The Love Life Thread

[Azerane]

^Best of luck with the job you got in any case

[Utora]

Thanks. It's going very well, it gives me a lot of hours but a lot of time for school at the same time. Imagine that.


))) I did try to see another guy last month. Everything was great until we went to Los Angeles together and he explained how, basically..in his own words, he wants an open relationship and it was justified because he was a man with needs.




& how I was not mentally well for basically prefering a committed relationship. I also should have not become attached to anything in life.




Yeah well when we returned home, that was that. He can have all the women he wants.
It is a strange concept to me and I respect those who choose to live that way so long as I'm not a part of it.

[Guntur]

Yeah, commitment and attachment is a huge huge things in relationship, it just sad when all of those dreams and hope just collapse in front of the eyes.

As for me right now, I'm not looking on relationship or attachment since I have zero money and no job. there's a huge sacrifice that I need to make when I'm ready to enter a relationship.

I'm just spending too much money on my computer at the moment, dat 1 thousand dollars just to invest on a machine.

[Azerane]

Feeling positive right now, I just sent Pat an essay of an e-mail We've been through a lot the past few years, and I felt like even though we've worked through all that, we never really got back to where we should be. So I finally realised that a little while ago, did a lot of thinking and reading etc and finally had the confidence to express those concerns. But overall it's a positive e-mail about wanting to improve things, so I'm relieved to kinda have that burden off my chest and also hoping that it will result in some good improvement from both of us.

[nathalie]

Nothing to report on my end.

Maybe one thing though: mother-in-laws ...

[KanuTGL]

That's good, Azerane It's never a good idea to carry around relationship concerns in silence - speaking from experience, haha - and it's much, much better to talk about it. If left there, those little concerns can grow bigger and bigger, until they feel like they'll put the whole relationship at stake, so I'm glad you got it off your chest Hoping it'll get resolved! :3

[Azerane]

Thanks for the support Kanu I'm kinda freaking out because I haven't heard anything back from Pat yet... so I'm trying to convince myself that his internet died or something and has nothing to do with the e-mail I sent

Maybe one thing though: mother-in-laws ...

Don't even get me started on those

[Sadiki]

Though first you gotta get married to have a mother-in-law to complain

And what comes to problems in relationships... Hard hard stuff to talk about really, but better get them sorted before they turn into an avalanche.

[Utora]

And what comes to problems in relationships... Hard hard stuff to talk about really, but better get them sorted before they turn into an avalanche.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I think communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and taking into account that if you feel a certain way, and even if this feeling is so strong - it is very likely the other person has no idea until you say something...sometimes when it's obvious to you, it's obscure to them.

If you go through the worst with someone and come back and agree to try again, it's actually like..in my mind, taking a once weak metal, boiling it down and forging it into a stronger one - one that can be tested more and strike through a lot of things faster and still stay intact.

The only hard part is being patient, what's for me I mean. There was a lot of bad things that happened in my longest relationship - it evolved into stubbornness, passive aggressive behavior and how to get the other back, more so on the other persons end but i had my ways of retaliating

Well certainly enough this avalanche that Sadiki mentions is extremely real, and equally as powerful with destruction.
It tore me apart and I ended up doing things I never thought I would find myself doing until I came to the bottom.

I won't go into detail, but me and the guy I started dating 3 years ago worked through it. We both hurt each other, but we both still held onto each other which indicated to me we love each other but there are pieces missing..so we quarrel too much.

We're not where we use to be, and it eats at me a lot. The key now is patience in earning each other's trust. I don't trust like before now. I'm always speculating in my free time, and I was never this way. I dislike it. It's like I have to meditate over and over to be at peace ...and lately that is fading. Patience. I'm not a patient lion - at all...so it makes me more hostile sometimes when it falls through which is another lesson; gentleness and honesty heal wounds faster than impatience and coldness.

I did find though, what is odd, is not only do people blame themselves in these situations but they blame the other person usually. The entire act of blaming is taking a step backwards. I realized both of us made the same mistake, and we're both accountable. Now, the only thing relevant is learning from it and being honest...

if the other person can not forgive, then there will never be growth and restoration and it has to be let go of.
Thankfully, that's not what is happening here. But a guy I dated years ago - that's exactly what happened over as something as small as a verbal conflict. Gotta watch out.

[Azerane]

You're definitely right about the ease with which small problems can become large ones. I don't intend to let that happen. I got a concerned but positive response from Pat, so that was nice. Yay progress, even if we haven't had time to discuss it in detail yet.

[nathalie]

Don't even get me started on those

Glad I'm not the only one.
I did nothing to her...

[Azerane]

Glad I'm not the only one.
I did nothing to her...

You are far from the only one. Pat's mum has screamed right in my face before and made me cry. Then she yelled at me for crying Wasn't a very fun day. A friend of mine, her mother-in-law used to come to their house for dinner, but refuse to eat the food she made and bring take-away food instead. It was very hurtful and rude to her. I think with things like that, you know they're being unreasonably mean or hurtful, so you just kind of have to brush it off and keep pushing past it and not let them push you around. It's hard, but worth it in the end I think

[nathalie]

I feel like I'm in school again, you know ... being bullied by a 53-year old woman o_O

Not sure why it would be worth it in the end, she hates me, and some things happened in the past month which didn't make her like me more, lol.
She needs to but out of my life, and interfere with her own.
And well, not having a job and all isn't helping.

Why on earth would she scream in your face :s
What has happened to being reasanable and talking in a normal manner towards people *sigh*.

Omg, coming around at dinner time and bringing your own food ...
I think that would tick my last nerve, I would put her and her baggy of take-out out of the door and lock it!

Why on earth would you do something like that?
Is it really a mother-son syndrome kind of thing? I find it very hard to believe that in my case, his mom can't let him go, haha.

[Azerane]

Hey guys. Just umm... hoping you could send some good vibes and things my way. Pat and I aren't doing very well right now, and I'm honestly not sure we're going to make it through the month.

Not keen to get into details right now, just really need some support. We both want it to work, I'm just not so sure that it can.

[nathalie]

I'm sorry Rebecca

Hope you guys can work things out, you've come so far already!

I'm not the right person to give advice on this subject, but if you just feel like talking, you know where to find me.

[KanuTGL]

Aww I'm really sorry to hear that. You guys have been through so much together; I hope you will be able to work this out too!

I second Nathalie; I'm not great at giving advice in these situations, but I'm here if you want to talk. Keeping you guys in my thoughts

[Sharifu]

Oh Bec, I am so sorry to hear this. You and Pat have been through so much together... If you would like to talk more about it, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice.

[Azerane]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it

[Kasei]

Ack, oh no, really sorry to hear about this. Sending prayers and thoughts your way, I hope you guys are able to figure out a positive outcome. <3 At least you both want things to work, that's always better than it being a one-sided situation. Hoping for the best for you.

[Namazzi]

Love life.. ack. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years and last Wednesday he decided to leave me. When the day before he was saying how he wanted to be with me forever. It was really just unexpected and I've been taking it pretty hard. More so because I don't really have friends, so I've been sitting here alone letting it eat me up. lol. He's been pretty clear that he doesn't want me back, and I'm trying really hard to accept it... He seems pretty over it now too, while I'm still feeling the same devastating feeling I was the day it happened. Go figure.

Azerane, I'm sorry to hear. I hope you guys can work it out