The Love Life Thread

[Azerane]

Thanks Kasei

Love life.. ack. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years and last Wednesday he decided to leave me. When the day before he was saying how he wanted to be with me forever. It was really just unexpected and I've been taking it pretty hard. More so because I don't really have friends, so I've been sitting here alone letting it eat me up. lol. He's been pretty clear that he doesn't want me back, and I'm trying really hard to accept it... He seems pretty over it now too, while I'm still feeling the same devastating feeling I was the day it happened. Go figure.

Azerane, I'm sorry to hear. I hope you guys can work it out

I'm so sorry to hear that? Did he give you a reason? It sounds like he must have been pretty emotionally disconnected for a while if he was so abrupt and sure. That's so awful for it to be so unexpected. Also thanks for the support. If you need anybody to talk to as well, I'm here if you want to talk anytime. Doesn't even have to be about what happened, even if you just want to talk about random stuff to get your mind off of it.

[Namazzi]

He gave a long list of reasons. All of which could have been fixed. But he didn't give me the chance. lol. It's been long distance, so that hasn't helped much. I visited and stayed with him for 2 weeks just a couple months back (I did as often as possible), and it all seemed well. We had a great time. When I left he assured me it was awesome and that he wanted me to move there with him. Which is what we've been working on for a couple of years. We were mainly waiting for him to finish school and stuff.
He said I complain too much and drag him down. But I also have it pretty bad here at home with my parents. And I admit I complain about it a lot, but I always just thought it was me confiding in him and expecting back a loving "it'll be ok" .. lol. I think the one thing he wanted me to fix that I really can't is that I have a pretty bad social anxiety. Cant really socialize with people in person very well until I know them. And getting a job because of it is pretty impossible. He wanted me to just jump into big groups of people I dont know and have normal conversations with them and I just cant.
He was pretty disconnected the last few weeks. His best friend had moved back to town after a couple years of being gone, so I just thought that was why. I asked him every once in a while if he could take the time to play a game with me or something (we played a ton of games online together XD) and when he did, he would just end up in bed being depressed rather than doing anything with me. So.. I guess it was probably coming. I just never expected him to leave.
And thanks. Being able to talk to anyone about anything helps. XD

[Azerane]

Aww, that sucks. I understand the feeling of being forced into situations that you're uncomfortable with. It's hard to find a balance of being there for that person, and giving yourself the space you need to be happy and not uncomfortable.

Also, I think long-distance makes every problem harder, as communication and interaction is so restricted.

Hang in there I'm trying to

[Azerane]

Thanks again guys. We've pushed past the toughest stuff and have worked it out to an extent. It will be something that crops up again in the future, but I feel like tackling the issue now, will make for a smoother transition later.

[nathalie]

That's good to hear!

[Kasei]

Really glad to hear that Azerane, been thinking of you--hoping that you will both be able to rise to meet the challenges that relationships bring now and in the future. <3

[KanuTGL]

^ What she said :P

I'm real glad to hear that, Azzy

[Sharifu]

Thanks again guys. We've pushed past the toughest stuff and have worked it out to an extent. It will be something that crops up again in the future, but I feel like tackling the issue now, will make for a smoother transition later.

I'm glad to hear that. I have been thinking about you two as well and hoping things were getting better.

[Nit]

So yesterday me and my boyfriend were celebrating our first anniversary.
The weather was great the entire week. Until yesterday.
It was heavy raining THE ENTIRE DAY. And of course today the weather is back to normal.
Well, I guess God really hate gays. XD

Despite rain it was a fantastic day. We went to the cinema (to see The Grand Budapest Hotel) and pizza after. :3

[Lweek]

Love is so ... complicated. I'm over 30 and I feel I should be thinking about settle down and make my own family. But it is not that easy as it seemed years ago. It is not about make decision. I'm decided so but ... . When I was 18 my only expectation from GF was that she is girl and she loves me. Now it is a long list of pros and cons that bother me. I think I'm scared make a wrong step because this time it could be more painful than I could stand. My previous long term relationship was almost ideal and failed anyway. I'm maybe too sensitive and naive like a child but that's me. I'm open minded to everything but lies and betrayal. Being betrayed by most beloved one is unbelievably painful. Affects my inner peace and trust in people for years. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I'm closing my eyes and trying imagine it is not true, that it was just a bad dream. After a while I have to open my eyes again and understand it really happened ... yet another day in my shadowland.

[KanuTGL]

Well... I expect that this will be unexpected to a lot of you.

But... there's no easy way of saying it. Adam and I have decided to split up.

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been on a "break", to think things over - really think things over - and we both arrived at the same conclusion. The last couple of years have changed a lot of things in both of our lives; I've started a whole new, wonderful life in Norrköping attending this amazing University and Adam has gotten a manager's job, loves reigning over his own shop and is doing really great where he is. We both have bright futures ahead and we're both happy with what we have. But, the thing is, that they are two separate futures. The way we are headed, our paths won't converge any more. And recently we both kind of realised that...

We've spent some time giving each other some space and after the hours and hours of thinking we did, we arrived at the same conclusion.

It's easy to say that "Love will find a way! All you need is love! As long as you're together, everything will be okay!", but this is the real world. In the real world, you need more than a companion - you need to be happy with yourself, what you are doing and where you are headed. We felt that there was a significant, very real, risk that the one who has to move might not be happy with everything. While I lived in the UK, I loved being with Adam. I loved the little life we had there together. But I didn't love my situation. I wasn't happy with the town, I wasn't happy with my social life and I was very unhappy with my job. I was very homesick and I missed my family and my friends terribly. And I didn't even have to deal with the language barrier. I wouldn't want Adam to have to go through all of that, to have me be the one to put him through all that, because I want him to be happy. If him being happy means him being away from me, then that is the way it has to be. Of course, one could argue, there is a chance of a magnificent reward at the end of it if we did manage to make things work and everything did turn out well. But that would be immensely, immensely difficult to achieve; so difficult that it is hard to even imagine. So if we were to try and pull it off, we would have to absolutely, 100% believe in it and be committed like nothing else. But neither of us truly wants to break from their world... as neither of us should.

Regardless of anything, we still had seven amazing years together. We had the best of times. The best. Whatever happens, we'll always have those memories and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

No one knows what the future might bring, but we felt that right here, right now, this is the right thing to do. For both of us.

So understand that this was a mutual decision. While not easy, we did this like we have done everything else all through these years... we did it together. And if it had to end, I'm glad it ended this way.

[nathalie]

Oh no, I would have never expected this

Was there no way both could be doing what you are doing now (after you finish school) in eather of the countries you live?
You not being happy with the job you had, nothing stops you from looking for another job.
(not trying to be mean, but usually there are solutions for every problem ... but then again, reading your post, that still may have not made a difference).

A lot can happen in the future, and you both made it so far together already.

Sorry if I said something wrong in my post, really don't mean to, it just came into my mind like that, trying to find a solution, hehe.

[This Land]

This is hard for both of us so if there was a way to make this work, we would of thought of something. I'm sorry if this is a shock to everyone, and apologies in advance that this post from me is short, I'm not good typing things up like this so agreed together it best for Kanu to explain it for both of us.

it's a terrible loss for both of us as we both think of each other very much. ...I can't think of much else to say without repeating Kanu.

I'm at work at the moment so I need to go, I just wanted come in and say my bit.

thanks in advance for everyone's understanding, *hugs all*

[nathalie]

Yeah, I'm sorry, not trying to meddle, was just a quick reaction to the "news".

[Azerane]

Love is so ... complicated. I'm over 30 and I feel I should be thinking about settle down and make my own family. But it is not that easy as it seemed years ago. It is not about make decision. I'm decided so but ... . When I was 18 my only expectation from GF was that she is girl and she loves me. Now it is a long list of pros and cons that bother me. I think I'm scared make a wrong step because this time it could be more painful than I could stand. My previous long term relationship was almost ideal and failed anyway. I'm maybe too sensitive and naive like a child but that's me. I'm open minded to everything but lies and betrayal. Being betrayed by most beloved one is unbelievably painful. Affects my inner peace and trust in people for years. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I'm closing my eyes and trying imagine it is not true, that it was just a bad dream. After a while I have to open my eyes again and understand it really happened ... yet another day in my shadowland.

It is tough Lweek, no doubt about it. People can be very critical, no matter how much you love them. Just hang in there



Kanu... I'm very sorry to hear about you and Adam. Having said that however, if you both feel it's the right decision, then I'm glad you've been able to make it. I had honestly been worried about the two of you after this post you made recently:

I'm also, apparently, going to sort out some possibly life-changing thoughts that have been niggling on my mind for the last few months. Oh, boy. More on that later I suppose, depending on the outcome...

...but I didn't think it was my place to ask, still I've thought of you guys a lot recently because of it. I can't imagine the thoughts and feelings that must be running through both of your minds, but as I said before, if you feel it's the right decision, I support you guys in it and am here for either of you if you need to talk on it, or even on something random.

Hugs to you both

Edit: As a side note, I understand the desire to follow your life goals and what you're working towards. I finished Uni 5 years ago, but I've never actually pursued what I want to do, because if I had, it would have gotten in the way of my relationship with Pat. It was a hard thing to do, for both of us, to put our own goals aside like that, but we decided that it was ok for us. It's only now that we've actually got a solid plan, that I'm more involved in the things that I want to be involved in, because I feel I can invest in the time in them without jeopardising our relationship. I feel in some ways that I've missed out on certain things life goal/career wise, but in the end it was the right decision for us. If neither of you was going to be happy in the other place or not doing what you were doing, I can certainly understand your decision, and to be honest, I admire you're honesty about being able to decide that it's not working because of it.

[Revo]

Sorry to hear about your break-up Kanu and TL. Although the break-up itself might feel bad, I'm sure you wouldn't have come to that conclusion if you didn't really think it was the best option for you guys in the long run. So you can rest easy knowing you did the best decision you could with the information you have now and the expected future you have ahead of you. I can't really say if that encapsulates the situation for you, as I have never been through a break-up (not to even mention the length of time you guys were together), but those are the words that came to my mind. I hope you find solace and new opportunities from now on.

[Sharifu]

Anna, I am sorry to hear this. Although this comes as a bit of a shock, I do feel this was not entirely unexpected for me. Not that I feel your relationship wasn't strong, I could tell you both love each other very much. But I have often wondered which one of you would be the one to end up moving. I knew Adam loved his job, and has worked there for a very long time, moving up in the company, so him moving didn't seem like that was going to be possible. And you're right, you didn't seem very happy living in England. (Other then the fact that you and Adam lived together) I'm not sure what you are studying at your University, wasn't it graphic design, or web site design? Were you hoping to be able to get a job like that in England after you graduated? Or are you just sure you would never be happy living in England even if you get a job in the degree you studied for? I am not trying to judge you, just trying to understand. You said you missed your friends and family terribly when you were living in England, but aren't you away from your friends and family even now, in Norrköping? I believe you once told me that Norrköping was at least a five hour drive from where your parents live. Although, yes I know you could have many made new friends in your University now.

I am kind of sad to hear of this news, but I know it's understandable. I really do think I would have a hard time moving to Finland if I was the one who ended up moving. Heck, I feel I am having a hard time living in San Francisco now, and I didn't have any friends in Medford really, and the only family I have there now is my mom and her dog Bella. But I think there is a lot more to it then that of why I am feeling this way. I am starting to wonder if a career in animation is for me anymore, and that is kind of hard for me to come to realize, for that has been my dream job all my adult life, and I am not sure what else I would want to do career wise. I hated my job I had here in San Francisco. And even though I didn't love my job in Medford, I was fairly happy working there. I knew how to do my job well and everyone I worked with was so nice, funny, and caring. I feel they treated with me with respect and really valued me. But when I transferred to that store here in San Francisco, some people were nice, but some were so hard to deal with, they made me feel so small, and that I deserved no respect. (There are more reasons I was unhappy at that job, but I wont really get into that, that seems a little off topic, you can read more about that in the "The Community Advice Thread" if you want) Now that I quit that job, I'm looking for another, but no luck yet in getting a new job yet. But even though Petteri has a job, we are losing money every month, so we might have to move back to Medford in a couple months if I don't get a job soon. But I might be able to get my animation certificate at least, since I have taken many animation classes at that college years ago and my animation professor said that they still might apply after this many years, I am going to talk to him about this issue soon, since I don't really know what classes (if any) I will be taking after June.

You know I am really getting off topic now heh, I guess I am saying I understand how you feel about missing your family. I feel kind of selfish complaining about missing my mom and Bella, and the life we had in Medford, Petteri has a bigger family then I do, and many friends. He moved away from all them, to live with me. He moved half way across the world and only gets to see his family, once a year, at most. (And that is only because his family has came to the U.S. to visit us, Petteri couldn't afford to go to Finland but one time in the over 3 years he has lived in the U.S.) And I feel like I am having such a hard time adjusting here in San Francisco, and I am only a 6 hour car drive away from my mom, and it would only cost $60 to $80 round trip in gas money to drive up there to visit her. Petteri on the other hand, has to be pay over a $1000 for a flight ticket and travel for over 20 hours, just one way...

Anyways... I understand that both of you don't really want to leave your country and the life you made there, and that makes it hard. If either one of you want to talk, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice, if you want to do that. I know I didn't split up with Petteri so I can't really fully understand. But I know life really is full of hard choices... I am really glad though that this was mutual decision, and that you two ended it on good terms. You are both good friends of mine, and I wish you both the best in life.

[KanuTGL]

Thanks for understanding, everyone

I'll try to clarify some things.

I'm not sure what you are studying at your University, wasn't it graphic design, or web site design? Were you hoping to be able to get a job like that in England after you graduated? Or are you just sure you would never be happy living in England even if you get a job in the degree you studied for? I am not trying to judge you, just trying to understand. You said you missed your friends and family terribly when you were living in England, but aren't you away from your friends and family even now, in Norrköping? I believe you once told me that Norrköping was at least a five hour drive from where your parents live. Although, yes I know you could have many made new friends in your University now.

After I had my stay in the UK and came back to Sweden I realised just how much I love it here and me moving back to the UK hasn't been an option for the last 2½ years. For a while I thought that "sure, I could move", but after I tried it I knew that it wasn't for me. There are too many things I love about my own country and I don't want to leave all that behind. And yes, I'm living 4 - 5 hours away from my parents right now, but that is a huge difference compared to being a 12-hour journey apart and be in a different country. It's a lot easier to hop on a train and visit them than it is to get on a plane, hehe. My grandparents on both my mum's and my dad's side also live only 1 hour away from me now, so I have a lot of relatives in the area. And yes, I've made a lot of great friends at the University in the time I've been here and I wouldn't want to lose them either. I'm feeling that this is the life for me, just like, I imagine, Adam knows that the direction he's headed in is right for him too. So, indeed, it was a very difficult decision to make, but now that the dust is starting to settle I really feel that it was the right one, for both of our sakes.

I am starting to wonder if a career in animation is for me anymore, and that is kind of hard for me to come to realize, for that has been my dream job all my adult life, and I am not sure what else I would want to do career wise. I hated my job I had here in San Francisco. And even though I didn't love my job in Medford, I was fairly happy working there. I knew how to do my job well and everyone I worked with was so nice, funny, and caring. I feel they treated with me with respect and really valued me. But when I transferred to that store here in San Francisco, some people were nice, but some were so hard to deal with, they made me feel so small, and that I deserved no respect. (There are more reasons I was unhappy at that job, but I wont really get into that, that seems a little off topic, you can read more about that in the "The Community Advice Thread" if you want) Now that I quit that job, I'm looking for another, but no luck yet in getting a new job yet. But even though Petteri has a job, we are losing money every month, so we might have to move back to Medford in a couple months if I don't get a job soon. But I might be able to get my animation certificate at least, since I have taken many animation classes at that college years ago and my animation professor said that they still might apply after this many years, I am going to talk to him about this issue soon, since I don't really know what classes (if any) I will be taking after June.

I'm sorry to hear that :/ That must be hard to come to terms with too. You can PM me if you'd like to talk more about it?

Anyways... I understand that both of you don't really want to leave your country and the life you made there, and that makes it hard. If either one of you want to talk, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice, if you want to do that. I know I didn't split up with Petteri so I can't really fully understand. But I know life really is full of hard choices... I am really glad though that this was mutual decision, and that you two ended it on good terms. You are both good friends of mine, and I wish you both the best in life.

Thanks again

[Sadiki]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you guys in the end, but I'm glad you both could see eye to eye with the issue and at least can be still friends after. I did have to battle with some of the same kind of thoughts before I moved as I know in Finland it would be a lot easier for me to get a degree and probably establish better quality of life than it is over here, but at the same time I knew anything I will ever want to do I can do here. It will take a little more effort, but it's doable. And world is so well connected right now that for me to keep connection to everyone I know in Finland is rather simple with Skype, Facebook and email available. I do feel a bit bad thought that both me and my sister moved out of the country as My sister and her family moved to China just 2 years after I moved meaning only one of my siblings are my Brother ( well actually half brother as we have different father, but I always call him my brother as I always lived with him in the same house hold) and my half sister. So both my parents only have one child around which must be difficult. But this is just my setup, every life is different, so as said I'm sure if you thought there was a way to make it work, you would of done it. Unfortunately that is the case in long distance relationship, being the distance just half a day's drive or across the world, you will always have to make sacrifices to be together and in some cases those sacrifices are too great. After all it's not worth it if you can't be happy, it would most likely just ultimately end up braking you apart anyways and in that situation you wouldn't be able to be friends afterwards most likely.

[Sharifu]

After I had my stay in the UK and came back to Sweden I realised just how much I love it here and me moving back to the UK hasn't been an option for the last 2½ years. For a while I thought that "sure, I could move", but after I tried it I knew that it wasn't for me. There are too many things I love about my own country and I don't want to leave all that behind. And yes, I'm living 4 - 5 hours away from my parents right now, but that is a huge difference compared to being a 12-hour journey apart and be in a different country. It's a lot easier to hop on a train and visit them than it is to get on a plane, hehe. My grandparents on both my mum's and my dad's side also live only 1 hour away from me now, so I have a lot of relatives in the area. And yes, I've made a lot of great friends at the University in the time I've been here and I wouldn't want to lose them either. I'm feeling that this is the life for me, just like, I imagine, Adam knows that the direction he's headed in is right for him too. So, indeed, it was a very difficult decision to make, but now that the dust is starting to settle I really feel that it was the right one, for both of our sakes.

Fair enough, I understand that. I do feel I would have a hard time living in Finland if I was the one to move. I'm not saying I am not willing to do what Petteri did for me, but I do feel I would have a harder time dealing with it. I think it is mainly the language barrier and I felt like no one in Finland wanted to talk to me. (Besides a few people) And also, the weather, I don't really enjoy the weather there. Summers are nice, but winters are too cold. I guess I don't like dealing with snow for long periods of time. A little bit of snow is nice, for a short time, but I don't want it for months. There are nice things about living in Finland of course... But I guess it never felt like home to me.

I don't mind PMing you sometime about my concerns about a future in animation, but maybe another day, I really need to start on my homework which is due tomorrow. Then after class tomorrow I will be driving up to Oregon for the weekend. Looking forward to it, especially seeing that little doggie. <3