been saying that since I graduated high school, but...^^;

I dunno, maybe I'll find a guy while I'm up in Colorado, but it's not really my MO. Besides, it's kind of tricky meeting people when you're new to an area and don't know *anyone.* I feel like I'm always the creepy/awkward person wherever I go. xD But, I mean, I try to have good humor about it because, well, what else can you do? I did enough of the pity party stuff in college and never really felt good about myself then so I'd rather not go back to that. I'll just have to be patient and throw off society's norms about when and how often I should be dating. My love life is such a ridiculous story full of undefined friendlationships, trick dates, and unrequited tomfoolery already anyway, why not make it weirder? =P

[nathalie]

Not special enough to make a seperate thread ...

I'm very gratefull he didn't throw me out, and that resulted into me finding a place.
I move March 1st

I've tried to make this situation liveable as good as I could, but that has ended now.
I don't talk to him anymore, and I've asked him not to speak anymore to me either, so no nasty and harsh things can come out of his mouth ever again towards me.
After all I did for him, his true selve is completely coming out lately.
I guess with blaming me for most things, he's just saving his own skin. So he looks good towards his family.
(I find it hard to believe how someone can believe their own lies like that, knowing damn well, they are lying)
It's so extremely sad to know, that his family & friends absolutely have no idea what he is really like. So they all think I'm the bad guy.

I almost wanna say: you have my pitty

But not really sad & pathetic, that's all he is. Too bad took me so long to figure it out.
Because, as long as there's a little percentage of good in a person, I hold on to that, and try to fight for the rest.

Note to self: don't ever feel that way again.

[KanuTGL]

Glad to hear you're moving out, Nathalie. I bet it'll be good with a fresh start!

As for myself, waugh, I'd just like to vent a little here, haha.

I'm still single as ever, but... oooh, there's a new crush...

We've been colleagues for seven months now, but we haven't done a lot of work together due to our different responsibilities and due to him being a somewhat quiet type same as me. Over the last few weeks though I've got to know him more and started to notice that not only is he very kind and sweet, but we have a lot in common too. And while I love all my co-workers dearly, a lot of them are loud and don't always hear me, but I feel listened to whenever he's around and he actually seems interested in what I have to say... Most importantly, though, is that I'm feeling like I can actually be... myself, around him. I struggle to open up and I keep many things about myself well-guarded because of old habits, but around him I'm starting to feel like I can relax and let go of some of those insecurities. This is a big deal for me. People like that are few and far between and currently I just feel like I should jump on this chance, but... augh ;_; When is it ever not complicated?

First of all, relationships within the workplace is generally, I've gathered, not recommended. I think it's because the work is so intense, and you need to be able to break from it and be able to talk to others about it (not that I have much of a social life outside of work anyway, but hey xP). I don't think it'd be an issue for me personally, but I can see how it could change group dynamics and I can see how it could be straining to work together with a partner. Still, I don't think it'd bother me exactly. (And we hardly work together anyway, haha) It's more for the sake of the others that I feel like this is a factor to consider... (Not to mention the eendless jokes and gossip a relationship within the group would generate, omg.)

Secondly, he is one of my "bosses", even if the whole "rank" thing isn't a very big deal in reality. This doesn't really bother me personally either, because I know I can separate work from free time. But can he/the others...?

Thirdly, the others have recently made it their mission to find a date for him, hah. They're looking around for girls to set him up with and seem to really be trying at this point... Meanwhile I'm sitting next to them thinking "Weeell, why don't you ask me!?"

And lastly, if I was to tell him and he didn't feel the same way, working together for the rest of these months could be extremely awkward, which I think is my biggest hurdle here >_>; Few things are worse for me than awkwardness

I guess the point of posting all this here is to ask you guys for advice on what to do, haha. If it's not obvious - I kind of do want to tell him, but for the reasons above I'm not sure if I should...

[Azerane]

For me personally, I think the workplace gossip regarding the relationship would be even worse than the possible rejection, haha! I just don't like being a talking point

I understand your reservations regarding workplace ethics etc. I think that depends on how frowned upon it is where you are working. I know that some places strictly forbid it, and others it's just something that happens.

If the others are looking for a date for him, it kind of puts a bit of pressure on, because what if they find someone and he says yes and ends up enjoying the date and you know where the rest of that story goes! Then you would have missed out on a chance.

For me, having been rejected by someone wasn't too awkward afterwards, he took it as a compliment, I didn't take it personally that he wasn't interested, so all was well. Of course that's not to say that if he's not interested he won't be weird about it, but I figure it's better to have asked, than to sit there never knowing.

I know I can't give you any concrete answers here, I'm just trying to offer up different perspectives. When you say "crush", is it just a crush or an actual "I could see myself with this guy" type thing. Because I think there's a difference. If it's just a crush, maybe wait a little longer, but if it's something more, then I say go for it

[Kasei]

I second what Az said. I would wait just a bit longer, maybe try to hang out with him outside of work (can be in a group setting, maybe invite everyone at work out for drinks or bowling or something) and see if you guys hit it off in a more casual atmosphere. As someone who had a crush on a guy at work for over a year, I understand how all of that goes. Definitely don't let it drag out as long as I did. e_e; If you feel yourself getting super attached and moving beyond the crush level then definitely say something so that you can either nurture that feeling or nip it in the bud. Good luck!

[KanuTGL]

Thanks for the replies, guys

I don't think there is any "policy" against relationships within the workplace as such, but from what I know it's pretty rare. I really don't like being a talking point either xP But my guess would be that if anyone in the group did get together, the rest would be respectful enough to know how far they can take the jokes, so I'm actually not that concerned about that either, haha. What I really worry about is what he thinks, I guess. Last time I confessed to a crush (and I liked/like him a lot) I ended up losing my friendship with him too because it got so awkward, which was not nice to deal with D:

And I guess this is a crush, but I'm finding myself leaning more and more towards "I could actually see myself with this guy" Before Christmas we went to a work-related event together (because he invited me along, woo), followed by a dinner with the rest of the group, and it was just such a nice time. Him and I talked a whole lot and, like I said above, he actually seems interested in what I have to say, haha. But he also is such a kind person, so I couldn't say if he means the things he does in a friendly way, or something else. I like to think that I'm pretty decent at "assessing" people and having a "gut feeling" about them sometimes, but when it comes to people that I really like myself, I can't tell at all... It becomes a "you see what you want to see" sort of thing, and I do want to see it so badly.
The way he looks at me sometimes though. Augh.

Sorry for the rant, it just feels nice to talk to other people about it xD I don't have many friends left in the area that I see regularly, beyond my colleagues... xP I'm probably gonna stand by for a while longer, but if it carries on like this I'm gonna end up telling him sooner or later...

[Azerane]

Hang in there Kanu

And Nathalie, sorry I missed your post before, at least with you moving out soon you can make a fresh start It's refreshing to know that you won't have to worry about any of those things anymore!

[Leorgathar]

I agree with Kasei about the idea of hanging out as a group outside of the work environment and see how things go. But that said, I've never really been involved in same work environment crushes myself, so I can't really offer much in expriences with that.

This may be only from my perspective, but if a girl I'm friends with (and see daily at work) told me she liked me, I guess I would feel very flattered, especially more since I'm also looking for a new relationship. Assuming this would be a girl I find very interesting to talk with and fun to hang out with, I guess I'd quite consider it and maybe give it a chance on a date. I guess it would be somewhat awkward if it didn't work out, though, but personally I don't think that'd affect much in my friendship with her. (This is an hypothetical girl I'm talking about, btw, no such girl exists in my life... yet :'D)

Also, as a guy I know we're somewhat bad at catching up signals but maybe you could try telling him (or sending him a text works too) after a particularly fun day how you had a good time with him, thanking him for it. If he's anything like me, that'll have him smiling for a good while

And of course, it's better take your time if you're not entirely sure yet, see if the friendship grows closer. But I do hope it leads to somewhere in the end.
I wish you all the good luck, Kanu

[nathalie]

Thanks guys.
A fresh start, I don't think so though ... I'm scared I'll just waste away, as I don't have to get up for no one on my day off and during the weekend.

I'm not actually scared on living on my own, I don't really need anyone taking care of me, like most men do

I'm more scared that in the beginning I'll just fall further in a black whole, where I'm trying to crawl out of already for so long.

[Guntur]

Hmmm.
I've been thinking about Her lately in my mind and wondering that if she ever going to return to this forum at all. I know it would be an awkward situation because I haven't talk to her since 2006 and we've been fighting for the whole freaking year and it would be strange if she walk up and talk to me through here. It would be embarrassing if she realized I haven't had a love life since she left. Well, never know what the future hold but if she ever come back, looks like I have to face her again.