The Love Life Thread

[Sharifu]

Yay, I get to make the first thread! :p So I am bringing back The Love Life Thread!

Petteri (Simba The Mighty) and I have finally booked our honeymoon in Hawaii for next month, although the bad thing is that Petteri ended up having his adjustment of status interview scheduled during our honeymoon. We are trying to reschedule the interview, but it could be a while until we hear back from anyone... It's kind of stressing me out... But we did the best we could for now and we can just hope for the best and that USCIS will reschedule our interview.

Also, most of you probably know this already through Facebook, but I'll post it here, Petteri entered a contest to win a wedding at Disney World. We originally wanted to get married but we could not afford it. All we did was get married at a court house with my mom and neighbor to witness, but I am still hoping someday we can get married at Disney World. I doubt we will win, but it's worth a try! Here's our entry if you want to see it, click this link: Long Distance and Our Love for The Lion King (http://family.go.com/happily-ever-after-contest/stories-category/long-distance-and-our-love-for-the-lion-king-70913/)
If we actually win we will invite our friends from Lea as well! :D

[HasiraKali]

Yay! First thread! So fitting that it's this one too. :)

[Twilight_Sparkle]

I hope you guys win the contest!

[Azerane]

:lol: Love that the first thread is this one... I think I've said it before, best of luck with the contest, you guys really deserve it.

[Sombolia]

I really hope you guys win! That would be amazing.

[Kopa]

I hope you guys win! Best of luck and all that good jazz. You two really deserve it! ^_^

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

Good luck in the contest guys!
:cheese:

If this thread is back maybe I should resurrect the 'Lack Of' Thread...
:p

[Lion King Stu]

Yeah, seriously good luck with the competition AudraFu, would be nothing short of amazing if you two did win :cheese:
...besides I still want some wedding cake :lol:

[KanuTGL]

Well, more good news from me and TL/Adam...

...

We're engaged :)

And we have been since Monday, but we're making it officially official now. We wanted to tell our families first, and it wasn't the easiest thing to get a hold of them xD

Soo, yes... :love:

[Lion King Stu]

Aww, congratulations you too :D
This place has really just turned into the love hub it would appear :lol:

[Azerane]

Well, more good news from me and TL/Adam...

...

We're engaged :)

I just have to say it again, congratulations! I'm really so very happy for the both of you, it's fantastic news. Another step closer to your dreams. :)

[This Land]

Hehe Thankyou everyone, *hugs tight*

I just thought, look the first 3 posts on my intro thread, then look at me and kanu's announcement, kinda funny xD, talk about love at first sight :P

[HasiraKali]

Already said it on Facebook, but CONGRATS! So exciting! :D

[Utora]

Congrats you two! :D

[Sadiki]

Well, more good news from me and TL/Adam...

...

We're engaged :)

And we have been since Monday, but we're making it officially official now. We wanted to tell our families first, and it wasn't the easiest thing to get a hold of them xD

Soo, yes... :love:

Oh wow :wow: That's great news! Congratulations you guys! :hugs:

[Sharifu]

Oh wow, I am so happy for you guys! :hugs: This is so exciting! :D

[HasiraKali]

That's it! We are no long "LeaHalalela"... we are "Upendi". :lol:

[Sombolia]

Wow, congrats TL and Kanu!! How exciting! :D

[Sadiki]

That's it! We are no long "LeaHalalela"... we are "Upendi". :lol:
:gasp: Nevah! Don't bring weird images in my head.. That song is just too silly.

[This Land]

Aww thankyou so much everyone ^^, it really means alot ^^ *hugs all*

Its still sinking in for both of us hehe, but we will get used to it xD

Our family's reactions last night were quite amusing xP

[KanuTGL]

^ What he said xD

Thank you so much, all! :hugs:

Yes, their reactions were quite amusing... I wanted to tell my mum first, but we talked on Skype and she passed the microphone onto my grandfather, my little brother and my grandmother before she came back and I got the chance to tell her xP The reaction was pretty much "... WHAT!?" and I believe that that was more or less the reaction of the rest of my family too. I really wish we had had our webcams on so I could have seen their faces, but alas... I was told my grandmother's expression was more or less this though -> http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y41/KanuTGL/TLK-smilies/SimbaO_O.png But they were happy for us anyway, once they had recovered from the initial shock, haha.

Adam's mum went "... WHAT!? For f**** sake!" XD Then she was happy too :p

[King Simba]

I read about that on FB. Awww, that's such wonderful news! I'm so happy for you both! :

I gotta say, when I read it on my phone (I've just come back from Edinburgh with Leor so I didn't have access to a computer :p) I paused for a bit and then thought "wow". Seriously, I didn't expect to hear about it, but I think that makes it all the more exciting. Congrats again. :)

As for my love life, I've just come back from Scotland with Leor. It was a tiring trip, but really memorable. We visited the capital, as well as the Highlands. We even spotted Nessie! :gasp: :lol: But it's just really nice to spend time with Leor again. We're having a great time together. :love:

[nathalie]

I gotta say, when I read it on my phone (I've just come back from Edinburgh with Leor so I didn't have access to a computer :p) I paused for a bit and then thought "wow". Seriously, I didn't expect to hear about it, but I think that makes it all the more exciting. Congrats again. :)


I was the same, haha.
I was at a concert with Debbie (Adam knows her) and while we were waiting backstage for the singer and such, I was browsing FB on my phone.

And was like: o_O (in a good way though ;) ) I guess no one just expected it, hehe.
And like: Debbie! Look!

haha

Really happy for you guys !

My love life ... lol, I need to make a big post someday I guess :p

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

Congrats guys!
:D :cheese:

(ps..love TL's Mum's reaction! :lol:)

[Leorgathar]

Finally I get to congratulate you both here, it was a nice surprise hearing the news from Tara, I'm really happy for you two, and I hope for the best future you'll have together as a married couple :) I'll hopefully be around by the time of the wedding :D if college or my work at the clinic doesn't clash with it, that is.

[Guntur]

Congratulations Anna, TL, Audra, and Pete. Hope goes all well to all the lovers here. :hugs:
=)

[Revo]

Congrats on my behalf aswell for the engagement! :)

[This Land]

Thankyou so much everyone, means so much =D :hugs:

*cant think of anything else to say that doesn't go all mushy and lovey* xP

[Sharifu]

I'll hopefully be around by the time of the wedding :D

Hehe, Petteri mentioned that it would be cool if we could go to Finland during the time TL and Kanu have their wedding so we can go to their wedding since we'll already be in Europe during the time... But that's a big maybe... We don't even know when the wedding would be... :lol:

I wish Petteri and I could win that wedding at Disney World, but thousands and thousands of people have entered already, I don't know how Disney judges can choose one entry out of all those couples. :p But yeah, if Petteri and I did have a "proper" wedding ceremony, I would love to have our friends from Lea join our ceremony. But I know that we all live so far away from each other, it would be hard for many people to come. But maybe if we gave enough notice it might be possible for some...

[Guntur]

I would love to go on your ceremonial wedding. Just give me the date and a little time to collect some of my salary to go there. =)

[Azerane]

That reminds me... is there a big romantic story behind the proposal? :p :D

If you won that wedding Audra, I wonder if there's a time limit when you have to take it... Would be awesome if it was while I was in America :p

[Sombolia]

I think WEW needs to bring back the 'lack of' love life thread. :bleen:

[Simbaspirit]

Wow, congrats to all of you! :D :D :D

[King Simba]

Leor is going home tomorrow... :( So today we'll be heading down to Heathrow to stay overnight before he flies back to Mexico tomorrow. These last 12 days or so have gone really fast, but we've both had a lot of fun together. I don't really feel like talking or thinking much about it, since it upsets me. But at least we know when we'll see each other again, in 2 months time when I go to Mexico. I'll stay there for over a month and be there for his Birthday. I really hope they go fast...

[Sombolia]

Sucks that you have to be apart again, but I'm sure the two months will fly by. :)

[KanuTGL]

That reminds me... is there a big romantic story behind the proposal? :p :D
Well... Adam was the one who asked and he hadn't planned it to be for that specific time, so I guess it was almost a spur of the moment kind of thing :p It was just a very nice day, warm and sunny. We were hugging on our bed like we always do, and there was just something about the atmosphere there and then... I guess, while sounding rather cheesy, sort of magical. Adam suddenly seemed very nervous and I asked him if he was okay, after which he decided that he had pretty much no choice but to ask; because if he had said that he was just fine I wouldn't have believed him anyway :lol:

So he asked me. Aand... after a long day of thinking it through, I said yes :love:

Still working on getting a proper photo of the rings... xD

[King Simba]

Ah yes, being at the Lea meet meant we could exclusively hear the story before everyone else. :lol: It's very sweet, and I think you made a good choice with the rings. :)

[Sharifu]

I'm sorry Tara that it is already time for Leor to go back back, but at least the separation is only two months now. I hope the time will go by fast for you. :hugs:

Kanu, that's a sweet story, did Adam have the ring when he proposed? Petteri and I didn't have our rings until a week or so before we got married, even though we were engaged long before that. :lol: But that's because I had a hard time picking a ring I loved. Everyone told me I would know if the ring was "the one" when I would see it, but every time I went into jewelry stores, I never got that feeling about any of the rings there... I finally ended up looking online and found a setting I really liked and picked a heart shaped diamond and had it custom made for me... :D I love my ring.

[King Simba]

Time for a bit of sad news regarding my relationship...

As you know, Emilio had to go home today, and so I'm back home now, and alone. :( I just came back from seeing him off from the airport. His flight to Houston left at 9:30. It feels really weird being alone here again, and the goodbye (or should I say, the "see you later") was as emotional as was expected. Goodbyes are the worst, but I'm sure I'll be alright, and I really hope he's coping well with the long journey that he has ahead of him. If I had my way, I would've gone with him, but at least there's only 2 months now to wait until I go to Mexico. I hope they go by fast for us both.

I already miss him so much and it's only been 3 hours since we parted... *sigh* :tears: This distance thing is getting harder and harder. I know very well what you guys meant when you said that it would. I feel more attached to him now than I did the first time.

[Azerane]

Firstly, I would just like to mention that I hate my tablet for having a 'back' button on it, because when I picked it up to shift it, I lost my entire post. So here we go again... :woe:


Well... Adam was the one who asked and he hadn't planned it to be for that specific time, so I guess it was almost a spur of the moment kind of thing :p It was just a very nice day, warm and sunny. We were hugging on our bed like we always do, and there was just something about the atmosphere there and then... I guess, while sounding rather cheesy, sort of magical. Adam suddenly seemed very nervous and I asked him if he was okay, after which he decided that he had pretty much no choice but to ask; because if he had said that he was just fine I wouldn't have believed him anyway :lol:

So he asked me. Aand... after a long day of thinking it through, I said yes :love:

Still working on getting a proper photo of the rings... xD

Aww, I think it's so cute and sweet how adam got all nervous. It's nice that it happened simply when it felt right. I originally found it strange when one of my best friends last year took a long walk to decide if she would accept the proposal of her now husband. I didn't really understand it because I thought that either you want to be with him, or you don't. But it's really not that clear-cut, thank you hollywood for the years of deception :lol: What it comes down to, is making the right decision for both your futures, and the fact that you took time to answer, really shows that you cared about the decision you made and it's really important (not that people who don't take time to answer don't care about the decision they make, but I think you know what I mean). And you have both always seemed so happy together, I'm sure you've had your issues, just like every couple, but at the end of the day, if what you want is to be together, and that makes you both happy, then that's fantastic. Can you tell I'm excited!? xD

Also, your avatar has been staring at me, taunting me with the stule of the artist who drew it and I can't figure it out. Yet I want to say va-kasi? Though I didn't think they'd drawn for years...

@KS, when I first read your post, admittedly it made me angry. How dare you be upset when you only have to wait two months. And yet I know it's only jealousy that drives that feeling. Because I know, that no matter how long the seperation, it is always near unbearable. Here I am, with only just over 2 months until I'm on my way to the U.S again, and yet it still feels like there could be a whole year ahead of me before I see Pat again. Any time apart is hard, and I understand that. Please don't think I'm mad at you, because I'm not, I'm just frustrated at my whole situation and the fact that it feels like other people have it 'easier' than me, when really, you don't. I really hope that the time passes quickly for you and Leor, it always seems like a long time. But I know that after every seperation, it seems I look back on it and think 'hey, that wasn't so bad, it kinda passed in a blur'. And yet somehow each seperation still feels worse than the last. I believe it is like you said, because over time you just develop a stronger bond and it simply makes it harder to let go. But it is true, you will be with him before you know it. Savour the memories of his visit, and the times you get to talk.

When I think about it KS, it's not just the length of the seperation, it's the length of the stay relative to the length of the seperation... Pat and I will have been seperated for 18 months, yet I was with him for 6. You will be seperated from Leor for 2 months, but you were only together for 2 weeks. And I guess, when I look at it that way, it's not so bad, and it's really good that you can have visits closer together when you can't stay for as long. Whereas I guess the price I have to pay for such long visits, is the long seperation.

Not really any news from me. Though it seems I can't even have a normal conversation with Pat anymore these days without crying at some point. Not because we're arguing or anything, but it just hurts. It hurts when I don't get to talk to him, and then it hurts when I do because I get to hear his voice and see his face and am just reminded of everything we haven't got when we're seperated. Have I ever mentioned that I hate long distance relationships? :lol: Otherwise, I guess it's not so bad. I know it's getting so much closer to when I will see him again, and I am excited, yet it hasn't really settled in my mind yet, like I can't accept that it will actually happen after such a long seperation. We get to be together again? Impossible!

[nathalie]

I admire all of you so much!

I know I could never do it ...

I've been seeing mine every weekend for the past 8 weeks, and this weekend I'm home alone, not seeing him, and I already can't bare it :s
I really don't know how you all manage to do it.

I guess, since I'm just a loner, no friends around or anything, I hang on more to him, which I really shouldn't, 'cause it's a beautiful day outside, and I'm sitting inside, sobbing, that I won't get to see him till next weekend.

That's how I feel, and then usualy I read your storys, and I feel bad that I only haven't seen him for 2 weeks or so.

But as said, I guess if I would have more of a life, it would be different and I probably wouldn't care so much not seeing him.

But hey, I'm weird like that :)

[King Simba]

@KS, when I first read your post, admittedly it made me angry. How dare you be upset when you only have to wait two months.
I apologise. When I posted that message, it was just 3 hours or so since we both parted ways, so it was just initial thoughts at the time I guess. It really isn't that bad, and I'm not saying that it is. The last time it was more uncertain because we didn't have a date planned to see each other again. For some reason this time it feels just as difficult as last time, because even though we have a date planned in just 2 months time, I feel as if I'm more attached to him than I was last summer. At least now we have a date planned, and 2 months is really nothing compared to the 9 months we were separated before, and of course the time you and Pat have been separated. It's double the 9 months Emilio and I were separated. I hope it goes quickly for you both... you deserve nothing more than some lovely quality time together, and I'm sure you'll get that in no time.

When it comes to long visits, it's kind of tricky with Emilio because of college commitments. He could only stay 12 days this time because of the time he has in between college. I'll be staying over a month in Mexico because it'll be the summer holidays for him, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stay there so long. Long visits may come in the future (like for example when Emilio is doing his social service, I may be able to stay in Mexico for quite some time), but for the time being I'm just content with what we have now.

[Azerane]

Nath, don't be silly :p Only getting to see him on weekends must be hard as well. Just because weekly seperation, doesn't mean it's easier, it's just a different kind of seperation. Plus saying goodbye at the end of every weekend must be horrible...

And KS, out of everything I said, you only quoted that bit :lol: Now I feel like a horrible unfeeling monster xD You have absolutely no need to apologise, it's just hard to handle, it gets me thinking that maybe I could have visited sooner and maybe we didn't have to wait so long between visits and maybe I could have worked more to make the money quicker, but what's done is done. It just makes me jealous. It's not you're fault, and there really is no need to apologise. I think it's good that you have a date planned, for me, when I buy my ticket, it gives me something solid and measurable to look forward to, rather than just 'the end of july'. It's like it's actually happening then.

In regards to your length of stays, I forgot Leor was in college, that explains a lot. Pat and I were originally visiting around that. The only reason why I can visit for 6 months now, is because I'm no longer at Uni and we figured why not make the most of the cost of the flight etc by extending the stay. It's great that you get to stay for a month :)

[nathalie]

It's harder for me, becuase I have nothing to do during the week, or no one to go out with and such.
(I have a sister, but ... we're not on the same level, haha)
I try to find things to keep me busy during the week, but I'm not doing so well the past weeks eather :s so it's really hard lately.

It's easier on him, because he's never bored ... he's working today at a friends house, and he has a huge garden, and now with this sunny weather that needs a lot of attention too (he grows veggy's, which we'll be selling at a local market in august, which is fun, I helped out last year too) and I'm not so much of a gardner, I usually just hang around his garden or lay on the grass or make dinner when it's time for that, so this weekend I would mostly just be in his way, lol. (which I really don't mind though :lol: )

I knew in advance summer would be hard, but I don't mind just sitting around there just so I get to talk to him anyways, I do help a little though, but the bugs freak me out :cringe: and then I give up :lol: :p

[KanuTGL]

But it's really not that clear-cut, thank you hollywood for the years of deception :lol:
Haha, indeed :lol: I pretty much spent the rest of that day just thinking and thinking and thinking... It's a very big, very important decision, so I wanted to be sure that I made the right choice. Especially since we're still so young. We still have no clue when the actual wedding will take place, but it won't be for another few years :p Getting engaged early is one thing, but somehow actually getting married at a very young age doesn't sit well with me. Though maybe we should estimate a date for in a few years so that we can invite all our Lea friends, haha :P


Also, your avatar has been staring at me, taunting me with the stule of the artist who drew it and I can't figure it out. Yet I want to say va-kasi? Though I didn't think they'd drawn for years...
My avatar is made by myself :p If you meant my signature, it's drawn by Shi (http://eternalyhexed.deviantart.com/) from the Aro'kai board ^^


@KS, when I first read your post, admittedly it made me angry. How dare you be upset when you only have to wait two months. And yet I know it's only jealousy that drives that feeling. Because I know, that no matter how long the seperation, it is always near unbearable.
Everything is relative; in a long distance relationship you get "used to" a certain time span after a while. A couple of months between visits, a couple of weeks, a few days, a whole year... It's when that "norm" suddenly changes that things turn especially upsetting and frustrating. For example if Nath can't see her boyfriend this weekend. A week might seem like nothing compared to what some of the rest of us go through, but we all have our own points of reference and our own realities. All we want is to spend as much time as we possibly can with our loved ones, so when our carefully laid out plans fail, things gets very hard... And hearing about how others are together or don't have to spend as much time apart as you doesn't exactly make things easier. So from that perspective, I completely understand your feelings there :hugs: That's when I think it's a good thing to have this lovely forum to go to, because I know that there are so many people here who understand what I go through every time I and Adam have to separate. As for the rest of that post, I couldn't agree more :3 I really, really hope that you'll get to book your tickets soon. And once you get there you'll have a whole six months together, which is awesome :D

And KS (and Leor), I'm so sorry to hear that you've already had to part ways. I could've sworn it was only a week since he got here D= Here's hoping again that these next two months will pass quickly for you! And that the visit after that will be in less time that nine months :p

[nathalie]

Everything is relative; in a long distance relationship you get "used to" a certain time span after a while. A couple of months between visits, a couple of weeks, a few days, a whole year... It's when that "norm" suddenly changes that things turn especially upsetting and frustrating. For example if Nath can't see her boyfriend this weekend.

That's true though.
Last year I saw him every weekend.
We were apart for 3 months, and I saw him 3 times during that period.
Since February we're back together, and I saw him again almost every weekend.

3 months ago, it was supposed to be every other weekend, but due to some events, for the past 8 weeks it was every weekend.
The pattern is suddenly messed up after 2 months.

I'm home alone now 3 days, and these long weekends are the ones I look forward too the most, since it means I get to spend an extra day with him.

So that's another reason now, why I'm more upset then other weekends I didn't get to see him.

Also, it takes me "only" 1,5 hours to get to him by bus/train, and it just "frustrating" too, that he's just so close, and yet I can't see him.

Well, as mentioned before, if I had something to do during weekends or evenings, or have friends to hang out with, I know I wouldn't be feeling like this.
And I'm feeling really depressed again for the past days, so that ain't helping eather, so again due to that, I just miss him alot more right now.

[Sadiki]

I'm sorry to hear Tara that you and Leor are separated again. Thought 2 months should go pretty fast especially as winter is over. As winter made me feel like time was going very slow... darn dark winters in Finland... well don't have to go though those anymore. In general it is very calming feeling to know that me and Audra don't have to separate anymore. Our shortest separation was 3.5 months and longest 8.5 months, which is nothing compared to the separations that some of you guys have had, but as said it's not only the length that makes it hard but also the amount of time you get to keep in touch. I think for us the hardest separation was when I was in military and that was only 6 months, but first 2 months I didn't really have chance to get on too much and I only had 3 weekends off during that time. Also the amount of time I would have had to stay in military was unknown so I know it was extremely hard for Audra to bear with the time apart. I'm so glad I got the 6 month service and also the kind of position in military where I had rather a lot of time off and also not as many camps away from base and decent amount of weekends off at least I wasn't in base ever more than 2 weeks in a row.

Now me and Audra have been living together for 6 months and today actually been married exactly 5 months and I do feel very satisfied where my life is at the moment. Yeah I still miss my family and friends at the time, but I'm in happy position in that way that all my friends and family are very understanding about the situation. I still remember the day I knew that it was my last day in Finland... saying bye to every single one of my friends and my immediate family was very hard... pretty much like going through saying good bye to your love for multiple times a day... I think what made it harder was that I am very close to my friends, heck I think my friends know me better than my family, especially during the teenage years I spent way more time with them than with my family and they were like a second family for me. So yeah that was extremely hard to say good bye to everyone, but in the end I know I made the right choice. Because I really think after being separated for as many times as we had been and spending as much money on seeing each others and putting out lives on hold. I don't think we would of been able to bear with that for much longer. It was just getting in the point where the long distance relationship is just getting to you every single day... I couldn't really even see my friends without asking them if it's possible for me to be on at this and this time so I can talk with Audra a little while and all that.

So yeah I know I said it many times on old Lea, but I do recommend everyone to work on the ultimate goal and to be able to move in with the one permanently as meeting up time to time can't be the solution in a long run. I'm very happy that Anna and Adam have been able to get very close this ultimate goal of being together as you guys are now engaged and pretty much living together. As for KS and Leor, for you it might be a little too early to really jump the gun and really know what to do, but I would still talk about it as knowing what the ultimate goal is, who is going to move and what not, makes it a lot easier for the relationship, at least you would know what you work towards. For Bec and Patrick. You guys been in long distance relationship for almost as long as me and Audra were... very soon you guys have been for even longer than we have and I really know how extremely hard it is to be separated for so darn long it is starting to consume your life. You guys have had separations twice as long as our longest ever was and I know your flights are almost double the price of ours or even triple if you think of the cheapest flights I ever bought... for you guys I really admire as I don't think many people could go for such a long period of time apart without going insane, especially as I know, you guys still have no certain plans for the future. I really hope that after the next visit you guys have some point and direction on how you guys want to spend the rest of your lives as I can already see it's getting way hard for you guys to handle the distance in between. :hugs:
For Nathalie, I know how often people do think an hour or two is not a long distance or doesn't really make it hard to see each other, but in some cases it makes it even harder to plan how to see each other as people are not as willing to arrange their plans around the other in order to see each others. I hope that you too can find a solution that benefits both of you two.

[nathalie]

He just called me to say he's going to pick me up tomorrow morning, we're going to some plant-fair first, which is about 15 minutes away from my place, and then I'll be going home with him till Monday morning.

Sorry guys, but I'm so happy right now :D *blush*

His mom will be coming though, she doesn't like me :( So I'm kind of scared about that (I've always wanted to know what she thought about us getting back together)

But I guess that can't spoil the fun? :)

[KanuTGL]

Well, that's great news! :D Glad to hear it, Nath :)

[Azerane]

My avatar is made by myself :p If you meant my signature, it's drawn by Shi (http://eternalyhexed.deviantart.com/) from the Aro'kai board ^^

And that's exaclty what I meant, your signature! I know I wrote that the first time I wrote the post :p


So yeah I know I said it many times on old Lea, but I do recommend everyone to work on the ultimate goal and to be able to move in with the one permanently as meeting up time to time can't be the solution in a long run. I'm very happy that Anna and Adam have been able to get very close this ultimate goal of being together as you guys are now engaged and pretty much living together. As for KS and Leor, for you it might be a little too early to really jump the gun and really know what to do, but I would still talk about it as knowing what the ultimate goal is, who is going to move and what not, makes it a lot easier for the relationship, at least you would know what you work towards. For Bec and Patrick. You guys been in long distance relationship for almost as long as me and Audra were... very soon you guys have been for even longer than we have and I really know how extremely hard it is to be separated for so darn long it is starting to consume your life. You guys have had separations twice as long as our longest ever was and I know your flights are almost double the price of ours or even triple if you think of the cheapest flights I ever bought... for you guys I really admire as I don't think many people could go for such a long period of time apart without going insane, especially as I know, you guys still have no certain plans for the future. I really hope that after the next visit you guys have some point and direction on how you guys want to spend the rest of your lives as I can already see it's getting way hard for you guys to handle the distance in between. :hugs:.

I hate you... you made me cry... :lol: But you are right, and we are planning on trying to really work out a solution when I'm over there, because it's getting to the point where neither of us want to be doing this anymore, because it's simply too hard and we need to work out a solution. So that's definitely on the list of planned activities for while I'm there.


He just called me to say he's going to pick me up tomorrow morning, we're going to some plant-fair first, which is about 15 minutes away from my place, and then I'll be going home with him till Monday morning.

Sorry guys, but I'm so happy right now :D *blush*

His mom will be coming though, she doesn't like me :( So I'm kind of scared about that (I've always wanted to know what she thought about us getting back together)

But I guess that can't spoil the fun? :)

That's really exciting, and a very nice surprise :D I hope you have a lot of fun. Sorry to hear that you don't get along with his mum, all you can do is simply be nice and try to ignore anything mean she might say. Hopefully your boyfriend will stick up for you! But no, don't let her spoil your fun!

[King Simba]

That's great Nathalie. :) I'm happy things are picking up for you. I know it sounds cliché, but see? Everything is alright in the end. ;) Sorry about your boyfriend's mum, I know getting along with parents can be quite difficult at times. I have some trouble having conversations with some of Leor's family because of the language barrier. :lol: But like Azzy said, just enjoy yourself, and don't let her spoil the fun.


As for KS and Leor, for you it might be a little too early to really jump the gun and really know what to do, but I would still talk about it as knowing what the ultimate goal is, who is going to move and what not, makes it a lot easier for the relationship, at least you would know what you work towards.
Well, we have been throwing quite a few ideas around. I did say to Leor just recently that we'll have to start talking soon about what will happen with regards to moving and such, and he made a few suggestions. He did say I could stay there for quite some time while he does his social service in just under 2 years time, and if I learnt some spanish, I could possibly work with him there. Otherwise, for official plans to move... we really have no idea yet. We have been discussing it but we haven't finalised anything as such yet, probably because it's a little too early like you said.

I think the best time to start making decisions about moving is when Leor has completed his dentistry and social service. Then we can see about the job situation and see what will happen from there. I told him that I don't want the distance to be like this forever (of course, none of us do) and that we should work something out in the future so we don't have to go through so many painful goodbyes again.

There is one thing though... one of us will have to leave our family behind. That will need to be talked about too.

Also, the advantage is Leor can speak English, but my spanish is severely limited. :p He also has a career in the pipeline, which could make it easier for him to move to England if he decided on doing that. I could (and I would) learn spanish if I needed to, but what comes to it is the safety part as well. Mexico is a country which isn't so safe, with the drug cartels, wars and whatnot. England on the other hand is much safer, but I guess the catch to it is it's much more expensive. =/ Hmm... what to do? :thinks: I have a feeling this will be a difficult decision when we decide to finalise it. :lol:

I seem to be rambling on a bit here, so I'll stop... xP

Well, I just thought some of you may want to know why Leor hasn't returned home yet. Apparently one of the pilots on his flight back to Houston fell ill and had to be taken to hospital, which meant they had to divert to Newark. On the flight information page it said they had to refuel, but my guess is they had to refuel with another pilot. But as a result of this delay (there was also a delay from London too apparently) he ended up missing his flight to El Paso, which means he'll have to fly on the next available flight in the morning. Luckily they put him up in a hotel for the night, so he can get some rest. Then again, if he's still on British time, that could be difficult. :lol: I was very worried when I checked the flight status on the Houston airport website and it said "Redirected", but I'm glad everything is fine and he is down safely on the ground. I just hope his flight to El Paso goes smoothly tomorrow and that he'll be back home in no time. I feel sorry for him because he's had a long enough journey as it is, and he's alone too. I wish I could've kept him some company.

Hopefully this won't happen during my flight to Atlanta at the end of June. I get quite nervous flying as it is, so anything like this to happen to me would be very worrying. :ohno: But I'm sure it'll be fine, I won't let this put me off... xP

Well, I'll end this post with the last picture of Leor and I taken at the airport just before he had to go through security:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v256/simbaspride/100_3814.jpg

It wasn't a very nice time to take a photo, but I wanted one last photo of us together before he had to go. We obviously weren't so happy so there's not many smiles on here, but I still think it's a nice photo. Emilio still looks wonderful even without a smile.

But yes, I prefer "hello" better.

[Sharifu]

Separation is always hard, even if the separation will "only" be for a couple months, or eight months or even more... Saying good bye at the airport was always the worst. Even the night before that was always extremely hard. When those hard times come, saying good bye at the airport and then missing each other so much, just remember, eventually you will be together and not be separated by distance anymore. (Unless you break up, but hopefully that wouldn't happen. But I think eventually all long distance relationships become "normal" relationships because the distance just gets harder and harder to deal with the longer it lasts) Just a couple years ago, I had absolutely no idea when Petteri would move here. We knew he was planning to move here, but how and when? At the time, to me, it just seemed like a day that would never come, it just seemed so far away. And it seemed impossible for Petteri and I to be able to save up as much money as he originally planned to before moving, because we would have to be separated forever to be able to save up that much money. (And in the end he moved with much less money saved up) I know having someone move so far away from their friends, family and their home country is really hard, but so is being apart... Long distance relationships are hard, but if you both truly love each other, it will work out in the end, and eventually you will not have to go through separation like that anymore. If that is what you really want, you will eventually make it happen, even if at the time that idea seems impossible. It happened for us, so I just want to give some hope to the other couples here... :hugs: I am really happy Petteri and I don't have to go through that anymore. :love:

[nathalie]

Thanks guys :)

Well, it's not like she's mean to me or anything (off course, I don't know what she says about me behind my back, lol) but I don't know, we just don't quite get along.

But it was fun yesterday, I'm not much into flowers and stuff, as mentioned before, but I like that fact that he lets me pick out the colors and such :p

[Shadow]

Well hate to bring the thread down but here it goes.

I am officaly a monster, for a fiew months now i have been getting serious with a friend of mine, she is everything i ever wanted in a girl friend, but i didnt feel anything spechial but i wanted to so badly......and we got very serious....but not a single time did i feel or think" Oh yes iv missed being with her so much, or talking to her" not a single of these "true love" feelings...whenver i get serious with someone i point something out thats wrong with them, senseless stuff like , they laugh ugly , or they sound funny while speaking English or WHATVER, whatever excuse i can find to break it off and run away.

but this time it would be different , this time i was going to stick with it, because if i dont get over this got damn self mechanism to not get hurt il never find love.

and i didnt find anything wrong with the other person....but...i simply didnt love em...but they had so strong feelings for me and the longer it went on the stronger she felt....but i kept going without saying anything becouse i wanted to see if i would feel anything...and i wanted to so badly...more then anything in the entire world...


then it got to the point where i didnt want to say anything , becouse she was so fragile...and we got so close on a level without the love , but telling her how i really felt would crush her so how could i ?....

and all this becouse i tried to force out love....i dont understand she is absulutly everhting i want with a girl friend EVERYTHING! so why dont i love her?....
Eather way....iv been feeling like crap latley, and everything has been bulding up among with other things, so i told her today....and she is crushed....

im a monster....and im seriously starting to doupt if there really is anyone out there for me...not due to lack of people...but my in-ability to love.

[KanuTGL]

Now, Shads, remember you are still young and there is still a whole lot of life ahead of you. Don't start thinking that you're incapable of love or that there isn't anyone out there for you, because that isn't going to make you feel any better and it isn't true :hugs:

I believe that telling her the truth, heartbreaking as it is, was the right thing to do. It sounds like you were both living a lie, and no one should be doing that...

What I've found is that love tends to show up when you least expect it to; when I stopped looking, love came around. And you can't choose who you fall in love with, however much you want to. However perfect and wonderful they are, if you don't love them you don't love them and there is sadly nothing we can really do about that :/ As for running from flaws, I had for example decided that my boyfriend would not be a smoker - if he was I'd turn him down, no matter what. Buut... y'know... xD Luckily Adam gave up smoking though, otherwise I don't quite know how this would have lasted, haha (so in the long run, really bad habits will probably need changing). But my point is that when you find someone you really truly fall for, you can overlook some of those flaws simply because you love them that much. Maybe you haven't met that person yet?

Either way, I really hope you'll feel better soon :hugs: We need to have a good proper chat sometime soon too. It's been far too long... D:

[Sharifu]

Shadow, I don't think you can make yourself love someone, even if they seem perfect for you. Like Kanu said, you don't usually find love, it happens when you least expect it and you don't choose the people you fall in love with.

I'm sorry you and your friend are having a hard time because of this. :( :hugs:

[Simbaspirit]

aw shadow that suck :( sending good vibes your way :hugs:

KS, i know the feeling that you're having right now.. when Gunner and I said goodbye we thought it would only be two months but it has turned out that now we will not see each other for 8 months due to his family :( I posted a bit about it on old lea, how his parents have completely disowned him for wanting to move to vancouver. its a long hard road, but we're working on it. we've been together a year and 2 months, and I applied to a university just an hour and a half away from him. If I get accepted into the university, i'll only go for a year before transferring and Blair will move with me back to Vancouver after the year, and if I don't get accepted Blair will move to Vancouver at the end of August. So there is an end in sight, but in a year we'll have only seen each other 8 days. Our longest visit has been 2 weeks, with our shortest being one. It's a 4000 mile move for Blair, and he's still only 17, but he believes it to be the right thing, we've talked about it a lot and I am so lucky to have him :hugs:, that he is willing to move to end this distance even though its scary. His parents don't support him so when he moves here at 17 (or 18 if next year) he'll be supporting himself with no financial support.

Azerane I can't imagine how frustrating and hard it must be.. :(

[Leorgathar]

Wow, this thread has been quite busy while I was on my way back to Mexico, there's so much to catch up to :lol: I'll be a bit short of words, but I gave a read to everyone's posts at least.


Everything is relative; in a long distance relationship you get "used to" a certain time span after a while. A couple of months between visits, a couple of weeks, a few days, a whole year... It's when that "norm" suddenly changes that things turn especially upsetting and frustrating. For example if Nath can't see her boyfriend this weekend. A week might seem like nothing compared to what some of the rest of us go through, but we all have our own points of reference and our own realities. All we want is to spend as much time as we possibly can with our loved ones, so when our carefully laid out plans fail, things gets very hard... And hearing about how others are together or don't have to spend as much time apart as you doesn't exactly make things easier.
I gotta give you credit for that, it's so true and it makes a lot of sense.
Tara and I are still the newest Lea couple, and we have met for only the second time now. Before planning this 2-week meeting, we had been planning for our second meeting to be on last winter. The news about me not being able to go then was really upsetting for both of us, and the wait had to be extended for 9 months instead. And this April we finally were together again, but 2 weeks feel short compared to the 5 weeks we spent together last year, so having been together at last after so long and then suddenly having to do more waiting isn't really amusing. But well, we're both quite new into this, as I said, there are still many joys and hardships to face in the future.
As of me, I'll have myself occupied during these 2 months, there's a lot to do in so little time, patients and speeches to prepare. I can't help but think of Tara coming here after all of that really rewarding :)


As for KS and Leor, for you it might be a little too early to really jump the gun and really know what to do, but I would still talk about it as knowing what the ultimate goal is, who is going to move and what not, makes it a lot easier for the relationship, at least you would know what you work towards.
STM, man, your speech-post was very heartwarming to read, gotta say :)
As for me and KS's future, we have talked about it some times, and I agree with you it's something convenient to analyze what we can do to reach the goal of being permanently together, even if we're just in earlier stages in our relationship than the others here.
There are pros and cons about living in one another's countries, like those KS mentioned in her post. I have also suggested before that it'd be ideal if we both could move to El Paso Tx or close to there, since people speak English, it's a lot safer, and it has close relationships with Mexico, but I don't know how possible would it be for both of us to move to US, since none of us is currently a US citizen. Perhaps I would have to become first before her, but I don't know. :hmm:

[Sharifu]

I have also suggested before that it'd be ideal if we both could move to El Paso Tx or close to there, since people speak English, it's a lot safer, and it has close relationships with Mexico, but I don't know how possible would it be for both of us to move to US, since none of us is currently a US citizen. Perhaps I would have to become first before her, but I don't know. :hmm:

Since I have done quite a bit of research about U.S. immigration in the past few years, that idea seems kind of complicated and a long process. I mean you have a while before you finish college right? And then once you graduate, if you get a work visa for a job in the U.S., and you are in the living and working in the U.S., it will be another 5 years before you can become a U.S. citizen. And only once you are a U.S. citizen can you petition a fiance or marriage visa for Tara. That in itself could take some time. Hopefully less then a year (but sometimes it can take longer, I'm glad it only took a little over 5 months for Petteri to get his visa) but that seems like a long wait. Of course your idea is possible, I don't want to say you shouldn't do that if in the future you guys want to do that. :p I just thought I'd mention it since I have done so much research about immigration to the U.S. through marriage. Not that you are necessarily thinking about marriage now, but it seems that is really the only way to be together permanently in the U.S., unless Tara is able to get some kind of work visa as well, but they seem hard to get, the employer will have to apply for it for you if they want you, plus the chances of that job also being near to you where you live as well are so small.

As for more immigration news, Petteri finally got a letter in the from USCIS (The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) today, saying that his adjustment of status (green card) interview was canceled, as we requested. It didn't mention a new date for the rescheduled interview, but the in the letter they will send him a separate notice later saying when his rescheduled interview date will be. At least we can now go on our honeymoon to Hawaii without having to worry about that.

Oh, and I'd thought I'd mention, tomorrow our 6th anniversary! Although Petteri and I don't really have any plans, I guess now that we have a wedding anniversary date, we weren't sure about celebrating both. :lol: But I don't see why not. :p I've been wanting to draw a picture for the occasion, but I have been working a lot and have so much to do before we go to Hawaii next week, but we'll see, maybe I'll have time for it, I don't know... At least we'll probably go out to dinner tomorrow.

[Nalas]

Well, I guess I'll share a cute story with ya'll;

Last month, I met this guy named Eric. We met at the college we're currently attending. Long story short, I think he likes me. xD After a few aquatints, one day (after greeting me), he out of nowhere asks, "Can I get a hug?" o.O Of course, I was like, "....Sure!", even though I thought it was a bit awkward. :lol: Today, I saw him this morning before the both of us departed for classes. I was sitting at a table outside (since it was very nice out), and I saw him coming for me at the corner of my eye. He then playfully "attacks" my sides, and tickles them a little bit. It was very unexpected, but cute at the same time!

We both seem to have the same personality, which is cool! We have a blast talking to each other, and he's very sweet! I'm not quite ready for a relationship yet, but he'd probably come as a consideration. :)

Just wanted to share! :D

[King Simba]

About moving and such, yeah... we have had the idea of both moving to the US sometime in the future, but it's just an idea. It will need much more planning and discussing if we decide we want to do that, and hearing what you said Audra, it does sound quite difficult, but I'm sure it's possible.

I did some research last year about Emilio moving to England to work over here as a dentist (after he graduates, of course), and it doesn't seem so complicated. He would just have to take some sort of exam to be a registered dentist over here, and then he could apply for a visa to work in the UK. Alternatively, he could just apply for a fiance/marriage visa.


Shadow, I don't think you can make yourself love someone, even if they seem perfect for you. Like Kanu said, you don't usually find love, it happens when you least expect it and you don't choose the people you fall in love with.
That's really true. I get it quite often at home actually.

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. :( That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.

Shadow, I'm sorry to hear about your hard time finding love, but unfortunately what Kanu said is true. You can't make yourself love someone. You either feel the same towards each other or it just doesn't work. I know how you feel because it's happened to me in the past, but by no means does it mean you're "incapable" on loving someone. Everyone is capable in loving one way or another. :) It's just about time and patience. Be patient and give it some time and the right person will come along eventually, mark my words.

I mean, it happened when I least expected it... (well, Emilio was making it quite obvious in the end so I had my suspicions, but I never would've thought I'd have fell in love back then at that time) and look at where we are now. I'm sure the same will happen to you sooner or later. :hugs:

Audra, I'm glad everything is going well for you. :D And happy 6th anniversary for tomorrow! :hugs:

Little Lottee, that's great to hear, and sounds like there is some chemistry between you two. That's great to hear that you can both get along and have similar personalities too. I wish you the best of luck with that. ;)

[Simbaspirit]

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. :( That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.




aw KS.. :( I know where you're coming from, for the first year my mom did not support my relationship and I needed to move to my dads in order to be able to visit my boyfriend. My family wouldn't really speak to me for a while, and when Blair and his dad visited me in Vancouver, my dad would not stop making fun of them and putting them down. Now my mom supports my relationship but Blair's parents don't anymore so I have no way of visitng them as I am no longer allowed at their house and they have made it very clear that they would prefer me to be out of Blair's life. Its not the easiest thing ever since they had previously told me they loved me as if I was their own daughter. It's really hard when the people closest to you are the most unsupportive.. but the only thing to do is to keep loving, keep fighting, and one day maybe they'll see.

[King Simba]

aw KS.. :( I know where you're coming from, for the first year my mom did not support my relationship and I needed to move to my dads in order to be able to visit my boyfriend. My family wouldn't really speak to me for a while, and when Blair and his dad visited me in Vancouver, my dad would not stop making fun of them and putting them down. Now my mom supports my relationship but Blair's parents don't anymore so I have no way of visitng them as I am no longer allowed at their house and they have made it very clear that they would prefer me to be out of Blair's life. Its not the easiest thing ever since they had previously told me they loved me as if I was their own daughter. It's really hard when the people closest to you are the most unsupportive.. but the only thing to do is to keep loving, keep fighting, and one day maybe they'll see.
Well, this is the thing. My dad supports my relationship with Emilio fully and is always willing to help me out in whichever way he can. There are just times where he feels a bit "used" too much I guess, for example, he had to spend quite a lot of money on petrol to pick Emilio up from the airport, which is something he keeps nagging me about (I've had it since Emilio booked the flights, and Emilio even apologised to him because of the cost of going down there). Petrol over here is ridiculous and so as a result of driving to Heathrow there and back twice and for the overnight accommodation both times before we picked and dropped off Emilio at the airport, it's costed him over £100. Money is just tight on him right now, since he doesn't really have a secure job, and so they have to watch what they spend.

Maybe if he was more stable on money, it wouldn't be so difficult for him, but he's just a difficult person to be around in general, at least since he lost his job (he was made redundant after the company he worked for went into administration). He just doesn't like it when I feel down, hence why he says those things about me being in a long distance relationship, but really I wouldn't change Emilio for the world. :love:

My mum on the other hand understands my feelings very well and is a great support when I can talk to her. I think the problem with my dad is he just doesn't understand the things we both have to go through with all this distance. I would prefer it if he could just understand how I feel and not go off on one everytime I feel a bit down. That's what would make the separation from Emilio a whole lot easier for me, no constant arguments or pressure. Just a willing to understand how I feel and therefore at least not nag at me so much. I just feel that I can't talk much about my separation from Emilio around him as a result. :woe:

I would take a break from my dad every now and then, but what makes it hard is that my parents are married still, and so we all live in the same house. Unfortunately it's not so easy for me to go and live at another house since I still don't have my own place, so I have to put up with it I guess... xP

On the bright side, even though we're separated now... just 57 days and I'll be going to Mexico. :)

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

I think to be fair to your Dad KS I can see where he's coming from. I think if my daughter was in that position I'd probably tell her to get a job if she wanted to pay for petrol and hotels!
:lol: :p

[King Simba]

Yeah, but there's also such thing as doing a favour too. :p It's not like I sponge from them and it's something that doesn't happen very often, so I don't see why he should keep nagging me about it. I'm not stupid and I know what I have to do, so nagging at me doesn't help with my feelings. Besides, getting a job when having holidays already booked can be tricky, even more so in this mess of an economy we live in right now.

It's all very well saying "get a job" but people are just so damn choosy nowadays, for example having a holiday booked is most likely a reason why you won't be employed. :notamused: Not to mention my time in Mexico will be 5 weeks, which is unacceptable for time off.

If Emilio had flown to and from Manchester it would've been a different story. It's just because London is so far from here. At least I'm flying from Manchester next time so hopefully he won't nag me too much.

[nathalie]

For example, my dad sometimes says things like "You chose to be in a long distance relationship", and it hurts. I didn't choose to fall in love with Emilio, it just happened, and even though the distance is a real downfall, I love him so much and I just want to be with him. My dad isn't the most supportive of people though, and he sometimes makes my time apart from Emilio difficult because of his constant arguing and complaining, which makes the separation seem much longer than it actually is. :( That's another reason why 2 months seems quite a long time. It would seem much less if my dad was more supportive about this.

I can kind of understand why he might say that.
Not saying it's right or wrong for saying it though ;)

You can love someone so much, but sometimes, you just have to think with your mind instead of with your heart.

My ex boyfriend told me so many times he still loved me, but he had to think with his mind on this one, otherwhise he'd be miserable.

Sometimes you just have too.
There are other people out there, in the same situation as you, and care for another person so much, but think with their mind, that it's just not possible.

And I do think you "kind of" choose for it, not trying to step on someone's tows here, definatly not!
But you know this in advance, that this person lives across the globe and that it will be though beyond believe, and that though, sometimes requires thinking with your mind also, and not only with your heart.

But that's just my opinion ;)
And as you all know, I could never deal with a long distance relationship, so still, admiration for all of you :)

[King Simba]

Well, in my own personal opinion, anyone who hasn't been in this situation before will never fully understand, which I think is my dad's problem. Like I said he's not the most supportive of people and so talking to him about my issues isn't really an option. He just doesn't really listen.

And the complaining and arguing is about things in general, not always just about spending money or travelling long distances. I just used that as an example. ;)

This is exactly why I'm thankful that a few of us here at Lea have been in the same situation as me. It gives me comfort and hope for my relationship with Leor to work out in the best way possible. :)

[Sadiki]

I don't really have much to add on want has been said. I do understand when it comes to money and long distance relationships, I do think you should be able to make enough to afford seeing the other person or at least most of it. My parents helped me many times.. actually I think most of the times I traveled to US they gave me some money towards my tickets. My mom has told me a few times as well that I knew what I got myself into when we first got together and yeah it's some what hurtful but I do see where she is coming from. You can either choose to follow your heart and your mind or try to compromise and follow both your heart and mind in delicate balance. That is what I basically did, I wanted to see Audra every chance possible but even if I had the money together and I could have taken time off from school and work at the time, I didn't do it as I knew that in long run I could not get anything accomplished if I did it like that. Also I could have just moved to US and not go back to Finland until I'm 30 and try to avoid military but I thought it's a less of a burden to go through it than try to avoid it for years.

What comes to never be able to be in long distance relationship... I really don't know how to approach that as the thought of being in a long distance relationship was never an issue for me, yes the distance and the money spent was but like any relationship it needs some work in order to work. We spent way over $20k on just visa process and plain tickets and all that and been putting our lives on hold for years, but do I regret that from past 6 years (to date) most we had over 7000 miles between us. The answer is, I wouldn't change a day. Yes not everyone is capable on handling the obstacles and go through months of separation, but in the end it's at least as rewarding as any other relationship if not more rewarding once you two get it to work and finally be able to live as any old couple in this world.

[Sharifu]

I hate it when people say, "You choose to be in this relationship." Yes, it is true you choose to be in a relationship with that person, but you already fell in love with them, so much so, that the pain of not being together is far worse then dealing with some time of separation. Honestly I kind of feel like if you decide not to be in a relationship with someone you love just because you have to deal with distance and be separated at times, then you must not love that person very much. Obviously you think, "Well I don't want to deal with a long distance relationship, so I just wont be with this person because I'd rather find someone else who lives closer to me to replace him/her." That might be a little more harsh then what you are thinking, but that is how I picture it. Yes, the separation was hard, and it always got harder over time. But there are neat things about long distance relationships too. Being able to travel and go to different countries was a neat experience for me. I don't think I would of been able to go to Europe if it wasn't for me being with Petteri. (That is not why I got together with him though, haha) Besides, long distance relationships eventually become "normal" relationships if that's what you want in the end. It may take many years, it will take a lot of money, and a lot of work. But I think if you are willing to go through all that for the person you love, then your love is really strong.

[King Simba]

I hate it when people say, "You choose to be in this relationship." Yes, it is true you choose to be in a relationship with that person, but you already fell in love with them, so much so, that the pain of not being together is far worse then dealing with some time of separation. Honestly I kind of feel like if you decide not to be in a relationship with someone you love just because you have to deal with distance and be separated at times, then you must not love that person very much. Obviously you think, "Well I don't want to deal with a long distance relationship, so I just wont be with this person because I'd rather find someone else who lives closer to me to replace him/her." That might be a little more harsh then what you are thinking, but that is how I picture it. Yes, the separation was hard, and it always got harder over time. But there are neat things about long distance relationships too. Being able to travel and go to different countries was a neat experience for me. I don't think I would of been able to go to Europe if it wasn't for me being with Petteri. (That is not why I got together with him though, haha) Besides, long distance relationships eventually become "normal" relationships if that's what you want in the end. It may take many years, it will take a lot of money, and a lot of work. But I think if you are willing to go through all that for the person you love, then your love is really strong.
I couldn't have said it any better myself. ;)

I also think long distance relationships make you both stronger as a couple, and therefore give you a chance to show how committed you really are to that person. Like you said, if you love that person so much, then you'll be willing to deal with any type of distance, no matter how long or far it is. Unlike "normal" relationships where you live in the same town/city as your girlfriend or boyfriend, I also think it's much more exciting being able to see different places and be able to learn about different cultures. At least that is one of the things I like about my relationship with Emilio. We come from totally different cultures so I find it interesting to see how we both live. When it comes to cultural differences, I don't see how that should be a reason not to be together.

I never thought I'd travel all the way to Mexico by myself, but I've done it and seen places I never thought I'd see because of it, and that'll continue. ^^

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

I could say a few things about love but I'll save them for my own miserly thread...

:lol:

[Nalas]

Little Lottee, that's great to hear, and sounds like there is some chemistry between you two. That's great to hear that you can both get along and have similar personalities too. I wish you the best of luck with that. ;)

Thanks! :D

More information, everyone;

I saw Eric this morning before he had to go to class. He sat by me at a table and we were just talking. He tossed me his phone at one point, stating, "You better put your number in there." He took mine and put his number in my phone. I texted him throughout class (since my class wasn't really doing anything today).

As we're texting, he randomly asks, "Do you have a boyfriend?" When I read that, I was like: o.O I answered, "No, not yet!" He replied, "Good for you!" I stated, "I'm waiting for that perfect guy." He replied, "Nice.... But you should date around." I told him, "NOBODY asks me out, though!" He replied, "Seriously?!" I replied, "Yes. I'm serious."

Here comes the cute part.

He replies, "I'd date you, but there's two things holding me back.... 1) I don't have a car/license and 2) I don't ask for dates by text." I'm with him on #1; I don't have a car/license, either. And I agree with him about #2. He was texting cute stuff until he texted, "I love you chica (in a non weird way)". Again, I was like: o.O I'm pretty sure he was being playful with that "I love you", but I thought it was cute, though!

ANYWAY. Thought I'd share. :3 Btw, we're texting each other now as I type this. What a coincidence! :lol:

[Azerane]

^ That's cute, hope it works out for you if that's where you want it to go :)

As for me, this is weird because I don't really know where this mindset has come from and it may just vanish when I get a chance to talk to Pat but I need to vent. For those who don't know, I've just been away for a week on a camp as a volunteer with Uni students (for the course I used to do at Uni). I had an absolute blast and I loved every minute of the camp, but it's gotten me confused. I almost feel like I'm living two lives, and that those lives don't really mesh together. The Uni students were split into two groups, me and a staff member were supervising a group of 6 of them for the week, they were fantastic students, really friendly and chatty, great work ethic, strong interest in their projects and just stuck together and supported each other and didn't complain. Someone mentioned on the first day about road-tripping America (I don't know how it came up, I just overheard it) and I mentioned that I was doing it in August. So there was a brief discussion about that. But I never said why I was going to America and although I got to know those 6 students really well over the course of the week and we got along great, I almost felt like I hadn't been honest with any of them seeing as how none of them knew about Pat. Which is kind of a dumb thing to think. If the subject of boyfriends etc had come up, I would have mentioned it, but I've always tried to avoid telling people about it because I have had some bad reactions in the past and it's sometimes tough for me to mention it for that reason.
So I feel like I'm not being honest with people so I can't actually make proper friends here, and yet at the same time, half of my life is in america and I feel split in two. Because I absolutely love Australia, not so much the people or the cities but simply the landscape and the feel of it, it just feels right when I'm out there. And I know it's going to be hard to leave, and I really don't want to leave it. But I feel like at the moment (apart from my 3 friends from high school) that I don't have proper friends, because I don't let people know me and because half of my life isn't here, I feel like I can't get close to people because I'm not going to be around anyway. It's just a really weird feeling I have right now after getting back from the camp and I just don't know what to make of it. I think after simply spending a whole week with the same group of people doing stuff together all day, it's a bit of a shock when all of a sudden you get thrown back into the real world with more than just those 7 other people in it. And after so long of not seeing Pat, I feel like I am closer to those people than I am to him, simply because of the situation and the fact that being out there on camp meant no electricity, and no phone reception, so no contact with the outside world at all. Which I love, but for some reason it's done my head in.

Anyway, I don't even know if that really has anything to do with this thread topic, but I just feel... weird... Nevermind, I'll get to talk to Pat tomorrow, and hopefully it will fade.

[Azerane]

sorry for the double post but I'll keep it short...

i hate long-distance relationships.

[Guntur]

sorry for the double post but I'll keep it short...

i hate long-distance relationships.

I agree, I'm the guy who doesn't believe Long Distance Relationships in certain topics. IMO? Love should be getting the both satisfaction for both lovers, also including Physically contact, Psychology contact, and emotionally contact. I mean I love a person not base of their looks or style and looking towards Psychology and emotionally, but I will never get any satisfaction on physical interaction between me and my lover! [not making love but, verbally talking to a lover face to face instead of webcam or 'technologic' things.] I want a love that physically and emotionally there in front of my eyes to have a love contact on each others. As for friends, there's not much of a bonding attachment between two people and we are all understand our schedule and our personal life as long it don't demand much on the friend relationship.

[Sharifu]

Bec, I am sorry to hear what you are feeling right now. I'm not sure what to say. I'm surprised you have had bad reactions to telling people your boyfriend lives in America. I have never been afraid to tell people that my then boyfriend lived in Finland. Some people thought it was weird, but I didn't care. I knew our love was real, whether or not they thought a long distance relationship could work really didn't matter to me, because it worked for us, but look at us now, we are married and living together.

It seems to me you are having a really hard time with idea of leaving Australia. I don't blame you, I like the environment and the weather better in the U.S. then Finland. I would rather stay living in the U.S. then move to Finland. (Although don't get me wrong, if Petteri couldn't of moved to the U.S. I would of moved to Finland to be with Petteri) This sounds like to me you are kind of mentioning about moving to the U.S. because you are mentioning you can't make friends in Australia because you will be leaving to the U.S. and that you love Australia and how hard it would be to leave. That doesn't really sounds like you just talking about a vacation or just a visit to the U.S. I don't know what you and Pat have talked about moving, if anything, but you make it sound like you have to be the one to move. I don't want to sound like I am judging you or Pat, I know how hard it is, the idea for someone to move. But I just wonder if Patrick would be happy in Australia. I don't know, I think I am rambling. Sorry. I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

[Simbaspirit]

I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! :wow: and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in :love:. It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.

I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so hard Azerane :( I can't even imagine.. I really hope things get better for you soon.

[Sombolia]

Wow, that's great SS! It is a little scary but I'm sure it'll be really exciting. Best of luck. :)

[Azerane]

Bec, I am sorry to hear what you are feeling right now. I'm not sure what to say. I'm surprised you have had bad reactions to telling people your boyfriend lives in America. I have never been afraid to tell people that my then boyfriend lived in Finland. Some people thought it was weird, but I didn't care. I knew our love was real, whether or not they thought a long distance relationship could work really didn't matter to me, because it worked for us, but look at us now, we are married and living together.

It seems to me you are having a really hard time with idea of leaving Australia. I don't blame you, I like the environment and the weather better in the U.S. then Finland. I would rather stay living in the U.S. then move to Finland. (Although don't get me wrong, if Petteri couldn't of moved to the U.S. I would of moved to Finland to be with Petteri) This sounds like to me you are kind of mentioning about moving to the U.S. because you are mentioning you can't make friends in Australia because you will be leaving to the U.S. and that you love Australia and how hard it would be to leave. That doesn't really sounds like you just talking about a vacation or just a visit to the U.S. I don't know what you and Pat have talked about moving, if anything, but you make it sound like you have to be the one to move. I don't want to sound like I am judging you or Pat, I know how hard it is, the idea for someone to move. But I just wonder if Patrick would be happy in Australia. I don't know, I think I am rambling. Sorry. I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

I haven't had that many bad reactions, but it's more that I can tell that people are judging me because of it, and although in some ways it doesn't bother me because it's my life anyway and I'm going to be with him no matter what people say, it's still easier when people are understanding. I find young people are more understanding :p In terms of our situation, we haven't made any plans yet to move, it's something we're going to figure out during my visit. But sometimes, it does just feel like I'll be the one moving. It does kind of make sense though, he hasn't finished his study yet, and he's taking a break from it so I don't know when he'll go back to it or because of that when he'll be done. But I dunno, as much as I don't want to leave Australia, I also don't want him to come here if he's not going to like it. America has so much more convenience than Australia and because he's used to it he finds it weird here that you can't just go to walmart at midnight or something :p I don't know. As I said, we're yet to discuss it in great detail.


I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! :wow: and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in :love:. It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.

I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so hard Azerane :( I can't even imagine.. I really hope things get better for you soon.

Congratulations! :D That's really awesome. I wish you all the best for your studies, that's great you'll get to be so close. A town of 5000 people sounds great to me ;) And thank you for your thoughts :)

[Simbaspirit]

Thanks guys :) I'm really excited, though thrown off as its a complete change of the original plan :p but this way Blair gets to move out on his own while still close to home, and since he's a year younger and not yet 18 it will be better for him to help him get adjusted, whereas I'm accustomed to leaving home for months at a time. We've never seen each other for more than 14 days in a row, and the two I saw him it was always 9 days or less. Azerane I know where you're coming from with the reactions, my parents didn't support my relationship at all for a long time (my dad still thinks its a joke) and most people I talk to find the whole thing laughable. I can only imagine that it gets harder as one gets older.. do you know when you will see Pat next?

[King Simba]

I'm sorry Azzy. :( The talk about moving does seem quite daunting for me too, and I'm dreading the whole visa process. :eww: But if I left England, I wouldn't really mind, because I would be with Leor. I actually speak in pride of having a Mexican boyfriend, I don't mind one bit when I tell people. It's not like either of us will be cut off from our families either because we'll still be in contact with them (yay for computers! :lol:) and we'd be able to visit once or twice a year, but of course, it may be a few more years for that to happen. Yay for the waiting game.

There are people here who just don't understand how I really feel either, or they haven't in the past. It's like they thought the whole thing was a joke, just because it's not how they fell in love. Some people just don't see how you can fall in love with someone online, yet it's becoming more and more popular now, with the increasing number of dating sites out there. I think that's why it's a bit "odd" for the older generation, because in their day, there weren't any computers and the internet didn't exist, so long distance relationships weren't as common back then.

I hope you two work out a plan which you're both happy with during your time together in the summer. :) I guess you'll be able to speak in more detail about it in person. Good luck, and I hope things improve for you very soon. :hugs:

Oh, and I just thought I'd say, I like the ticker in your signature, so I decided to get one too... xD


I just got accepted into an amazing university... but thats not the best part.

The best part is it's only a 1.5 hour drive away from Gunner! :wow: and after a month or two he'll be moving to the same town that I'm going to university in :love:. It's a completely different plan than what we had thought for a long time - that he would move to Vancouver - But i'll probably only be there for a year before transferring back to Vancouver with Gunner by my side. It's kinda scary - I'll be going in 3 months and leaving my family 4000 miles behind for at least 8 months - But I'm really excited to start this new adventure in a 5,000 population town (much different than the 2 million population of vancouver!). In just a few more months Gunner and I and will no longer be in a long distance relationship.. I'm kinda in shock.
Wow, that's great news! :wow:

The size of the town you'll be moving to does sound quite a bit drop from the population in Vancouver, but I'm sure it'll be a much more relaxed way of living... and hopefully it won't be too boring, but that'll be cured living near Gunner. ;)

Congrats on getting accepted into university too! :D What will you be studying, if I may ask?

[Simbaspirit]

If it gets too boring I'll have a car, bigger cities are pretty close and I'll be with Gunner which is awesome, at least if I'm bored we'll be bored together :) I'm going to be going into my second year of my bachelor of commerce, as I want to start my own non profit organization for at risk youth in Vancouver. KS I can't even imagine the idea of having to get a visa, that must be so daunting :( But whatever you guys end up choosing I know the two of you will be uber happy together :)

[KanuTGL]

Aww, that's great news, SS! =D I'm very happy for you two ^^

[Simbaspirit]

I'm seeing Gunner in 26 days!!!!!! :lalala::wow::embarassed::fina::D:love: I'm so excited - his parents told me before that I would not be allowed back into their house, and they were pretty adament. But things have changed and I get to see him for a whole week... I am sooooooooooo excited!!!!!!! And I got an amazing deal on airfare.. I am stoked!

[Leorgathar]

That's so great to hear, SS :) It's a big step forward. I hope this meeting in 26 days turns out for the best, and that you and Gunner can see more often and for more time :hugs:

[Safila]

Sounds cool that you're going to be together.. Hope his family are nice while you are there :smile3:

[Sombolia]

That's so great SS! I'm glad they've seemed to have changed their minds. Hope everything goes well for you :)

[Azerane]

Congrats Simbaspirit, that's awesome! :wow: I wish you all the best for your trip. Lucky you getting a good deal on airfares too, I'm still hoping for one ;)

[King Simba]

I read about that on FB a few days ago. I'm really happy for you both, SS. :) I'm glad to hear Gunner's parents have changed their minds for the better. All the best for your trip in 26 short days, I hope they pass by fast for you both. And yeah, cheap airfares are always very much welcomed. ;)

As for me, there are just 38 days (as you can see in my signature) until I fly to Mexico to stay with Leor for just over a month, long enough to be there for his Birthday. :love: Not too long now! :D I'm excited, but it really does seem much longer than 3 weeks since he went home.

[shadowland]

Managed to see my girlfriend in London for the first time since feb :D had a lovely time (apart from some terrifying bus drama lol Dx) spent the day at Hampstead Heath together ^^ really missing her now :c

[Utora]

I haven't posted here even though I do, in a manner of speaking, have a love life (non Lean :lol:) but lately, I'm coming to a point (from observing other people's posts here) where I've concluded maybe it's not what it really is. I know their are factors in a relationship that just make it evenident it's love and it's going to be forever....but there's other things that can be worthy of going in the other direction, permanently.

The man I'm with lives close to my area, a 20 minute drive, not bad. He's Russian and there's a difficultly with the language at times (but we've found a happy median and he's getting better as am I) and perhaps maybe cultural differences that extend beyond us being compatible. But I don't know, I've known other Russian men who did not do what I'm about to explain.

He says he loves me, frequently, all the time, and he's even told me he loves me forever. I get this feeling he's at a point in his life that he doesn't know what he wants and we've discussed this (I'm always putting communication before assumption here) but, he gets quiet, for both he cannot express his complete articulated thoughts as he thinks in Russian and secondly, he doesn't have anything to say about it because it's true. I fear when he finds out what he wants in life, he'll find some girl who fits that bill.

He likes to go to clubs, so do I, but..not so much. Now I'm on medication (and probably always will be being Bipolar 2), therefore, drinking like at a club? Not a real smart choice and I won't do it. Also staying out so late, I can't do this because I work and have to be up by 6AM. He's the type that rides life rough, stays up till 3, gets up by 9 and does another full day. He works two jobs and goes to college, I'm very rpoud of him! He works so hard. Yet he does this thing, we've discussed, and it makes me feel as if I'm arm candy, for show. Even a few nights ago. First off, I drive to his place, because his family let's me stay at their home, and there's more things for us to do in his area him being so close to Saint Louis. Where I live, 30 miles West, eh, not so much and my family would like to meet him but they feel he has not comitted (engaged or offered marriage) and is using me for me beauty so, they don't want him in the home right now. Anyways, I drive, a lot, and I'm not complaining, I love him, but it's a haul. And when I go, I expect to spend the time with him. Much of the time I get there and theres a few things that can happen; he's working late which is understandable in which case I get to bed and watch a movie until he comes home. Second case which, happened a lot more before but after some talking, has been less an issue ..he is with his friends and puts me on hold. Well, two nights ago I drove at 10PM, arrived by 1040PM, he gets off work by 1130PM (I have work the next day and have to be up by 0630!) and he comes in and says, "Let's go to a club." ...ah...I'm in my pjs, taken my pills (which make me tired) and I have work the next day so, I say I can't, I don't feel like it. Then I say something which I didn't mean entirely but I did in a way. I know his friend was waitin g for him there, so I told him he could go and I'd stay at his house. He said he wanted to go with me, but then asked if it was ok and...left.

-_-

I don't want to be passive agressive and I don't want to be the type that "hopes" he gets it but come on, it was a time to show me I mean more than his social life. And I believe I should, if he loves me forever! It doesn't mean he can't be with his friends, as I've explained to him, I'm happy he has such good friends and I'm happy he keeps up with them but, I'm a brutally honest person, perhaps it's the Russian in me, who does he sleep with, me or them? And who is he going to love forever? Me or them? and if we're together forever, who will have his children, me or them? feel like his prioroties are them first, me when it works out. Also that, I'm kind of there for him to make him feel more like a man..like "Hey he's got a good looking girl!"..yeah, thanks. And it takes me getting moody, pouty and disgruntled before he starts acvting, then I refuse things because I know it's not from his heart.

His grandmother came to the home, I waited to be introduced...nothing, I introduced myself.

-_-

We go to his grandparents condminium for his grandfathers birthday, I asked if he'd introduce me to them, he first says yes, when we get there he tells me to wait in the car. His story was that they don't speak good English and his grandmother will dote on me to death, boring me and give me tea until the sun rises. I asked him, was that so bad as opposed to me sleeping in your jeep out front for 45 minutes!? He says nothing. Then, that he will take me to them next time. I say, no, no next time, it means nothing to me now. ((sighs))

:headache:

He's 21 so I pardon him for a lot, and he's also a single child, I comecome from a large family. I also put myself in his shoes a lot and it doesn't match up. If I was living in Russia, had my group of American friends and went to a party, I'd proudly show him off...he, does not introduce me to people very much if at all and actually avoids taking me to parties with his Russian friends because he worries for me, that I'll be "bored". I don't think he's happy I'm an American by birth, but I think he likes what I look like. I don't know anymore. I can't emotionally imagine seperating from him, but there's times where it seems logical...and that's my battle, heart over reason, reason over heart. I want to give him as many chances as possible. He's done a lot for me, too. Good things, but he's also left me waiting, forgotten about me sometimes..and I just think if you loved someone, you'd be driven like mad to show them this, and you wouldn't forget or leave them standing. I'd die for him, I'm loyal. But I don't think it means anything to him, he might care the same as he does now if I were to go about ignoring him or being with other guys, I don't know! ..

Any advice?

[shadowland]

^ Sounds like they're things you could work on during the relationship. Everyone has their foibles, and theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. Do you feel like this all the time, or do you have periods of feeling like this and other times its plain sailing?

[Utora]

All the time, and I know nobody is perfect hehe, I see my parents and others with their faults in relationships up close...but I know there are other men who wouldn't say, leave me up and standing wondering all the time. It makes me anxious when he says, "I'll be back in an hour." ..so I tell myself it'll be 2 hours..sure enough it's always more than what he alotted and I'm left waiting. Starting to make me angry and put off all the time, but he takes that..like, is that what he wants? For me to be downright rude to him all the time and disappointed and sad? ..Maybe?

-_-

[shadowland]

Well, if it bothers you enough, why not leave him? :P

[Azerane]

I hate to say it Utora, but it simply sounds like he doesn't appreciate you very much, if he doesn't stick to his word and doesn't even want you to hang out with some of his friends. In my opinion, I always found that when you care about someone, the introduction to the friends is always an important step, because whether they approve or not, you're showing them that you want to hang out with that person.

I can't give much more advice than that, I've never broken up with someone or been broken up with, so I don't really know how to proceed. But at the end of the day, it is your decision and you're the one that has to say the words. I can't imagine that a break up never hurts, even if you aren't feeling properly loved, because there's always some sort of emotional connection there. Best of luck :hugs:

[Safila]

I hardly say anything in this thread but .. if he says he loves you he would be wanting you to meet all his family and his friends, not hide you back at home. Yeah he can go out with his mates and such but it's not nice that he forgets about you and just thinks you will be always waiting for him. Some people hate to be alone and would rather overlook what their bf/gf does, but wouldn't it be better to be by yourself or find a new person than being someone there when they have nothing else to do.And how many chances do you give someone, when they keep doing it over and over.:\

Just my thoughts about it, even though I've never had a bf.
Liked someone and he supposidly liked me, yet when I told him about my dad having cancer I wasn't good enough any more. -_- Guys are asses sometimes

[King Simba]

Sorry to hear that Utora, but to me it seems like he's either embarassed about you, or is just not emotionally committed as you are. If he truly loved you like he says he does, he would take every opportunity for you to meet his friends and family. The fact that he holds you back from meeting his family seems a little weird to me. When I was in Mexico last year, Leor took me to meet his grandmother a couple of times and she can't speak English at all, but I still felt welcomed there, even if the conversation was minimal or non-existant. :p I was also felt welcomed in his group of friends. I just think it's an important step in a relationship to meet friends and family, and for you not being able to do that kind of suggests that he's not committed to you as much as you are to him.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh in a way, I don't really mean to. :hugs: But what I'm saying is it's no good to be in a relationship and to not feel happy. There has to be a fine line in the centre of you both, where you can accept each other's differences and where you show an equal understanding and level of commitment to one another.

If I were you, I would talk to him and express your concerns, unless you have already done that...? If he cares and loves you that much, he should be willing to improve and find a solution so that you're not feeling unhappy or depressed.

How long have you been together, if you don't mind me asking?

The very best of luck. :hugs: I hope things improve whatever you decide.

[Simbaspirit]

My mom just changed her mind and decided i'm not allowed to have a car in university.. since Gunner's parents won't let him get his license, the bus costs $100 and his parents won't be able to drive him, we'll see each other close to the same amount as we do now, even though we'll only be living an hour and a half away.. knowing he's so close and not being able to be with him will be even worse.. and at least now when I visit him I can see him a few days in a row and stay there, and i won't be able to come university... :( :tears:

[Azerane]

Aww that sucks. But at least you still do have the comfort of knowing that he's close, even if it is a frustration to have him so close yet not be able to see him. $100 though a large sum of money, is much better than several hundred for a flight.

Think of it this way, the money you would have been spending on maintaining your car and putting gas in it, you can now use on the bus fare to visit Gunner ;)

[Simbaspirit]

haha that is true, although at least when I spent airplane fare I got to see him for a week straight instead of paying $100 to see him for only a few hours, and the money i would spend on gas would be much less :lol: I guess its just the disappointment - I wish my mom wouldn't have told me beforehand that I would have a car, I got so excited that I would be able to see him every week.. but such is life i guess.

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

Can't you just get a car yourself..?
:\

Why is it up to your Mom whether or not you get one?

[Sharifu]

She probably thinks she can't afford to get a car on her own. I used to think getting your own car was just too expensive... I used to think that being able to afford to get my own car was impossible for me. But at the time I was saving most of my money on traveling to visit Petteri. Now that Petteri is living here with me, we plan to start saving up for a car when he gets a job. Maybe it could be possible for Simbaspirit to save up for a car, but it would probably take her a long time and she couldn't visit her boyfriend in the meantime if she is saving all her extra money to get a car. Well maybe it isn't that way, I don't know her money situation. :p

[Nalas]

Well, as of Monday, May 9th, Eric and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. <3 He's still bringing it up to his parents slowly (which is why I haven't met them yet), but I just hope his family accepts me.... We're total opposites of religion; he's Mormon and I'm Christian (although, not really religious). Three weeks its been since the 9th, but everything has been going smoothly so far. We really care about each other, and agree with each other well.

I just hope his family will accept me.... Here's to hoping!

[Sombolia]

Congratulations Lottee. :) I hope everything goes well with his parents.

[King Simba]

Congrats Lottee! :D That's really great to hear. Are your family happy with the relationship?

Here's to hoping that the acceptance with his family goes well. :)

[Wide Eyed Wanderer]

Congrats Lottee, I wouldn't worry too much about what his parents think...after all, it's what he thinks of you that matters.
;)

[Azerane]

Well, as of Monday, May 9th, Eric and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. <3 He's still bringing it up to his parents slowly (which is why I haven't met them yet), but I just hope his family accepts me.... We're total opposites of religion; he's Mormon and I'm Christian (although, not really religious). Three weeks its been since the 9th, but everything has been going smoothly so far. We really care about each other, and agree with each other well.

I just hope his family will accept me.... Here's to hoping!

For some, the religion is a big issue. For my brother and his wife, my brother is Lutheran and her family are Jehovah's Witnesses. Her family had never been ok with the relationship, she invited them to everything, but they didn't even attend the wedding. I should correct, her brother came to the wedding, and she had her Uncle (who has experiences similar issues) give her away. They got married last year, and my brother only met her parents last month when they went to her grandpa's funeral.

So some people are very extreme. The most likely way I see it going is that they will be uncertain or slightly dissaproving, but if you guys can show that you're good together, they'll grow to accept it in time. But they could just be ok with it too :p All the best for it.

[shadowland]

My girlfriend's parents seem cool with me, and I ama devotee of cthulu....lol jk

[Nalas]

Thanks, everyone! My family is happy with our relationship, so that's a good thing. :p But, if and when I do meet Eric's parents, I just pray all will go well. I kinda wish he could've told me up front 'bout the religion thing. Then again, if religion was a huge issue, he probably would've said so right away. He told me that his parents have no control what-so-ever about his love life; whom he can and can't date.

I know with some relationships, one of the families won't be able to stand either the boyfriend or girlfriend. Like I said, I'm not very religious, but.... At least I'm not a slut or anything. :lol:

We'll see how it all goes....

[KanuTGL]

Aww, I hope it goes well when you do meet them, Lottee :)

[Nalas]

^Thanks, KanuTGL. :)

[Simbaspirit]

She probably thinks she can't afford to get a car on her own. I used to think getting your own car was just too expensive... I used to think that being able to afford to get my own car was impossible for me. But at the time I was saving most of my money on traveling to visit Petteri. Now that Petteri is living here with me, we plan to start saving up for a car when he gets a job. Maybe it could be possible for Simbaspirit to save up for a car, but it would probably take her a long time and she couldn't visit her boyfriend in the meantime if she is saving all her extra money to get a car. Well maybe it isn't that way, I don't know her money situation. :p

What Sharifu said. :p
I'm working full time right now, but I do'nt have enough money for a car and its upkeeping. Even if I did find a way, my mom would refuse to pay my tuition since I would be going against her rules. It's not even just about seeing Gunner - I'm from a city of 2 million and I thought I would be able to escape the town of 5,000 people to get to the nearby city every once and a while so I could see a movie, go to a mall, and just basically have access to more things than a town of that size can offer. But, somehow things will work out I'm sure - it's just kinda disappointing.

And congrats little lottee! I know the feeling - the first time I met Gunner's parents was at the airport and I was going to be living in their house for two weeks. It was so scary - but I'm sure everything will work out really well for you :) that's really good your family is okay with it - at least if worse comes to worse you'll have some support :)

[Nalas]

^Thanks, Simbaspirit! :)

[nathalie]

Last Sunday when I left him to go home, he always goes with me to the train platform and waves me off, hehe.
When he doesn't do it, it feels different (yes, I'm weird like that).

He told me he wasn't gonna wait for the train to leave 'cause he wasn't feeling so well.
And I told him, it's not the same without the wave goodbye, hehe.

I told him, he's the first one who does this, comes with me to the platform, and actually waits till the train leaves.
He then said: and I wanna be the last one.

I didn't knew he had it in him, but it kind of made me cry, haha, I'm really not used to him saying something sweet like that.

Again, I'm weird, I know :p

[Azerane]

Aww, that's really sweet Nath, a very special thing to say :) Looks like you've got yourself a real keeper there!

[nathalie]

I hope so.
Everyone keeps saying we look cute together. No one ever said that with previous boyfriends (and I still have the same friends as years ago), so I guess that must mean something too.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, hehe.

Things between us are definatly a lot better then they were in the beginning.
It's a very long and complicated story, but I really feel happy again ^^

[Azerane]

So happy for you in that regard, you deserve to be happy and I know you've been through some rough times in the past! Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! :D

[nathalie]

Hehe ^^

We've been through a lot too, the 2 of us together, but I'm so glad it got better again and we're doing fine now.

On another note, my previous ex started to text me yesterday -_-
Asking how I've been and such, like everything was totally OK and nothing had ever happened.
I tried to be cruel, so he'd just back off, lol, but he just kept texting, and then he mentioned he might have found some stuff back of mine ... (he's moving, something we were supposed to do, so he thought he had found CD's of mine)
So then I was like: OK, try being a little bit nice ... 'cause I just want my stuff back.

I made him feel guilty again a few times though :p

[Lucy]

Hi again, everyone!

I just read through this whole thread (serious catching up) and this is the first I've heard of Adam and Anna's engagement! Congrats, you guys! I know I'm late to the party here, forgive me for my epic dropping off of Facebook and missing the news before. Congrats on the living together too, I'm so happy for you guys. Happy for all of you.

KS, I know how you feel *hugs tight* leaving them is the worst. Last time I had to leave Kat (back at Easter) I somehow managed not to cry, but on the plane home I was really ill (I don't even, it was so bad) and I was crying while watching The Big Bang Theory. I was sat between these two blokes as well, and they must've thought I was some nut job. Oh god, it was really serious. I'm still not over it really, leaving her. I never get over it. Some days are better than others but it's generally rubbish. Doesn't help that I love America so much. Given the chance I'd up and leave here in a second. Think it's more likely that she'd have to move here though, although we've not really talked about it that seriously.

I still haven't told my parents. They have met her now, but I still don't want them knowing. They're a tiny bit homophobic - just thinking of lesbians as stereotypes, not in a really nasty way or anything - and I don't think they'd understand the long distance thing. I suppose I'm being a little unfair to them, but I dunno, I just realised I'd feel uncomfortable with them knowing. There was a really awkward conversation the other day when my mother asked me if I'd ever get another boyfriend. I did have a boyfriend, for four years (we broke up, or rather he dumped me, in January 2007) and I guess to some that labels me as straight forever, lol.

In general though, my love life is good. I see her generally every 2-4 months, which is rather frequently compared to some other couples on here. Azerane, I think you and Pat deserve all the awards, it must be so wretched to be apart all those months *hugs* I'm in awe really.

[Sharifu]

So they showed the winners for that Disney Wedding Contest, we did not win, but I am not surprised... I didn't think we would really win since the chances were so small, but it was worth a try... :p Ah well... I still hope someday we can have that wedding/renewing vows at DisneyWorld with friends and family there... I need to go back to college and get a better job... Now that Petteri has moved here I have been researching how we can save up and be able to move so I can take animation classes again. It seems hard though since my mom is ill and she wants to live near me, so I hope we can figure out something where she be near us as well if we have to move. It's just California is so expensive, but I think we will figure something out, it just seems hard now, I'm not sure how we'll make it all work, but I really want to go back to college and pursue my dream of being an animator.... Probably wont be for a couple years until we are ready to move though...

[Simbaspirit]

haven't been on Lea much lately.. Cause right now I'm with Gunner in New Brunswick!!! :D :D :love: So good to be together again.. :)

[nathalie]

That's great news Simbaspirit ^^

I decided last night to finally update my FB-status ... people now seem to think it only happened then, but it really happened a year ago :lol:

[King Simba]

That's great SS! :D I've been reading about yours and Gunner's time together on FB. Seems like you've been having a blast. ;)

Nathalie, I can't say I really noticed your relationship status before. :lol: But I certainly noticed you changed it last night, as did many more of us it seems. :kiaralook: Congrats on being with your boyfriend for a year, and here's to many more healthy and happy years. :)

As for me, I will be jetting off to Mexico in just over a week... in 9 days in fact! :D But I have a feeling the remaining days I have left are gonna pass by slow. That always seems to be the case on the week before. -_- I'm not looking forward to the long journey there, but in a way I am too... complicated, huh? :uhno: Either way, it's gonna be loads of fun, and just lovely to spend time with Leor again. :love:

[Simbaspirit]

KS Thats awesome! I know what you mean about those last days passing slowly - its the worst >.< But 9 days is sooo soon and then you guys will be together again :D

[nathalie]

Thanks KS, hehe, I never even had a relationship status on there, it didn't even said I was single.

[KanuTGL]

Aww, SS, I'm so happy to hear that you and Gunner are together again at last! How long are you staying for? :3

And congrats on the one year, Nathalie! Here's to many more ^^

KS, 9 days sure isn't a long time :D

As for my own love life, things haven't really changed :lol: Still here, still in love :love: We celebrated our four-year anniversary the other week, and it's kind of hard to believe that it has been that long. Where has the time gone? xD

[nathalie]

Yeah, time seems to go fast lately ...

I started when I turned 20 ... haha :lol:

Actually, it's not a whole year, we were apart for 3 months, but I just find it so much easier to keep counting from the beginning, as it wasn't like we didn't hear each other during those 3 months.

[Simbaspirit]

I'm staying for a week :) our time apart may not be as long as some (its usually 4-5 months between visits), but the average time we spend together is only a week, and he has to stay in his parents room at night.. so although the time apart may not be so bad with only 4-5 months, our visit time is very short.. but at least we get to see eachotehr at all <3

[Leorgathar]

.....I'll reunite with Tara tomorrow!!! OMG! :cheese:
I'll go pick her up at the airport in El Paso tomorrow and stay the night there, then we'll come back to my place here. We have plans to go visit Puerto Vallarta, and are scheduled to have so much fun and a lovely time there, I just can't wait! :love:

Have a safe flight, sweetheart, I hope it turns out less tiring than what it seems to be, I'm already waiting for you :hugs: :D

[Azerane]

I'm staying for a week :) our time apart may not be as long as some (its usually 4-5 months between visits), but the average time we spend together is only a week, and he has to stay in his parents room at night.. so although the time apart may not be so bad with only 4-5 months, our visit time is very short.. but at least we get to see eachotehr at all <3

That's still a long time to be apart. Sad that you can't visit for too long though, but you are right that getting the chance to visit at all is the main thing. :)

Best of luck KS and Leor, and safe flights! Hope you two lovebirds have a fun time.

25 days until I leave!!!! :D

[King Simba]

Well, I'm up, awake and almost ready to go! :D The only problem is, the flight's delayed. -_- I just hope it's not delayed so long that I end up missing my connection flight to El Paso.

But I'm remaining optimistic. I'm almost sure that won't be the case, and everything will be fine. I can't wait! :D Not looking forward to the long journey though. :zzz: But seeing Leor again is really worth it. :love:

Azzy, 25 days isn't a long time at all. ;) Just over 3 weeks. I hope they pass quickly for you. :)

[Sharifu]

Have a safe and fun flight to Mexico! Well as fun as you can I guess. Hopefully there will be some good entertainment on the international flight. I always loved the excited feeling I had while I was traveling to see Petteri again.

[nathalie]

I'm always so scared to post something in here, since I seem to be the only one posting who's partner doesn't live across the globe?

Things are going much better every week for us 2.
Last week he even invited himself over to my house to stay for dinner o_O

About 9 months ago, if I would mention "my parents" he would shiver with the thought of meeting them, and then I couldn't mention "my parents" for another 2 months, and he would just refuse to meet them.

I think he's crossing that bridge now and is almost on the other side, hehe.

And next weekend, I'm getting a bunny from him :D
He has a huge cage for it to be in, and it'll be all mine *yay*

[Azerane]

I'm always so scared to post something in here, since I seem to be the only one posting who's partner doesn't live across the globe?

Don't be ridiculous, you shouldn't be scared to post in here, that's silly. It's great to hear updates from everyone :) Really pleased that he's happy to be meeting your parents, especially since it was such a bad thing for him before. A very good step. Hope it all goes well :)


And next weekend, I'm getting a bunny from him :D
He has a huge cage for it to be in, and it'll be all mine *yay*

I am really jealous. I absolutely adore rabbits and I have wanted another one for a long time after I lost Hazel-rah. But with travelling to America, it's not fair on the rabbit if I get another one. One day... You'll have to post pics, LOTS of pics! :D

[nathalie]

He's met my parents now before, but each time it was more like: do I REALLY have too ??

Like last weekend, my parents both had their birthdays last week + a wedding aniversary, so they wanted all the kids and grandkids with them to go out to dinner.
He did came along (with the necessary *do I have too's* haha, so I was a little scared, he hadn't met my brother and his family yet, but it all went really well.

And my sister-in-law said he's approved :p

Aww, but you can get a new one when you get back from the US? ^^

[Sharifu]

I'm always so scared to post something in here, since I seem to be the only one posting who's partner doesn't live across the globe?

That's just silly... It's not like this thread is called "Long Distance Love Life thread"... :p Besides, Petteri and I aren't in a long distance relationship anymore... We have been living together for 8 months now... :D Looks like TL and Kanu aren't in a long distance relationship anymore either. They have been living together for a long time and it seems like Kanu has made her home in England pretty permanent, at least for now since she currently has a job there.


Aww, but you can get a new one when you get back from the US? ^^

Well Bec would still be traveling to the U.S. again in the future... (unless she or Pat decides to move after that). It makes sense to not get a pet like that in her situation unless someone can take care of it while she is gone.

[nathalie]

I would only see it mainly on Sunday eather to actually take care of it.
But you got a point.
6 days is different then weeks/months :s

[Azerane]

Yeah, basically what Sharifu said, there would be months at a time when I wouldn't be around. I feel bad enough leaving this time because of my cat. I'm so worried if she gets sick, because she's 16. Hopefully she makes it through.

[Simbaspirit]

Kanu and TL, did you guys meet on lea? and were you guys LDR, and Kanu did you move to be with TL? Sorry for all the questions I'm just curious on how other LDRs have worked out :)

I've been back in Vancouver for a few days now, and I miss Gunner so much. We'll have only spent 13 days together through the span of a year, but it's more than we thought we would see each other :) it does get harder each time though.. Soon we'll be closer. We'll be 3 hours apart by car, so we won't be mega close, but its much better than taking 3 airplanes :) I really miss him though..

Leor and KS, I hope you guys have an amazing time together! That's so awesome you've got a whole 6 weeks... Have a blast! :D

[KanuTGL]

Kanu and TL, did you guys meet on lea? and were you guys LDR, and Kanu did you move to be with TL? Sorry for all the questions I'm just curious on how other LDRs have worked out :)
We sort of met on Lea, but we got to know each other properly through TL's RolePlay forum "The Lion King Goes On" (aka TLKGO). On Valentine's Day 2007 we both admitted we had feelings for each other and we wanted to meet up to see if those feelings really were "true" (since we only knew each other online). He came to visit me on June 10th that same year and then things kind of evolved from there :p

We were a long distance relationship until February this year, when I more or less moved here. I'm a "temporarliy permanent" resident of England xP I say that because I don't quite know how permanent this move really is; I might be going back to Sweden to study next year, see :/ But we'll see. Maybe I'll study in UK. I have no idea xP

And KS and Leor, I'm so glad you're finally reunited - have a nice 5 weeks together ^^

[Azerane]

It's JULY!! I'm so excited! :D That is all... :p

[Sharifu]

We were a long distance relationship until February this year, when I more or less moved here. I'm a "temporarliy permanent" resident of England xP I say that because I don't quite know how permanent this move really is; I might be going back to Sweden to study next year, see :/ But we'll see. Maybe I'll study in UK. I have no idea xP

Moving back to Sweden to study? In my opinion, it was be hard to go back to being in a long distance relationship once you already lived together for so many months. Don't get me wrong, I know how important it is to study, but I think it would be hard for me to do that. I have been living with Petteri for 8 months now and I do NOT want to go back to doing the long distance thing. I am so done with that. Though I am ok with Petteri going back to Finland to visit his friends and family of course. That is not the same as him moving back.

But I know whatever you end up doing, you know it's the best decision for yourself. Studying is very important. And I know you are strong enough to deal with the long distance relationship since you have been through it before.


It's JULY!! I'm so excited! :D That is all... :p

Yay! I am excited for you! :D And I'm looking forward to seeing you again at the end of the month.

[King Simba]

I've been wondering about this, and since I know quite a few of us here are or have been in long distance relationships, I thought it would be interesting to hear people's experiences.

Here I am, now in Mexico with Leor. Not being able to speak spanish, and only knowing a few words or phrases. There are times where I'm sat around the table having lunch with Leor's family, and they just speak in Spanish. There are also times where I say something and confuse others with my accent, particularly his mum. There's definitely a language barrier. I often feel a bit awkward at times, but I'm finding I'm feeling a lot more comfortable since last year, and I've been learning more spanish, even during the past week I've been here.

As you know, Leor is able to speak English and Spanish, which make his trips to England not so daunting as my trips to Mexico are. I am also spending much more time here than he does in England, because I don't have college commitments to follow. There is also a big difference between both countries. Leor visits church regularly on a Sunday, and I don't. Of course I have no problem with him going to church, I actually found the experience quite interesting and beautiful when I went to church this Sunday gone. We also don't have as much privacy as we do back in England. Rules are different and I have to sleep separately from him. It was quite difficult to get used to last year actually, but this year I knew what to expect, so it's not so bad. I'm more understanding of their rules now.

What I'm curious about is how you guys have dealt with the difference in culture during your long distance relationship? Were the times visiting the other countries daunting or interesting? I would say visiting Mexico has been a bit of both, but definitely more interesting. It has felt quite awkward at times, but steadily I'm getting used to their way of living and their views, and so it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I think I'm progressing pretty well. :)

[Simbaspirit]

We also don't have as much privacy as we do back in England. Rules are different and I have to sleep separately from him. It was quite difficult to get used to last year actually, but this year I knew what to expect, so it's not so bad.

Aww, that sucks.. I've always had to sleep apart from Gunner, and it does suck, but at least there's the whole daytime together :)

I've had only a few cultural differences, as Gunner and I live in the same country, but on opposite coasts. They are much more traditional there, and it is a very catholic city. Some language is different, as well as many customs, but it's nothing like it is for most. KS, that must be challenging, but its awesome that you and Leor are taking it all in stride, it sounds like things are goin real well :)

[King Simba]

Yeah, you're right. It's the fact that we're together that counts, sleeping together is just a bonus, although from tomorrow we're able to have a whole week of that. ;)

On the plus side, at least with me sleeping separate from Leor, it means I don't have to put up with his snoring. :lol:

[Sadiki]

For me US culture is not that different. We have pretty much same things and as I know English, language is not an issue either. Only thing that is different is pretty much the way people engage the conversation as in Finland the personal page is quite respected and usually people don't just come and talk to the random person in a store or something. It does still happen, but not like it does here.

I think the Language barrier bothers Audra way more than it does effect on me, but then again she doesn't know Finnish and I guess she feel like she doesn't want to bother the people in Finland and make them speak English.

What comes to snoring... I snore like crazy... but I have learned to sleep on my stomach or on my side so that doesn't happen that much. Me and Audra haven't still slept a single night apart when being together... and by what I hear from other people, I feel extremely lucky...

[Safila]

KS.. don't mean to be rude, but with the language thing, you don't work, thought you would have bought some language tapes and maybe an hour each day learnt Milo's language to show his parents how keen you are to be able to talk to them more and stuff. And as for the sleeping with him, I'm sure he would have told you his parents/family were church people and you wouldn't be sharing his bed in their home. Lucky I guess you're seeing things out and about while you're there and away from his home.

[Sadiki]

well I wouldn't be that worried about language to be honest. My friend moved to Thailand a year ago and he says that normal every day conversations they have in Thai and if they argue or have to talk about something more complicated they usually use English. And I don't think he ever studied Thai and his English and Swedish are awful... So with enough passion you can learn a language.

What comes to impressing parents... I don't believe in that one bit. You are who you are. You should be accepted as you are or not accepted at all. I don't believe in favoring games. ;)

[Azerane]

I guess I'm pretty lucky in terms of language. English is english, and apart from a few differents expressions and terms for things, and things we don't have here, it's pretty much the same in that respect. I do on occasion find it hard to understand Pat's sister, because she talks fast because of where they're from. And I find it a bit hard to fit in with his family, because they're fairly social and his mum is to me a typical interested in gossip type person, and I've just never been that person and I'm fairly quiet, so it's been quite hard for me to adapt in that respect. Even after all the time I've spent there, I'm still not that comfortable around his family, his dad is fine. But at times his brother comes across as mean, even when he's not intending, I simply have no idea what to say to his sister, because I just don't. The same with his mum too I guess. They're all nice, but I just find it hard. I guess I'll get over it with time though, hopefully.

[nathalie]

It's not only like that in long distance relationships (apart from usually the language).
(I'm just saying it like that, because KS mentioned it like that)

I'm used to doing things my way and they way my family does them.
For Kenny it's the same, they have so many different costums in his family, that I'm not used to eather.

And both have to adjust to it too.

Like, something "stupid" though lol, but every weekend (Saturday + Sunday) they all eat together when they get up in the morning, and then again at noon.

I can't get anything inside when I get up, or at noon. I'm like: I eat when I'm hungry.

In the beginning, I didn't eat along with them, and it actually made me feel akward.
But at noon, out of respect, I always ate along with them, even though I wasn't hungry.

Now, it's more like a habbit, and I look forward to it, with spending that time with him, hehe.

It's really something silly, haha, I can't find something better at the moment, lol, things will come to mind during the day or so, lol.

The sleeping things: my mom would always make sure there was an extra bed ready for them to sleep in, they didn't really like it, untill the relationship got longer.

[Azerane]

^ I understand what you mean there nathalie, I'm used to almost always eating dinner as a family except of course unless I'm not going to be home. Yet that doesn't seem to happen that frequently at Pat's house, so it's strange for me and so then sometimes I don't know if I should be eating something, or if I should be waiting.

[nathalie]

Yeah, it's little things like that, but if you're used to something it can be a very big thing to change.
If you wanna change it off course, I'm mean, if I'm hungry in between, I just eat, no one is going to tell me I can't eat something when I'm hungry :p

I've seen some "mad" looks on his mom's face, when I didn't eat at times.
I'm not going to eat, when I'm not hungry, making myself sick :s


Oh well, soon we'll all be grown up, leaving the nest ... do whatever we wanna do, haha ^^

[KanuTGL]

Knowing the language tears down a huge barrier, and that is I think the main reason why me and Adam are currently living in England and not in Sweden (apart from the fact that Adam has a secure full-time job, and I don't xP); I know English, he doesn't know Swedish. Of course I don't mind England though :P In terms of "cultural differences", there are more than what you might think. But it's mostly little things in terms of "Oh, I didn't know that. We do things this way - blahblahblah" and it's fairly easy to adapt to. The big difference is the left-hand traffic xP I'm still not quite used to it, but I'm getting there xD

On the subject of parents, I feel we've been very lucky with both mine and Adam's parents. The first time Adam came to visit we'd booked a hostel for him to sleep at, in case it turned out we didn't really get along that well. But since we did get along very well, my parents and I decided that he could sleep at our house and they asked me whether I wanted him to sleep in my room or not. I said that he could, so on the third day of his visit my parents pretty much asked him "Would you like to come over here and sleep in Anna's room instead?" :P For a while though, we didn't actually sleep in the same bed (because I didn't want to) so my parents would put a matress on the floor, but when I mentioned that we probably wouldn't need the extra bed any more my mum went "Oh, okay." and didn't seem to think much more of it. My parents are awesome xD Adam's mum has never seemed to mind us both sleeping in the same room since the beginning either. So if we've slept apart, it's been by our choice, not by someone else's. And I realize how lucky we have been.

[nathalie]

I guess I'm at an age where I'm supposed to decided for myself those things, but living with your parents at my age, gives it a nice twist, lol.

First night I spend with Kenny, I did sleep in his bed. They have a guest room though.
I wasn't going to spend 2 days with him, if I already didn't like him so much, and just like Kanu said, if things turned out differently, I could have always stayed in the other room.

Even though we're in our late 20's, our "pain" is we both still live at home (or rather: both moved back home, [because of a previous broken relationship]) and also kind of still have to listen to what our parents say.

Since I was at his place every weekend, if his parents would have mentioned something about me sleeping in his room, I off course would have to listen to them and stay in the other room.

[Azerane]

Ahh yes, the seperate or same bedroom thing :p When pat visits me, he sleeps in the guest bedroom, my mum has never mentioned it, but I feel there's an unspoken agreement there. Plus my bed isn't really big enough for two people.
When I stay at pat's house, at first I had to sleep in the guest room, but since my last visit when I was staying with him at his apartment at UF, I was sleeping in his room when we were at his house, and I assume it's going to be that way again this time. Fortunately, his bed is big enough ;) I always feel really lucky getting to sleep next to him, and when I got home from my last visit, after 6 months of sleeping in the same bed as him, it was really hard to adjust sleeping by myself again. I imagine, after 18 months that I'm going to struggle sleeping next to him again :lol: Shouldn't take me long to get used to though, I imagine the snoring will be the most annoying thing :p

In terms of listening to parents though, I've just always thought that since I'm lucky enough to be staying at their house for extended periods, that it's simply nice to be respectful of their wishes in terms of sleeping arrangements etc. Fighting over that would just cause uneeded tension.

[nathalie]

I am SO lucky Kenny doesn't snore, haha :D

True about the parents thing Azerane.
I think it's something you actually (should) know, that if you enter someone else's house, you follow their rules.

I've never experienced it though.
My previous boyfriends all had a place of their own, no parents in the same house, so this was/is quite the adjustment for me.

I already got me a pair of them, I don't really need 2, but yeah, I do listen when his parents say something, as it's their house and such.

And I have to say though, even though I see him every weekend, the thing I miss the most is lying next to him *blush*.
It's the thing I look forward to the most, lying next to each other, hugging ^^
I miss him too though, don't get me wrong :p

[Sadiki]

My parents rules have never been strict on sleeping rules really. Is it just a friend or a girlfriend, people have always have right to sleep at my room or guest room. It's their and my call. I actually think my mom would have thought it's weird if I had Audra sleep in a guest room instead of my room. :lol:

But I think in that culture plays a big role... Finnish do usually keep to themselves, but ones they form a close relationship, be it a friendship or any other relationship, people usually aren't really drawing lines on what they can and can't do. I been in Sauna all naked with probably every single friend I have and it never really even crossed my mind it would be not appropriate in most places.

[Leorgathar]

KS.. don't mean to be rude, but with the language thing, you don't work, thought you would have bought some language tapes and maybe an hour each day learnt Milo's language to show his parents how keen you are to be able to talk to them more and stuff. And as for the sleeping with him, I'm sure he would have told you his parents/family were church people and you wouldn't be sharing his bed in their home. Lucky I guess you're seeing things out and about while you're there and away from his home.

Safila, I myself are not going to force Tara to learn spanish, I'll be sincere and say that where I live she doesn't really need it that much, and what she can and gotta learn, she can learn with social experience, which I think it's much more important. Really, all my friends can speak English, and they like to talk with Tara in English. there's indeed a language barrier, of course, but she's making an effort to be through it, and little by little she's learning spanish phrases, either from me or from my friends in a fun way, and she's doing quite well.
As for the sleeping in the same room part, of course she knows it's a culture difference, and we both have accepted and are happy with it, whatever happened last year is long ago in the past now.

I know perhaps you meant no harm with those statements, but please try to be careful with what you say next time, sometimes things are differently than what we really think, and sometimes what we say can hurt, even if we don't mean it. Just a little piece of advice.

I can relate in many ways with other users, but I'll reply to them later.

[Safila]

Excuse me .. I picked my words very carefully so it wouldn't come across as rude or mean. And I didn't say you should FORCE HER, if you are with someone from another nationality it makes sense to learn as much of the lanuage as you can so you can join in alot more things/conversations etc.

If you want to post about your personal life, people are going to answer and ask things, which is what I was doing.. If you don't like that I will stay off the threads. You should know me by now Leo after talking to me nearly every day for months that I am not into hassling people. If you want to tell me off further, stop being an *** and PM me.

[Lucy]

@ KS - I've gotta say that I think it's really sweet that you're trying to pick up bits of the language. I've never been in a relationship with someone who speaks a different language/whose family speaks a different language, but the times I went to visit Nathalie in Belgium were fairly awkward with the language barrier. Obviously Nathalie's English is good, and her family can speak a little (or could, I've not been for a long time) but mostly everyone was speaking Flemish, obviously. Was amusing playing Monopoly though, lol. I did learn a few of the numbers (see, Monopoly is an educational game :p) but I didn't stay long enough to pick anything up. It must be a lot more daunting for you though.

The sleeping together thing is tricky too. Obviously you have to respect their rules, but it must be a bit rubbish not to be able to sleep together. I understand why it must've been difficult to deal with at first. When I started going out with my now ex boyfriend, my parents wouldn't let us sleep in the same room and I remember being really frustrated by that, because I was 16 already, so we kind of snuck around and my mother was furious when she found out. I should have respected her rules but what can I say? I was 16 :p My girlfriend's mum lets us sleep in the same room, but we're both girls so I guess there's no worries about anyone getting pregnant, lol. I still haven't told my parents, but they don't really read anything into girls sharing beds I guess.

Anyway, my point is, I'm glad you're doing well :) And I not so secretly think it's sweet that you went to church with him. I just think it's a nice gesture that you're including yourself in that.

[Sharifu]

In my experience, yeah the language barrier is hard to deal with. Yeah, people can say it's my fault for not learning the language, but I have never been taught to learn another language and I heard it's harder to learn another language the older you get. Even with being in Finland for a total of nine months, I only know a few words in Finnish. It seems kind of weird for me to try so hard to learn Finnish when I will never be able to speak it as well as most Finns can speak English. Sounds kind of arrogant I guess, but Finns are taught English from an early age, so I think most Finns, especially around my age, will always be able to speak English better then I can ever speak Finnish. But yeah, it did make me kind of sad when I would sit and eat dinner with his family and I couldn't understand anything. I even felt strange looking up at anyone, because I wouldn't understand them, so making eye contact with someone while they are talking but I couldn't understand, felt awkward to me. And also when I met up with a group of Petteri's friends, most of them did not talk to me. It made me feel uncomfortable. They all wanted to meet me, but no one would talk to me, so I felt like they didn't want to meet me to get to know me, but only to see what I look like. Probably not true, and I know I will never understand how it is for them, feeling forced to speak a language they don't want to speak. As Petteri said, I don't want to make people speak English. Obviously they don't want to, so I don't want to make them do it. If they want to do it, that's great, it makes me not feel so alone. But if not, I'm not going to make them.

As for the sleeping in the same bed issue, most of the time my parents were ok with it. My dad didn't seem to like it at first, but for the first couple of weeks after we first met in person we did not sleep in the same bed, but the same room. I told my dad that and he still didn't seem to like it, but he didn't really make us stop. After a while he just accepted it, and my mom was always ok with it. I think my parents must of just knew I was serious about my relationship with Petteri so they were ok with us sleeping in the same room. I'm just really glad my parents and Petteri's parents were ok with us sleeping in the same room.

[Talfasi]

I can somehow relate to the language issues.

But most importantly for the poster above (Sharifu), I have to mention that Finns are like the Japanese in many ways when it comes to language: if they don't speak it perfectly in their own opinion, they can be shy and reluctant to engage in a lot of conversations where it is used. I think people have been excited to meet you really, but when they actually come across with someone who is a natural talent with the language, they can feel discouraged, thinking how imperfect they are in comparison when it comes to speaking English, even though they shouldn't. So, I don't think you necessarily should feel bad, people have likely just been somewhat (who am I kidding - likely more than that) shy with you, even though they've really liked you and wanted to speak English with you. That can happen.

Though people easily become more open too, it just may not present itself in shorter meetings. :)

Well, anyway, I s'pose that's something that's less of an issue these days since you both live in the states.

[Sharifu]

Talfasi, I understand that, but it was still hard. But Petteri's mom did try speaking English with me, even though it's hard to understand her sometimes. But I really appreciated that. She even was telling her husband and son (Petteri's brother) to speak English so I could understand, but they never would. But still, I don't want to make them, I don't want them to be annoyed at me for having to speak English. :p But I think it's sweet his mom seems to care so much about people talking with me. It made me feel like she cared about how I felt.

[nathalie]

I do share some people's opinion on, if you have a partner in another country with another language, you could try and learn bits and pieces.

But that's just my opinion and I know I would try and learn some stuff.
I think it's a little bit important, that you can at least say something to someone's parents (I think parents I mainly the prolem, who don't know much English), and I think some people would appreciate it.

I don't believe you're ever to old to actually learn something.
If you have your mind set to something, you can do anything that you wanna do ^^

Just my opinion.



but the times I went to visit Nathalie in Belgium were fairly awkward with the language barrier. Obviously Nathalie's English is good, and her family can speak a little (or could, I've not been for a long time) but mostly everyone was speaking Flemish, obviously. Was amusing playing Monopoly though, lol. I did learn a few of the numbers (see, Monopoly is an educational game :p) but I didn't stay long enough to pick anything up. It must be a lot more daunting for you though.


Aah, memories ...
My dad was totally exhited though, having an English-speaking person in the house, hehe.
I remember the game ... trying to say 8 in Dutch ^^ (acht)

[KanuTGL]

I do share some people's opinion on, if you have a partner in another country with another language, you could try and learn bits and pieces.
Yeah, me too; I think it's a nice gesture :3 Not that you must, but I think knowing a few very basic words like "Hello", "Good bye" and "Thank you" for example shows that you're trying. I'm quite sure that if the tables were turned - Adam was from Sweden and I from England - I would've tried to learn as much Swedish as possible. But that might just be because of how much fun I think it is to know another language xD There was one good thing about Adam not knowing Swedish though; last year when I was going on my surprise visit for his birthday, my parents would bring it up at the dinner table, in Swedish, and we would quickly talk through some travel details or whatnot while he sat right next to me =P We found that kinda funny :lol:

And Talfasi is right - I know most of my Swedish friends are really shy around Adam and won't speak a lot of English. They try, for a little while, but they have actually told me that they feel really embarrassed because their English isn't as good as mine or Adam's D: I think it's a shame that they won't speak more English, because I think they speak it just fine, but you can't make anyone and I wouldn't want to force them either.

[Sadiki]

My personal opinion on having to have to learn a language is that unless you really want to learn it, don't. I may think that about languages because pretty much being forced to study Swedish at school even I have never felt need for it and as I really struggled on it, it really made passing grades difficult for me. I really believe you need certain level of passion on learning the language in order it to happen. English is an exceptional language as it's pretty much around you on everything. You run into it in internet, TV shows, Movies, airports, restaurants, video games... etc. At least in western world it's nearly impossible to avoid it and that is why I think it's so easy for so many to learn and also the reason why so many of our parents don't know it so well because when they grew up, there wasn't such a great amount of international media.

What comes to people not speaking english even if they know it. I know one thing to blame is the way schools teach it. At least in Finland schools concentrate more being able to read, write and understand English, rather than being able to speak and pronounce things correctly. There is still exercises where you do repeat after teacher or after tape, but how well you speak English is never tested or graded in any way. This seems to be a big reason why my mom is hard to understand when she speaks English. As in Finnish everything is read as it's spelled, which is not the case in English. Because I know my mom has to have decent English understanding as she works for international firm and reads English documents everyday, but she has never learned to use English as tool of communication.

:lol: the love life thread is shifting of it's course...

Well as far as the love life goes...
Me and Audra been married for over 7 months now and I could not be happier. There is no sign of decreased amount of love in our relationship as so many people claim that marriage does to you :cheese:

[Safila]

^ timtam truffles for your 7 month anniversary


http://www.chocolatesuze.com/images/1915.jpg

[Sadiki]

:lol: That is awesome Safila... Now you made me hungry. Thought I had no lunch so that might be it too... :thinks:

[Azerane]

Guess I'm excited about heading over to the u.s in just over 2 weeks now. Mostly I'm looking forward to some warm weather, it's been much too cold for me here lately.

Otherwise I feel kind of weird, I've actually gotten to talk to pat a couple of times this week, which is nice as previously it's just been once a week. But I find it hard when we're not talking as I don't know what he's up to, and he never e-mails me anymore. He says he just doesn't know what to say in them because not much has happened since we last talked. But it's still kinda depressing writing e-mails every so often and never getting any sort of response.

But nevermind, that won't matter soon :p

[nathalie]

That's kind of the same for me, I don't hear Kenny at all during the week, apart from our call-date every Thursday when we plan the weekend.

He doesn't text or mail, no msn.

I guess I'm finally used to it by now.

I'm sure you guys got a lot to talk about once you're together again ^^

[Sadiki]

Well I can kind of relate to Patrick's situation even thought I probably made more effort on making time to talk to Audra, but I had hard time saying much on some chats as we talked so often that I just didn't have much to talk about and Emails were very short a lot of the times as we hardly ever went a day without talking. I think the time I was in military was the hardest for communication as when I was in the base I didn't have much free time and when I was having weekend off the base I wanted to see my friends as well as I felt like it was best way to get my mind off from Military. There was a few times Audra got really annoyed that I went to my friend's, I did tell her that I was going but she forgot. But I do understand her side as well as she doesn't really know people here in Medford and also it was hard for her to know when I was going to be online as I never knew even a day in advance what I had to expect, except once the first 8 weeks were over I kind of had an idea of what we were to do that week and when I had weekend off, but it was never guaranteed.

[Lweek]

I have no experience but I think If I'll fall in love to somebody from foreign country I would definitely try learn her language. No matter if we'll live in another country at all. It is fun learn new languages and if we'll have kids it would be good to teach them all languages they might want use to communicate with grand parents. So if I would like to understand my kids I would have to know all languages either. :D

[Simbaspirit]

Guess I'm excited about heading over to the u.s in just over 2 weeks now. Mostly I'm looking forward to some warm weather, it's been much too cold for me here lately.

Otherwise I feel kind of weird, I've actually gotten to talk to pat a couple of times this week, which is nice as previously it's just been once a week. But I find it hard when we're not talking as I don't know what he's up to, and he never e-mails me anymore. He says he just doesn't know what to say in them because not much has happened since we last talked. But it's still kinda depressing writing e-mails every so often and never getting any sort of response.

But nevermind, that won't matter soon :p

aww :hugs: are you guys only able to talk that much due to time zones? But two more weeks and you guys will be together again :D

btw, how did you guys meet?

[nathalie]

Just a question, does any of you have these "weird" habbits, when being in a relationship?

For example: since my very first boyfriend (now 10 years ago, and luckly an ex, lol) I have this strange habbit of keeping all of their text messages.

I just put them in Word, because for some very odd reason I just don't wanna loose them.

I've done it with previous boyfriends, and whenever it ended, I deleted them after a while though (no point in keeping them).
And I promised myself I would never do that again (my previous boyfriend, I had word documents from about 2.000 pages, haha) but then, whenever Kenny would text something sweet I'd just keep it on my phone (I can storage about 1.000 messages) and since he texts me like, once a week, I figured "what the hell, lets keep them".
Because since June 2010 he has only sended me like 280 messages, so I just decided to keep them, lol.

:lol:

I'm so weird :p

I also kept msn logs, and mails.

[Sharifu]

I never sent texts, so I don't have any to keep. :p I know lots of people send texts, but it's not something I do. I've kept logs of some MSN chats, back many years ago... But ever since my first laptop started having problems and I couldn't use it anymore, I always had to use my dad's laptop, and then when I moved back to Oregon, I used my sister's laptop. So I never saved chats really after 2005, because I didn't want anyone else reading those chats. :p I've kept the few letters and cards I have gotten from Petteri though. :)

[King Simba]

I usually keep all the texts I receive from Leor too. ;) In fact, I still have some from last May when I got my new phone, that's how long I keep them there for. :p And I also have messages stored that I've sent to him too.

When it comes to message history, I like to keep a good log of that as well. Unfortunately I upgraded my main computer to Windows 7 so I ended up losing my really old history, and since I sold my laptop to my parents in order to buy myself a netbook, I've lost the message history there too. :( But I'm keeping a good collection here at least, and it'll continue that way. :)

I also have a collection of cards and drawings Leor has sent me.

Oh, and when it comes to the language and cultural difference issue, I have been trying my best to at least learn some words and phrases in spanish, and to adapt to the Mexican way of living, and I feel I'm getting a better picture now. Yeah, it does make sense to learn some of the language, but if you don't learn it all then that's ok. I think to learn a language it's better to spend some time in a country and do it that way. Experience is a better way of learning than listening to some tapes or whatever, no matter how much time you have. It's the same when it comes to learning new things about a country. But really, just because you don't know much of a language doesn't mean you can't adapt. I'm managing well and Leor is too, and we're happy with how we are. I don't think there's much else I can do other than just learn from experience. I find it more interesting and challenging that way.

At least that's what I think. People are entitled to their own opinions of course, but I'm just saying.

[Azerane]

aww :hugs: are you guys only able to talk that much due to time zones? But two more weeks and you guys will be together again :D

btw, how did you guys meet?

Thanks :) It's partly due to time zones, but mostly because of work. He usually works evenings/nights which is when I'd usually talk to him which is during the day for me, and I work days. So even if I'm not working, he might be so we won't get to talk anyway. So yeah, mostly work related, but time zones certainly don't help.

We met right here on Lea, back in '04. :p Then he flew to Australia to meet me in June 2006.

In regards to habits in relationships. I have texts from Pat dating back to when I first got my current phone in early '06. However my phone only holds just under 200 texts so I've got a bunch of texts from him, however they're spaced out a lot and mostly just special ones, that are either really sweet, or have a special memory behind them or make me laugh :p

Otherwise, I often write Pat an e-mail before I go to bed. Can't think of much else.

[nathalie]

I just love it, to read some of the old texts or old logs again.
(especially in the begin fase when we just met, all flirty and stuff :p )

And it goes even further with me, as years ago I had nothing else to do, I typed every text into a Word document :lol:

It kept me busy in my boring days ... lol

[KanuTGL]

In regards to habits in relationships. I have texts from Pat dating back to when I first got my current phone in early '06. However my phone only holds just under 200 texts so I've got a bunch of texts from him, however they're spaced out a lot and mostly just special ones, that are either really sweet, or have a special memory behind them or make me laugh :p
Yup, I'm the same :p

I think I've also still got almost all the conversation logs from MSN too. I saved most of them and transferred all my files to my new computer when the old one died, so they should all be here, somewhere... Not that mine and Adam's conversation logs would be interesting to read these days, as we nearly always do voice conversation while on MSN, so the logs are really just the odd "Hello?" and generally loads of random smilies :lol:

[Sadiki]

I have still a lot of chats saved on various computers as well as random stuff dating back to 2004. My problem has been multiple computer crashes so at the times I haven't had chance to save my documents and other files before reinstalling windows. But I do have still most of the chats on my old computer back in Finland. I also have most of the Emails Audra has sent me over the years, but as I get so few Emails anyways I don't really delete emails too often. Also Emails are really rare way of communication for us as we pretty much talked everyday, if you don't count the time I was in military or other way away from home, I think we talked at least every other day. Then again me going to night school and working at night which was her day time, which helped quite a bit.

[Azerane]

Other habits, I always sleep with the plushie he gave me, I literally take it everywhere with me, even away on my volunteering trips although I try to make sure people don't see it :lol: as it makes me feel a bit silly. :p I also find, that since my last stay in the U.S where we got to sleep in the same bed all the time, I have to sleep with something like a hoodie or similar bundled up against my back, to make it feel like there's another body against my back. :p It's silly, but it helps.

[Simbaspirit]

All my past love lives keep resurfacing, and it's getting really confusing.

First off, my ex Gunner (we met on vacation, dated long distance for two years before I moved to his province and then had a VERY messy break up just days after I moved) and I talked for the first time outside of email since we broke up. He confessed to me that he is still in love with me after a year and a half of barely talking, and that although he has a girlfriend and such, the only thing he wants more in life than us getting back together is for me to be happy. We both were crying and it was very emotional.. I couldn't get back together with him after some of the stuff he put me through, but we thought we'd always be together. It's very weird knowing that someone out there is writing and singing music about you every day and would do anything to be with you.

Then yesterday I found out that an ex from a few years back is going to be a father. He's 21, so not all that bad, but his girlfriend is 17 and still in high school. He, too has confessed that he wishes we never broke up and still has feelings. I just can't believe he's going to be a dad.. especially with the mother being so young.

And my current boyfriend, whom I love to bits, wants to get engaged in the next little while and while I love him so much I don't know if I'm ready yet because I'm only 20 and it's an extreme commitment. He always talks about our future and while I look forward to it, sometimes I feel as though I don't have a say in my own future.

I'm sorry for the rant, I just can't really vent to anyone I know in real life because the gossip just gets spread around and makes things messy.

[Sharifu]

:hugs:

I know what you mean... When I was 20, I don't think I would of felt ready to be engaged, although Petteri and I first got together when we 20, so it would make sense I wouldn't of felt ready then... :p It took a few years of being together for me to feel ready to be engaged.

[nathalie]

If that's really how you feel, it's not that you don't love him enough, it's just that it seems to be feeling that it's too soon?
Just tell him that, he should understand.

And off course you have a say in your own future!
Just try and sit down one evening, and discuss what's on your mind.
Trust me, if you don't, things can get out of hand, and you'll be bottling it all up inside, and you will pop one day ...

[nathalie]

Ugh.
I really don't feel like being judged right now about anything, I just need to get this off me.

We've been fighting all week now, the word "break-up" has come up a lot more then once this week.
No one seems to care about me in this family, and I'm not sure how much he cares about me eather.
I'm definatly not part of this family, even though we've been together for over 2,5 years now.
His mom just really hates me.
They don't ask me if I'm OK with certain things, they just decide everything on their own, and a day in advance they tell me.
So I'm all alone today, untill 10pm or so, and tomorrow also from 8am to 10pm.
And this every week now on Fridays and Saturdays.
("but we still have Sundays ..." yeah ... you are in the garden on Sunday, and I can look at you work in the garden, on Sunday everything is closed!)
I'm not OK with this, and he doesn't seem to care, and his mom didn't seem to ask "what does Nathalie think".

I hate this family, I didn't do anything to them, to be treated like she treats me!

[Sharifu]

:hugs: I'm sorry Nathalie. :( I know things seem hopeless, but I do hope his family will change.

[Simbaspirit]

:hugs: i'm sorry nathalie, I hope things look up real soon for you

[nathalie]

He's is just so close to his mom, that this is a real problem.

I'm in therapy again because of all this anxiety business, and at one point, he texted me his mom would come over.
From the moment he texted me that, I got so sick (while I was doing fine the whole day), anxiety kicked in big time, and I wasn't better untill she left.
I told my therapist about it, and how it was "kind of funny", and he asked me if I talked to her about it.
And I do want to, I wanna know what her problem is!! But I'm just too scared, and not in a position right now where I wanna have arguments and fights, and they are so close, so it's really effecting the relationship.

(you can definatly tell he's her son)

And he's like: you can come with me each time ...
And I told him, to ask his mom first, what she really thinks of me, and then ask me that question again.
I don't think he'll ask me again.

He was really sweet though today, and got home "early", and we watched Brave together.

[nathalie]

*sigh*
If anyone else I know is getting engaged, I swear, I'm gonna drop dead :tears:

I'm happy for those, don't get me wrong.
But knowing it's something I always dreamed of, which isn't gonna happen to me ever, just hurts.

On the good side, his mom finally got a little smarter, and last Saturday, when he was working over at her place, she told him, that he should go home, and have dinner with me, that it wasn't all that fair, to leave me home alone all day untill 10pm or so, and that I'd have to eat alone.

He got home, he told me she said that, and I'm like: what did you say before she said that ???
Apperently she said that all on her own.
Couldn't believe it o_O

[HasiraKali]

I know what you mean Nathalie. A bunch of my friends got engaged on Christmas and New Year's Eve. I feel like I'm the only single one left. :lol:

I just want a Disney and Doctor Who fan who will go to hockey games with me. Too much to ask? :p

[nathalie]

I know the perfect guy for you Amanda :lol: :p

[HasiraKali]

:lol: But there's a huge ocean in the way. :p And I haven't talked to him in a few days.

[cleargreenwater]

That's good and hopeful that his mom was considerate and thoughtful for a change though. Maybe it was her New Year's resolution to improve the relationship between you some :)

[nathalie]

:lol: But there's a huge ocean in the way. :p And I haven't talked to him in a few days.

So? You get to see the world, and will only be a 3,5 hour drive from Disneyland Paris :p haha
(also, probably because his sleeping pattern is changed again, it changes about every 2-3 weeks ... for 2 weeks he'll be awake during my daytime, after that, for 2 weeks he'll be awake during your daytime :p )


@ CGW: I don't know ...
I mean, it's just how I feel about it, and how it comes across to me all the time.


Had a huge fight again this morning, because I was sick again.
His sister was coming over with the boys, and I hate the oldest, so I was really anxies and sick to my stomach, as this kid is extremely rude and busy.
I couldn't vacuum this morning because of it, and he flipped out on me.
"you're always sick, it's been 6 months now, is it for attention" ???

Yeah.
I'm totally faking my panic attacks.
This anxiety disorder / panic disorder I have is ONLY to fool you!
And it's gonna be for at least for another 6 months before I'm going to be much better.
There goes "in sickness and in health".

God, I'm so tired of this *sigh*.

[Azerane]

Hang in there Nath, people who don't get anxiety themselves I think sometimes find it difficult to grasp how it can actually make you so sick, and don't understand why it would make you feel anxious when it doesn't make them feel that way at all. Although it doesn't quite compare, I have trouble with roller coasters, not always that bad, but one time I was buckled up ready to go and I started hyperventilating and had to get off before they started the ride. It wasn't that I was trying to feel that way, I actually really wanted to try the rollercoaster but I couldn't breathe. Other times I've felt so ill prior to getting on that I have to get out of line. Pat's tried calming me down, but I think because he doesn't understand it, he doesn't really help because he doesn't know what to say :p

[nathalie]

He doesn't seem to understand what it's doing to me.
He's just like: snap out of it ... do stuff!

I can do all the stuff I want, and then go outside, and start hyperventilating.

I don't take all this medication just for fun, I take it because it's real.
He should know that.

I can understand, that it is hard on him, in a way ... I mean, I'm always sick, as good as every day. And sorry, but when I feel nauseas, I can't function, I'm not him or someone else who probably can, but I can't.

I always had this, and like you say, to go in a coaster you haven't been before or something like that, going to a concert.
But it was never this bad, untill last August.
And for him to say "it's been 6 months now ..." and things like "I can't take it anymore".
I really don't think he has the right to say that.
I'm the one being "stuck", and even though you wanna go out so badly, and even if you do, I can't go without medication, and even then, sometimes I still get sick.

So really, he has no right to say those things to me.
Because I'm the one fed up with this disorder, and I'm the one who's on the edge and can't take it anymore :/

[Nafisa]

I'm so sorry for you, nathalie. :tears:

[Utora]

He doesn't seem to understand what it's doing to me.
He's just like: snap out of it ... do stuff!

I can do all the stuff I want, and then go outside, and start hyperventilating.

I don't take all this medication just for fun, I take it because it's real.
He should know that.

I can understand, that it is hard on him, in a way ... I mean, I'm always sick, as good as every day. And sorry, but when I feel nauseas, I can't function, I'm not him or someone else who probably can, but I can't.

I always had this, and like you say, to go in a coaster you haven't been before or something like that, going to a concert.
But it was never this bad, untill last August.
And for him to say "it's been 6 months now ..." and things like "I can't take it anymore".
I really don't think he has the right to say that.
I'm the one being "stuck", and even though you wanna go out so badly, and even if you do, I can't go without medication, and even then, sometimes I still get sick.

So really, he has no right to say those things to me.
Because I'm the one fed up with this disorder, and I'm the one who's on the edge and can't take it anymore :/

Worst thing possible for anyone going through this is to be attached to someone who degrades you for it or doesn't even have the strength to carry you through it. Those that don't care, don't deserve to stay. I honestly think your situation with him is exasperating your condition. From there, only you can decide what to do....and I am sorry you go through this.

I had small episodes of my anxiety attacks two winters ago and now every winter I'm slightly concerned it may return...I saw some hallucination from stress and didn't sleep for 1 week, I had really delusional thoughts....couldn't work or function. I to this day, do not exactly know what happened but it was directly after a bad car accident ...I don't know. It kept my boyfriend awake sometimes, and what really made my anxiety worse was that he wouldn't understand this and fear it and in turn, reject me..because in a time like that all I needed was just someone to hold onto. He didn't understand it, and I could see how he wanted to fix it but couldn't, so he in turn was quiet, but I would ask him directly, "Do you think I will live? will I be ok?" and he would say Yes, and hold me. In two months this episode passed. I have minor anxiety, mainly I think about basic things and I am a master of my anxiety now...unless that episode returns, and he will never understand it, but you don't have to understand something to care about it.

It's selfish of this man in your life Nathalie, to say he can't take it anymore..what does he think you do this for fun or to torment him, or that it is all about him? I wish in that moment I could defend you, it makes me angry, and I'm sorry for you. :hugs:

I have faith you'll find relief and joy soon.

[nathalie]

Did we really had a fight last night about me blowing my nose not the way he wanted to ??

*talk to the hand dude when you come home tonight* !

Good thing I'll be going home for 2-3 weeks, so he can cool down.

We did went to the movies last night.
But all the way up there, he kept talking about when he was younger, and how he would go places with his exes (and not with me).
What ?? So that ruind the whole night.

At least I start all over again whenever I meet someone new, he just keeps hanging in his previous relationships and drags it all further, and I'm paying for it?

Well, I guess he'll be paying for it sooner or later.
I'm happy to be going home.

What a crappy live I live.
*sigh*

[Simba]

I'm sorry about the struggles you are going through nath *hugs* :cheese:

For those of you who are not friends with me on facebook, I got married January 5th :cheese:

We went to Cancun, Mexico for our honeymoon and got to see one of the great Mayan pyramids!

[Leorgathar]

For some reason I missed saying it on Facebook. So congratulations for your marriage. Here's wishing you the brightest future :hugs:

I bet Cancun was awesome :D (please tell me you went to Xcaret, if not, do yourself a favor and go back to Cancun to check it out :p)

[Sharifu]

Congrats on your marriage Simba 04. It seems just like yesterday to me that you mentioned on Lea that you just started dating Cristina after you asked her dad... Gosh time flies. :p

[Azerane]

I'm really excited for your 04, congratulations to you both. It's been lovely getting to follow your relationship even if only virtually on here and through facebook. So glad you had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon :)

[King Simba]

Many congratulations on your marriage, '04. I really hope you have a wonderful marriage together. :) I saw the picture of you both at Chichen Itza. It's such an awesome place. :D

[Jazzy B Bunny]

Hey, I know this is an old post...but positive thoughts! It will happen :) just don't keep thinking about it and it will happen when you least expect it, just enjoy life. I've been single for about 3 years now and I'm not lying when I say it's been the best 3 years ever. I spent my 'teens' always wanting a boyfriend, but now I am in no rush to meet anyone and I'm enjoying life for what it is, if I meet someone then great.. If not who cares! :)


(Maybe he's waiting to take you to Florida) ;)



*sigh*
If anyone else I know is getting engaged, I swear, I'm gonna drop dead :tears:

I'm happy for those, don't get me wrong.
But knowing it's something I always dreamed of, which isn't gonna happen to me ever, just hurts.

On the good side, his mom finally got a little smarter, and last Saturday, when he was working over at her place, she told him, that he should go home, and have dinner with me, that it wasn't all that fair, to leave me home alone all day untill 10pm or so, and that I'd have to eat alone.

He got home, he told me she said that, and I'm like: what did you say before she said that ???
Apperently she said that all on her own.
Couldn't believe it o_O

[nathalie]

That's really sweet :)

But he's not coming to Florida ;) haha, he'd rather die I guess, lol.
He's not so much into Disney ... he's only going now next month with me, because when we went last June, things weren't all so great that day. My sister was a pain, my parents kind of didn't want to go anymore, things like that.

So he just wants go to this time with me, and have fun, just the two of us.
We'll see if he still likes it after that or not, lol.

Anyways, he doesn't want to get married.
He doesn't wanna get married, unless you get kids afterwoods. He thinks it's wrong, that if you get married and not have kids, because to him, that's not the "normal way".
And I don't want kids.
I wanna marry him because I love him, that's how I believe in those things.
I do not believe a baby makes you love each other more.

I'd have to sacrafice my life for a baby, and I don't want that.
I'm a very selfish person, though, whenever someone needs my help, I'm there, but that's very different in my own mind.
It's hard to explain how I feel about that ...

My Godchild was home last week for 2 days, he's 1,5 years old. And my dad is all like: there's your auntie ...
And I'm like: leave me alone ... -_-


(edit)
Though, I think he's changed since his parents got divorced 2 years ago.
He was already 28 at the time, and thought his parents would stay together forever. I guess because of the age, he realized a lot more what was going on and why then when you're like 8 years old, and I do see a change in thoughts with him since then.
I guess he's scared, which is understandable.
And also, after his mom left, he learned that his mom was pregnant of him and they "had" to get married, so my guess that all those things made him change a lot of things in his mind.
He was extremely upset when he found out his mom was already pregnant before they got married, 'cause even though that wasn't something he could do about, he still felt guilty, because it was "him" she was pregnant of.

[Simbaspirit]

congrats Simba! :D That's so awesome :)

[Jazzy B Bunny]

I'm the same when it comes to kids. I don't want any, at least not for a good 10 years :lol: I'd much rather have a dog.
I was with my ex for 2 years and I'm not actually sure what attracted me to him. He was boring, too sensible (ha) and very controlling. I couldn't dye my hair or get a tattoo, it all ended one day with him saying 'your not who I want you to be'.... it took me literally a day to get over it and I've not seen him since. I don't want to feel trapped like that again.
Hell, he was scared of everything wouldn't get on a plane or a ferry... Freaked out at Navy Days because he didn't want to go on a ship. The stories are endless.

That's really sweet :)

But he's not coming to Florida ;) haha, he'd rather die I guess, lol.
He's not so much into Disney ... he's only going now next month with me, because when we went last June, things weren't all so great that day. My sister was a pain, my parents kind of didn't want to go anymore, things like that.

So he just wants go to this time with me, and have fun, just the two of us.
We'll see if he still likes it after that or not, lol.

Anyways, he doesn't want to get married.
He doesn't wanna get married, unless you get kids afterwoods. He thinks it's wrong, that if you get married and not have kids, because to him, that's not the "normal way".
And I don't want kids.
I wanna marry him because I love him, that's how I believe in those things.
I do not believe a baby makes you love each other more.

I'd have to sacrafice my life for a baby, and I don't want that.
I'm a very selfish person, though, whenever someone needs my help, I'm there, but that's very different in my own mind.
It's hard to explain how I feel about that ...

My Godchild was home last week for 2 days, he's 1,5 years old. And my dad is all like: there's your auntie ...
And I'm like: leave me alone ... -_-


(edit)
Though, I think he's changed since his parents got divorced 2 years ago.
He was already 28 at the time, and thought his parents would stay together forever. I guess because of the age, he realized a lot more what was going on and why then when you're like 8 years old, and I do see a change in thoughts with him since then.
I guess he's scared, which is understandable.
And also, after his mom left, he learned that his mom was pregnant of him and they "had" to get married, so my guess that all those things made him change a lot of things in his mind.
He was extremely upset when he found out his mom was already pregnant before they got married, 'cause even though that wasn't something he could do about, he still felt guilty, because it was "him" she was pregnant of.

[nathalie]

Well, I haven't been on a plane eather yet :p haha

My first one was 5,5 years.
I'm very glad I got rid of him, though, it's been since 2007 and just a few nights ago, I dreamed about him, again.
Well, they aren't dreams, to me they are nightmares. Apperently there's something I'm not over with yet.

The 2nd one was about 1,5 years, and he told me certain things I couldn't do anymore.
Like I listened.
I wasn't allowed on msn, because God forbid I'd be talking to another guy ... guys who I knew years before I met him.
I didn't listen, I did my own thing, no one is telling me not to talk to my friends, no matter if that's by phone or online.
I decided not to be his cleaning lady, so he kicked me out. That was all I was good for in the end, but in the beginning you just don't see that, off course *sigh*.

I've always said I don't want kids, also with the previous 2.
They can all ask my mom, ever since I was a little kid I've been saying I don't want it.
It doesn't do anything for me.
I don't have that mom-feeling.
Whenever my nephews are home, I don't have the urge to talk baby to them, or pick them up.
I have no patience.

Apperently when I'm 50 or 60 or so, I'm gonna regret not having kids.
I don't see why? Lol.

[Jazzy B Bunny]

Haha, your like the double of me! I've never wanted kids. Most of my friends have them and I force a smile when I have to hold them, they are just gross and they all look the same :lol: that's my opinion. They aren't so bad when they can have a conversation though.

[nathalie]

Yeah, my ex had 2 boys, they were already 6 and 7 when I met them, it was OK.
You could talk to them, they could do certain things on their own already.

My oldest nephew just turned 4, he talks back and such for a while now, which makes me feel a bit better.
So once my Godchild is 3-4 years old, it'll be better.
But unfortunetly, when you have kids of your own, you can't skip the first 5 years or so :( hehe.

[Jazzy B Bunny]

Oh my life, just logged on to Facebook and some guy added me so I accepted to see if I knew him. Then he sent me messages saying that I'm 'stunning' Urgh creeped out.!

[King Simba]

I haven't had any random person add me on Facebook for quite a while, but I've had randomers message me on Skype before. It gets quite annoying when there's an option to block random people messaging you but they still do anyway. It really puts me off Skype. -_-

As for kids, I'm not really child-fied myself to be honest, but when I get my own I'm sure that'll change, hehe. That probably won't be for about 10 years though. :p

[LunarCat]

Oh my life, just logged on to Facebook and some guy added me so I accepted to see if I knew him. Then he sent me messages saying that I'm 'stunning' Urgh creeped out.!

This has happened to me before. :blah:

For future reference, when someone friends you on Facebook it gives you access to their profile page before you accept. If you still don't know who they are, you can also send them a message and ask. Always best to be on the safe side and double check before giving them access to your information. Also be careful because many of those are fake profiles that could lead to someone hacking your account. :fina:

[Jazzy B Bunny]

I deleted him right away.
To put it bluntly.... :lol:

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c378/Jazzyb123/3db7fd031eaed27a900feb2090462e76.jpg

[KanuTGL]

Congrats on your marriage, Simba 04! I'm happy for you! ^^


I'm the same when it comes to kids. I don't want any, at least not for a good 10 years :lol: I'd much rather have a dog.
Bwahaha, I'm just the same :lol: Give me an animal over a human baby any day :p I feel I "get along" much better with animals; I just don't know how to act around children and it makes me very uncomfortable.

[Azerane]

Congrats on your marriage, Simba 04! I'm happy for you! ^^


Bwahaha, I'm just the same :lol: Give me an animal over a human baby any day :p I feel I "get along" much better with animals; I just don't know how to act around children and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I understand that completely. I'm ok around my nephew and niece, I guess because I have to be. But every now and then at work, I have to fill in for someone else and run the kids DIY workshop. Which is ok, but I'm supposed to do facepainting, I did it once, felt completely uncomfortable and have never done it since, even though I'm supposed to. I really dislike running the workshops though, I'm just not comfortable around other peoples kids unless I know them really well. It's just strange to me.

[nathalie]

I'm actually glad I'm not the only one here who feels really uncomfortable around kids.

The thing with me is though, it won't change a bit if the kid was mine.

[cleargreenwater]

No, I hold no illusions of ever finding children personally appealing and find extended interaction with them exhausting and tedious.

I can appreciate the hopefulness inherent in newborns and the people having them, and have learned to frame interacting with them accordingly, but IMO the fresh ones look like boiled monkeys and the older ones just don't hold a candle to baby animals. It's like they're so underdeveloped I actually have trouble interpreting babies as young humans until they hit the toddler stage :C At which point there's a whole other set of reasons to restrict exposure to them to small quanitities.

I was never raised or trained to handle or enjoy children, and tbh it rather annoys me when people act like it's a natural. The only thing that's truly biologically-inspired natural is to feed it and keep it alive, the rest is learned/encouraged behavior and I just never learned it.

And since that all makes me sound like a terrible person, children do have merit and I do occassionally voluntarily engage with other people's because interacting and assisting with other's children is a great way to bond with the family & friends that are their parents and be integrated into people's lives, including those children when they're grown past the dependant stage. I just have a very low tolerance threshold and do so selectively, and it requires a conscious effort.

They just aren't my cuppa.

[Azerane]

^ I think you just said it CGW, maybe that's what draws us all here to the internet, dislike for children :lol:

As much as I have no interest in having kids, I consider my Nanna's position, having her grown-up children visiting with their now grown-up children. When I'm 80, is that going to be something that I'll miss not having, or not. Haven't figured that one out yet, guess I'll just have to wait and see. Though I don't be any means think that being afraid of not having that is a good reason to have kids. I like my life the way it is now, I'll worry about the rest of it later :p

And back on topic, Pat and I had an engagement party yesterday. Sure we've been engaged just over a year, but having been apart for most of that and only just having gotten our own place, it felt like a good time to want to celebrate that. It actually worked out really great because my mum is just finishing up a four week break from her chemo before starting radiotherapy, so she was able to enjoy it. It was a great night though, had friends and family. We were expecting just over 30 but only 27 people ended up coming. Which I feel is a little rude to say you are attending and then not show, but not much you can do about that. I'll forgive my Uncle and Aunty who called me today to say that they're in the middle of shearing (which is a crazy business at the best of times) and they got the day mixed up with today. Still, it was so nice to have that support from friends and family. Makes me hopeful for the future.

[Kasei]

Glad you had a good engagement party! If it makes you feel any better about the few no-shows, we were all with you in spirit and support you guys! :D


As for the kids convo....ehh. Who can say if I'll want any in the future or not? Lots of people I talk to say, "oh, I didn't want kids either until I met the right person." So I suppose I might change my mind whenever I meet him...but for now, I know I am far too interested in pursuing my own life to bother with kids. I have lots of goals I want to reach and I know that kids are a huge commitment, one that I refuse to take lightly as I have seen the terrible effects of poor parenting first hand. The way I see it who cares about a biological clock? If I want kids later in life there are plenty that have been abandoned or neglected looking for a home, unfortunately. Therefore I can always adopt. Again, some people say that there is a surreal beauty in having someone who is a part of both of you in your life and a testament to your love but, really, I feel that an adopted child can be that as well. And they probably need the love more. Just my thoughts.

I do see the reality of getting old and having no one to take care of you, but I agree with Az in that that is not a good reason to have a child (though oddly enough I do know some people who had kids for exactly that reason. 0_o ). I suppose that makes me a burden on the rest of my family at some point in my life, so I guess I'll have to deal with that eventually. Maybe they'll let me wander off into the woods to go camping until I pass on, not a bother to anyone, enjoying nature, piddling away at my easel....yeah, that'd be nice. :3

[cleargreenwater]

Oh jeeze I sounded terrible in that post! I should also note I sit face-to-face across from someone at work who's so stuck on mothering she still dramatically refers to her 5 & 7 year olds as "my babies" at least five times a day. It just gets old, I'm not actually negative towards people's children, lol.


I'm really glad to hear your mom was well enough to go to the engagement party, too, Azerane, I don't have too many of you on FB and it was a while since you mentioned it, playing it by ear over the long term sounds like it turned out perfect in this case. Parties like that are still stressful to throw together though, hope with everything else going on you guys are enjoying some downtime.

[nathalie]

Something interesting just happened, lol.

Kenny is at his mom's since this morning, to help her fix her place up.

Kenny came home about 30 minutes ago as he forgot something, and first thing he says is: my mom thought you would have maybe dropped by on your bike today, you know, as the sun is out.

Euhm, OK, so, because the sun is out, I have to go over there on my bike to see them work?
Well, mostly, I think, because his mom already thinks so little of me, by not actually doing this, she can call my lazy again towards him :)

Then he tells me: a normal girlfriend would do that, and come see what we are doing.
I laughed out loud ... so funny.

Yes, the sun is out, it is COLD and VERY windy, I ain't riding my bike for 40 minutes in that weather to get there.

He knows I can't stand her, so why on earth would I do that to myself to go over there on my own, so in the end I can blame myself for getting anxiety.

I swear, I just don't belong here, and I'm getting more and more fed up with it.
His family, his retarded "best friends".
I did my best to go to all birthday parties (and trust me, a lot of those happen within a year in this family), holiday party things (Easter, Xmas, etc ...), I put up with is friends who only take advantage of him, but since I was in the hospital last year, I feel like I have an awesome excuse to not go to these parties anymore, I never felt comfortable at them anyways, and like, I'm invisible to everyone.

I'm not sure what to do.
And I don't know if it's really all just me or not :tears:

[Lweek]

I'm very sorry to hear that Nat. It seems to me you both getting a cabin fever. It is dangerous because you both acting emotionaly and may leads to regret later. I think you need to speak your worries to him as he would speak his to you. It might be hard and it is not a shame if you don't feel to be strong enough to do that. Then there are two additional ways. You could spend weekend separated or do a vacation together. All you need is reveal your needs and ensure yourself in love. Don't wait because situation might get worse. But apply my advices only if your problems ale long lasting. If it is an occasional conflict then let it be. *hugs*

[Utora]

Something interesting just happened, lol.



I'm not sure what to do.
And I don't know if it's really all just me or not :tears:


:\
Leave him.

To think you have endured the horrors of anxiety; you are very strong inside from this. You'll be relieved without him.

[Sharifu]

Then he tells me: a normal girlfriend would do that, and come see what we are doing.

Wow, what a rude thing to say... :naladisappointed:

I hate to say this but I agree with Mufasa. I really don't like to tell people whether or not they should break up with someone, because I feel that is never up to me.

Plus, I feel if you stay with him, he is just going to keep bugging you about having kids, even though you clearly told him in the beginning you never wanted kids. I really don't like that when someone thinks they are going to change your mind over something as big and life changing as that.

[Sombolia]

Aw, Nathalie. It doesn't sound like it's "just you", it sounds like he's being a really big jerk... if someone makes you feel terrible about yourself all the time, you need to other confront them and try to work through it, or cut them out of your life. Both options can be really difficult but you'll be happier in the long run. I hope things work out for you :hugs:

[nathalie]

It's more his mom really. And his retarted friends.
It's like they all look down on me, because I don't have some fancy degree and such. And I'm not worthy of being here.

This morning he told me how his mom was surprised I talked so much to her last week.
NEWSFLASH: I ALWAYS talk a lot !!

But usually, she just cuts me off, doesn't listen, starts talking about something else, and then I'm thinking to myself: why even bother ... I'll just shut up (every single time, over and over again).
And so I just stop talking altogether.

Last week we talked about physics and chemicals (as that's her job, doing stuff with chemicals), that's the ONLY reason, she was actually listening to me, and actually talking back about the same subject.
I started talking about it, because it's my sister's major in school.
And we ended up talking which drinks you shouldn't mix together (like baileys and schweppes).

Thing is, she doesn't realize, that that was the only reason it appeared to her as "wow, she talked a lot".
While I talk a lot all the other times, she basicly just ignores me.

[cleargreenwater]

It's more his mom really. And his retarted friends.
It's like they all look down on me, because I don't have some fancy degree and such. And I'm not worthy of being here.

Then next time he starts, tell him a normal boyfriend would take his girlfriend's side when his mother and friends are being critical and condescending instead of agreeing with them like a toady.

My godsister was engaged to a boy who let everyone else's opinions (namely, his mother's) sway what he thought about everything, and they disliked her too. She ended up breaking it off two weeks before the wedding; she would always be second to his mother in their life and the mother despised her, it wasn't worth it. She would rather loose a few deposits then put in for a lifetime of snipes.

[nathalie]

He actually does, he tells me to try not to hear it / not listen to it, to just let her be.
He has also told her that it's not her place to but in, so he is on my side when it's about her.
But I think he doesn't wanna say much about it anymore, as their relationship only started to get better too in these past months.

Where as I feel, something needs to be done, and I want her to know, that the way she talks to me is really hurtfull, and that she makes me feel like crap all the time.

But I'm afraid if I wanna say something about it, she'll get mad, and then he is in the middle of it and will just make things worse.

I don't think it goes as far as dispising me, but we are just very different people.
I care for other people's feelings when doing something. They mainly don't.
Nothing wrong with saying how it is, I guess ... but they all know about my problems, and they don't understand that I'm already broken very much, and it's just harder with people who don't really care for other people's feelings.

I've never had to deal much with family / moms before.
My first ex's mom treated her 30-year old like a little baby, so I kind of cut off all contact with her after I had a "fight" with her (I basicly told her in a very nice way that he is a grown man, who doesn't need to be checked up on by his mother, and she went CRAZY on me. Example: when we would go to the movies, he would have to let his mom know the car wouldn't be in the garage before 10pm or so, they had a 2nd garage for his car they lived 500 meters down the road, if he didn't let her know, she would call all evening asking where he is and why the car isn't in the garage yet), which was totally fine with me.
The 2nd one hadn't seen his mom or brother in over 5 years when we met, and I've never met them eather, so no problem there.

And now this.

Is this the typical-mother-in-law-stuff??
I sometimes feel I'm in high school again, being bullied.

I'm not one of those people who gets stronger by all these insults and remarks.
It makes me weaker and weaker, where I just wanna crawl into a little ball in the corner and don't do anything at all (which is what happens most times really).

His mom isn't really love-life related I guess, but I ain't opening a new thread for that, lol.

[Utora]

You need to take these external things, (his friends, his mother) and remove them mentally from the equation. If what is left without these things, is salvageable to you, then I advise you fight for it. However, you have to ignore these external things. If these external things weigh so greatly, then you have to fight, or demand he fights. Otherwise you are optionally staying, by your choice, in the dysfunction.

Sometimes standing up for yourself doesn't require brute strength and anger. Sometimes it can be simply stated. It can be an establishment of boundaries. There can be consequence. You lay the law and peacefully uphold it. If its not respected as it should be, enforce consequence. Consequence doesn't have to be completely severing the relationship. It can be removing yourself for 30 days to think, or retracting to your own personal space, etc. You need to set up a system that works. If even in this there is no benefit ...you really..really gotta ask yourself..what do you love more? Being mistreated, or treating yourself properly? You have to stand up for yourself

I spent 3 years with a man and made personal sacrifices, even of my better character, to be with him thinking it'd create some ideal relationship. I was also afraid of standing up for myself and embracing the pain of isolation, of being the "bad guy" and being the one to leave and see this person I bonded with, if even just a little, be hurt by my decision. It was not easy. Finally it came to a climax and I laid the law.
His mother locks me in the basement (which does have a walkout door) whenever she would leave the home. She accused me of stealing and other false things. He never valued me enough to stand up for me. Mind you, I communicated. I'll take the pride in myself of knowing I am very articulate and very communicative with people, especially my partner. He told me three times, the locked door is not a big deal.
You know, if you poke someone very hard and they don't mind it, but you poke another and to them it's excruciating....what should you do? Respect the person who is hurting and stop. Regardless if the door being locked did not phase him, he should have regarded me, the woman that would stand by him forever, have his children and defend his honor, and tell his mother to back off. This is only one of the many issues we had. I would often ignore it honestly. She's paranoid and sees me, someone she would have a great relationship with, as a threat. That's fine, and funny even. I disliked how she bossed me boyfriend around and did not value him as the young, hard working man he was. One day, I told her off. I asked her to kindly shut up and fill her own car with gas because he needs rest after working so hard to provide them with the money and utilities they possess. Se was stunned and disappeared. Good. I have spoken.

:haha:

I'm not so harsh, but obviously the drama needed some clear insight front my part.
Regardless.
As of two weeks or more so, I told him that it was time we parted. He of course, put it all on me. That hurt also. The fact is I no longer could visualize or accept the prospect of being married to him, or sharing a mortgage on a home. Wen this dawned on me, I immediately changed my relationship with him. I did not shut him out either; he's not a threat. I told him if he wants to share time as friends, this is fine. It has stipulations. Also we share a car, the Audi which technically is mine but he has the second Audi and repairs it, which he owes me after wrecking my Nissan and leaving me with a 1700$ bill. He knows this. He's pretty humble about it actually...I didn't know what to expect. Thing is, he IS is denial. He'll have to manage that.

While I have only had about 3 weeks from him, my heart is pretty stable and calm. I may have detached quite some time ago.

In the past week, or maybe two weeks, Lweek and I have been talking and have fallen in love.
I am amazed. Everything I have searched for in a man, is in Lweek.
His heart and his mind are aligned correctly. I am overwhelmed. I hesitated naturally, because it is a little soon. Yet, I feel peaceful inside about this, and I know he does also. I know Lweek has had more time without being involved in someone, but the feeling is mutual. I am so amazed I am still a little shocked. In a week he has initiated real plans for us. It is a long distance relationship, but we have settled plans to meet in London, soon. I am so excited but also so at peace, I cannot explain the true feeling...it's something you have to know yourself. As soon as we video chatted together I was so sure of everything we had discussed. I am so happy!

I am so focused on our plans, all my stresses and mental exhaustion over 3 years of crap is over. I am free, and I am free and in love with Lweek. I am not irritable anymore, my disturbing dreams have passed....I just really know inside this is right. I am so thankful for having the opportunity to meet him, and the funny part is it is thanks to Leahalalela, and his initiating the first conversation. :lol:

[Sharifu]

Ah, possibly another Lea couple... :p I hope it works out for both of you. Don't let others tell you long distance relationships never work... ;) When are you planning to go to London? That's exciting.

[Sombolia]

Aw, how cute. I hope things work out for you guys :D

I feel like the only one who's never dated anyone on here sometimes. Who wants to make out :kiss:

[King Simba]

Yep, that's Lea... part of the Lion King fandom, but also like a dating site. :lol:

I hope things work out for you and Lweek, Mufasa. I wish you guys all the best in your relationship. :)

Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.

[KanuTGL]

Aww, that's so sweet! :) I hope all goes well for your meeting in London, and if there's any place that will tell you that long distance relationships can and do work, it's here! :lol:


Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.
There's no way it's been four years since you and Leor got together! Whaat :lol: Geez, it's scary how time flies :p

[Sharifu]

There's no way it's been four years since you and Leor got together! Whaat :lol: Geez, it's scary how time flies :p

Haha, I know... It seems just like yesterday... :p

[Lweek]

:embarassed:

It is very funny story. A relationship that has started by an insult :D After break up with my ex I was lonely and in bad mood for very long time. I acted weird. Insulting people but I usually realized that too late. It happened in this story too. I insulted her and then I felt sorry so I wrote her but she wasn't mad or anything, she was actually very kind and nice. I was amazed! We has been talking a lot and we found we have a lot things in common. Then I noticed I don't feel to be depressed that much and that I'm very stunned by her personality. I didn't want to hurry things up, but it all happened so fast and I personally believe it has to be that way. I think it is our destiny. ;)

When we had our first video call I was little bit nervous about my english but I understood her absolutely everything. It was like second nature and I also love her voice ♥ Well, I love everything about her, she is a wonderful woman and the one I want to be with! I love her so much! :rawr:

London is going to be my and later hopefully her home for few years and our first date site. You know, there is nothing more romantic than first date in London or such vibrating place. I was so hype about going to London and I'm so much more hype about it now. :D I'm really looking forward to it. :)

[Leorgathar]

Guys, I have to say these news took me by surprise, and in a way that made me feel much better in a heavy and stressing day :) I'm very happy for you both, and you have my best wishes for your future as a couple :D
I can agree with Lweek about a romantic first date in London, KS and I had it, and it was a very special trip for us :love: So yeah, go for it, you won't regret it ;)


Wow, this brings back memories of when Leor and I first started out in our relationship, almost 4 years ago now. How time flies.

Oh yes indeed, hard to believe it's been that long! Do you remember our announcement post? what a happy time it was ^^ I bet you're feeling just the same, Lweek and Mufasa, you have so many good days ahead ;)

[Utora]

The long distance does not worry me at all; I'm sure it will be a real test of patience but I am excited by the adventure required to fufill the relationship.

I am still so excited. Just by reading Lweek's post, I'm going, WOW. :embarassed:
:lol: I've never been talked about or talked to this way...I am so thankful to have found him and soon have the opportunity to meet him in London.

Now all my focues are for saving and planning.

You know, that post you made Lweek, I never even saw as an insult; maybe I'm naive or maybe I just knew you meant well LOL. I think it takes a bit more to have me over anyways.

Thank you everyone for the best wishes. I really feel inside there will be a life long committment shared between us.

:love:

[Lweek]

I'm very happy you didn't see it as an insult Mufasa. :embarassed: It wasn't an insult indeed but it was written so bad way it might sound as an insult. But I've met you thanks to it then I'm very happy it happened. :cheese:

I see it same way. This relationship would be not easy but it would be fun and an adventure. Everything but no routine and that is what makes us feel we are actually alive I think. :thinks:

I'm connecting to my beloved Mufasa with thanks for your best wishes. I think this relationship is karmic one. Dunno why but I believe it. I trust we both know what we want and what to do to make us both happy. I cross my fingers and I promise to give this relationship the best from myself. I love you Mufasa! :love:

[Sharifu]

When are you going to meet in London? So exciting. :D

[Utora]

I only know towards end of May, Lweek is headed to London. From there it's up to him getting situated, established and making the plans - as far as I'm aware. :cheese:

[Sombolia]

How exciting! Be sure to take plenty of pictures!! :p

[Lweek]

Yup I'll move by end of may or start of june - depends on work. Then it would be better If I'll get settle down. I believe we can meet by end of june or in july. There is plenty of time to make plan :)

Sombolia: you are such a peeping tom :D Allright, I'm sure we'll take some pictures. ;)

[shadowland]

got engaged haha

[Simbaspirit]

Really?!?! Whose the lucky one? I'm so happy for you :D

[Azerane]

Wow, congrats shadowland :D And hope everything goes well for you two Mufasa and Lweek, really best wishes for your plans.

[Sombolia]

Yes, I am :p

Wow, awesome news Shadowlands! Congratulations! :D

[Lion King Stu]

Sadly my love life is still at nothing...why no one love the Twi! :o

[shadowland]

Really?!?! Whose the lucky one? I'm so happy for you :D


Wow, congrats shadowland :D And hope everything goes well for you two Mufasa and Lweek, really best wishes for your plans.


Yes, I am :p

Wow, awesome news Shadowlands! Congratulations! :D

Bryony :p <3 yes she has an account here, just doesn't visit anymore :hmm: