The Love Life Thread

[nathalie]

Rude.

Let's move it along people ^_^

[Utora]

Rude.

Let's move it along people ^_^

I think you misunderstood me Nathalie. =) I'm calling myself Captain Obvious, the quote "you don't know until you know" is like saying "you die, when you are killed", so I was saying I sound like Captain Obvious.

Sorry if that offended you but it wasn't intended to be anything personal, either.

[KanuTGL]

Follow-up on my endeavours; long story short, it turned out he's actually interested in someone else and here I am now :'D

Stupid self-pitying ranting below.


See, I can't help but feel like "Right. That was it then." and by that I mean, that was it. Entirely.
I am awful at meeting new people, I'm about to leave Uni life - the place where I meet new people - and I hate, hate, hate online dating, so when am I ever going to find someone now? I guess I should surrender to the fact that I will just be a hermit cat lady after all. This person was my final shot and now it's over.

I feel like I'm just wasting away. All of my friends here - and I mean all. of. them. - have significant others in stable relationships and I can't help but feel like there must be something wrong with me for being so freaking unable to find someone myself. Like I'm just not good enough and never will be. That's the only explanation I can think of.

I am so lonely these days that it's not even funny (last night I was literally on the floor bawling my eyes out from the loneliness and isolation. I ain't proud of it) and I needed this... I needed this so badly. But it wasn't meant to be this time either. It never is.

Siiiigh Enough of my woes, move along, move along~

[nathalie]

Don't talk like that, you're 26, you're still so young.
I just turned 33, and only now finally finding real happiness with someone.

[Guntur]

Same, I've been stuck in the past about my love life for like 11 years now, nothing change at all. Just enjoy your life what you have at the moment and embrace the goodness. It will comes when the times right Anna.

[Leorgathar]

I'm very sorry to hear it turned out that way, Kanu. And I can actually understand your frustration very well, all my friends have had significant others for years and many of them are already married, some even with kids. I rarely get any chances to meet new people either, and I wouldn't want to online date again. So yeah, you might as well have described me up there

I get depressed at times thinking about it, feeling lonely does suck, but I think I'm getting better at controlling it, and like I've said before, I still try to remain hopeful as much as I can. Maybe we just need to get out of our comfort zone, find ways to meet new people out of the Uni environment. Life is full of surprises, but they don't come by just staying where we are, I guess.

Anyway, we should also listen to Nathalie and Guntur, it's frustrating right now, but we can't give up yet. Here's hoping you'll find someone someday, or that a new opportunity to meet new people shows up at least. *Big hugs*

[Sharifu]

Kanu, I know it's hard but try not to be so down. I wouldn't say that guy was the last person who you could ever be in a relationship with. Who knows, even if you had that chance, you two might of not been a good match anyways, and you would of eventually come to realize that and break up because one or both of you wasn't happy anymore. I just wouldn't think of him as your last chance to ever be in a relationship. I know you feel there is something wrong with you that you can't find someone, but you shouldn't think that way. You've been in relationships in the past.

When you and Leor say you hate online dating, what does that mean exactly? That you don't want to use online dating websites? Or are you against dating anyone you met online, even if it wasn't on an dating website? I have never used an online dating website so I don't know what that is like, but meeting Petteri was the best thing that ever happened to me. Is it because you don't think you'll find someone online that lives near you? I can understand not wanting to go through a long distance relationship again, but I wouldn't say relationships that started online always end in heart break, and you could maybe find someone local, even when looking online.

Like Leor said, you'll have to go outside your comfort zone to meet new people if you are against meeting anyone online. You are still young and you still have chances, I wouldn't feel the last guy you knew from Uni was your one and only hope.

I know it's hard but try to think positively, things will work out, I'm sure you'll find the right guy someday. (And Leor, I'm sure you'll find the right woman someday too)

[nathalie]

I agree on stepping out of your comfort zone.
If anyone knows what that's like, I'm one of those people, who would rather stay in their comfort zone, because it *is* the safest place you can be.
But it sometimes can also be the most loneliest place to be in, and I've experienced that firsthand.

And you can make new friends, even online.
I met Sarah through a Disney forum when she was asking questions about Disneyland Paris. Turned out, she was a Lion King lover, and we've been very good friends since 2013 now, and we've met twice already. If trains weren't so ridiculous expensive in the UK, we would see more of each other.

I met Vanessa through a mutual FB page, also happened to be a Lion King lover, haha, and she's one of my dearest friends now, who also happens to live only an hour by car ride away.

I'm not one to go out, and meet new people, I've never been, as I'm an extremely shy person who developed social anxiety over the years.
The only time I went out of the house, was to go to concerts, and the concerts I went too, guys were very slim in the audience, haha!

I've never used online dating sites either (I don't think I'd be that desperate, but I don't judge people who do, it can work out great for many), but I used to be part of a big chatbox, I was basically one of the guys haha, just talking about stupid things with everyone. But I'm talking at least 5-10 years ago mainly. Just talk along, laugh along, be silly, act silly (no one knows who you really are), I was quite the popular girl on there, haha!
Basically being me, who I couldn't be in the real world, where almost no one liked me who I was.
It's different meeting someone online first, and getting to know them through that.

I actually never had to go through any trouble ending up with someone, it was always them doing "the hard work".
So when I finally did have to go through the trouble myself, it was horrofying.
Things turned out allright, but if I hadn't stepped out of that comfort zone, and finally being able to say/do something about it, I had no clue what I was doing really, and if I was making the right decision of doing so.

And like I said, you're still so young, even though you may not think so about certain things in life, a lot can happen in a short period of time.

Thing is, you don't just go looking for it. When you look for it, it'll hardly ever come.

[Leorgathar]

(And Leor, I'm sure you'll find the right woman someday too)

Thank you for that

When you and Leor say you hate online dating, what does that mean exactly? That you don't want to use online dating websites? Or are you against dating anyone you met online, even if it wasn't on an dating website? I have never used an online dating website so I don't know what that is like, but meeting Petteri was the best thing that ever happened to me. Is it because you don't think you'll find someone online that lives near you? I can understand not wanting to go through a long distance relationship again, but I wouldn't say relationships that started online always end in heart break, and you could maybe find someone local, even when looking online.

Well, in my case I really meant long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with online dating otherwise, I know very well how meaningful relationships can start online, of course, and if I for some reason get to meet someone online that I can constantly meet in person with, I'd be content with that. It's just that I put myself in a position where I can't travel long distances anymore as much as I used to, at least not in the near future. I have a very promising future here where I live, so I think that for the moment I'll look for someone locally (although I haven't really fallen for anyone here, most awesome girls I know live abroad, hehe :'D)
About dating sites... well, I was curious and made an OKcupid profile, but I don't know, it doesn't feel like it's my thing, I'd rather meet someone casually and be friends for a while before actually dating, but I haven't ruled it out, as long as it's local, I guess.

There's a Halloween party coming up this weekend. I'll try and make a step to meet new people. I don't expect a meaningful relationship to start there right away, but maybe it'll be a step out of my comfort zone (I don't enjoy staying too long at parties ><)
We'll see...

[Lyonize]

There's a Halloween party coming up this weekend. I'll try and make a step to meet new people. I don't expect a meaningful relationship to start there right away, but maybe it'll be a step out of my comfort zone (I don't enjoy staying too long at parties ><)
We'll see...

Good luck at the party Leor! Don't stress out too much and have some chips and guacamole.

[Azerane]

Aww, don't despair Kanu. Don't give up hope, sometimes the right person comes along when you least expect it and when you're not even looking. It will happen, don't rush into it because you want to be with someone, that just ends in heartbreak. You'll get there, just enjoy being you and having fun doing what you please.

I'm pretty sure I forgot to write this on here, which is incredible given you guys are like my online family and have been a part of this whole thing. But Pat's VISA was approved almost a month ago now It was really out of the blue, we expected to be asked some questions or something but he just got an e-mail one day stating that he is now on a temporary partner VISA instead of a Bridging VISA. 12 months from the approval date they come back to us, check that we're still together etc and it will be transferred to a Permanent Partner VISA Very exciting stuff and takes away so much stress knowing that he's now officially here!

[Vidan]

Congrats, Azerane (and Pat).

Personally I've never been in much of a hurry, but of course I think about relationships and have a certain degree of loneliness from time to time -- that being said, I think there's nothing wrong with being 20, 35, or even 45 and being single. It seems like I'm always working on some other priority (whether it be career, education, or creative pursuits) that distracts me from really putting myself out there, but maybe something will happen for me eventually. I have poked around at OkCupid a bit, but it didn't really strike me as something I could particularly get into -- for the same reason as Leor, probably -- I'd rather become friends with someone first. I've had a few back-and-forths with people on there talking about some interesting ideas or concepts, though I think most people see that as icebreaker conversation, whereas I'm more than happy to just keep talking about ideas. Maybe a lot of people move faster than me in this regard? I don't know. All I know is I haven't really had anyone (including my family) encouraging me to make something happen in the relationship department, so I haven't felt a desire to really push myself or rush into anything.

[KanuTGL]

Alright, less temper-tantrum state of mind now :'D Now I'm just sad, lawl.

Thank you for the replies. Know that I really appreciate them. I do.

None the less, I still feel like "that ship has sailed" and that was that :'D

I've had a few brief attempts at online dating, but I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. I can see why that would sound ironic, considering that all my two relationships I've had started out online, but the conditions under which those happened were, in fact, very different - from the onset there was never the intention to date/fall in love; the intention was just to unite over a common interest and be friends. With dating sites or apps like Tinder the intention from the get-go is to see if you could date the person, and that feels rather cold and calculating to me. Forced and unpleasant. For a difficult-to-get-to-know person like me the concept seems perfect, but once I'm participating it makes me feel like an item on sale and not like a person Like others have said here, I want to meet someone I can be friends with first and then see if it could develop into something more than that. I've met so many amazing people at Uni through these past years and if no one took interest in me then - when I was what I feel was "the best I could be" in the best possible environment - how could I hope that someone in the "real world" could possibly...

Sigh. No, you can't rush, affect or predict these things, and that makes me feel powerless. If I wanted to, say, draw better I could practise and I would improve, but with this there's nothing I can really do to change my situation. Either it'll happen or it won't, and I frankly am so scared that it won't...

Now, I know I have a tendency to be a drama queen, and maybe things will turn out okay someday. Who knows. But I have a bit of a difficult time imagining that right now

Keep calm and carry on, I guess. Thanks for putting up with me and my ranting, haha.

[HasiraKali]

I don't have anything to add to this conversation, but I've decided that I'm single because I'm a superhero. Or just intimidating in some way.

[Azerane]

^My Super Ex-girlfriend style, or more like Supergirl style?

[nathalie]

So, a year has passed since Adam was here for the first time.
It really flew by.
Feels good to be able to say positive things, as that was never the case for me.
Safe to say, I'm very happy!

[Kossu]

Congratulations on the milestone, nathalie! I wish you all the best!

[nathalie]

Yet another one, but this time a very positive one. Thank you Kossu

[Nalas]

Congrats on your milestone, Nathalie!

As for me, I'm still single with 4 cats, lol. But, I recently discovered I'm demisexual, so.... xD

[Vidan]

I recently discovered I'm demisexual

I'd use that to describe myself, as well, and I only learned about the term early last year. It was kind of a revelation, tbh, like: no wonder everyone else seems to move so fast in the love and romance department!