Test results, positive :tears: I'm gonna be put on treatment though which should make my life a little longer, because without it I'd probably die before I'm 40.
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Test results, positive :tears: I'm gonna be put on treatment though which should make my life a little longer, because without it I'd probably die before I'm 40.
Oh my God. :alone: I don't know what to say, Tiikeri. I'm so sorry.
I've spoken to you a little bit about this already and yet I still can't think of what to say that might help ease this for you, all I can offer you is :hugs: But at least, it's not some form of cancer that will only take one or two years, but still... all the best with the treatment :hugs:Quote:
Originally posted by Tiikeri
Test results, positive :tears: I'm gonna be put on treatment though which should make my life a little longer, because without it I'd probably die before I'm 40.
:tears: ill be praying for you every night. i hope you get better *hugs*
awws xX.. Damn.. Xx *is speechless but not really* Tikerii dude, you can make it through this.. Just have hope buddy!
*hugs the tiger vury tightly* =3
Tiki man, my church is praying for you, as is my family. I've seen countless people saved by the power of faith and prayer, even in cancer. A man I knew to this day overcame brain cancer and is living because he fought the fight. I'm with you, every step of the way in mind, spirit, faith, hope and prayer. God bless you, and may you live twice 40 by His power. :hugs:
mmkay might as well spit it out seeing half the forums knows already.
This past weekend I got in a fight on friday about some friends online with my step father, and well got hit upside the head with a baseball bat, (also why I wasnt online all day friday - sunday), I was in the hospital from having a concussion whilst being hit and I was said to possibly be affected by Amnesia, and yays. I was -___- I forgot totally my school experiences, I can hardly even do the Geometry stuff I learned, and my IRC Scripting has gone down the pit, Though I remember a few simple things. And as for remembering who people are. I have naught the slightest clue who they are until I stare at the name for hours on end.
My family isn't what you would call, The greatest in the world. My mom, brother and I, dearly hate and wish to leave my step father because of his arrogance and hatred to everyone. But theres one problem, We are in a financial hole, my mother and I (Plus brother) Rely heavily upon his income, and if he were to walk out on us, we'd be up **** creek (Screwed in life). I'd have to end up dropping out of high school to pay for the family and my mom to work again which she is doing now and is hard enough being an asthmatic and a cancer surviver from Chemotherapy which has weakened her body EXTENTLY.
One thing I am worried now, is if my step dad will leave us, He has been threatening it on and off and i'm sick and tired of him abusing me and my mother, my mom puts on fake smiles, laughs when he makes a joke even if its rude, and puts up with him 24/7. He treats us like CRAP. and we have NO CHOICE but to sit here and endure it. I want OUT I want him TO LEAVE but I have no choice for him to stay.. We've broke down many a times because of him and still he doesnt care, if I want to continue my career in computer programming, which is unlikely now thanks to that amnesia crap, I would have to have his financial support and I really really want to succeed in life, to show all the bullies and popular kids in school i am /not/ a freaking retard.
But the most I am worried about, is my mother, and lately. I havnt been caring a lot about myself and my health, I havnt slept peacefully and right for weeks, and i havnt eaten correctly since.. God knows how long.. And it seems I am screwing up everyones life by the actions I make, For when I talk, I have to have the last word, and it gets me in so much trouble and it makes everyone scream and yell when i am in an argument and its quite annoying being grounded all the freaking time cause I cant keep my mouth shut, and I hate it.. I've thought continues times of just ending it all and not worrying about it, yes suicide, But I end up not doing it because i cant degrade myself to do something such as that, I have to many friends that care and worry for me a lot. But most of all I feel as if I need help, help from someone but i don't know who to go to. I find it really hard to express my feelings to others for some odd reason.. I can't go to psychologists(or whatever) because I can't tlel him the truth, its to embarassing and degrading to say I have no friends, i have no life, and i'm on the computer 24/7 talking to people i have no clue who are, and that i like the lion king at age 15. The last one i went to laughed for like.. 20 minutes before I walked out of there.
I have no freaking clue why I am even typing this up for some reason, Wait nevermind, Now i'm talking to myself..
Anyways just wanted you guys to know why I havnt been on lately.. Or havnt talked to you pastly... Yeah,
~KTL~
awwws thanks for the concern guys :hugs:Quote:
Originally posted by Sonkakee
I'm a bit concerned about LunarCat. Last DA journal entry would depict some stress that she's going through. I'm hoping it isn't nothing serious, but I will get in touch with her... will give a phone call if needed....
:hugs:
but as you can see, all is well. And there's never need for concern on my behalf. I lead a good life, with of course the occasional dips and downs. :hugs: much love!
I'm so sorry to hear of everyone's losses, and troubles. My deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers. :hugs:
Edit: KTL-i suggest reading over that exact post and thinking hard. Think of who you want to help, and how they should. What you need. I've told you once and i'll tell you again, you need to get a sufficient amount of rest. Your body can't function without it.
Second, I suggest searching for 'an escape', as i call it. Something in which you can express your feelings, whether it be talking about it, drawing, writing, even just thinking to give you a start. Something that can draw you away from everyday life and turn that frown upside down.
I'm always here to talk, you know that.
Don't ever comit suicide. You're right soldier, there are people who care. I being one of them. :love:Quote:
Originally posted by Kovu The Lion
mmkay might as well spit it out seeing half the forums knows already.
This past weekend I got in a fight on friday about some friends online with my step father, and well got hit upside the head with a baseball bat, (also why I wasnt online all day friday - sunday), I was in the hospital from having a concussion whilst being hit and I was said to possibly be affected by Amnesia, and yays. I was -___- I forgot totally my school experiences, I can hardly even do the Geometry stuff I learned, and my IRC Scripting has gone down the pit, Though I remember a few simple things. And as for remembering who people are. I have naught the slightest clue who they are until I stare at the name for hours on end.
My family isn't what you would call, The greatest in the world. My mom, brother and I, dearly hate and wish to leave my step father because of his arrogance and hatred to everyone. But theres one problem, We are in a financial hole, my mother and I (Plus brother) Rely heavily upon his income, and if he were to walk out on us, we'd be up **** creek (Screwed in life). I'd have to end up dropping out of high school to pay for the family and my mom to work again which she is doing now and is hard enough being an asthmatic and a cancer surviver from Chemotherapy which has weakened her body EXTENTLY.
One thing I am worried now, is if my step dad will leave us, He has been threatening it on and off and i'm sick and tired of him abusing me and my mother, my mom puts on fake smiles, laughs when he makes a joke even if its rude, and puts up with him 24/7. He treats us like CRAP. and we have NO CHOICE but to sit here and endure it. I want OUT I want him TO LEAVE but I have no choice for him to stay.. We've broke down many a times because of him and still he doesnt care, if I want to continue my career in computer programming, which is unlikely now thanks to that amnesia crap, I would have to have his financial support and I really really want to succeed in life, to show all the bullies and popular kids in school i am /not/ a freaking retard.
But the most I am worried about, is my mother, and lately. I havnt been caring a lot about myself and my health, I havnt slept peacefully and right for weeks, and i havnt eaten correctly since.. God knows how long.. And it seems I am screwing up everyones life by the actions I make, For when I talk, I have to have the last word, and it gets me in so much trouble and it makes everyone scream and yell when i am in an argument and its quite annoying being grounded all the freaking time cause I cant keep my mouth shut, and I hate it.. I've thought continues times of just ending it all and not worrying about it, yes suicide, But I end up not doing it because i cant degrade myself to do something such as that, I have to many friends that care and worry for me a lot. But most of all I feel as if I need help, help from someone but i don't know who to go to. I find it really hard to express my feelings to others for some odd reason.. I can't go to psychologists(or whatever) because I can't tlel him the truth, its to embarassing and degrading to say I have no friends, i have no life, and i'm on the computer 24/7 talking to people i have no clue who are, and that i like the lion king at age 15. The last one i went to laughed for like.. 20 minutes before I walked out of there.
I have no freaking clue why I am even typing this up for some reason, Wait nevermind, Now i'm talking to myself..
Anyways just wanted you guys to know why I havnt been on lately.. Or havnt talked to you pastly... Yeah,
~KTL~
We've talked and you know how I feel on some parts.
I cry to hear the abuse you recieve, and the cause...bitte ich bin krank.
You're father angers me. Not with a rambling of anger, for no apparent reason, but with a passionate anger. Not reallyat him though. It is like me and my father. I hate the part of him that's angry, but Ilove him for he's my father, for he brought me life and protection. I can see your father bails out in some of those areas. Social workers will not help, I've had em' here, and they act like they're snowblind in the desert. They'll lock your father up, put you in a home because finacialy you can't work it out, and chances are your mum would go to jail for not being able to barf up the money. I wish I could take you in, your entire family. Lie in our furished, wellcared for basement, and eat with us on taco night specials. :noogie:
But it's all a fake dream. My mom isn't too thrilled with what's going on between you and me, but she respects my life and says it's my decisions right now, as long as it's beneath their boundries. I don't think you moving in would be on the list. I'm praying, thinking, living it all for you now. If he ever beats you again, I'm coming out there. Not as a joke either, I'll take the freaking ww2 bike, I have the money in bday savings, I have the street smarts, I'll hike my *** if I have too. Sad but neccesary none the less. If we keep sitting, you'll end up dying at this rate. And while I walk the Earth, that's not going to be happening.
Ich liebe dich, and never give up the fight Kove. If you ever find yourself lost, or alone, go to God, and then to me. :hugs:
I want to sa so much more but for some reason, I can't find the words. :tears:
that brought me to tears, Utora. thank you so much for saying that, i believe that has made a difference in my ilfe. thank you. *hugs and cries*Quote:
Originally posted by Utora
It is like me and my father. I hate the part of him that's angry, but Ilove him for he's my father, for he brought me life and protection.
KTL, i wish there was some way i could help. you can talk to me anytime, ill be praying. know that God loves you, and stay with us. I hope you will get out of this mess soon. *hugs*
KTL, if you commit suicide, I'll kill you.
....
But seriously. Try not to let him get to you, you're better than him. I.. didn't know about the whole concussion thing, so. If it's only amnesia, it's very likely that you'll get your memory back soon, so don't worry about that.
:hugs:
Why am I even posting here again? Spamming up a board about my problems when everyone else has something even worse than I do. Death threats, suicide, family troubles, and what not. Makes me feel like my problems are petty and aren't even worthy to be mentioned. But, with these tears and the pain I feel, I have to at least say something to make me feel like I am worth even a notice...
To anyone who cares to even read this, my family is not abusive. My school is not some trigger-happy group of crazed students. My life isn't poor or debt-ridden or whatever. But I do know that I have been utterly alone ever since I was about 12 or 13. Every day, I would go to school or look out my house window and think, "God, when will you send me someone to be with? Someone to talk to or have fun with?" I'm not close to my parents. I'm even further apart from my mom than one would want to be. No kids my age live near me, nor do any of the people at school even care to give me a glance when I try to smile and be nice. I even went so far as to cater to their needs just so they would notice me. I'd give away my lunch, I'd lend them money, I'd do ANYTHING.
My worst mistake was letting my "friends" manipulate me. The day we all met, I thought "Finally! I have people that are like me!" I thought I had "friends". Well, they were nothing but little devil spawns. I was the butt of all the jokes and insults, they talked behind my back, they took things from me when they wanted them, they verbally abused me, and they stole any of my ideas or artwork or writings that they liked. And I LET THEM, simply because I was so desperate for friends. That pretty much killed me all through middle school and my freshman year of high school.
Now that I've finally torn away from them, I've found that most people LIKED their little leader. And since their "leader" is angry that I won't bend down and kiss her precious feet, her vast amount of friends are shunning me. She's rich, she's popular, and she gets her way, no matter what. I find myself trying harder and harder to be nice, smile, talk to people, try to be friendly and be a friend, but no. I don't get anything in return but being ignored, insulted, or pushed away. People don't want me as a friend because they already have friends. There's no room for me. And here I am, almost a senior, and I STILL have no good memories of laughter or fun to look back on these pathetic years.
Even online, it's the same thing. Chat rooms, AIM, doesn't matter. People end up being so mean to me or ignore me. I go to forums, and it's the same thing. Even here, at Lea, where I thought I'd find some people to at LEAST talk to, I find myself summarily ignored. I tried PMing a few people, didn't get but one reply before they go silent. My posts are mostly ignored. And seeing these mentions of people talking to each other and all the popularity polls and whatnot, I am only reminded time and again just how deprived I am. And yes, I AM jealous of how people have unlimited friends, but don't seem to want to include me, no matter how nice I try to be.
Now, yes, I know you're probably thinking I'm selfish, lieing, or whatnot. But I will tell you this: I am sick of being so alone and trying so hard and praying for so long just to end up with nothing. I myself have thought about suicide, but my more logical mindset slapped me out of it. No, I didn't have "friends" or "family" to tell me not to do it. It was ME who did it. I had no one to turn to ANYWAY.
Call this a rant, call this a selfish act for attention, call it whatever you want... But I can't stand keeping these emotions bottled up inside any longer. I'm tired of being the quiet one in the corner who is never noticed. I've been thinking for a while about my place here at Lea, anyway. If I should just leave without telling anyone. No one would notice anyway... They have enough friends, and they don't bother to know me anyway. I've already been embarressed here, and the rising amount of attacks against opinions is disturbing as it is. At this point, I don't care if I get blocked or suspended or whatever... I might as well high-tail it out of here before I make an *** out of myself anyway...
Thanks guys for the comments, I'm fine just trust me on what I say.
:)
~~
Nicoga, I can understand what you are going through, and its tough. I basically do the exact same thing :\ It gets pretty annoying having to go to school, come home... Sit down, and do nothing all day when you know that there are kids you're own age out there somewhere having more fun than you are right now. But one thing you should try to learn is the fact that you are being /tested/ I dont know if you are a christian or not but if you are you might find some sense in this then. God put us all here on earth for a certain reason, and for a purpose in life, and right now he is testing you right now to see whether or not you can with stand and up hold this purpose he has given you. My parents and you'res to probably say this "These are the best years of you're life, get out there, make friends, and have fun!", Because thats what mine tell me all the time. My parents think finding and making friends in my life the way i am, is a sentch, something that can be done in a matter of seconds when it is not.
Here I want you to add this address to your MSN, Fatcatgoeswest@hotmail.com
or this address to your Yahoo, Goten1702
or this address to your AIM, The Lion Kovu
I can offer you one of the best friendships you probably will ever have, and yeah :) Though sadly i am going to admit what you said here.
I am sadly going to say, I wouldn't notice you left. Because i seriously never knew you were even here...Quote:
. No one would notice anyway...
I am also sorry that i'm relating myself to you when you are obviously in a worse predicament than me, but I've heard relating certain issues back to other things can sometimes be useful when trying to make a point so I do it a lot.. But if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, Add those names, and I'm on basically 24/7 :) :D
Heres some ways to make some friends..
RolePlay in RP's here, I met half my friends in Lea from that,
Go to active members who are here normally and add them to your IM list and get to know them better, Thats also what I did ;)
just because a member doesnt liven up to you at that moment, doesnt mean they wont ever, because making a bond between friends takes time to build, that relationship of trust just doesnt.. Appear, you have to earn it :)
And iwth that Nicoga, I wish the best of luck to you :hugs:
~KTL~
i really enjoy talking with you, Nicoga! and i would definatly notice if you left... add me to MSN
simbaspirit@hotmail.com
wait a sec. you dont have MSN :thinks:
I KNOW!!!! RADIO BRAIN WAVES!!!!! *taps radio brainwaves mic* hello?? is this thing on?? can you HEAR ME??
Sorry to hear that, KTL...did they file charges against your step-dad? It may seem like y'all can't do it...but maybe you can live without your step-father...with relatives or something...or you can get food stamps or something and you mom can go on disability. If they're married, your Mom can also be entitled to stuff in the divorce.
Nicoga, I wouldn't try to make friends that way...you wont like the friends you will attract, as I see you have found out the hard way. I find that the best way to make a friend is to start a conversation with them over a similar interest. The being nice and giving stuff away type of stuff will only lose you respect in their eyes...to them, you're just a push over. You want friends who like you for you, not becuase you give them your lunch.
Sadly, I have tried doing those tactics, Kovu. Many of the PMs I've sent out were never replied to. Many members here don't have AIM. Most use MSN, and if they do have AIM, I either don't see the name or it's "hidden". And I'm in about three or four RPGs, but either the Mod has YET, after about three months, to give me the go-ahead in [despite PMings and postings] or the RPG has even yet to begin, and there's no one else supporting.
And I'm sad to announce that if God did give me a test to see if I'm up for something, I probably failed. Makes me wonder if this is my punishment for failing whatever test it was. I am a Christian, but not as a faithful one as many people here I've seen.
And after so many times to being ignored and whatnot, I'm too shy/untrusting to PM or AIM anybody new. This place seems pretty tight-nit and centered around the popular members, so I'm suspecting most people are like the ones I've already seen. And I'm taking the precaution to not even attempt it because it just hurts me more when they do it over again.
And yes, I realized that people just use me when I try to cater to them. It's in my nature to make other people happy, not myself. But if I ever do stand up for myself, I'm slapped back down because it's not "permitted". I've tried just being nice and friendly, and that doesn't even work. People are too busy with their groups and hang-outs to care to even talk to me.
On a last note, I do not want to force someone to talk to me. If you truely do not care if you talk to me or not, and you're just forcing yourself to do it, then I will not answer you. The thing I've learned to hate most is false friends.
Nicoga don't feel like you're ignored, don't feel like that at all. I may not know you at all, but I simply can't ignore your posts... why? Because of that wicked avatar of yours! Hehe, it may seem like a stupid reason but I see that avatar of yours and I have to read your posts... *turns into a gryphon/griffin* Although you may not think it... there are people on this forum who notice you, and care about you, it can take quite a while to get to know people well though *clacks beak and bobs head up and down* hehe...It took me a few months before I really knew anybody here. Though I'll admit it would be easier to get to know people if you had an IM service... though that can't be helped, so e-mailing/pm'ing it is. *turns back into a lioness* I would hate to see you leave Lea just because you feel like you're being ignored. If you ever feel the need e-mail/pm me... or better yet, I'll pm you :) Don't know what else to say at the moment.... hmm... :hugs:
Hmm if thats what you think I'm doing, then that is totally not the answer er umm thing that I want to do ^^ *Is the one who wuvs to make friends x3...* So I'll find out your AIM in about 3 seconds.. and Start talking whenever you get on! And if you don't, I will cry, and you will not like it when I cry :(...
:D
~KTL~
I'm just saying that people have "forced" themselves to talk to me, when they really didn't care how I felt or not. I guess they do it for karma points or something, or to look good in front of others. Just a simple "hi", "hey", "Cool. *walks off*" thing. Ugh... Annoying...
Oh, worry not Nicoga; most people here hate me, but that sure as Hell doesn't mean I'm gonna bowl out at anytime, and stop spamming and stalking people.
Drop me a line sometime if you'd like. My bark is worse than my bite, or some shizzle.