Community Advice Thread

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bite myself

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makes me think about the times I used to hurt myself in one or another way. It is probably just some years ago, tho I was still in 10th-11th grade. I don't know how it started but one night I just ended up in my bed with a scissor, and since that day I could continue with cut myself several times a day ... However it was a lot of troubles in my life and family then, and it was before everything with Lea started, when I had no one to talk with beside my bro (and weird therapist at school <.< ...) For a while I hurted myself like 5 times a day ... then it became lesser and lesser to actually stop one day. Or so I thought, I did keep the piece of glass (that I used) away from me for a long time, several months ... But another day I found myself there on the floor with it again, looking for the sharpest side ... Cannot remember now why, but something had apparently happen. I am trying to forget it all, but it's hard, I'm reminded about it every day, 'cause I see my scars so well. And I hate they're there, they're all too visible for others too see, and so many, God, they will be there my whole life too just because I've been stupid once in the time ... >.> Before they used to be red of course and I remember an english class time when my classmate suddenly asked if I had a cat. I was like "uuh, what?" first, but then she actually pointed at all the lines and I quickly said I had a rabbit (which I had before ..) and she just said Okey and started to talk about her cats scratching on her ... That's the only time I had to admitt to myself what I was doing, but then after I just ignored it once again.

But time changes I guess, things have been much better as you maybe know around here by now ... However I'm still kinda scared I might start hurt myself again for something (when I moved from home, I did not take the glass with me, but actually threw it away so I see that as a first step ..). Even if it was such a long time ago now, I know I probably can do it again, since I one time before suddenly did it after such a long time ... everything can be possible. At the moment I think No way it would happen again, and I can imagine myself sit there and really feel the pain ... It just cant happen again, can it? Once I tried to take that piece of glass and put it against my left arm, and I actually tried to just hurt myself to feel how it felt, but I couldn't go longer than so, 'cause just feel the little touch from the glass was painful enough that I dropped it again. And I can be glad about that maybe, but even if I feel the pain by just think about it now, it can probably change if I'm going all depressed again ... I really hope not, but sometimes I'm constantly scared it will turn out like that ... xX
... Also, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with all this, really, and sorry for maybe going too detailed about it or off-topic, but now when I think about it, I honestly don't think I've been telling some of you (or anyone around me at all) about this. Not that it would matter maybe but ... I don't know, it gives you a whole new side probably and ... Oo Well that's me too, and maybe you have something to say about it, if you felt the same, I don't know ... Please tell me then, or what to do to not make the cutting part happen again. If there's something to do *doubt it*

Oh well, I might delete this later else ... just trying to maybe admitt it all for myself even more, as a second step. *gets like depressed again to just think about it all* Stupid things and brain ... :mad: :growl:

Ciara, I know some of what you're talking about. I found that writing it all out was very helpful, it gets it off your mind, you can stop thinking about it, and it means you can organise your thoughts as you write it all down. And that's a really good move to make, that you threw the glass away. If it's there but you're not using it, it's kinda like admitting to yourself that you will need it again one day and that it's ok to use it, but it's not, and you shouldn't need it or ever use it.

I still don't understand it myself though, how when you get so depressed... why do you think that doing something like that will make it feel better... it doesn't make any sense... I still can't figure it out for myself, and in the end, it doesn't really make you feel any better, you just feel even more sorry for yourself and dig yourself a deeper hole.

...kinda went off on a little bit of a tangent there... sorry.

ah well, that's a good question, honestly I don't know why we do like we do ... <.< I really didn't feel better after, more like ... I hated myself and everything and just had to hurt myself for that I deserved it just like you can hurt anyone you hate, and because you're so angry and need to get all that out from you. Apparently it's possible to hate yourself that much ... But then once again I'm trying to forget it <.< And I know I have to learn with see what I have done for every day, maybe I can just start ignore it some day. But still, even if I now have stop with it, which I hope, I can just take anything else that is sharp enough if I start feel down again ... It's so simply to find everywhere, but as I feel now I will never do it again, and my life now is much better than it has ever been. So that feels kinda safe ...

Just a quickie, how can I tell someone I love them if I don't think they love me back? I mean obviously I can be upfront and tell them, but it would be all embarassing if she said "well thanks but I don't feel the same about you" I mean I've heard that things like that can end friendships because of the awkwardness that followed :E So how can I tell her?

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Originally posted by Tiikeri
Just a quickie, how can I tell someone I love them if I don't think they love me back? I mean obviously I can be upfront and tell them, but it would be all embarassing if she said "well thanks but I don't feel the same about you" I mean I've heard that things like that can end friendships because of the awkwardness that followed :E So how can I tell her?

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From my experience, for one thing take a good hard long look at what you feel for her. Is it love or simply a deep crush?
If, what you feel is deep enough to make you desperate to be closer to her, going about it can be simple, just terrifiying. Use simple body language. When everyone is relaxed, like if you are watching a movie or something, move your hand onto hers. Do not take it away, just see how she respons.

A sneaky but highly effective way of getting to know if this gal likes ya, is poking a friend of hers and yours. See if she has spilled anything to her friend about you, its a good way of negociating the next move.

I agree, random promclamations of adoration are daunting to a gal, especially if she only sees you as a friend. But that doesn't mean she won't look at you in a different light after that, considering the idea. In my experince though, it hasn't destroyed relationships. Its actually strengthened them.

I think it's just a deep crush but I'm unsure. I guess I could ask someone, that's always worth a shot. Thanks fo' th'advice :]

Well KLtL's parents found out about our relationship. I'm just abotu done. He gave me a choice handed down from his mother.

end our relationship for forever.

or...my personal favorite

Stay with him // he looses the computer, msn and everything.

Lovely daily burdens. I'm already sick out of my mind. Chris, he's the only one srtopping me from pulling the trigger and blasting me blinking brains out. I smiled for the first time and woke to that message. Thus life has prooven..**** happens. the world, is ****. Life...is useless. We are all eitgher useless lab expieirments gone wrong, or simply put...useless beings clawing for a better life or maybe a mix of each and a shot of vodka.

I told him I am done. He keeps his life ..his computer world and friends he knows. I'm sure..well I don't know if my *** is worth his tears ..I don't know if he cries. Maybe he does.

I love you so much chris, god damn it.

But being cut off from your words and advice and guidance and love and care....no one else gave it to me like you. No one could make me possibly smile like you. You ghave hope, life, breath, ..my waking days filled with sunshine even when it was raining because I had you.

I give up. Life has one. Survival of the fittest and I'm not fit. So goodbye Lea....the few I knew well and the many I knew little. Goodbye to friends, and anyone from family that stalks me still to see this...goodbye. I write this already wasted on 29 extra pills of geodun. Death it cold abut ....getting there is like wanting to sleep for a moment. Your hands tingle and your breath falls short and ...I don't know if your heart hurts. It hurts so much already, I wouldn't know for certain so i won't lie to any of you.

I'm sad I didn't..give it the 900th try and pick it up again. I cry because I won't see some good faces, ever. But..I'll go and if there is a heaven I pray suiffering is short and painless there...breif pain at least..compared to the hell we walk each day.

I think my most lost goal was....a true, real life, and to fly. Oh god, to fly would have made me cry with joy. But I think..if my father is right...I can fly in heaven, and feel life there too. I can get what I yearend for so dearly in heaven....oh why am I waiting!? Why dio we wait? Why do we sit here in death? Why not go....and just be...

free.

Utora, please tell me you did not take 29 extra pills of a prescription drug.. If anyone knows her locale; please call the police, NOW!!

:(

Utora, i hope you didn't do anything harmful to yourself...Clear thinking can be blurred with intense emotions of the current situations we face, and it's in those times that people may make decisions they may not be able to come back from.

I'll pray for you.

Utora.. Think critically before you act upon such things as this.. This is NOT the way you should turn to before thinking over what you want to do, overdosing on things is not what you want to do because of something that happens, I?m pretty much speechless upon the fact that it is my fault that this is happening, please don?t make it harder on yourself from what it seems to you. I don?t know what?s going on in your life much but I tried to understand. My parents tried to understand, they accepted the fact that I was bisexual but never, would they accept the fact that I was infact mates with a Nazi, Neo-Nazi or potential threat (NOT WHAT I think Mind you.. Something my mother stated).

I don?t know pretty much what to say.. But if you?re still alive.. Please, I beg of you to let me talk to you and get things straight, Don?t do this to yourself Utora.. Please

Much love,

Kovu

I'm really depressed. I'd appreatiate if someone added me to MSN (noodlecub@hotmail.com) and helped me / speak some sense to me.

I feel like I'm going to do something very stupid.

Noodle, I will add you when I get home but if you wouldn?t mind.. Please tell me what?s going on Via PM so I can possibly think of a good CoA *Hugs tight* Everything will be just fine, Don?t do anything you wouldn?t regret!

Thanks a bunch girl, Hang in there!

I added you Noodle, incase you want to talk and all.

Utora,

Well...we talked about this on MSN the night it happened. I am not sure what to say to cure your feelings of hopelessness that come after a break up. I have gone through the same thing...and I still feel it now. I am not with someone that I still love...very much. I still think about them everyday and wish they cared for me the same way again...but they are not open to me anymore...just as you are being cut off from KTL.

Although this is such a bad situation to be in..it is one that almost every human being on the planet goes through. Everyone loses someone they love...and still loves them even though that person doesn't feel the same. Everyone must give up someone they don't feel the same for..even though it hurts the other person so much. We all go through this...and it is nothing that you can't get through..it is nothing to end your life over.

Many a time it is easy to think "I will never find someone who loves me the same again"...but logically that isn't true. There are BILLIONS of people in the world to meet...and there is always the possibility that you will have this person again. Look at the positive side...did he want to break up with you because he didn't feel the same? No. So you know he still loves you and you love him. Is he still your friend? Yes. Can you still communitcate with him to some extent? Yes. Is there a possibility that one day you may be able to be with him, and to talk to him freely again? Yes!

Why would you want to give all this up, as if you are certain none of it will happen? You say you lost hope because of it...but you are taking it away from yourself. There is still very much a chance that you will find someone new...or you will find him again. If he made you so happy..do you really want to give the chance to feel that again up? I wouldn't think so...and since no one can be sure of the afterlife..this is all we have. The feeling of love is one and only...and we only have one life to experience it. I say that you take full advantage of it.

*hugs and nuzzles*

~Kiva

I need advice, It's nearly 7 o clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Should I take medication or any alternative (beside counting sheeps)?

I couldn't sleep some days ago so I was awake in bed between 2 and 5am until I turned on my mp3 and listened to Nightwish for a while until I suddenly woke up by a song and turned it off and went back to sleep again immediately xD

Yeah, try listening to some music, or watch TV?

Watching TV does the trick for me always, hehe.

TV isn't good I've heard, it makes your eyes trick your mind Oo Music aint good either so it doesn't matter xD Actually you should just take a glass of water, walk around a little in the dark and return easy to a cold bed .. :p

Well Medicine always a good trick :cheese: but might as well take my life too...

Never heard about that TV thing not being good.

It works for me, in a way, that having to focus on the TV makes my eyes heavy so they just close faster, lol.

yea, true, but science peeps has so many reasons and solutions for everything xP Different from peep to peep, I mean, I fall asleep easy to music and not when it's silent like when I was younger xD