You know what's funny
I have no jokes today:p
just messing with yall
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You know what's funny
I have no jokes today:p
just messing with yall
My sister told me this one before:pQuote:
Originally posted by Alli
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies....."
Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling
very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be ok??"
"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"
----------------------
Why are blonde jokes so stupid?
So brunettes can get them!
-----------
It's good, it's good:D
I got another one.
Theres an English man, Australian, and an Irishman and their sitting at a
table with their wives having tea.
The English man says to his wife, "pass me the honey, Honey"
The Australian says to his wife, "pass me the sugar, Sugar"
And the Irishman says, "pass me the tea, Bag!"
:lol:
I usually kill for money, but your my friend so il kill you for nothing.
:lol: omg Alli the T-G-I-F one was soooooo funny i love it. ;)
That reminds me of this really good joke my brother told me a while ago:D It's a little racist, so if anyone gets offended by it, just lemme know.Quote:
Originally posted by Mizani
I got another one.
Theres an English man, Australian, and an Irishman and their sitting at a
table with their wives having tea.
The English man says to his wife, "pass me the honey, Honey"
The Australian says to his wife, "pass me the sugar, Sugar"
And the Irishman says, "pass me the tea, Bag!"
:lol:
Okay, there were three men standing on a bridge. One was American, the other Russian, and the last Mexican.
The Russian, who held a pack of alcoholic beverages threw them over the bridge and said, ''I don't need this anymore, there are too many these in my country.''
Then the Mexican, who held a pack of cigarrettes (drugs) threw them over the bridge and said, ''I don't need this anymore, there are too many these in my country.''\
Then the American grabbed the Mexican and threw him over the bridge and said, '' I don't
need him around anymore there are too many of him in my country.''
:lol:
I have a joke here: boy: Iam telling on you!
girl: why?
boy: Becuase you jumped in the pond and kissed James Bond. lol here's another one: Girl: Iam telling on you!
Girl#2: why?
Girl: Becuase you took my gum and never said yum.
lol Iam bad at jokes , those are the only jokes i can think of right now.
not much of a joke but....
"You do not want a doctor who also has a hobby, as in you do not want a gynecologist who is also a magician."
the same goes for "you do not want a proctlogist who is also a ventriloquist"
don't get it? look up the words :cheese:
^Oh, I get it, alright:eww:
Want proof humans are doomed by their stupidity? Well, here's some actual label instructions found on various consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On Swan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (Hey, it's Only a suggestion...)
On a Tesco dessert (printed on bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (an open invitation to shoplifters...)
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for an Iron (Rowenta): Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boots Children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol sleep aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
On Sainsbury peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
:lol: :lol: xD!Quote:
Originally posted by Alli
On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
This one's hilarious:
>Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, " I'm Stupid".
>
>That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
>anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn't see
>your sign."
>
>It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there
>was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey,
>you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see
>how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.
>
>" A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his
>boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot
>on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope-Talked 'em into
>giving up. Here's your sign.
>
>"I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There
>was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it.
>"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you
>to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
>you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it.
>
>"Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
>side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
>looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist and
>said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right
>up on me. Here's your sign."
>
>We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the
>house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
>house he gets out of the car & reaches down & grabs the exhaust pipe &
>says,"Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have
>stopped him.
>
>I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know
>I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get
>it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local
>cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic
>questioning..ok..no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a
>sign......until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself!
>I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said....
>"no I'm delivering a bridge. Here's your sign."
>
>I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are
>you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your
>sign."Anybody you know need a sign today?
Quote:
Originally posted by Utora
Actually I WAS blonde in my earlier years. I'm brown now, from my mother ;) :lol: You wish I was blond, so you could poke fun at me :lol:
Lol, i'm blonde...xD Naturally
Really? :confused:
I thought your hair was a ginger red-ish color.
Well, then we need to stop telling blonde jokes.
IM bad in jokes
still i love my 'bed' jokes:p
;)
Okay those weren't very pleasant :lol::p
you damn rasist ! XDQuote:
Originally posted by Alli
:On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
lol J/K i have to check if thats true
Nope, i'm pure blonde xDQuote:
Originally posted by la_reina
Really? :confused:
I thought your hair was a ginger red-ish color.
Well, then we need to stop telling blonde jokes.
I've got more stupid warning labels.. :D
Peddleboat: Fast peddling may cause rapid tiring of legs.
Package of bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
Bag of peanuts: Contains nuts.
Can of squeezy cheese stuff: For best results, remove cap.
Air conditioner: Avoid dropping air conditioners out the window.
Hair color: Do not use as ice cream topping.
Floodlight: Capable of illuminating things, even in the dark.
Mattress: Warning! Do not attempt to swallow.
Matchbook: Warning: contents may catch fire.
Jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.
Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Computer: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue.
Rental DVD: Be kind--rewind.
Little package of toilet-fresh stuff: Safe to use around pets and children, but it is not recommended that either drink from the toilet.
Electric drill: Not to be used as a dental drill.
Bag of kitty litter: Safe to use around pets.
Asprin bottle: Do not take if allergic to Asprin.
Road sign: Warning! Water on road during rain.
Floatie Sugar Shoes: Warning! Not to be used as floating devices.
Toy shield: Not to be used in actual combat.
Child's superhero costume: Does not enable you to fly.
Yogurt (printed on bottom): Do not store upside down.
Foaming face wash: May contain foam.
Iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
Fast food coffee: Contents may be hot.
Sign inside a bathroom stall: Please don't drop pens into the toilet. They clog the plumbing.
Attention Truckers: To use this highway you must have: Engine Brakes Exhaust system
Large analog alarm clock: Warning: This alarm will wake you up.
Bottle of mineral water: Suitable for vegetarians.