The Community Advice Thread [Archive] - Lea Halalela Lion King Forum

nathalie

March 4th, 2013, 04:59 PM

Ok, so it gets "worse".
Yesterday he comes home, with a wedding invitation from his "best friend".
Also, again, my name or "and partner" isn't on the envelope.

I really do feel offended by it.
I am that wrong, to feel that way? It makes me really feel left out.
This guy "knows" me, he's seen me a few times, he's been over here everytime that I was here.

It's just commen curtesy, when you know that someone has a partner, you at least write "and partner" on the envelope.

Kenny's name was on my niece her wedding invitation.
Because we are all thaught to be nice in life, I guess, in my family.

It's weird, at Christmas there were no problems at all, every card had my name on it.
It's these 2 so called "best friends" who always leave me out on stuff.

I feel like I'm not even invited, or welcome if I do go ...
I don't see how I don't officially live here or something has got something to do with it.
We are together for almost 3 years now, they know this.

Kenny just brushes it off "don't worry about it, don't think about it".

God, high school flashes are coming back to me more and more, where nobody would want me around, and I was always the 1 person in the entire class not to get an invite to a party.

I have this guy's number, and I'm really tempted to call him, and saying that "WE" are coming, and asking very shy if it is OK for me to come, as I don't know how things go around here, because my name wasn't on the envelope.

But then Kenny would kill me I guess if I'd do that without him knowing.
No point in telling him that I wanna do that, he'd say NO anyways, lol.
Though, it is his "best friend" he should be able to talk to him about this.

It's the 2nd time this "best friend" does this.
Last November he only invited Kenny to his birthday party. While he was here, he was on the phone, talking to another friend of his, invited him and his girlfriend, and not even once looked at me, or told me I could come too.

I'd love to just drop all this crap, but it just keeps running through my mind *sigh*.
Can't I be brainwashed or hypnotized or something?

Sombolia

March 4th, 2013, 05:34 PM

If you've been together for that long, and his friends know you, it does seem weird that they don't include you in invitations and stuff... I mean, one of my friends has only been dating someone for a couple months and we already know to include her in stuff. Strange. :/ If it's bothering you, I would really try to talk to him about it, don't let him keep brushing you off like that.

nathalie

March 4th, 2013, 06:51 PM

I just mentioned it again.

And he just says, that "over here" it's normal when only 1 name is on the envelope, and you are together with someone, you just take that person.
Seems people in Antwerp aren't being brought up with rules on how to be nice to other people.
(people in Antwerp do tend to have this big-air-mentality, much more then other Belgians, lol)

Well, I'm already running images through my head, arriving there, and no seat for me.

Then he got mad, and tells me I shouldn't be jealous of him, because he has friends and I don't.
Well, excuse me, but I'd rather have no friends at all, then the 2 friends he has, who are worthless and only take advantage of him, and don't seem to include me in his life.
(not counting my online friends, I know I can count on those, but I was talking in real life)

I'm going though, I just decided.
I wanna see the look on the bride's face when I show up!
God knows she doesn't like me, and God knows I hate her!!
She has been VERY rude to me in the past, which caused a HUGE fight between me and Kenny, so I actually really don't wanna go to this wedding (and also, I hate weddings in general), but I'll just be going to spite her!

Azerane

January 1st, 2014, 04:19 AM

This is not related to the topic of this thread in any way, but I was just reading through the first couple of posts in this thread and this post made me crack up because I just saw Frozen yesterday :p That's all I had to say.

Anyone know where I can get a length of rope and some carrots without the cashier looking at me strangely?

lol jk jk

Kasei

January 1st, 2014, 08:47 PM

xD Awesome.

Sharifu

February 27th, 2014, 01:13 AM

I just called my job and told them I can't come back. (I've only had this job for one month) I have been stressing about this all day, and for a while really. I just really, really hate my job. It nothing like my job I had in Oregon, even though I transferred to another Kroger owned store, it is not the same store... It's gross, the bathrooms, lockers, break room, the parking lot, everything is filthy. The store is in a bad area of town. And some of the employees have just been so rude, it's been unbearable. I've dealt with a couple rude managers in the past, in different stores but this has to be the worse place I have ever worked at. I just want to go to college next quarter full time. Or get a job that I can only work 1 or 2 days a week. Maybe at my college. But just not retail for right now. Maybe I will get a job in the summer time so I can help make up what I didn't earn from now until June, (and to save up for the DisneyWorld meeting) but right now I just want to get away from that job. But I moved here to study animation, not work at a job like this... I had such a hard time deciding if I should put in my notice, or just leave now and tell them I can't come back. I normally hate to be like that, I think I am good worker and I put in my notice normally, but that just shows how much I hate it there. It's making me hate living in California. I think it would be best for me to just leave now. Although I still feel a little depressed about all this. I did call and I told them I cannot come back now, at first the guy who answered the phone said, "I don't know, we are three people short right now." Then he transferred me to the lady who was in charge at the time and she told me to call in the morning and talk to the store manager. She left a note for her, and I am not looking forward to calling again tomorrow, but at least I let someone know so far what was going on. But I still don't feel great about this. I feel kind of depressed. I know Petteri will be working soon and that will help, but I know it will be tight. But maybe I can do something else, like work at the college for a few hours after class. At least this gives me more time to work on my animation projects, which I really need. I only have a month left of this class.

I do enjoy my classes so I think as long as I focus on that I will feel happier for the most part...

Safila

February 27th, 2014, 03:38 AM

I think you did the right thing it's a horrible feeling waking up in the morning all stressed because you know you HAVE TO go to that job and you hate it. You're lucky you have Mr P there with you to help. I reakon you should go to your University and speak to whoever it is that knows about any jobs going, and take your resume and call into some places asking about any work.

cleargreenwater

February 27th, 2014, 12:50 PM

Yikes, Sharifu. Well, you get all the credit in the world for doing what seemed like it was the best & most responsible thing, lining a new job up before you moved, etc. Really, it seriously was all the right things. Unfortunately flying blind into an area you just don't know what you're going to be getting once you're there. The home office was probably thrilled to be able to send a proven person, who required no training from such a difficult crew, and knew what she had to do, to an under-performing, dingy and decrepid store without having to teach anything, it was probably like found worker for the home office. It's a shame of a bait & switch after working with the company for all the time you did.

I would say formally resign, because then you can put on record the quality of the location you're at, idk about the 2 weeks notice though. I guess it would depend on how petty and vindictive you think the coworkers would be for those weeks in between. x_x

Uhm....I wouldn't completely write off retail jobs for the time being. Unfortunately they're popular with people in college because they are the most flexible with scheduling and yet still can get some hours out of them. At least now that you're there, though, you're "boots on the ground" and can actually SEE the stores you're applying to, judge if it's a safe location you'd feel comfortable closing up in, you can get a feel for the managers and place and employees, and choose a place that's a better fit.

Look at you though, barely there a few months & already neck-deep in a semester! Go Audra! :D

Sharifu

February 27th, 2014, 08:29 PM

Well honestly, I did go to California last October with Petteri to visit a friend, and I did go to the store to see what it looked like. I did think that the parking lot was kind of gross, but I can probably deal with that. The registers looked pretty much the same so I thought it would be easy for me since I know how to use the registers and my job I had in Oregon. (I was a cashier for years at my previous job) I thought at least it could be a guaranteed job and my pay rate might be transferred over. I didn't really know the answer to that until a few days I started to work at this new store. My pay went down 22 cents. Not a big deal I guess but I don't know how they came up with that. It costs a whole lot more to live in San Francisco then Medford, Oregon. I am part of the union which I pay a lot of money already just for working there for a month. (I know the union is there to help the workers but it seems like to me they find any reason to charge you a ton of money) They charged me for a full month's fee for January when I only worked in January for the last 5 days of the month.

I think just what bothers me so much is how dirty some of the places are in the store. (Which I didn't see when I went shopping there last October to see what the place looked like) The bathroom is really gross, pretty much all the time. At least in the women's bathroom, the toilet paper holder for some reason is broken and doesn't hold the paper in. The first day I worked there, the bathroom was decent, it was early in the morning so it was before too many people used it for the day. I went to grab some toilet paper and both rolls just fell on the floor. They were not being held in, just sitting there, loose in the holder. I didn't know it was like that when I grabbed the paper for the first time. And both if the stalls are like that. A lot of times I go to use the bathroom, the toilet paper is either sitting on top of the holder, or on the side bar where people can grab onto the bar to pull themselves up, or on the back of the toilet on the handle that flushes the toilet. Come on! How gross! Why does no one fix this? I don't know how clean someone's hand was that last handled this roll... Or just the fact it sits on the back of the toilet grosses me out. Or how do I know the rolls weren't previously on the floor? A lot of times there is just no toilet paper in the stall. Or the toilet seat covers are gone. There has been times someone left a huge layer of toilet seat covers on the toilet... And/or tons and tons of wadded up toilet paper on the floor right in front of the toilet. They looks like they could have been used. I'm getting grossed out just remembering all this. Why is this not cleaned up more often? How come the managers are ok with this? The manager is a woman and has worked there for a long time, she must use this bathroom and know it is like that most of the time...

And the break room, the tables always seem so sticky and dirty, but how do they expect employees to wipe the tables clean if there is no sink in the break room? Maybe I am spoiled, but when I worked at Target and Fred Meyer in the past, there was always a sink in the break room, with soap and paper towels so you can wash your hands and be able to wipe your table clean.

And the employee lockers... They are day use only. Which is fine, I can get used to that. But so many of the empty lockers seem dirty. I usually have been using one that looks the cleanest, but one day when I went to work, someone was using that locker. So I am looking in lockers that have no locks on them so I can use one, and pretty much all of them are full of TRASH. They post signs saying those are one day use lockers and to take everything with you when you leave for the day, yet it's ok for them to be filled with trash all the time? Yuck!

I am not going back... I was originally going to give my notice, I was thinking of leaving right before March 25, since after that my Spring Break was going to start and I was going to go up to Oregon for my Spring Break to visit and spend time with my family.

My this last weekend, on Saturday night when I got off from work, I was so happy I had 4 days off from work in a row. I was talking to my mom on the phone, and she said, "Too bad you can't come up here for that time", and I told her I wish I could but I need to work on my animations for class. I was depressed about my job and missing my life I had in Oregon and missing my mom and her dog, I kept thinking about driving up there after all. I could work on my animations there... And then we talked about it more, and she said she was happy about the idea of me visiting her, although if I did that it's really only full two days in Oregon, since two days are pretty much driving. So I said, maybe I'll just call in sick on Thursday so that makes it more worth it to go up there to have one more day there. (I rarely call in sick when I was not sick, but I was just hating my job so much I didn't care) So on Sunday I drove up here and it took 7 hours including the stops I made to use a bathroom, get gas and get something to eat. The more I was talking about the reasons why I hate my job with my family and friends/co-workers from my previous job, the more and more I just wanted to quit now. So originally I was calling yesterday to put in my two week notice over the phone, but the manager wasn't there. I could of talked to person in charge at the time, but I was afraid it would be Helen and she has been such a b*tch to me, one day she almost put me in tears. The store manager has always been nice to me, but I don't see her very much, but she was the person I wanted to talk to. And she since wasn't there, I was just not wanting to go back anymore. I called later that day after much stressing and anxiety and I made up a story that I had to drive here for a family emergency and I don't know when I'll be back. I had to talk to Helen though. She told me that she had the next three days off so I needed to call in the morning and talk to Tricia, the store manager. But Helen did ask me if I would be able to be back within the next week, and I said no. She told me she would leave a note for Tricia but that I should still call back to talk to her in the morning. So I tried calling Tricia this morning and I was put on hold for over 10 minutes and she still never picked up. So I thought I would call back later... But honestly I don't want to call back later. I don't know if Tricia saw the note or not or what it said. But I find it weird no one has called me today when I had a shift today that started 6 hours ago. Maybe they just know I'm not coming back anymore. I don't know. I feel weird about this. I don't like to be such a flaky person, I like to be reliable, but I just don't want to go back there now. But at the same time I feel somewhat relieved. I am still in Oregon now, I was originally planning to drive back to California today. But now I can stay longer in Oregon, I just have to be back for my animation class on Tuesday. And now that I don't have to work at that job I can have more time to work on my animation projects. I couldn't really work on them yesterday as I was stressing out so much trying to decide what to do about my job. And really, is it worth it? It's not... I don't know if in the end this was a good idea, well I know it was not, but I didn't want to face the music of everyone questioning me why I was leaving when I just started working there. I could of just said well my husband got a good job so I decided to go to school full time next quarter. I really felt like I couldn't tell the truth and tell the manager that I think her store is nasty. (Especially since I think she was the nicest person to me so far) and that the manager that is right underneath her made me so upset before, I was afraid she would tell Helen)

I don't know, I want to pretend like I never worked there. I think whenever I apply for a job again, I don't even want to list that job. I was hardly even there.

At this point I don't know if I should try calling again to see if I can get a hold of Tricia. I just want to make the phone call and be done with it. I hate this.

Azerane

February 28th, 2014, 05:01 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that your job didn't work out Audra, but at the same time, really glad to hear that you realised how stressful it was making your life and that you had the guts to bring an end to it. I can imagine it must be stressful trying to ring again. But honestly, if you ring and can't talk to her. Just write up a letter, date it, and post it to them as a formal resignation. You technically don't have to give them a reason, but you can give one. Otherwise, you can go in to the store to hand it in, because it's possible you may have to sign something anyway as an official termination of employment, I'm not 100% sure how that works :p

Seriously though, good on you for having the guts to do what was best for you. It can be pretty scary sometimes. I'm sure you'll manage to find something that fits in better with your classes and that isn't so stressful.

nathalie

March 1st, 2014, 08:25 AM

I think you did the right thing Audra. There is no point in waking up every single morning, with the feeling that you hate your job, and you don't wanna start the day. It's not worth the stress and all the pain and head-aches that comes with it!
Maybe if certain things were more OK it would have been, but everything about it just sounds awefull.

Just call your manager, and say you can't do it anymore. You may be "spoiled" from working in a clean and neat store, but isn't that the point of every store to be at least clean? :/

I worked in a grocery store for 2 days. The boss humiliated me in a full store full of customers. The 2nd day the other boss (there were 2), wouldn't let me leave, when my 1st boss *who I had to listen to* told me I could leave at a certain time.
No way I was staying in that hell-hole a minute longer, and I just grabbed my things and left.
The store was on the corner from the house, and I never went there again as long as I lived with my first ex, lol.

It's definatly not mentioned on my ressume eather, what am I going to say when they ask why it was only 2 days? The boss humiliated me in a full store, and yelling at me in a full store? I'd much rather just block that out :)

Sharifu

March 8th, 2014, 01:04 AM

Well I did end up calling and talking to the store manager last Monday. I told her I should quit because I don't know when I'll be back... And then she said, "I wouldn't be so hasty to quit, I would put in a leave of absence since you have been with the company so long." (She means she I worked at Fred Meyer for so long before starting work at Foods Co.) She gave me a number to call and those people could send me the forms I need to fill out, and that I might need a letter from my mom's doctor. She said that way I have a choice and it will give me some time to think about it. (I could take a leave of absence for up to six months) Which is nice she offered that to me, but... But I never had a family emergency. I wish I could of just ended it there but I didn't know what to say once she told me about the leave of absence thing. So basically, today I wrote her a letter saying I decided put in my resignation because I decided that once my mom "gets better" I am going to go to school full time and not work during that time. I know she is probably going to question why I just didn't put in a leave of absence, but oh well. I kind of created a mess for myself because I lied, which I thought saying I left like that for a family emergency would make it easier on myself and it wouldn't look so bad leaving like I did. Oh well. At least I will be sending that letter tomorrow so I can finally get this over with. I need to concentrate on animations for my class now anyways. :p

nathalie

March 9th, 2014, 12:50 PM

I feel completely alone.
There is no one I can talk to. The friends I do have are all asleep as they are on the other side.

I feel I wanna talk about stuff, this funeral business for next week is turning out into a huge miserable day, because my nan had 8 kids, and they all want different things, and my mom is so nice to let people come together at hour home after the funeral (meant for just the family and 1 or 2 close family friends), but it's not enough for some of her siblings, they want to catch up with other people and drink coffee and eat pie and sandwiches.
(which is what we usually do after a funeral ... stuff ourselves and gossip ... my grandma didn't want this for her funeral, so we are respecting it, it's something where everyone who came to curch, or not, can go to, so instead it's just our family at my place).
Why should my mom be the one providing for food and stuff.
The others all want it, why don't they do it at their homes, instead of putting it all on my mom once again, and then start complaining and whining about stuff, instead of doing it all themselves.

Usually when I felt like this and I was home, I'd go to my grandma's, which I obviously can't anymore :tears:

ThiagoPE

March 9th, 2014, 01:26 PM

Audra, i think you are being very courageous in taking such actions to achieve your dream of studying animation. I hope every thing goes fine for you, even because is so nice working with a thing we like. I hope the best for you.

Enviado de meu LT26i usando Tapatalk

Sharifu

March 9th, 2014, 07:31 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Natahlie. :( I'm not sure what to offer for advice, I hope people come to their senses, and offer to help more and bring some food too instead of it all being put on your mom. :hugs:

Thanks Thiago, sometimes I feel like I have a hard time starting to work on these animations. I think because I don't really enjoy effects animation, I'd rather be doing character animation. (But I will get to that)

Safila

March 10th, 2014, 01:56 AM

Nathalie when dad died, mum had hassles with my uncle and a couple of aunties, they wanted different things and thought mum would just give into them, but she stood up for what she wanted. In the end she told my Uncle that if they didn't like it they could just forget about coming to the funeral, it wasn't about them it was about me her and dad.
Also to save mum haveing to spend money and stuff, we just had biscuits/coffee/tea at the 'reception room' at the chapel, which is what alot of ppl do.
It's really sad that funerals bring out the worst in ppl sometimes, they only was I reakon for things is for your mother to say that it can be held at a cafe or somewhere and everyone pay for their own food and drinks, and if she dosen't say anything, well then she has to cop it all and the expense.

*hugs* I'm sorry about loosing your grandma too.

Sharifu

May 7th, 2014, 02:51 AM

Uhm....I wouldn't completely write off retail jobs for the time being. Unfortunately they're popular with people in college because they are the most flexible with scheduling and yet still can get some hours out of them.

Ugh, it doesn't seem that way to me at all... Someone from a Costco store called me today after I applied online. The guy I talked to, in the end of the conversation didn't want to hire me because I couldn't work on Friday. Even though I was available all day Saturday and Sunday, most of the morning and afternoon on Monday and all day Tuesday. All because I couldn't work Friday. Ugh. I was only offered a part time position which he said himself is 24 to 36 hours... I said I was available 4 days, this really annoys me.

Don't mind me really, just venting... I miss my old job in Oregon. :( I got paid more there too then what Costco offered me.

Azerane

May 7th, 2014, 07:09 AM

Sorry to hear that Sharifu, unfortunately it's entirely possible that they needed extra people to help cover those Friday shifts, and if you can't, then there's no point in hiring someone if they're not going to fill the gap. Just keep trying, I'm sure that something will turn up. :) Consider it a good sign that people do want to hire you otherwise!

Revo

May 7th, 2014, 10:18 PM

Well hello everybody, it's been a while.. again. Hopefully people still remember me :timonbaby:, although my activity here has been short from non-existent.
Not really looking for advice here. But even after many years or inactivity, this forum still feels like the only place where I can openly talk about this kind of stuff. I think that says something powerful about the community... or my lack of social skills. I hope you'll indulge me to just ramble about me and my own things for awhile. Not what I usually like to do, but I guess this thread was meant for that kind of stuff. Anyway, sorry for the super-long post.

So long story short, over a year ago my dad was diagnosed with cancer (a lymphoma, if someone is interested). He's gone through all sorts of fancy treatments throughout the year and, well... none of them worked. It's been evident from the start that this type of cancer is very aggressive and doesn't have high survival rates. But recently, like a week or two ago, his state has gone very downhill really fast, after they had given up on the last treatment.

Right now he's on pain medication and in a very poor state. Can't walk, stand, sit, or even talk all that well anymore. My mom and the nurses go help him with the feeding everyday. The meds make him a bit delusional, so he isn't really himself anymore when we go see him. The prediction is that he doesn't have many days left, and could basically have a breakdown at any moment. Even at nights we're waiting if there's a call from the hospital.

All of this basically came at a very bad time, as I'm in Uni, and couldn't really see my parents much. I saw them basically 2-3 times last year, when I visited them during midsummer and Christmas. All the time went into studying, and voluntary extra responsibilities, which I had accumulated before. Now I feel bad about not seeing him more. It was kinda shocking, seeing him last summer when he had lost all his hair, had a really raspy voice and couldn't walk well without help. He was extremely sporty and healthy before the disease, although he had other problems with his heart.
Now I've been visiting more within the recent weeks. Tonight me and my brother arrived (it's about a 3-hour drive) for what will probably be the last time, and we hope to go see him tomorrow along with my sis.

All that said, I don't think my isolating from them is completely a result of circumstances. Ever since high school, I had the vibe from my parents (especially my dad) that they didn't really think I could cope being independent. And so I had to keep "proving them wrong". I went to study abroad, wen't to live in a boarding school for one summer, kept using more of my own money for things instead of asking them, etc... and I just kind of got stuck into that mode of not keeping in touch with them. I do regret that now.
That might've also contributed to my personality nowadays, and why I find it impossible to talk about or express my real feelings to anyone in person. Always keeping a distance, always playing the happy-go-lucky guy, even though I sure don't always feel like it. Anytime I get too close to someone, I immediately get terrified and just want some distance. I never really had a heart-to-heart conversation with my dad about anything, and now it's kinda too late. I guess I owe some of that to Finnish culture, where those conversations are pretty rare.

This will also be the first time I've really lost someone dear to me. All my grandparents were dead before I was born, so I never learned to miss them. So that kinda makes this rollercoaster of emotions that i'm unable to express, that much bothersome.

Anyway, I do really hope to find it in me to be more active here. To be able to come here after so long and know I'll be welcome even with a frown on my face... It truly is worth something. And I know there's atleast one person here who can completely relate to what I'm going through. Sorry for the somewhat depressing post. And sorry for not addressing any of the other posts above me. Might've been a bit redundant, seeing as I haven't been here for the whole story.

Sharifu

May 7th, 2014, 10:42 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that Revo, that is really sad. :( :hugs: I can only imagine how difficult this is for you right now. I am very close to my mom, but Petteri and I just recently moved away, about a 7 hour drive away from where we were living with my mom. I basically did that because community college in California is cheaper then Oregon, and that animation classes are offered here, they aren't in Southern Oregon. My mother has a lot of health problems and it seems like it has gotten worse the last year of living with her. She is all alone, she is divorced and has no family living near her. So in a way I understand how you feel guilty about not spending much time with your parents much lately. I feel guilty now and my mom doesn't have cancer...

I wish I could say something to make things better, but I know I can not... Cancer is so horrible. :( I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. :hugs:

Safila

May 8th, 2014, 03:40 AM

:hugs: I don't really know how to start this post, cause after I read yours I burst into tears. No one really knows how you feel or what to say or do unless you have been through it.

It's horrible watching someone you love slowly die each day and there is nothing you can do. Dad also had a rare and aggressive cancer, except his was a bladder cancer and was told there was only 13-14 other people in the world who had it and he had 6 months to live. Dad did the natural way for the first year and awesome things happened and we were all happy cause we thought dad was going to beat it and live,but that second and his last year, horrible things happened to dad. I would put blankets on the bottom of my door so I couldn't hear dad pacing cause the pain meds weren't working no matter what they gave him, or other nights I would have Daisy on my bed with me cuddling her and trying not to hear stuff with dad or when ambulance came and got him cause the pain was too much. I used to feel guilty that it wasn't me who was sick, I would feel guilty when we argued about something, and I would feel guilty when I used to go out and have fun and knew that dad was there going thru all that stuff. I know alot of stuff mum kept from me so I didn't have to deal with it, but she did all by herself as we had no family here. I would feel guilty when I wished someone else would have it instead of my dad.
Mum said to me, we all have guilt about the ' what if ' or the 'why didn't I, but she said you have to let it go, it's been and done you can't change, just make sure what time you have left with that person you let them know how you feel.

It's going to be hard with what's going to happen, even though guys don't like to cry cause they think it's unmanly or something, try it when you're alone, it really works good,or even write down everything you are feeling, or talk to someone about it where you can just say whatever you want no matter what.. nothing works properly when you try and hold things in and try and push sad thoughts away, they usually come back another day.. I know that real well, and have been dealing with stuff this last 3-6 months.

So, you should go to your dad and wrap your arms around him, hold him and tell him you love him and always will and thank him for being your dad and promise you will always look after your mum for him.
Just love him while you can.

Revo

May 8th, 2014, 08:35 PM

Thank you both for the kind words, really. Especially you Safila, I'm sorry for bringing up bad memories from before. I feel your pain aswell, now more than ever before. Thank you for the heartfelt advice. And although I know the bad feeling never really goes away, I hope it gets easier for you and you learn to remember more of the good times you had with your dad. That's what I try to do anyway.
Sorry for your mother Sharifu, I really hope it gets better for her. Loneliness is almost the worst part I must imagine. Make sure to call her whenever you can. That's the one thing I started doing a lot more often during recent months, even if I couldn't visit.

We visited him twice today, for about 5 hours in total. He can't speak, open his eyes or move at all anymore except for the occasional moan and twitch, so it's almost impossible to know whether he's sleeping or not. Especially since they amped up the morphine and seditatives, for the pain and the anxiety.
The hardest thing to think about is that he might be awake, but completely unable to respond to anything we say to him or tell us how to soothe him. We try do things that we think might make him feel better, like spraying his dry mouth with water, applying chapstick on his cracked lips, and fanning him to cool the fever. The nurses came about 3 times during the day to change his diaper and turn him over, and everytime his skin was bloodred where the swollen tissue had been pressed against the wrinkles in the sheets.
He's starting to show a lot of the signs of the end. Breathing is very shallow, hands and feet are cold and turning color... Even during last weekend, when he could still somewhat speak, he was saying he wished he didn't have to die, and wanted to live more.

One hour I feel strong and like I'm handling it well, another moment later I feel like breaking down in the middle of the street, and then back again. Even though my family is not all that close, I'm happy we're all gathered here.

Safila

May 8th, 2014, 11:37 PM

Bad feelings always come back at silly times for some reason. I hate the fact that someone else has to go through what me and mum did, it's so hard so stop the thoughts coming into your head and replacing them quickly with good ones, they say it gets easier as time goes past, I guess it does a little bit, but you have to work at it, silly as that sounds.
Mum bought dad home here with us the last 4 days, he wanted to come 'home' but that was really hard as well. It so different when you visit them in hospital, and then there's your dad back home with you and you know that every time you look at him or hug him that its going to be taken away so soon and there's nothing you can do about it.

They say even though someone's body is slowly shutting down they can still hear you, thats what we were told. So everyone and us would talk to dad, sometmies we got a response or he would tighten his hold on our fingers but he knew we were there. We stroked up and down his arms and held his hands and rubbed them, mum would sit close and stroke his cheek and whisper things to him and stroke his hair and he would press in close. So I still say they can hear you as they want so much to stay with you. Dad kept saying how much he loved us and he didn't want to leave us alone but he couldn't fight any longer and for us to forgive him for going.. so yeah

Dad's last hour with us, mum and I were holding his hands and just stroking, and his fingers still moved a little in ours and he struggled in breaths but said to us "love you forever" and then he passed away.

:hugs: keep talking to your dad, keep telling him you love him so thats in his mind forever

Leorgathar

May 9th, 2014, 04:03 AM

Oh man :(

I could say that I've been there because I've lost some relatives because of cancer too, like my uncle who got it in the liver. But still I can't really know what you're going through. My uncle was close to me mainly because he was a dentist too and helped me through my career, but I didn't exactly live a childhood with him like I did with my dad, plus, I didn't get to see him during his last couple of months. They're just very different circumstances.

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad, Revo, it really must be hard on you :( I know I can't really offer any advice, Safila is much wiser on this and you should listen to her. But you know, even though we haven't really talked in years, I'm still your friend and I still consider you so, which is why it pains me to see you in this situation. You can feel free to approach me if you need someone to talk with or you feel like catching up. I can understand your need to distance yourself from other people, I feel like that too at times (I have my reasons), and that's ok, I know it's hard to keep contact with friends through the years like this.
But just remember that I won't ever forget you :hugs: My best wishes for you and your family.

nathalie

May 9th, 2014, 04:11 AM

So sorry to hear all that Revo, I don't really know what to say in situations like this.
My uncle also died because of liver cancer, but I had chosen to not see him when he was at his sickest (because I wanted to remember him like he was before and not what he looked like in the end).

Obviously, this is your dad, so you can't do that.
I guess, just try and make the most of it, and I'm pretty sure he knows you love him.

Much strenght :hugs:

Revo

May 10th, 2014, 09:22 AM

Yesterday we wen't again with my brother and sister. I couldn't muster up the courage to say anything in front of them, but I managed to ask if we could take turns on being alone with him. In a morbid way, it made it easier to open up when it wasn't clear whether he was conscious or not. I don't know if I could've done it otherwise. But I said what I needed to say, and we went again to see him in the evening. My mom and sister decided to stay in his hospital room for the night, while the rest of us went home.

Today, a little past nine in the morning my sister called to say that dad had stopped breathing and died. We went there with the whole family (my other sister aswell) to see him, after the nurses changed the blue sheets to clean white ones. It's a bit over noon now. We just came home, ate breakfast and hoisted the flag at half-mast. It feels somehow easier, knowing that atleast he's not in pain anymore.

It's Mother's Day tomorrow, so we're trying especially hard to make this easier on mom. We're making a cake for her and buying red roses, like dad always used to. It is clearly hardest for her, as they were married for almost 40 years. Mom's always been very religious, even more adamantly so in the recent years. None of us children are religious or members of the church anymore, but we indulge her when she feels like praying, or singing a hymn. It's her way of dealing with things. Last week dad had asked for himself to be christened to the faith aswell. I don't know if he wanted it more for himself or for mother, but I know it seems to have made mom feel a lot better about the whole thing.

Again, thanks for the support everyone. I know it doesn't seem like much, but you've already probably helped me deal with these the last couple of days more than you care to guess. Just being able to come here and spill myself out (which I never tend to do about anything), and get any kind of a warm response means so much.

nathalie

May 10th, 2014, 09:32 AM

Oh my God, I'm so sorry Revo :hugs:

KanuTGL

May 10th, 2014, 10:17 AM

Oh, no... I'm so sorry for your loss, Revo :(

I... don't really know what I can say since I've never been in a similar situation myself, but know that I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Lots of hugs :hugs:

Safila

May 10th, 2014, 10:20 AM

:hugs: I'm sorry you lost your dad Revo. Everyone says it's a blessing and that he's not in pain anymore, which is true. But after a few times of hearing I just wanted to slap that person and tell them to shut up, it might be so, but it was my dad that was finally taken away and gone forever, and I wouldn't see him again.
Maybe it will be a little easier on your mum seeing she has her religion to turn to. And making a fuss over her tomorrow will be really nice too for her.

Another hard part for you now too, with your dad's funeral. I didn't think I would want to, but I went with mum and it was me that chose dads coffin, I wanted the bright pink one they had and was going to glue glitter on, mum and I laughed about that and thought it would make dad raise his eyebrows and give us that silly look he used to do, so we thought we'd better not XD
But I did find the courage to sing and play two songs at dads funeral that he loved to hear me sing when I visited him in hospital, maybe you could do something too .
I hope the next week will go ok and pass by quickly with everything, give your mum a hug from me and my mum.
xo
:hugs:

cleargreenwater

May 10th, 2014, 12:29 PM

Oh no :( Heart goes out to you & your family.

Azerane

May 10th, 2014, 01:13 PM

I'm so sorry Revo. I'd read your previous post about him being ill, and was still trying to find the right words, but it seems I'm too late. I still don't really know what to say, but I am so very sorry for your loss :hugs:

I'm glad you had the chance to say some final words to him.

Kirauni

May 10th, 2014, 03:22 PM

I'm also very sorry to hear that. :zazusad:
Just like Azerane, I was thinking of what I could write you. But the words didn't seem to be right, so I remained silent.
As many here, I've never been in such a situation. My father died rather quickly and unexpectedly a few years ago. At that time I didn't realize what was happening until a few days later. However, I have a very hard time thinking about the events back then even today. How the paramedics tried to reanimate him and how I told my husband to keep my mother in the living room while I stayed with me father. I didn't want her to see what I did... but those are pictures I will never forget. And they are painful memories, even today. So I think I know you you feel right now.
I didn't know where I would be now if it wasn't for my father's, mother's and also my faith in God. So I'm glad your mother has Him and I pray for her that he'll give her the strenght to live on. I know how my mother suffered when she suddenly had to face everything on her own. Of course I will also keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm just glad you managed to say a few words to your father before he died. It was a really good think to get a few moments alone with him. No matter if he understood everything. I'm sure he knew or felt you were there and you did all you could.

*hugs* :timonhug:

Sharifu

May 10th, 2014, 06:50 PM

I'm so sorry Revo, just reading about you getting the chance to talk to your dad alone is making me tear up, and I have never been in that situation. I guess I am picturing how that would be if I was in that situation with my mother. I am glad though that you got that alone time with your dad to talk to him, even if you're not sure what he understood. But I bet he understood more then you could know, just like Safila said. I hope it gives you peace that you had that chance to talk to him and let him know how you felt.

That is very sweet how you and your siblings are trying to make a good Mother's Day for your mom. It will be hard on of all you, but at least you have each other for support. Your mom is very lucky to have such sweet and caring children. :hugs:

I wish I could say more, but I am not sure of the right words to say for this situation. I really feel for you and your family though, it's really the hardest thing to ever go through, losing a loved one. I'm sorry Revo. :hugs:

Azerane

August 1st, 2014, 12:26 PM

Brief background info: Currently in a situation where I may be moving into a different rental soon. While checking out new places online, I find myself torn between the possibly longer-term happiness decision, and the more short-term sensible decision.

The longer-term happiness is a larger place, generally nicer, with more features (dishwasher, covered parking etc) and more space for Bandit to have his own room or in separate living are. Therefore the potential is that when Pat moves in, we could be happy to live there longer term (a few years). The place I'm currently looking at in this range is at the very top of my price limit. It is $60 per week more than what I'm currently paying, however I also just signed at work for more hours (an extra $110 approx. per week).

The smart option is generally two bedroom with a single smaller living area, sometimes joined to the dining room, sometimes a small separate dining room. Two beds limits me to having Bandit in the living area (since computer desk and spare bed would be in 2nd bed) but since the living areas are generally smaller, it would be a bit tight. I also worry about people coming over who may be allergic and having his cage in the main room. Also, less amenities (no covered parking, no dishwasher, lesser heating/cooling systems, no shed for Bandit's hay etc) and gererally less nice/older kitchen/bathroom but not gross old :p These places are around the same price as what I'm paying now, and with making an extra $110+ per week, it's a very smart option. And I would be saving well. Though I worry about feeling cramped and a year from now, having to go through the moving process yet again.

Having said all that, I may not be moving at all, but these are things I feel I need to work out now in case things have to happen quickly once they're decided. Advice?

nathalie

August 1st, 2014, 03:31 PM

Hmm, from the sound of it, this place is 60 $ per month more, but has a lot of extra options, an extra room.
I think if you're looking for a home, and don't plan on moving around much (because in the end, how many times would you wanna move untill you find something you are happy with?)

If you can make it, and knowing Pat is coming to live there for good, looking at all the extra options this new place has, and you feel like "this is it", then I would so *go for it*.
I've lived in many houses, and I still haven't been able to call one of those houses "my home", because I just don't like how they look, the inside (well, we're renovating now, but it's so limited in what you can do in the end, and it'll never be how you really want it, I know that, but still).
So I would totally go for it, if you think that place could be a "dream" house.

Sharifu

August 1st, 2014, 05:00 PM

Hmm, I probably would want to go for the more expensive place, since you would probably be making approximately $110 more a week anyways. Personally I hate moving, it stresses me out, so that is probably why I think that way. I don't think I would want to move to a smaller place, just to move again in a year. But I guess if you really need to be saving up some money and putting it aside, it would be a good option for you. Hopefully it wont take Pat too long to get a job either when he moves there. I know he couldn't get a job the last time he was there, but I kind of wonder if employers just saw that he was going to be in Australia for a short time (less then a year) and that they would rather hire someone more permanent.

Azerane

August 2nd, 2014, 10:47 AM

Thanks guys, the more I think about it the more you're probably right. What's mostly scaring me is the jump up from what I'm currently paying in rent. However with increased pay, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to achieve it. I went and looked at two places today, one was a cheapy which could have been nice if the current tenants had ever mopped the kitchen floor or didn't have clutter everywhere, haha. The other place was the super nice one I was talking about, and boy, was it ever nice. It has literally everything we want out of a place, and I even got to pet a kitty while I was there :lol: So I'm kind of really hopeful about all this, just hope it doesn't end up not happening. If not, I'll be moving over Christmas time and that's not really something I want.

Azerane

August 6th, 2014, 11:15 AM

Well, it's all set that I will be moving at some point, it's currently just a matter of where and how soon. I put in an application for the really nice place that I liked, just waiting to see whether I get it or not although I'm not sure I like my chances.

Thanks so much for your feedback and support. Ultimately, you guys were right. Better to find a really nice place now and be comfortable and happy there for a while than have to move again and just be getting by.

nathalie

September 1st, 2014, 05:43 PM

I am so sick and tired of my life :tears:

I don't really have friends in real life. I have a Disney-buddy who I go with usually, and a concert buddy, but those aren't friends.

When Kenny's best friend only takes advantage of him, and I say something about it, Kenny even has the nerves to say "rather a friend like that, then NONE at all".
It hurts so much when he says that.

My job, whenever I have to go to the office by bus, knowing I won't be alone there and be with people who I know gossip about me and laugh about me, I am so extremely sick, this morning, a Polish lady had to help me, she hardly spoke any Dutch (happens in Antwerp), she offered me something to drink and eat so I'd feel better again. Then she hold my arm when I was getting on the bus (she had to get on the same one as I did).

It's just not worth it. And I can't even talk to my friggin' boyfriend about it, because he doesn't understand, and even then, when I came home whe had a fight about that friends-thing, because his best friend is being extremely rude (just he can't see it himself), and he left into town for these stupid games they do every year here, and I'm pretty sure he won't be back home untill 3am or so (and it's almomst 8pm now).

I just wanna give up.

Sharifu

September 1st, 2014, 06:34 PM

Aww, I'm so sorry Nathalie. I understand how you feel. When I lived in Oregon, I had no friends that lived there. Luckily the people I worked with at Fred Meyer, almost all of them were really nice to me. But still, I never hung up with any of my co-workers outside of work. I am really so picky when it comes to making friends. I want friends that like to play video games and have the same interests in movies as I do, and that is hard to find.

When I moved back to Oregon, I really only had four friends in the bay area of California that I spent time with. Now that I am back in California, I really only spend time with one of them (Vidan, he is also our room mate). :p My last friend in the area is an hour drive away and honestly we are not that close anymore. He's been kind of jerk sometimes. The two girl friends that I actually grew up with and are closer to live far away, one lives in Southern California, so a 6 or 7 hour car ride away.. But at least whenever I go to Disneyland, I can visit her. (Which is not very often usually. Can't afford a Disneyland trip right now) And my other girl friend lives in Utah now. Which is like an 12 hour drive away. Maybe now that I have a job I can visit her in Utah someday. But I do miss being able to hang out whenever.

So I know I'm not totally alone, but sometimes I feel that way, being alone in this house all day while everyone else is at work or school. And I felt pretty alone in Oregon before Petteri moved in. I had my mom of course, and Bella our dog, but that's not the same as spending time with friends. But I will hopefully be starting school again in a few weeks and working soon too so I won't feel alone most of the day.

What Kenny said, "rather a friend like that, then NONE at all" is a very hurtful thing to say. What I could suggest to say is, "I'm just looking out for your well being, it's not healthy to have friends like that. Yeah I don't have any friends, but that does not mean I would want friends that would hurt me. And what you says really hurts my feelings." Maybe you did already tell him that, but if I not, I would let him know how that makes you feel. Although, I guess he must know that is a hurtful thing to say... I wish I was better at giving advice... Well, hugs to you! :hugs:

I still consider online friends, real friends, it's just you can't hang out together in person, well, at least not very often...

nathalie

September 1st, 2014, 06:48 PM

Whenever I say something about his 2 "best friends" he gets very hostile.
He keeps saying the guy did something for him when he was feeling depressed at one point in his life, so he thinks he ows him so much.

Back in 2010 & 2011 Kenny revamped the entire house, there was nothing in that house, everything had to be build in and whatever, Kenny worked there every Friday & Saturday (while we kept fighting about the fact, I would like to do something on one of those evenings), and he did it all for FREE!
His "best friend" never even slipped him some money, because I don't know, but if a friend of mine works in my house for nearly 2 years every single weekend, I would at least offer him something, or take him out to dinner, or whatever.
But NOTHING. Kenny is so stupid to have done it all for nothing, and he got nothing in return, how rude is that?

I only worked half a day, because I was going to go along to those games, but right before we left, he said he's going to his friend next week, and in 2 weeks help him move.
I knew he mentioned something about moving, and it already upset me big time.
So first thing I said was: are you joking ??? You fixed that house for nearly 2 years, for FREE, and he's selling it, while you never ever got something in return for it ??? And he wants you to come and have a look at the new house ??? (so Kenny can do some more FREE stuff there) and help him move ???

Where was your "best friend" when you moved all your stuff to this house, huh ??? NO WHERE!

How rude is that of that guy? Selling a house, my boyfriend completely made it into a home for free.
And then Kenny says: he always gives me something for my birthday.
Lol, that is SO NOT TRUE, and I don't understand why Kenny is telling lies to himself.
That guy has been here only for ONE birthday in the past 4 years, and obviously, he brought a gift, it's what you do when you are invited to a birthday party (that, and it's was Kenny's 30th, so the giftcard from Ikea had a bit more money on it then for a regular birthday I suppose).

Kenny's lying to himself, and I don't understand why he's doing that ... fear of losing that guy? Who wants friends like that?

And yeah, I may not have friends in real life, and that may hurt, but rather no friends, then someone who only takes advantage of me.

So I let him go alone to the games.
I slept for a bit (it's all I seem to do lately), and I went over there to have a look around 6pm, but I was basicly just ignored by him, he didn't even say "hi" or anything. And when I said something about that, he said "if it's to make a scene you can go back home". Excuse me? o_O
When we were alone for a moment at the cafe the game was at, he started talking to me.
And I asked him, what I needed to do, for him to jump for me, like he does for that guy.
I asked him 3 times in the past 6 months to help me with the dishes, and he always refused o_O
He said: I'll only help you when it's a 5 minute job, not when it's dishes from the past 3 days.

But there's the thing, I can't do it anymore, it's too much, I get NO help, and he keeps making the piles in the kitchen bigger and bigger, because if he doesn't help me do them, HE makes the pile bigger, because he takes new glasses and mugs out of the cupboards.

I simply don't understand what it is that guy ever did for him.
If that guy says "jump", Kenny will ask "how high?"

I know, I have online friends, but even I need a hug sometimes, hehe. And the ones I do have, aren't from Europe, so then you get those bloody timezones.

the writing in caps, doesn't mean I'm yelling, just pointing some things out a bit more :p

Sharifu

September 1st, 2014, 06:54 PM

Why can't Kenny help clean his share of dishes? You're working a job now too. I don't know why he thinks you should do them all, unless he is so old fashioned that he thinks that is women's work. (And I can't stand men that think like that, ugh!)

nathalie

September 1st, 2014, 06:57 PM

He thinks this is "hotel mama", but his mama left 4 years ago! I ain't taking over that job.

Because he does all the work, to get the house all fixed and stuff, he feels he needs to do nothing else but that.
That's the least of my worries I guess.

I need to figure out what I'm going to do with this job, I cannot go through so much pain every single morning for another 6 months.
I was quite happy that Friday 2 weeks ago would have been my last one. And then that awefull evaluation report she made about me, it just ruind everything even more.

I'm not social -_- they obvisouly don't know me, and don't want to know me, so why should I bother.

Sharifu

September 1st, 2014, 09:47 PM

Relationships require communication... You should tell him that you and him both need to come to an agreement about how chores are split. Not just assume you have to do all the dishes because he does other things. I really think you two need to sit down and talk about it. It's not right for one person to say, "Nope I am never doing this and I will never change my mind or consider other options." People really need to be more open minded then that, especially when it comes to relationships. I really think communication is the key.

nathalie

September 2nd, 2014, 05:19 AM

I just don't get why he carries this guy on hands and foot, while he won't even do one thing for me.

And I'm on my way to work now, on the bus, holding it together, holding back tears, because I feel so sick *again*.

I should have never signed that stupid contract.
I needed to follow my guts on it, instead of just the money. Nothing is worth feeling like this every day.

When I got home yesterday noon I felt fine again.

Sharifu

September 2nd, 2014, 05:23 AM

:( I know how you feel, we really needed the money, but I still left Foods Co. I still felt kind of guilty about it even months later. Although, Petteri mentioned it just wasn't worth it considering how unhappy I was there. But I feel better now that I will be working sometime soon.

Nalas

October 22nd, 2014, 03:34 AM

OK, guys, I'm stepping forward:

Since September 11th of this year, I had been real fortunate to be in contact with one of my favorite Broadway actors via email; he let me interview him. Well, I accidentally got a little too carried away and on the 12th of this month, him and I got into a little dispute over a misunderstanding. Now he isn't having me talk to him until January. I feel awful, much less, guilty for what I did. I sent him an apology on Thursday, but he hasn't gotten back to me.... I just really miss communicating with him. I've been trying to distract myself and keep myself occupied, but it really hasn't been helping. I still keep him in my prayers; I say one for him every night before I go to bed. He said he'd keep me in his prayers.

If anybody has advice or what-not, I'd be grateful. :hugs:

cleargreenwater

November 12th, 2014, 01:30 PM

OK, community, let's hear any tips you guys might have. I'm going to Florida next week to spend a week with my father and stepmother before heading north up to Disney and the Lea meet.

My stepmother is not my cuppa and a potentially scary person. She is obsessive about my father and I've always been the one "other woman" she's never been able to completely get rid of, which my father exasperated by making me and insurance money his excuse to not marry her for upwards of 2+ decades. She's loud, pushy, and manipulative, and I'm sure at the very least I'm going to spend the 5 days with them hearing about what a terrible child I am for not keeping up with my father's health, all while she has had my number blocked from their phone because she occassionally gets the delusion that I'm passing messages on from my mother, 24 or so years after she "won" him from her. She isn't always caught up in her hang-ups like that, but it's an ever-present possibility.

I'm not super close with my father either, he happily walked when I was 13 so I don't even have that "divorced child" experience of staying with him on weekends or anything to go by, we reconnected during college before his first heart-stent procedure, and can't rely on him to have guts or health if she crosses a line.

I'm making this attempt as an adult who is being equitable and trying to do the right thing since he does have heart problems, and who has every right to a nice vacation, and a reasonable expectation to be staying with other mature adults who are able to conduct themselves as such.

That's hard to keep in mind when it comes to parents and triggers sometimes, though, and hope no lines get crossed while there, because I'm sort of a coward and find confrontation extremely stressful.

Anyone have any advice for dealing with difficult family members or potentially toxic/challenging visits?

nathalie

November 12th, 2014, 05:28 PM

Hmm, I'm not sure what you could do. You say your number is blocked, is there anyway you can proove that right there on the spot? So your dad can see? By how you feel about her, I'm wondering why your dad is together with her :/ She doesn't sound like a good wife.

Being the bigger person, if the other one can't, is usually the best thing you can do, and thinking like: I'm here for such a short time, is it really worth to start making huge fights? But on the other hand, maybe if it can be discussed finally, it can do some good?

nathalie

December 18th, 2014, 05:52 AM

Had a fight with Kenny's mom last night.
She was here, I see her, and I tried saying hello, and my lips moved, but no sound because of my extremely bad cold.
I go back upstairs. I hear them both raising these voices, Kenny comes back up all irritated, I ask what's wrong and if says I didn't say hi to his mom, but I did.

I just flipped! So in full anger I go downstairs, and I tell her I did say hi, but I'm sick so my voice isn't there sometimes, so no need to start a fight between me and Kenny!!!! I slammed the door and went back upstairs. Kenny told her I was sick, and yet she made a big deal out of it and made sure me and Kenny had a huge fight --> once again, about her. 90 % of our fights, involve her.

I'm starting to think lately, if we just break up (I don't want to), but she'll be out of my life, and she can't hurt me anymore.
Last year she did really ignore me by not saying anything to me when she did leave a party, first thing I thought was last night "are you getting back at me?" but that wasn't possible, since she really didn't say anything to me, and I did last night.

I told my psych, I'd go "around her" if she's near me, but with the holidays coming up ... *sigh*.
Gonna do my best though to run away from her. I don't wanna see her.
I have done nothing wrong to her since I met her, and all she does is giving me crap, and making me feel worse, and making me and Kenny fight.

Utora

December 18th, 2014, 06:10 AM

I'm not one for advice because, well..the way I do things really isn't anyone's cup of tea.
I do try to empathize though...

I am sorry you are going through this, it must be emotionally and physically taxing when all you probably want is some harmony and understanding.
Truth is, it looks like she is just doing this to get attention..she can wield Kenny against you..somehow this makes her think she's getting her way.

I understand this only because a guy I darted - his mother was similar but not to this extent. Very passive aggressive though. I told him he had to make a choice, and start telling her off or I would start doing it..and believe me, if she wasn't *****ing yet she'd certainly be screaming by the time I was through with her.
I just don't understand though..why Kenny doesn't take her aside and tell her off?? If you have to carry this trial alone..I mean that's that.

I refused to be a cohabitant of my boyfriend's establishment with "the dictator" upstairs, locking doors on me, telling him I left a tpilet fan on for 50 minutes when it was more like 5 seconds...oh man, that story... -_-

It may also be she truthfully doesn't want to share space and that is the issue maybe? I discovered that my boyfriend was not representing his mother properly..she was not very ok with us sharing the eastablishment. If they had been upfront I would have been kinder..but nobody is direct.
I don't know..maybe breaking up isn't the exact answer, but distance...there needs to be healthy boundaries..your basic needs aren't even being respected..so it's not gunna get any better until there's some space and respect from their end.

It was same for me, I never did anything wrong, but they acted like I was some thief, or criminal, or rude invasion of their lives but nobody was being upfront about anything! People cannot read minds. You gotta have communication, understanding, respect and love for eachother. If it's hostile territory, it just won't happen. I tend to become overbearing and dopminant when I'm bombarded with that BS, so they felt my presence and backed off...but I also was kind to them and left formally.

It's sad really, because while they spend all this time being disgruntled they are missing out on connections and establishing a relationship..for what?

:confused:

Ask yourself what you want and make it happen. Don't settle for anything less. :)

nathalie

December 18th, 2014, 06:40 AM

Kenny usually tells me to not listen to her, to just ignore what she says and he's told her off in the beginning, but I understand he can't keep doing that, it's still his mom.
Not sure if you understand correctly, or if I'm understanding what you say, but she doesn't live here.
We live upstairs at the moment, as the living room + kitchen are being rebuild, Kenny has his own house.

His mom never really cared for him much, his sister was the precious one. (you know, every parent has it's favorite)
But now his mom needs her house all fixed too (for the past 2 years already) and all off the sudden, she can't live without Kenny.
Pretty sure when her house is done, Kenny won't see her as much anymore.

Even though Kenny told her I was sick, so she may not have heard me, she still apperently went on about it, which pissed him off (can't epxlain the raising voices part otherwise), which pissed me off, and I ain't in no position anymore to bottle up things.
Not after I actually tried having a conversation with her 3 months ago, when I told her I was in a very bad shape, and I need him once in a while too, to which she replied "but ... he's my son, and my kitchen needs to be done". The hell??

Utora

December 18th, 2014, 07:12 AM

Yes I misunderstood, but not I understand.

)) Well from what she is saying, she's definitely having issues letting go. :lol:
But she will just have to get use to it I guess...

Hopefully this doesn't go on much longer!

My sister's husband's mother did stuff like this, and I remember it was his 30 birthday and he was at his house with my sister and their kids. His mother, who lives only 30 minutes away calls and says, I should be able to see my son on his birthday. ..like, ok? Then come on over! Versus my family, who did just show up univited for his 30th birthday, gave him gifts, partied and moved on. Some in-laws get this victim mentality instead of be positive, supportive, outgoing and involved...like they gotta lay there and whine and moan..you ignore it after a while they go one of two ways - obstantant and worse or, humbled and better.

I hope you feel better, too!

nathalie

December 18th, 2014, 08:44 AM

Just don't know what to do, and with the holidays, parties everywhere. I don't wanna see her.
Also, on my birthday, she texted Kenny, asking if I were home to come over. Last week she texted him, asking if I got home alright.

She has my number! And she is in my fb, ask me directly! Its my birthday, so text me! Cause she texts him, and then he needs to tell me, and text her back.

And the only reason she said 'he is my son' because he is renovating her house for far less money then professionals would ask, obviously.
But still, very rude thing to say, especially after she saw me having a panic attack, I tried explaining to her I need him, because I'm in a bad place. And then she says that? How bloody rude.

Azerane

December 24th, 2014, 12:03 PM

OK, community, let's hear any tips you guys might have. I'm going to Florida next week to spend a week with my father and stepmother before heading north up to Disney and the Lea meet.

How'd it go with your dad and stepmum?

Had a fight with Kenny's mom last night.
She was here, I see her, and I tried saying hello, and my lips moved, but no sound because of my extremely bad cold.
I go back upstairs. I hear them both raising these voices, Kenny comes back up all irritated, I ask what's wrong and if says I didn't say hi to his mom, but I did.

I know it's easier said than done, but you can't let her get to you, and you can't let her cause fights between Kenny and yourself, it probably just fuels her. What a ridiculous thing for her to cause an argument about in the first place. With people like that, they usually keep doing the same thing no matter what you do, so you just have to learn to let it roll off you and ignore it, because there's no other way to deal with it unless you're actually able to put her in her place in a calm, assertive way, but I know that's difficult too. I never once stood up to Pat's mum, but there were certainly many things I wanted to say :p

nathalie

December 24th, 2014, 02:36 PM

She's getting in the way of us. I'm not saying she's the only problem, but she's 1 of the problems. Because she nags to him about me, and I nag to him about her *sigh* feels like a dead-end street, and I really would like to be the bigger person, like I've always been, but enough is enough, I shouldn't keep quiet anymore and let it all bottle up inside, and pay some psych to tell my problems too.

Utora

December 25th, 2014, 05:08 AM

cleargreenwater

December 27th, 2014, 01:47 PM

How'd it go with your dad and stepmum?

I realized that my stepmother is the singularly most narcissistic control-freak I have ever witnessed, and that as tedious and exhausting as it was, the best way to keep her on an even keel and avoid any nasty bouts of instability was to bite my tongue, humour her, and allow her to be the center of all attention at all times.

No seriously, I mean from sun up to sun down all she did was tell stories about how great she is. When we went on a Navy SEALs museum tour, she had to repeat everything thing the tour guide said back to the group while it walked from station to station, because god forbid she not know everything and have to take a backseat to a paid tour leader. Or the Aquarium tour, where she elbowed in front of the group to stand right in front of the man and talk to him about her niece, during the tour. The whole time. And I could barely even touch my phone because the stories became like frantic to bring the attention away from the device and back to her.

It was like babysitting a toddler for a week.

Eh, I lived, lol. I think I way over extended myself in one trip though, after dealing with that all beforehand I'm not really surprised I got sick by the time I made it to Disney, my resistance was worn out.

Azerane

December 28th, 2014, 02:49 AM

Wow, she sounds like such a child. Pat has to bite his tongue with his mum, but in a different way. If she gets in a mind about something that's upset her, she's never wrong, even if you have solid evidence against her she doesn't not accept that she's in the wrong. What a trying week that must have been, would have driven me crazy, but it's really all you can do is just grin and bare it.

nathalie

February 1st, 2015, 07:46 AM

So, it seems it says "lie to me" on my forehead or something ...
Looks like people enjoy lying to my face.
I can get a contract renewel for another 3 months (usually it's 6, but since I've gotten only 3 months, it means my supervisor didn't really want me to get it, but since it's extremely busy, and since I do my job right, she "managed" to get me 3 months).

I'm not a very social person, I hate parties, I hate weddings, I hate big dinners, and especially if those things are not inbetween working ours.
I do not feel I should attend these kind of things when they outside of my hours.

Last Teusday there was a New Years dinner with my co-workers, and before that a meeting aswell, which I needed to attend.
I knew this day was coming for weeks, and was prepping myself for it, as I didn't want to.
Forcing someone who has a panic-disorder into doing things they don't want to, can result into a meltdown.
It has got nothing to do with the people, it's just me, I don't like it, I didn't wanna go, why sit there with a sad face an entire evening, when I can be stressless at home.

Maybe it is the people ... I don't fit in. I'm not like them, and I'm actually OK with that, they ... not so much.
"ooooh going to America, how amazing is that ???" followed by "oh, Disney world *smirks*"
I like my hobbies, but since I've been working there, I have to be honest, I've been to a Disney park about 5 times, and didn't really enjoy my time there, as they are making me doubt :(

Anyways ... I *was* all ready to go Teusday, to that dinner, but stuff had happened (we had a car accident on Sunday, nothing to big, but still, anxiety levels extremely high, on Monday I had a terrible tooth ache the entire day).
On Teusday, I had already taken my meds for that evening, and they were just not working, I took extra, and I still felt so sick, I just couldn't go.
So I walked into the office of a co-worker, who's more understanding about my situation, I started to cry and told her I just couldn't go.
She called my supervisor, told her that I'm scared and upset, as my supervisor already had mentioned in my previous evaluation that I don't care for my co-worker (which is BS!! it's the other way around).

My supervisor had no choice in to letting me stay in the office, make the quick choice of telling the others that I'm sick.
But, I had to stay in the office and just keep working.
When it was noon, another co-worker who sits next to me, leaves for the meeting and tells me "see you then".
So I tell her, that I called our supervisor, I'm really not feeling well, and I can stay here for a another short while and end my work.
I said "for a short while" I did *not* say I'll be staying here till the rest of the day.

So, Wednesday, I'm in the office around the corner aswell.
And by the end of my work day I was going to be out of work for the next day. I e-mail the person who sat next to me the day before, no response.
The one sitting next to me at the time, I tell her I didn't get a response, she tells me to call head office and see if she is still there, but she had just left when called.

I come into the office on Thursday, no work for me.
So I sat there for 1,5 hours doing NOTHING.

Had to call my supervisor who was going into town for meetings, she had to call someone else, and arrange someone to bring me work.
When that person arrived, my God, the look on her face ... hey, it's not my fault! She sat next to me on Wednesday, and knew I would have no work the next day.

I was extremely dissapointed that they couldn't even send me an e-mail or left me a note saying they didn't see my mail in time, or they didn't bring me anything.

On Friday, my supervisor walks in, tells me I can get another 3 months.
BUT.
According to her, I never say "good morning". I ALWAYS DO!!! According to her, I mumble something. Not true.
And when I leave in the evening, I always even walk into her desk to say goodbye.
I know I have a soft voice, so I make sure I say things like that loud and clear.
When I told her, that I'm sure other co-workers can vouch for that, that I do say it, she nodded "no".
Excuse me? LIAR!!!

Then, because of the "stunt" I pulled on Teusday, many were not too happy about it, because the other one said I got to stay at work the rest of the day (I said I'd stay and finish up, so she's just making things up now).
It's also her, who ignored my e-mail and didn't bring me extra work, so I just sat there for 1,5 hours.
Yeah I get it, she's pissed at me.
And most of them might find it impossible to believe that "someone like me" got an extra 3 months of work there.
So how I am supposed to explain when I'm still there from March till May?

Then, when I told my supervisor that when I'm already feeling so extremely sick, what's the point of going then? Just sitting there with a sad face, not saying anything, it's no use for both parties.
She replied with "that's your opinion". No, it's a fact!
When I told her, I don't really fit in, as I'm not from here, she said again "that's your opinion". Again, NO, it's a FACT!

I already noticed on Friday, the woman I work with untill noon, she usually talks alot, and didn't say a word to me, so I knew something was up.

My contract that's still running now, ends February 23rd.
My supervisor told me, that if people start treating me different, it's because of that stupid dinner I didn't went to.
I told her, I probably won't be able to handle that.

The only positive thing was, when I asked her if it was because of Teusday that person didn't bring me work, she said it might be, but she immidiatly said that either way, it was not acceptable!
And, apparently, I don't speak negativaly about others ( :p ) apperently I do it in such a way, it doesn't comes accros as pointing fingers at anyone directly.
That's nice to hear ...

The pay is good, the hours are good, I don't know if I can pull myself together for another 3 months and keep going at it.
I don't know what to do :(
I've already started lookin for something else, updated all my online resume's.
I was really happy when she told me, but then when she started telling lies, and all the other things, my guts are telling me to decline the offer.

When I told her, at my last job, I didn't even go to someone's wedding, she told me that was not correct of me and I should have gone.
Excuse me? Who is my boss, to tell me, I should or should not go to someone's wedding party, when I clearly hate weddings and I clearly hate parties!

I don't know what to do :(
I'm afraid if I do try to hang in there untill May, I'll crash very hard again :(

nathalie

March 16th, 2016, 10:16 AM

So, I've moved 2 weekends ago, I guess it all went alright.
I was quite busy the days after it. The day of the move Kenny was here all afternoon helping putting furniture together, we then went to get something to eat, thought it was only fair I'd buy him dinner for all his help that day.
The next day he was here almost the entire day, putting some more furniture together (seems like a lot of furniture like that, but it's not really, but these aren't Ikea pieces, so takes longer to put together, lol), later in the evening I picked up some food and went to his place.

There's still so many stuff at his place, I'm finding it very hard to even believe, I don't understand where it's all coming from.
Last week Monday I did some more packing, I was there the entire afternoon.
Granted, took the time to watch a bit of TV, snuggle with the cat aswell, and we ate together when he got from work, then I left.
The next day, I went to his house straight from work, and I had this feeling every time I packed another box, 3 or 4 new ones were waiting to be packed, where is this all coming from ??? *sigh*
I got an anxiety attack, I gave up, and went "home".

Last week Wednesday my shift was changed from the afternoon to the morning, because I was able to go with collegues to visit the other hospital we are merging with, which was nice, so I left straight after work to a friends house, who I was going with to Disneyland the next day for 3 days.

So were all very busy days, where I'd only be at the appartment in the evenings, so I knew after getting back from Disneyland I would fall into a black hole and crash completely.
(self knowledge)

Little did I know it would come even faster then I had thought :(
As I got sick the 2nd morning in Disney, and it didn't get any better, I left Disney with a fever, so last Sunday I completely broke down.
The internet hotspots just wouldn't work, no TV, and the heating in the place just wasn't working like it should, I was freezing, so I call Kenny, who was driving so was pissed because I always call at the wrong times, I just hung up, he calls back and tells me what to do with the heating.
I completely lost it, and started to cry that I just wanna go home!
He felt sorry for me, and as soon as he got back from being out, he came over to keep me company.
I was so sick, he was nice enough to take me to his house, get food for me aswell, and I just lie down on his couch with the cat on me.

Yesterday my mom, dad, aunt & uncle came for a visit, they were here for 2 hours, but when they left, it was like they had just walked in.
And all I could think to myself was: I wanna go back home with you!

I don't think I have never, ever, in my entire life, felt this lonely, like I'm feeling right now.

Being sick, home from work isn't helping that either, I know that, but I only work 20 hours a week, so I'm pretty sure the extremely loneliness feeling is going to go on for quite some time.

Going back home on my age wasn't a good idea anyways, and it was time to be on my own, but I sure wouldn't mind being home right now :tears:

Sharifu

March 17th, 2016, 06:06 PM

Aww Nathalie, I could understand how you are feeling this way. Did you get your heating working now? As for being lonely, that would be really hard. But could you get your own cat? I know Kenny is keeping the white cat you two owned, but since he wants to keep that cat, could you get your own kitty? That would really help I think from being so lonely. Although now that I am thinking about it, I believe I remember you saying you weren't allowed to have pets in your new place... Is this correct? I feel it's horrible when apartments wont allow you have a pet, especially a cat. Since cats are quiet, not messy and easy to take care of.

nathalie

March 17th, 2016, 07:21 PM

Yeah, Kenny came over that Sunday evening, and he had a look at it.
And no, I couldn't keep the cat from his granddad :(

I'm at Kenny's again now, I know this can't go on for much longer, but it might be easier to get used to it, if I don't have to be alone for at least 1 or 2 nights a week.
Well, that, and I needed to finish packing.
He called me a while ago saying he had the big car, if I wanted to come over and grab the last of my things.
I said I didn't have any boxes left yet, and then he asked if I wanted to watch some TV.
Pretty sure it's all out of pity, but I deserve it, after all those years.
Taking the advantage of getting some online things in order too on his connections, which is safe, the hotspots I use during the day, I can't use for bank stuff etc ...

Vidan

May 5th, 2016, 08:03 AM

[EDIT: I removed a lot of the detail from this post as it felt weird for me to just have my life out in the open like that. I know the point was to open up a bit, but maybe it was too much at one time. :lol:. Ask me privately if you're curious. I do have the full post saved elsewhere.]

Some of you may know that, as of 2012, I returned to college full-time to finish my bachelor's degree, after a long (11 year!) absence. It took me a bit longer than expected -- I was hoping for 3 years, but it ended up being 4 -- but I'm finally graduating with a computer science degree, in just 3 weeks from now! At the moment I don't really feel all that excited or accomplished; my actual thoughts are more on the line of "it's about time you got that piece of paper" :hmm: and "great, time to send off hundreds of resumes!" :cringe:

Other than that, in just in the last month, my mind has been consumed with soul searching. Basically, I've been evaluating where I am, what I'm doing, and what I want in life. I had this logical progression of thoughts (sorry if they seem all jumbled together, because they're fairly inter-related):

1. I haven't been tremendously socially active since going back to school, to the point where I feel like I've lost touch with a number of people or just generally fallen off the social radar. So, I've had this tremendous drive recently to reconnect with people and perhaps get to know some a little better.

2. I think I've been pretty good at putting up a gate to my inner thoughts and feelings that I rarely let open, to the point where I've had more than one person describe me as being "hard to read", or just completely misinterpret who I am.

3. There are some things I want to prioritize for myself over the next several (2, 5, 10?) years. Things that seemingly came to mind out of nowhere, but if I think about it, make a lot of sense considering my situation. They are:

- Create something substantial of artistic value.

- Develop a good work/life balance. I know I'm just about to start a new career, and people in my field can often get sucked into working 50-60 hours a week or more if they're not careful, but I'd like to aim to give myself enough free time for hobbies and properly unwinding.

- Get in shape! Exercise more! I think everyone wants to achieve this goal though. :p

I feel like there's probably more on my mind, but that's quite enough for now. It's strange that all these different thoughts are hitting me at once. Maybe I've reached a significant fork in the road and my brain is saying, "Hey, you've got to steer one way or the other, you can't just barrel through the sign in the middle!" :idiot: As I said, I didn't post this necessarily for advice (though I welcome any thoughts or feedback), just to open up a little more on here and clear my head a bit. I did feel pretty good to type all that out; I've shared pieces of this with some others lately, but I think this is the first time I've collected my thoughts together in this way.

Azerane

May 5th, 2016, 09:36 AM

There's a lot to reply to there, more than I have mental power for at this time since I've been fighting off sleep for a couple of hours, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading and getting to learn more about you. Just wondering what you know about me now after having read through all of the Love Life thread :p

Vidan

May 5th, 2016, 08:21 PM

No worries! Thanks for reading, I appreciate it. I'm still not entirely sure why I felt like I had to type all that out, but it was nice to be able to externalize thoughts I usually keep private.

Just wondering what you know about me now after having read through all of the Love Life thread :p

:lol: I only really skimmed the thread that was started in 2011. (I'm assuming there's an older one but I'm not really that interested to dig it up. :hehe:) It's neat that you were able to maintain a relationship over such distance for such a long period of time, though!

Guntur

May 6th, 2016, 12:26 AM

I really enjoyed the post there Vidan, it's not TL;DR at all. I'm enjoying what I've read by your post. I don't think that you're an admin with few words though, we're in our 30's or late 20's are rather tedious living in an adult life. I'm sure all the new members understand that and as an old Members I completely understand that.

I'm glad that we talk a lot in Steam, including that Humble Bundle deal. I'm still curious if you taken our advice to purchase a lot of good Triple A game in the steam Thread. :D

Anyway good that you are here man.

Vidan

May 7th, 2016, 08:16 AM

Thanks, Guntur. (I don't really have the time or desire to game much lately, but the info is appreciated.)

Typing out the above post was cathartic but difficult, considering I'm generally uneasy about sharing my inner thoughts to others, especially groups of people, and especially when unprompted. It could be pride, could be a self-esteem issue, could be that I'm more inclined toward thought than feeling, I'm not sure. To be honest, part of me feels like the post was a bad idea, and wants to delete it -- most likely the part that's afraid of being judged, or thought inferior, or not thought of at all. Ultimately, I feel positive that I at least tried it out, even if the post was quite long and maybe hard to process.

The part with thoughts about sexuality, etc. was particularly difficult for me, and the part where I felt most vulnerable. I really only feel like I've started to understand myself about this issue in the past month (by virtue of forcing myself to think about it), and really have only had one meaningful conversation about it since, so sorry if that part seemed unstructured.

I just had this thought earlier today that all there is to know about me is out there somewhere -- I've told at least one person something about any given aspect of myself -- but there is no one person that knows everything about me. Is this common, or ought I open up more?

ThiagoPE

May 7th, 2016, 07:56 PM

Vidan, I heard your thoughts and I can say I identified myself with most of it

-I spent more than 10 years in a graduation that I was not liking (engineering), ended up going to another (computer science) which I also don't feel any motivation to finish it: hard study for getting a low paying job which asks a lot from you.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that values a lot people with a degree even if it is not used for that specific person. My mother for example, she have two graduations but her job doesn't request none. My father also had two graduation and only recently he started using one, after 25 years working without needing it.

In short, what I wanted to say is, you should not feel that way, even tough lots of people have the same feeling.

-I even tough not considering me anti social, I know now it's very rare to me stay in touch here (online) or even in real life. Basically, I don't like to bother other people's business... My seem odd, but that's my way, so I end up having only very few friends that we talk often. Like i said, there is no specific reason for that, that is just my way...

-About sexuality, I also feel that I will only have a sexual attraction for someone with emotional bond. That is not a "problem" for me, even tough some close workmates calls me asexual and even gay, I don't care, but I know this can be annoying for who cares about it.

Well, what I can say is, you are not the only feeling for those things, it is a good thing, however don't go crazy about it, we all are in the same boat.
If you need a friendly shoulder, you know you can find it here :)

(Sorry my bad English)

Enviado de meu LG-D337 usando Tapatalk

Vidan

May 7th, 2016, 10:50 PM

-I spent more than 10 years in a graduation that I was not liking (engineering), ended up going to another (computer science) which I also don't feel any motivation to finish it: hard study for getting a low paying job which asks a lot from you.

Thanks for your reply, Thiago. Are you saying Computer Science jobs don't pay very much in Brazil? (Could explain why a Brazilian international student I knew wanted to find a job here.)

I know now it's very rare to me stay in touch here (online) or even in real life. Basically, I don't like to bother other people's business...

Exactly! I usually don't like to disturb whatever others might be doing, which is why I rarely send messages to people that just say, "Hi"; I feel like I need something specific to say.

even tough some close workmates calls me asexual and even gay, I don't care, but I know this can be annoying for who cares about it.
Is it because you don't ever talk about relationships, or don't talk about people like they're objects to be looked at and admired? I feel like that's the case with me. If someone were to come up to me, point someone out or show me a picture, and say, "Isn't that girl hot?" I wouldn't even know how to answer that question. That's also why the few times I've poked around online dating sites the only profiles that really grab me are the ones that are well-written and for whom our personalities and interests seemed closely aligned. (Not saying looks are unimportant, but someone's photo is never going to be the thing to draw me in.)

This reminds me somewhat of the time someone I managed said I reminded them of Will from Will and Grace. I didn't ask why, I just said, "Really? Not sure about that, but okay." So because I never talk about women in a remotely sexual way, I'm just gay. And somehow a flamboyantly gay stereotype, at that! :lol: That's definitely not the only time someone made assumptions, but it definitely stands out.

ThiagoPE

May 8th, 2016, 12:12 AM

Vidan, Here basically you have two kinds of IT companies, the big ones, which pays you fine but ask you a lot and the mediums/little ones that pay low and ask the same as the big ones or even more....(because they have less people to do the same job)

What i mean with "ask a lot", for example, asks you for a code that is basically impossible to do in the amount of time they give, forcing you to work more than what the law allow (in Brazil, 8h/day + 2h as extra), and paying you as if you were working only the 8h/day.

I will tell you an example, at my work, which is not an IT company but has an IT departament, I was perceiving that the interns, which by law cannot do extra time and has a limit of 6h/day of work, were staying after the 14:00 (time we are released from work)..., one day i was in the restroom and i heard their complaints "We are not interns, we are slaves!" because them were being requested to do more than what their wage pays.

In my college, there is a teacher that often tell his experience working for a company here "there were times we started working at 08:00 and were only released to go home at 22:00!" "during one job, we brought our beds to the office, i was working from 06:00 to 02:00!" and what him say i like most "working with IT is always like this, if you want to give up the course, the time is now!"

Álso the wage is not so atractive.... because there is not minimum wage law for this profession, so basically the wage for a programer is like R$4000 (today 1 USD = R$ 3,50), to compare, my job for me only print cards and workiung only half time pays me R$2000! So i think, even if the asking level here and there is the same, the wages seems to be much more atractive than here

well, when i was young i used to chat with a lot of people online without a subject, that subject could apper during the chat... Today i usually don´t bother no one, but if someone wants to chat with me... if im free, i would chat normally, may be we end up finding some thing we both like, and then talk about it.... basically for me start a chat today, i need to have at least a reson for that, because i don´t want to bother others....

Basically, i tend to not discuss sexuallity with my friends and workmates, and how people loves to care about others lives, (if you go to your work, and don´t talk to no one, only doing your job, you are called anti-social, but if you talk with everybody, some will complain you talk a lot, is too much popular), perceiving that i always avoided that, people stated making those assumptions about me....
I think people should stop in caring about other peoples lives. if i will die single, if i will become gay or not, this is a thing that concerns only me, how i like to fight agaisnt those concepts of the modern society, i will keep ignoring those people, because what matters to me is that im happy the way i am!

Guntur

July 4th, 2016, 08:00 PM

http://leahalalela.net/showthread.php?1821-Zack-Condition http://leahalalela.net/showthread.php?4878-Hey-I-need-some-prayers&highlight=Meat

I think it's time to revisit my depression topic, I think some of you guys knows that I have a severe case of depression. To be honest, it is Schizophrenic. for some people I may look like having Asperger, or even Autism symptom. But in my own code and life I remain optimistic and oblivious with my surrounding that irk few people online and offline. But they didn't know I am good at hiding my illness publicly. I even confessed to my mother that I was a stoner for 8 years, Yes I am good at hiding my own habits.
But mostly I managed to calm my self by smoking a pack of cigarettes everyday, just because the nicotine calm me down when I'm under stress and all. But once in a while I will get a panic attack, like last week and today. My doctor told me that my chemical in my brain are unbalance and I couldn't live without my medication which I take from 2008, I even quit smoking weed due for the side effect making me into paranoia and OCD. I'm not seeking attention or anything but if you see this as a scribbles I understand, I can't even understand what I'm typing some time but that's how words fall down from my brain to my fingers typing.

Kirauni

July 6th, 2016, 02:27 PM

I'm sorry to hear that, Fendi. :(

And I'm sorry for cutting you off that quickly yesterday on steam. It's just that it was my husband's birthday (who works abroad) and we met together online with a few friends to celebrate.
It's so sad to read how you'r suffering. You're right: You're really good at hiding things because I've always thought of you as a very optimistic person. I hope and pray that you'll eventually get better and get rid of those drugs, but I'm glad you've already quit smoking weed. I'm glad you've got some people you can talk to (or so it seems) and I wish you all the best!
Oh and it's great that you found the courage to talk to a doctor. Sometimes it's great to have somebody you can talk to. Be it a professional or a friend. I wish you all the best!

Guntur

July 7th, 2016, 03:06 PM

Thank you. :)

I didn't found any courage to the doctor, I was forced by my father in 2005 and I had to go to the psychiatrist on 2008 because I was anorexic. The surgeon suspected something worst than just a colon problem or physical problem.

I tried to be optimistic as possible right now, with personal problem and close relative and friends attitude I am trying not to be like them, I remember being teased by my siblings that I was different and I am glad I'm embraced it.

Kirauni

July 9th, 2016, 09:07 AM

I see. But even if your father "gave you the little push you needed" you still made the decision to work with the doctor. Otherwise you'd probably still suffer from anorexia. You know, if somebody really refuses the therapies don't work. But as far as I can tell, you've opened that door and that also takes courage. :)

Guntur

July 9th, 2016, 09:40 AM

Actually, my father used to be an ***. My mother have been preaching this when she divorced him, The problem with him is that he was always blame his kids over the mishap that happened to him. he thinks that I hate him because I have a mood swing aiming at him, actually I hate him because he didn't want to admit that he's wrong and being a delusional bad father. during my teenage years, goddamn he doesn't know how to be a good dad at all. I'm still bitter with every male uncles treat me like an adult instead of treat me as respect as a teenagers.

so my teenage years was a **** show, that's why I set refuge on this forum just to talk to someone who have the same age as mine.

I don't want to be anorexic, my chemicals was unbalanced on september and my appetite lose greatly for 4 months, but I have to give my thanks to my surgeon that I should seek out psychiatric help after the operation, I did not refuses any therapies, it just someone noticed the problem of my mental health during the end of the pain.

nathalie

July 21st, 2016, 09:25 AM

I don't really need advice, just a place to rant a little, haha :lol:

Maybe we need to bring the "chit-chat" thread back.

Looking back, almost 4 years ago when I ended up in the ER with a severe panic attack, being so scared after it I couldn't even leave the house.
Started to manage to again with medication, because I didn't want this thing to beat me.
Depression in my teens, which is still an on-going thing aswell.

When I moved last March, there was a moment I didn't think I'd make it, being on my own for the very first time (I've been away from home basically since I was 19, but mostly lived together with someone, being really on my own, just a tad different).
Finally getting away from Kenny, his family and friends who did nothing but hurt me and ignore me, was obviously the best thing that could have happened to me, as all of them were huge factors for me feeling so bad, and triggers for my anxiety.
You shouldn't keep trying to get things right ... I definatly learned that.

I've started to surround myself with people who I know care a lot more about me, who make me laugh, who even invite me to come over, and come along with them to places and have loads of fun!
It's still hard at times, especially weekends, I miss my cat so much.
But coming from a life where I needed to take medication to go grocery shopping, and to go to work, to now, where I haven't taken medication for a little over a year, going places without medication (only big trips, like Disneyland Paris or the UK, or when I know I'll be meeting new people).
And starting to feel good again about myself, because the people I have around me now, actually have nice things to say about me, which was a rare thing in the past 15-20 years.

I'll always have to carry my medication with me, but not having to actually use it, is huge.

Very slowly, but I feel I'm getting there, to the right place where I should have been all along :D
And me actually saying all this myself ... *that* is a big thing!