The Love Life Thread

[Sharifu]

In my experience, yeah the language barrier is hard to deal with. Yeah, people can say it's my fault for not learning the language, but I have never been taught to learn another language and I heard it's harder to learn another language the older you get. Even with being in Finland for a total of nine months, I only know a few words in Finnish. It seems kind of weird for me to try so hard to learn Finnish when I will never be able to speak it as well as most Finns can speak English. Sounds kind of arrogant I guess, but Finns are taught English from an early age, so I think most Finns, especially around my age, will always be able to speak English better then I can ever speak Finnish. But yeah, it did make me kind of sad when I would sit and eat dinner with his family and I couldn't understand anything. I even felt strange looking up at anyone, because I wouldn't understand them, so making eye contact with someone while they are talking but I couldn't understand, felt awkward to me. And also when I met up with a group of Petteri's friends, most of them did not talk to me. It made me feel uncomfortable. They all wanted to meet me, but no one would talk to me, so I felt like they didn't want to meet me to get to know me, but only to see what I look like. Probably not true, and I know I will never understand how it is for them, feeling forced to speak a language they don't want to speak. As Petteri said, I don't want to make people speak English. Obviously they don't want to, so I don't want to make them do it. If they want to do it, that's great, it makes me not feel so alone. But if not, I'm not going to make them.

As for the sleeping in the same bed issue, most of the time my parents were ok with it. My dad didn't seem to like it at first, but for the first couple of weeks after we first met in person we did not sleep in the same bed, but the same room. I told my dad that and he still didn't seem to like it, but he didn't really make us stop. After a while he just accepted it, and my mom was always ok with it. I think my parents must of just knew I was serious about my relationship with Petteri so they were ok with us sleeping in the same room. I'm just really glad my parents and Petteri's parents were ok with us sleeping in the same room.

[Talfasi]

I can somehow relate to the language issues.

But most importantly for the poster above (Sharifu), I have to mention that Finns are like the Japanese in many ways when it comes to language: if they don't speak it perfectly in their own opinion, they can be shy and reluctant to engage in a lot of conversations where it is used. I think people have been excited to meet you really, but when they actually come across with someone who is a natural talent with the language, they can feel discouraged, thinking how imperfect they are in comparison when it comes to speaking English, even though they shouldn't. So, I don't think you necessarily should feel bad, people have likely just been somewhat (who am I kidding - likely more than that) shy with you, even though they've really liked you and wanted to speak English with you. That can happen.

Though people easily become more open too, it just may not present itself in shorter meetings.

Well, anyway, I s'pose that's something that's less of an issue these days since you both live in the states.

[Sharifu]

Talfasi, I understand that, but it was still hard. But Petteri's mom did try speaking English with me, even though it's hard to understand her sometimes. But I really appreciated that. She even was telling her husband and son (Petteri's brother) to speak English so I could understand, but they never would. But still, I don't want to make them, I don't want them to be annoyed at me for having to speak English. But I think it's sweet his mom seems to care so much about people talking with me. It made me feel like she cared about how I felt.

[nathalie]

I do share some people's opinion on, if you have a partner in another country with another language, you could try and learn bits and pieces.

But that's just my opinion and I know I would try and learn some stuff.
I think it's a little bit important, that you can at least say something to someone's parents (I think parents I mainly the prolem, who don't know much English), and I think some people would appreciate it.

I don't believe you're ever to old to actually learn something.
If you have your mind set to something, you can do anything that you wanna do ^^

Just my opinion.

but the times I went to visit Nathalie in Belgium were fairly awkward with the language barrier. Obviously Nathalie's English is good, and her family can speak a little (or could, I've not been for a long time) but mostly everyone was speaking Flemish, obviously. Was amusing playing Monopoly though, lol. I did learn a few of the numbers (see, Monopoly is an educational game ) but I didn't stay long enough to pick anything up. It must be a lot more daunting for you though.

Aah, memories ...
My dad was totally exhited though, having an English-speaking person in the house, hehe.
I remember the game ... trying to say 8 in Dutch ^^ (acht)

[KanuTGL]

I do share some people's opinion on, if you have a partner in another country with another language, you could try and learn bits and pieces.

Yeah, me too; I think it's a nice gesture :3 Not that you must, but I think knowing a few very basic words like "Hello", "Good bye" and "Thank you" for example shows that you're trying. I'm quite sure that if the tables were turned - Adam was from Sweden and I from England - I would've tried to learn as much Swedish as possible. But that might just be because of how much fun I think it is to know another language xD There was one good thing about Adam not knowing Swedish though; last year when I was going on my surprise visit for his birthday, my parents would bring it up at the dinner table, in Swedish, and we would quickly talk through some travel details or whatnot while he sat right next to me =P We found that kinda funny

And Talfasi is right - I know most of my Swedish friends are really shy around Adam and won't speak a lot of English. They try, for a little while, but they have actually told me that they feel really embarrassed because their English isn't as good as mine or Adam's D: I think it's a shame that they won't speak more English, because I think they speak it just fine, but you can't make anyone and I wouldn't want to force them either.

[Sadiki]

My personal opinion on having to have to learn a language is that unless you really want to learn it, don't. I may think that about languages because pretty much being forced to study Swedish at school even I have never felt need for it and as I really struggled on it, it really made passing grades difficult for me. I really believe you need certain level of passion on learning the language in order it to happen. English is an exceptional language as it's pretty much around you on everything. You run into it in internet, TV shows, Movies, airports, restaurants, video games... etc. At least in western world it's nearly impossible to avoid it and that is why I think it's so easy for so many to learn and also the reason why so many of our parents don't know it so well because when they grew up, there wasn't such a great amount of international media.

What comes to people not speaking english even if they know it. I know one thing to blame is the way schools teach it. At least in Finland schools concentrate more being able to read, write and understand English, rather than being able to speak and pronounce things correctly. There is still exercises where you do repeat after teacher or after tape, but how well you speak English is never tested or graded in any way. This seems to be a big reason why my mom is hard to understand when she speaks English. As in Finnish everything is read as it's spelled, which is not the case in English. Because I know my mom has to have decent English understanding as she works for international firm and reads English documents everyday, but she has never learned to use English as tool of communication.

the love life thread is shifting of it's course...

Well as far as the love life goes...
Me and Audra been married for over 7 months now and I could not be happier. There is no sign of decreased amount of love in our relationship as so many people claim that marriage does to you

[Safila]

^ timtam truffles for your 7 month anniversary

[Sadiki]

That is awesome Safila... Now you made me hungry. Thought I had no lunch so that might be it too...

[Azerane]

Guess I'm excited about heading over to the u.s in just over 2 weeks now. Mostly I'm looking forward to some warm weather, it's been much too cold for me here lately.

Otherwise I feel kind of weird, I've actually gotten to talk to pat a couple of times this week, which is nice as previously it's just been once a week. But I find it hard when we're not talking as I don't know what he's up to, and he never e-mails me anymore. He says he just doesn't know what to say in them because not much has happened since we last talked. But it's still kinda depressing writing e-mails every so often and never getting any sort of response.

But nevermind, that won't matter soon

[nathalie]

That's kind of the same for me, I don't hear Kenny at all during the week, apart from our call-date every Thursday when we plan the weekend.

He doesn't text or mail, no msn.

I guess I'm finally used to it by now.

I'm sure you guys got a lot to talk about once you're together again ^^

[Sadiki]

Well I can kind of relate to Patrick's situation even thought I probably made more effort on making time to talk to Audra, but I had hard time saying much on some chats as we talked so often that I just didn't have much to talk about and Emails were very short a lot of the times as we hardly ever went a day without talking. I think the time I was in military was the hardest for communication as when I was in the base I didn't have much free time and when I was having weekend off the base I wanted to see my friends as well as I felt like it was best way to get my mind off from Military. There was a few times Audra got really annoyed that I went to my friend's, I did tell her that I was going but she forgot. But I do understand her side as well as she doesn't really know people here in Medford and also it was hard for her to know when I was going to be online as I never knew even a day in advance what I had to expect, except once the first 8 weeks were over I kind of had an idea of what we were to do that week and when I had weekend off, but it was never guaranteed.

[Lweek]

I have no experience but I think If I'll fall in love to somebody from foreign country I would definitely try learn her language. No matter if we'll live in another country at all. It is fun learn new languages and if we'll have kids it would be good to teach them all languages they might want use to communicate with grand parents. So if I would like to understand my kids I would have to know all languages either.

[Simbaspirit]

Guess I'm excited about heading over to the u.s in just over 2 weeks now. Mostly I'm looking forward to some warm weather, it's been much too cold for me here lately.

Otherwise I feel kind of weird, I've actually gotten to talk to pat a couple of times this week, which is nice as previously it's just been once a week. But I find it hard when we're not talking as I don't know what he's up to, and he never e-mails me anymore. He says he just doesn't know what to say in them because not much has happened since we last talked. But it's still kinda depressing writing e-mails every so often and never getting any sort of response.

But nevermind, that won't matter soon

aww are you guys only able to talk that much due to time zones? But two more weeks and you guys will be together again

btw, how did you guys meet?

[nathalie]

Just a question, does any of you have these "weird" habbits, when being in a relationship?

For example: since my very first boyfriend (now 10 years ago, and luckly an ex, lol) I have this strange habbit of keeping all of their text messages.

I just put them in Word, because for some very odd reason I just don't wanna loose them.

I've done it with previous boyfriends, and whenever it ended, I deleted them after a while though (no point in keeping them).
And I promised myself I would never do that again (my previous boyfriend, I had word documents from about 2.000 pages, haha) but then, whenever Kenny would text something sweet I'd just keep it on my phone (I can storage about 1.000 messages) and since he texts me like, once a week, I figured "what the hell, lets keep them".
Because since June 2010 he has only sended me like 280 messages, so I just decided to keep them, lol.



I'm so weird

I also kept msn logs, and mails.

[Sharifu]

I never sent texts, so I don't have any to keep. I know lots of people send texts, but it's not something I do. I've kept logs of some MSN chats, back many years ago... But ever since my first laptop started having problems and I couldn't use it anymore, I always had to use my dad's laptop, and then when I moved back to Oregon, I used my sister's laptop. So I never saved chats really after 2005, because I didn't want anyone else reading those chats. I've kept the few letters and cards I have gotten from Petteri though.

[King Simba]

I usually keep all the texts I receive from Leor too. In fact, I still have some from last May when I got my new phone, that's how long I keep them there for. And I also have messages stored that I've sent to him too.

When it comes to message history, I like to keep a good log of that as well. Unfortunately I upgraded my main computer to Windows 7 so I ended up losing my really old history, and since I sold my laptop to my parents in order to buy myself a netbook, I've lost the message history there too. But I'm keeping a good collection here at least, and it'll continue that way.

I also have a collection of cards and drawings Leor has sent me.

Oh, and when it comes to the language and cultural difference issue, I have been trying my best to at least learn some words and phrases in spanish, and to adapt to the Mexican way of living, and I feel I'm getting a better picture now. Yeah, it does make sense to learn some of the language, but if you don't learn it all then that's ok. I think to learn a language it's better to spend some time in a country and do it that way. Experience is a better way of learning than listening to some tapes or whatever, no matter how much time you have. It's the same when it comes to learning new things about a country. But really, just because you don't know much of a language doesn't mean you can't adapt. I'm managing well and Leor is too, and we're happy with how we are. I don't think there's much else I can do other than just learn from experience. I find it more interesting and challenging that way.

At least that's what I think. People are entitled to their own opinions of course, but I'm just saying.

[Azerane]

aww are you guys only able to talk that much due to time zones? But two more weeks and you guys will be together again

btw, how did you guys meet?

Thanks It's partly due to time zones, but mostly because of work. He usually works evenings/nights which is when I'd usually talk to him which is during the day for me, and I work days. So even if I'm not working, he might be so we won't get to talk anyway. So yeah, mostly work related, but time zones certainly don't help.

We met right here on Lea, back in '04. Then he flew to Australia to meet me in June 2006.

In regards to habits in relationships. I have texts from Pat dating back to when I first got my current phone in early '06. However my phone only holds just under 200 texts so I've got a bunch of texts from him, however they're spaced out a lot and mostly just special ones, that are either really sweet, or have a special memory behind them or make me laugh

Otherwise, I often write Pat an e-mail before I go to bed. Can't think of much else.

[nathalie]

I just love it, to read some of the old texts or old logs again.
(especially in the begin fase when we just met, all flirty and stuff )

And it goes even further with me, as years ago I had nothing else to do, I typed every text into a Word document

It kept me busy in my boring days ... lol

[KanuTGL]

In regards to habits in relationships. I have texts from Pat dating back to when I first got my current phone in early '06. However my phone only holds just under 200 texts so I've got a bunch of texts from him, however they're spaced out a lot and mostly just special ones, that are either really sweet, or have a special memory behind them or make me laugh

Yup, I'm the same

I think I've also still got almost all the conversation logs from MSN too. I saved most of them and transferred all my files to my new computer when the old one died, so they should all be here, somewhere... Not that mine and Adam's conversation logs would be interesting to read these days, as we nearly always do voice conversation while on MSN, so the logs are really just the odd "Hello?" and generally loads of random smilies

[Sadiki]

I have still a lot of chats saved on various computers as well as random stuff dating back to 2004. My problem has been multiple computer crashes so at the times I haven't had chance to save my documents and other files before reinstalling windows. But I do have still most of the chats on my old computer back in Finland. I also have most of the Emails Audra has sent me over the years, but as I get so few Emails anyways I don't really delete emails too often. Also Emails are really rare way of communication for us as we pretty much talked everyday, if you don't count the time I was in military or other way away from home, I think we talked at least every other day. Then again me going to night school and working at night which was her day time, which helped quite a bit.