The Love Life Thread [Archive] - Page 2 - Lea Halalela Lion King Forum

Utora

December 29th, 2013, 04:12 AM

And what comes to problems in relationships... Hard hard stuff to talk about really, but better get them sorted before they turn into an avalanche.

Couldn't have said it better myself. :cheese:

I think communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and taking into account that if you feel a certain way, and even if this feeling is so strong - it is very likely the other person has no idea until you say something...sometimes when it's obvious to you, it's obscure to them.

If you go through the worst with someone and come back and agree to try again, it's actually like..in my mind, taking a once weak metal, boiling it down and forging it into a stronger one - one that can be tested more and strike through a lot of things faster and still stay intact.

The only hard part is being patient, what's for me I mean. There was a lot of bad things that happened in my longest relationship - it evolved into stubbornness, passive aggressive behavior and how to get the other back, more so on the other persons end but i had my ways of retaliating :lol:

Well certainly enough this avalanche that Sadiki mentions is extremely real, and equally as powerful with destruction.
It tore me apart and I ended up doing things I never thought I would find myself doing until I came to the bottom.

I won't go into detail, but me and the guy I started dating 3 years ago worked through it. We both hurt each other, but we both still held onto each other which indicated to me we love each other but there are pieces missing..so we quarrel too much.

We're not where we use to be, and it eats at me a lot. The key now is patience in earning each other's trust. I don't trust like before now. I'm always speculating in my free time, and I was never this way. I dislike it. It's like I have to meditate over and over to be at peace ...and lately that is fading. Patience. I'm not a patient lion - at all...so it makes me more hostile sometimes when it falls through which is another lesson; gentleness and honesty heal wounds faster than impatience and coldness.

I did find though, what is odd, is not only do people blame themselves in these situations but they blame the other person usually. The entire act of blaming is taking a step backwards. I realized both of us made the same mistake, and we're both accountable. Now, the only thing relevant is learning from it and being honest...

if the other person can not forgive, then there will never be growth and restoration and it has to be let go of.
Thankfully, that's not what is happening here. But a guy I dated years ago - that's exactly what happened over as something as small as a verbal conflict. Gotta watch out.

Azerane

December 29th, 2013, 07:38 AM

You're definitely right about the ease with which small problems can become large ones. I don't intend to let that happen. I got a concerned but positive response from Pat, so that was nice. :) Yay progress, even if we haven't had time to discuss it in detail yet.

nathalie

December 29th, 2013, 07:48 AM

Don't even get me started on those :p

Glad I'm not the only one.
I did nothing to her... :(

Azerane

December 29th, 2013, 09:20 AM

Glad I'm not the only one.
I did nothing to her... :(

You are far from the only one. Pat's mum has screamed right in my face before and made me cry. Then she yelled at me for crying :\ Wasn't a very fun day. :lol: A friend of mine, her mother-in-law used to come to their house for dinner, but refuse to eat the food she made and bring take-away food instead. It was very hurtful and rude to her. I think with things like that, you know they're being unreasonably mean or hurtful, so you just kind of have to brush it off and keep pushing past it and not let them push you around. It's hard, but worth it in the end I think :)

nathalie

December 29th, 2013, 09:32 AM

I feel like I'm in school again, you know ... being bullied by a 53-year old woman o_O

Not sure why it would be worth it in the end, she hates me, and some things happened in the past month which didn't make her like me more, lol.
She needs to but out of my life, and interfere with her own.
And well, not having a job and all isn't helping.

Why on earth would she scream in your face :s
What has happened to being reasanable and talking in a normal manner towards people *sigh*.

Omg, coming around at dinner time and bringing your own food ...
I think that would tick my last nerve, I would put her and her baggy of take-out out of the door and lock it!

Why on earth would you do something like that?
Is it really a mother-son syndrome kind of thing? I find it very hard to believe that in my case, his mom can't let him go, haha.

Azerane

February 3rd, 2014, 12:30 PM

Hey guys. Just umm... hoping you could send some good vibes and things my way. Pat and I aren't doing very well right now, and I'm honestly not sure we're going to make it through the month.

Not keen to get into details right now, just really need some support. We both want it to work, I'm just not so sure that it can.

nathalie

February 3rd, 2014, 03:17 PM

I'm sorry Rebecca :(

Hope you guys can work things out, you've come so far already!

I'm not the right person to give advice on this subject, but if you just feel like talking, you know where to find me.

KanuTGL

February 3rd, 2014, 03:40 PM

Aww :( I'm really sorry to hear that. You guys have been through so much together; I hope you will be able to work this out too!

I second Nathalie; I'm not great at giving advice in these situations, but I'm here if you want to talk. Keeping you guys in my thoughts :hugs:

Sharifu

February 4th, 2014, 02:46 AM

Oh Bec, I am so sorry to hear this. You and Pat have been through so much together... If you would like to talk more about it, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice. :hugs:

Azerane

February 4th, 2014, 06:45 AM

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it :hugs:

Kasei

February 5th, 2014, 03:56 AM

Ack, oh no, really sorry to hear about this. Sending prayers and thoughts your way, I hope you guys are able to figure out a positive outcome. <3 At least you both want things to work, that's always better than it being a one-sided situation. Hoping for the best for you.

Namazzi

February 5th, 2014, 09:42 AM

Love life.. ack. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years and last Wednesday he decided to leave me. When the day before he was saying how he wanted to be with me forever. It was really just unexpected and I've been taking it pretty hard. More so because I don't really have friends, so I've been sitting here alone letting it eat me up. lol. He's been pretty clear that he doesn't want me back, and I'm trying really hard to accept it... He seems pretty over it now too, while I'm still feeling the same devastating feeling I was the day it happened. Go figure.

Azerane, I'm sorry to hear. I hope you guys can work it out :hugs:

Azerane

February 5th, 2014, 10:12 AM

Thanks Kasei :hugs:

Love life.. ack. I was with my boyfriend for over 3 years and last Wednesday he decided to leave me. When the day before he was saying how he wanted to be with me forever. It was really just unexpected and I've been taking it pretty hard. More so because I don't really have friends, so I've been sitting here alone letting it eat me up. lol. He's been pretty clear that he doesn't want me back, and I'm trying really hard to accept it... He seems pretty over it now too, while I'm still feeling the same devastating feeling I was the day it happened. Go figure.

Azerane, I'm sorry to hear. I hope you guys can work it out :hugs:

I'm so sorry to hear that? Did he give you a reason? It sounds like he must have been pretty emotionally disconnected for a while if he was so abrupt and sure. That's so awful for it to be so unexpected. :hugs: Also thanks for the support. If you need anybody to talk to as well, I'm here if you want to talk anytime. Doesn't even have to be about what happened, even if you just want to talk about random stuff to get your mind off of it.

Namazzi

February 5th, 2014, 10:39 AM

He gave a long list of reasons. All of which could have been fixed. But he didn't give me the chance. lol. It's been long distance, so that hasn't helped much. I visited and stayed with him for 2 weeks just a couple months back (I did as often as possible), and it all seemed well. We had a great time. When I left he assured me it was awesome and that he wanted me to move there with him. Which is what we've been working on for a couple of years. We were mainly waiting for him to finish school and stuff.
He said I complain too much and drag him down. But I also have it pretty bad here at home with my parents. And I admit I complain about it a lot, but I always just thought it was me confiding in him and expecting back a loving "it'll be ok" .. lol. I think the one thing he wanted me to fix that I really can't is that I have a pretty bad social anxiety. Cant really socialize with people in person very well until I know them. And getting a job because of it is pretty impossible. He wanted me to just jump into big groups of people I dont know and have normal conversations with them and I just cant. :(
He was pretty disconnected the last few weeks. His best friend had moved back to town after a couple years of being gone, so I just thought that was why. I asked him every once in a while if he could take the time to play a game with me or something (we played a ton of games online together XD) and when he did, he would just end up in bed being depressed rather than doing anything with me. So.. I guess it was probably coming. I just never expected him to leave.
And thanks. Being able to talk to anyone about anything helps. XD

Azerane

February 5th, 2014, 10:47 AM

Aww, that sucks. I understand the feeling of being forced into situations that you're uncomfortable with. It's hard to find a balance of being there for that person, and giving yourself the space you need to be happy and not uncomfortable.

Also, I think long-distance makes every problem harder, as communication and interaction is so restricted.

Hang in there :) I'm trying to :p

Azerane

February 12th, 2014, 04:07 AM

nathalie

February 12th, 2014, 08:19 AM

That's good to hear!

Kasei

February 12th, 2014, 11:25 AM

Really glad to hear that Azerane, been thinking of you--hoping that you will both be able to rise to meet the challenges that relationships bring now and in the future. <3

KanuTGL

February 12th, 2014, 08:29 PM

^ What she said :P

I'm real glad to hear that, Azzy :)

Sharifu

February 13th, 2014, 04:48 AM

Thanks again guys. We've pushed past the toughest stuff and have worked it out to an extent. It will be something that crops up again in the future, but I feel like tackling the issue now, will make for a smoother transition later.

:)

I'm glad to hear that. I have been thinking about you two as well and hoping things were getting better.

Nit

April 27th, 2014, 12:10 PM

So yesterday me and my boyfriend were celebrating our first anniversary. :D
The weather was great the entire week. Until yesterday.
It was heavy raining THE ENTIRE DAY. And of course today the weather is back to normal.
Well, I guess God really hate gays. XD

Despite rain it was a fantastic day. ;) We went to the cinema (to see The Grand Budapest Hotel) and pizza after. :3

Lweek

May 4th, 2014, 04:45 PM

KanuTGL

May 18th, 2014, 10:27 AM

Well... I expect that this will be unexpected to a lot of you.

But... there's no easy way of saying it. Adam and I have decided to split up.

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been on a "break", to think things over - really think things over - and we both arrived at the same conclusion. The last couple of years have changed a lot of things in both of our lives; I've started a whole new, wonderful life in Norrköping attending this amazing University and Adam has gotten a manager's job, loves reigning over his own shop and is doing really great where he is. We both have bright futures ahead and we're both happy with what we have. But, the thing is, that they are two separate futures. The way we are headed, our paths won't converge any more. And recently we both kind of realised that...

We've spent some time giving each other some space and after the hours and hours of thinking we did, we arrived at the same conclusion.

It's easy to say that "Love will find a way! All you need is love! As long as you're together, everything will be okay!", but this is the real world. In the real world, you need more than a companion - you need to be happy with yourself, what you are doing and where you are headed. We felt that there was a significant, very real, risk that the one who has to move might not be happy with everything. While I lived in the UK, I loved being with Adam. I loved the little life we had there together. But I didn't love my situation. I wasn't happy with the town, I wasn't happy with my social life and I was very unhappy with my job. I was very homesick and I missed my family and my friends terribly. And I didn't even have to deal with the language barrier. I wouldn't want Adam to have to go through all of that, to have me be the one to put him through all that, because I want him to be happy. If him being happy means him being away from me, then that is the way it has to be. Of course, one could argue, there is a chance of a magnificent reward at the end of it if we did manage to make things work and everything did turn out well. But that would be immensely, immensely difficult to achieve; so difficult that it is hard to even imagine. So if we were to try and pull it off, we would have to absolutely, 100% believe in it and be committed like nothing else. But neither of us truly wants to break from their world... as neither of us should.

Regardless of anything, we still had seven amazing years together. We had the best of times. The best. Whatever happens, we'll always have those memories and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

No one knows what the future might bring, but we felt that right here, right now, this is the right thing to do. For both of us.

So understand that this was a mutual decision. While not easy, we did this like we have done everything else all through these years... we did it together. And if it had to end, I'm glad it ended this way.

nathalie

May 18th, 2014, 10:33 AM

Oh no, I would have never expected this :(

Was there no way both could be doing what you are doing now (after you finish school) in eather of the countries you live?
You not being happy with the job you had, nothing stops you from looking for another job.
(not trying to be mean, but usually there are solutions for every problem ... but then again, reading your post, that still may have not made a difference).

A lot can happen in the future, and you both made it so far together already.

Sorry if I said something wrong in my post, really don't mean to, it just came into my mind like that, trying to find a solution, hehe.

:hugs:

This Land

May 18th, 2014, 11:10 AM

This is hard for both of us so if there was a way to make this work, we would of thought of something. I'm sorry if this is a shock to everyone, and apologies in advance that this post from me is short, I'm not good typing things up like this so agreed together it best for Kanu to explain it for both of us.

it's a terrible loss for both of us as we both think of each other very much. ...I can't think of much else to say without repeating Kanu.

I'm at work at the moment so I need to go, I just wanted come in and say my bit.

thanks in advance for everyone's understanding, *hugs all*

nathalie

May 18th, 2014, 11:13 AM

Yeah, I'm sorry, not trying to meddle, was just a quick reaction to the "news".

Azerane

May 18th, 2014, 11:16 AM

Love is so ... complicated. I'm over 30 and I feel I should be thinking about settle down and make my own family. But it is not that easy as it seemed years ago. It is not about make decision. I'm decided so but ... . When I was 18 my only expectation from GF was that she is girl and she loves me. Now it is a long list of pros and cons that bother me. I think I'm scared make a wrong step because this time it could be more painful than I could stand. My previous long term relationship was almost ideal and failed anyway. I'm maybe too sensitive and naive like a child but that's me. I'm open minded to everything but lies and betrayal. Being betrayed by most beloved one is unbelievably painful. Affects my inner peace and trust in people for years. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I'm closing my eyes and trying imagine it is not true, that it was just a bad dream. After a while I have to open my eyes again and understand it really happened ... yet another day in my shadowland.

It is tough Lweek, no doubt about it. People can be very critical, no matter how much you love them. Just hang in there :)

Kanu... I'm very sorry to hear about you and Adam. Having said that however, if you both feel it's the right decision, then I'm glad you've been able to make it. I had honestly been worried about the two of you after this post you made recently:
I'm also, apparently, going to sort out some possibly life-changing thoughts that have been niggling on my mind for the last few months. Oh, boy. More on that later I suppose, depending on the outcome... ...but I didn't think it was my place to ask, still I've thought of you guys a lot recently because of it. I can't imagine the thoughts and feelings that must be running through both of your minds, but as I said before, if you feel it's the right decision, I support you guys in it and am here for either of you if you need to talk on it, or even on something random.

Hugs to you both :hugs:

Edit: As a side note, I understand the desire to follow your life goals and what you're working towards. I finished Uni 5 years ago, but I've never actually pursued what I want to do, because if I had, it would have gotten in the way of my relationship with Pat. It was a hard thing to do, for both of us, to put our own goals aside like that, but we decided that it was ok for us. It's only now that we've actually got a solid plan, that I'm more involved in the things that I want to be involved in, because I feel I can invest in the time in them without jeopardising our relationship. I feel in some ways that I've missed out on certain things life goal/career wise, but in the end it was the right decision for us. If neither of you was going to be happy in the other place or not doing what you were doing, I can certainly understand your decision, and to be honest, I admire you're honesty about being able to decide that it's not working because of it.

Revo

May 18th, 2014, 09:32 PM

Sorry to hear about your break-up Kanu and TL. Although the break-up itself might feel bad, I'm sure you wouldn't have come to that conclusion if you didn't really think it was the best option for you guys in the long run. So you can rest easy knowing you did the best decision you could with the information you have now and the expected future you have ahead of you. I can't really say if that encapsulates the situation for you, as I have never been through a break-up (not to even mention the length of time you guys were together), but those are the words that came to my mind. I hope you find solace and new opportunities from now on.

Sharifu

May 19th, 2014, 12:57 AM

Anna, I am sorry to hear this. Although this comes as a bit of a shock, I do feel this was not entirely unexpected for me. Not that I feel your relationship wasn't strong, I could tell you both love each other very much. But I have often wondered which one of you would be the one to end up moving. I knew Adam loved his job, and has worked there for a very long time, moving up in the company, so him moving didn't seem like that was going to be possible. And you're right, you didn't seem very happy living in England. (Other then the fact that you and Adam lived together) I'm not sure what you are studying at your University, wasn't it graphic design, or web site design? Were you hoping to be able to get a job like that in England after you graduated? Or are you just sure you would never be happy living in England even if you get a job in the degree you studied for? I am not trying to judge you, just trying to understand. You said you missed your friends and family terribly when you were living in England, but aren't you away from your friends and family even now, in Norrköping? I believe you once told me that Norrköping was at least a five hour drive from where your parents live. Although, yes I know you could have many made new friends in your University now.

I am kind of sad to hear of this news, but I know it's understandable. I really do think I would have a hard time moving to Finland if I was the one who ended up moving. Heck, I feel I am having a hard time living in San Francisco now, and I didn't have any friends in Medford really, and the only family I have there now is my mom and her dog Bella. But I think there is a lot more to it then that of why I am feeling this way. I am starting to wonder if a career in animation is for me anymore, and that is kind of hard for me to come to realize, for that has been my dream job all my adult life, and I am not sure what else I would want to do career wise. I hated my job I had here in San Francisco. And even though I didn't love my job in Medford, I was fairly happy working there. I knew how to do my job well and everyone I worked with was so nice, funny, and caring. I feel they treated with me with respect and really valued me. But when I transferred to that store here in San Francisco, some people were nice, but some were so hard to deal with, they made me feel so small, and that I deserved no respect. (There are more reasons I was unhappy at that job, but I wont really get into that, that seems a little off topic, you can read more about that in the "The Community Advice Thread" if you want) Now that I quit that job, I'm looking for another, but no luck yet in getting a new job yet. But even though Petteri has a job, we are losing money every month, so we might have to move back to Medford in a couple months if I don't get a job soon. But I might be able to get my animation certificate at least, since I have taken many animation classes at that college years ago and my animation professor said that they still might apply after this many years, I am going to talk to him about this issue soon, since I don't really know what classes (if any) I will be taking after June.

You know I am really getting off topic now heh, I guess I am saying I understand how you feel about missing your family. I feel kind of selfish complaining about missing my mom and Bella, and the life we had in Medford, Petteri has a bigger family then I do, and many friends. He moved away from all them, to live with me. He moved half way across the world and only gets to see his family, once a year, at most. (And that is only because his family has came to the U.S. to visit us, Petteri couldn't afford to go to Finland but one time in the over 3 years he has lived in the U.S.) And I feel like I am having such a hard time adjusting here in San Francisco, and I am only a 6 hour car drive away from my mom, and it would only cost $60 to $80 round trip in gas money to drive up there to visit her. Petteri on the other hand, has to be pay over a $1000 for a flight ticket and travel for over 20 hours, just one way...

Anyways... I understand that both of you don't really want to leave your country and the life you made there, and that makes it hard. If either one of you want to talk, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice, if you want to do that. I know I didn't split up with Petteri so I can't really fully understand. But I know life really is full of hard choices... I am really glad though that this was mutual decision, and that you two ended it on good terms. You are both good friends of mine, and I wish you both the best in life. :hugs:

KanuTGL

May 22nd, 2014, 07:39 PM

Thanks for understanding, everyone :hugs:

I'll try to clarify some things.

I'm not sure what you are studying at your University, wasn't it graphic design, or web site design? Were you hoping to be able to get a job like that in England after you graduated? Or are you just sure you would never be happy living in England even if you get a job in the degree you studied for? I am not trying to judge you, just trying to understand. You said you missed your friends and family terribly when you were living in England, but aren't you away from your friends and family even now, in Norrköping? I believe you once told me that Norrköping was at least a five hour drive from where your parents live. Although, yes I know you could have many made new friends in your University now.

After I had my stay in the UK and came back to Sweden I realised just how much I love it here and me moving back to the UK hasn't been an option for the last 2½ years. For a while I thought that "sure, I could move", but after I tried it I knew that it wasn't for me. There are too many things I love about my own country and I don't want to leave all that behind. And yes, I'm living 4 - 5 hours away from my parents right now, but that is a huge difference compared to being a 12-hour journey apart and be in a different country. It's a lot easier to hop on a train and visit them than it is to get on a plane, hehe. My grandparents on both my mum's and my dad's side also live only 1 hour away from me now, so I have a lot of relatives in the area. And yes, I've made a lot of great friends at the University in the time I've been here and I wouldn't want to lose them either. I'm feeling that this is the life for me, just like, I imagine, Adam knows that the direction he's headed in is right for him too. So, indeed, it was a very difficult decision to make, but now that the dust is starting to settle I really feel that it was the right one, for both of our sakes.

I am starting to wonder if a career in animation is for me anymore, and that is kind of hard for me to come to realize, for that has been my dream job all my adult life, and I am not sure what else I would want to do career wise. I hated my job I had here in San Francisco. And even though I didn't love my job in Medford, I was fairly happy working there. I knew how to do my job well and everyone I worked with was so nice, funny, and caring. I feel they treated with me with respect and really valued me. But when I transferred to that store here in San Francisco, some people were nice, but some were so hard to deal with, they made me feel so small, and that I deserved no respect. (There are more reasons I was unhappy at that job, but I wont really get into that, that seems a little off topic, you can read more about that in the "The Community Advice Thread" if you want) Now that I quit that job, I'm looking for another, but no luck yet in getting a new job yet. But even though Petteri has a job, we are losing money every month, so we might have to move back to Medford in a couple months if I don't get a job soon. But I might be able to get my animation certificate at least, since I have taken many animation classes at that college years ago and my animation professor said that they still might apply after this many years, I am going to talk to him about this issue soon, since I don't really know what classes (if any) I will be taking after June.
I'm sorry to hear that :/ That must be hard to come to terms with too. You can PM me if you'd like to talk more about it?

Anyways... I understand that both of you don't really want to leave your country and the life you made there, and that makes it hard. If either one of you want to talk, I am always willing to listen and try to offer advice, if you want to do that. I know I didn't split up with Petteri so I can't really fully understand. But I know life really is full of hard choices... I am really glad though that this was mutual decision, and that you two ended it on good terms. You are both good friends of mine, and I wish you both the best in life. :hugs:
Thanks again :hugs:

Sadiki

May 22nd, 2014, 09:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you guys in the end, but I'm glad you both could see eye to eye with the issue and at least can be still friends after. I did have to battle with some of the same kind of thoughts before I moved as I know in Finland it would be a lot easier for me to get a degree and probably establish better quality of life than it is over here, but at the same time I knew anything I will ever want to do I can do here. It will take a little more effort, but it's doable. And world is so well connected right now that for me to keep connection to everyone I know in Finland is rather simple with Skype, Facebook and email available. I do feel a bit bad thought that both me and my sister moved out of the country as My sister and her family moved to China just 2 years after I moved meaning only one of my siblings are my Brother ( well actually half brother as we have different father, but I always call him my brother as I always lived with him in the same house hold) and my half sister. So both my parents only have one child around which must be difficult. But this is just my setup, every life is different, so as said I'm sure if you thought there was a way to make it work, you would of done it. Unfortunately that is the case in long distance relationship, being the distance just half a day's drive or across the world, you will always have to make sacrifices to be together and in some cases those sacrifices are too great. After all it's not worth it if you can't be happy, it would most likely just ultimately end up braking you apart anyways and in that situation you wouldn't be able to be friends afterwards most likely.

Sharifu

May 22nd, 2014, 09:27 PM

After I had my stay in the UK and came back to Sweden I realised just how much I love it here and me moving back to the UK hasn't been an option for the last 2½ years. For a while I thought that "sure, I could move", but after I tried it I knew that it wasn't for me. There are too many things I love about my own country and I don't want to leave all that behind. And yes, I'm living 4 - 5 hours away from my parents right now, but that is a huge difference compared to being a 12-hour journey apart and be in a different country. It's a lot easier to hop on a train and visit them than it is to get on a plane, hehe. My grandparents on both my mum's and my dad's side also live only 1 hour away from me now, so I have a lot of relatives in the area. And yes, I've made a lot of great friends at the University in the time I've been here and I wouldn't want to lose them either. I'm feeling that this is the life for me, just like, I imagine, Adam knows that the direction he's headed in is right for him too. So, indeed, it was a very difficult decision to make, but now that the dust is starting to settle I really feel that it was the right one, for both of our sakes.

Fair enough, I understand that. I do feel I would have a hard time living in Finland if I was the one to move. I'm not saying I am not willing to do what Petteri did for me, but I do feel I would have a harder time dealing with it. I think it is mainly the language barrier and I felt like no one in Finland wanted to talk to me. (Besides a few people) And also, the weather, I don't really enjoy the weather there. Summers are nice, but winters are too cold. I guess I don't like dealing with snow for long periods of time. :p A little bit of snow is nice, for a short time, but I don't want it for months. :lol: There are nice things about living in Finland of course... But I guess it never felt like home to me.

I don't mind PMing you sometime about my concerns about a future in animation, but maybe another day, I really need to start on my homework which is due tomorrow. Then after class tomorrow I will be driving up to Oregon for the weekend. Looking forward to it, especially seeing that little doggie. <3

Leorgathar

June 9th, 2014, 12:36 AM

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about TL and Kanu splitting up. It certainly came as a shock to me, but I'm here to support you guys. I trust that your decision was a wise one in the end.

Having said that, now I have to break yet another piece of unexpected news here.

*Sigh* Tara and I broke up. :(

Out of respect I won't get into many details, not here at least, but I should clear up that this had nothing to do with TL and Kanu's situation. The circumstances and reasons were very different, so it's just a silly coincidence that both events happened within less than a month.
To say it in a few words, I just didn't feel happy with how we carried our relationship anymore. Having to deal with the distance, language barrier, and the uncertainity of our future was already hard enough, but the way we behaved towards each other in certain circumstances just kept adding to the mix over the years. We had quite a lot of intense moments, it really became a bigger problem every time, and I just couldn't take it any more.

I'm very sorry if this is disappointing to some, after giving the impression of being a perfectly happy couple with our travel pictures and such. The truth is that there's stuff that happened behind the scenes that I'd rather try to forget and not take the risk of repeating it. I do appreciate the good times we shared together and I'll remember them dearly, but the sad truth is that the rest of the story got to outgrow those good days, it was just too much to handle, and I certainly don't want to live like that forever.

As for what will happen from now on, only time will tell. I'm still naturally feeling depressed about having to get to this, but deep down I'm sure we needed this. We both need a fresh new take on our lives. I believe that eventually this will do us more good than harm, making us mature in mind for a better future. I don't see these past 4 years and 9 months as a waste, but more as some life experience we learned to make good use of it in the future.

I'll always keep hoping for the best for the two of us, wherever our separate ways take us.

nathalie

June 9th, 2014, 05:07 AM

What's going on these days? :(

So sorry this had to happen for you 2 aswell.
Little shocked aswell, seeing Tara's statusses on FB, don't think anyone saw it coming either.

In the end all 4 of you had amazing times with each other, and you all went on amazing journeys with each other. So it's great to see you say yourself that all those years weren't a waste.

I might not be the best person, but I do like to listen when someone needs to talk, so if anyone needs to, feel free to :)

:hugs:

King Simba

June 9th, 2014, 07:41 AM

You wouldn't have thought about this happening, would you? :(

But yes, it did, and that just proves that no matter how happy you seem one minute, things can fall apart the next.

That's all I have to say on the matter. Like Emilio, I'm feeling pretty heartbroken and depressed right now, as you can imagine.

KanuTGL

June 9th, 2014, 10:24 AM

Aw, man, I didn't expect this :( I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you guys, but I can understand. The distance, the language barrier and the future plans... it all sounds very familiar, hehe. It must've been a difficult decision to make, but I'm sure things will work out for the best for both of you in the end. Lots of hugs :hugs:

Guntur

June 9th, 2014, 10:58 AM

Sharifu

June 9th, 2014, 07:17 PM

Whaaaat? Ok, yeah this seems unexpected, especially so soon after Kanu and TL broke up even though I know it's not all for the same reasons. But also just because you two were just visiting each other. But yeah, I know that doesn't show everything of what is going on behind closed doors.

I'm a little sad to hear of both couples breaking up. I guess I just want to hear happy endings of finally living together after so many years of being apart in a long distance relationship. But this can happen to any couple, even after living together and being happy for many years. My parents are divorced, but they were happily married for the first 10 years of their marriage. So yeah, it can happen to anyone.

I sorry to hear this, but hopefully it was for the best in the end. I wish you both the best in your future. Like Nathalie said, I am always willing to listen and talk if you want a friend to talk to. :hugs:

Lweek

June 9th, 2014, 10:53 PM

Oh ... just oh. I'm sorry for this news. I don't like if people broke up. I wish that life can be easier .. more romantic and hopeful.

Sharifu

June 9th, 2014, 11:02 PM

Oh ... just oh. I'm sorry for this news. I don't like if people broke up. I wish that life can be easier .. more romantic and hopeful.

Well, here's some good news for you, just last month, on May 3, Petteri and I have been together for 9 years. :) But I didn't want to mention that at that time because, well for one we don't really celebrate on that anniversary date anymore, now that we have a wedding anniversary that is on a different date. But we do remember and think, "Hey, we have been together for this many years now!" when that date comes along. And I also didn't mention it last month because this thread at that time, mostly had news of relationships not going so well, so I didn't want to sound like I was bragging. (I know I am bringing it up now but it sounded like you wanted to hear some good news about this thread.) But it's weird to think next year it will be 10 years. Time sure flies. I feel old. :p I'm gonna turn 30 next year, OMG! :gasp: :lol:

ThiagoPE

June 10th, 2014, 04:51 AM

It is very sad for us see two relationships that begun in this website ending this way, but you know what is the best for your future and we need to respect your decision.

Sometimes we just need a "break" to think a best way to sustain that relationship or ending up finding it can't be sustained anymore.

I'm really sorry in hearing that but I really wish, in all your life's, you can make the choices that will make you a happy person.

Enviado de meu LT26i usando Tapatalk

Lweek

June 10th, 2014, 06:47 AM

Well, here's some good news for you, just last month, on May 3, Petteri and I have been together for 9 years. :) But I didn't want to mention that at that time because, well for one we don't really celebrate on that anniversary date anymore, now that we have a wedding anniversary that is on a different date. But we do remember and think, "Hey, we have been together for this many years now!" when that date comes along. And I also didn't mention it last month because this thread at that time, mostly had news of relationships not going so well, so I didn't want to sound like I was bragging. (I know I am bringing it up now but it sounded like you wanted to hear some good news about this thread.) But it's weird to think next year it will be 10 years. Time sure flies. I feel old. :p I'm gonna turn 30 next year, OMG! :gasp: :lol:

Congratulation! Those are truly better news. Oh well I'm 32 already. :P :) I should be settling down and have a family but I even have no gf :D

Azerane

June 10th, 2014, 07:21 AM

Aww, guys. Not sure what to say. Hugs to you both :hugs:

Congrats on the 9 years Sharifu and Sadiki :) On the 13th of this month it will be 8 years for Pat and I, since we first met. Which I'm now just realising is 3 days away, and I have done/thought of nothing. Oops :p

King Simba

June 10th, 2014, 07:35 AM

Thanks guys. :hugs: I really wanted it to work out, and it was going so well, but it just wasn't meant to be, I guess. :(

Congrats to you and Petteri on the 9 years though, Audra. It just proves that not all long distance relationships end this way. And to you too, Azerane. Congrats to you and Pat on the 8 years. :)

This Land

June 10th, 2014, 08:56 AM

*hugs Leor and Tara *

I've already spoke to you both privately so I won't repeat, both you know I'm here and always up to talk to you =3 I wish you both the very best :)

Congrats Audra and Petteri, and "in 3 days " congrats to Bec and Pat =D It does show that these relationships do work, I have not ever once questioned about these types of relationships, even after these couple of unfortunate times, if I was to find some I like a lot over long distance and the person felt the same, I wouldn't hesitate in doing it again. You guys have put the cherry on top of the cake and I'm sure you both are an inspiration to many, myself included. I wish you both all the best in your life together *hugs*

Guntur

June 10th, 2014, 10:33 AM

Well, here's some good news for you, just last month, on May 3, Petteri and I have been together for 9 years. :) But I didn't want to mention that at that time because, well for one we don't really celebrate on that anniversary date anymore, now that we have a wedding anniversary that is on a different date. But we do remember and think, "Hey, we have been together for this many years now!" when that date comes along. And I also didn't mention it last month because this thread at that time, mostly had news of relationships not going so well, so I didn't want to sound like I was bragging. (I know I am bringing it up now but it sounded like you wanted to hear some good news about this thread.) But it's weird to think next year it will be 10 years. Time sure flies. I feel old. :p I'm gonna turn 30 next year, OMG! :gasp: :lol:

Congratulations on the 9th year anniversary Audra. =) :hugs:

Me and Lweek is in the same situation, we both are old enough to have babies and getting married. :( ;) :idiot:

Azerane

June 10th, 2014, 11:13 AM

I'm old enough to have babies and get married too :p But I'm not married and I don't have babies! Also, I rather don't plan on having babies :lol:

cleargreenwater

June 10th, 2014, 11:52 AM

Wow, KS & Leor. I'm shocked, you guys seemed like you had it so worked out.

Well...I haven't been around as long as some of the members here to be as close to....well, the lot of you, Kanu & TL, Leor & KS...so maybe it doesn't mean much but for what it's worth, I think one of the suckiest things about dissolving a relationship is when one or the other has to give up friends along with. I don't know what happened and don't want to, you're all still my buddies though.

Good luck sifting through the pieces and recovering to all :(

Lweek

June 10th, 2014, 09:38 PM

Sharifu

June 10th, 2014, 11:56 PM

Coingrats on your 8 years, Bec and Pat. I am super excited for you that Pat is moving to Australia. (The plans are that he will move this year right?) :D

I'm old enough to have babies and get married too :p But I'm not married and I don't have babies! Also, I rather don't plan on having babies :lol:

Well I am married, but I am still undecided if I eventually want to have kids or not... First of all I think couples should be financially stable before they decide to start having a family, make sure that you can afford to provide a good life for your children. (Which we cannot right now, we don't even have our own place yet. We are renting a room while we finish college) And even if we were financially stable enough and had our own place right now, I am not ready for children yet. I still want my freedom. :lol:

Utora

June 11th, 2014, 01:12 PM

Wow, this is very shocking news (Leor and KS). I am sorry and hope you two find strength and happiness in days to come. I know this kind of pain; distance takes SO MUCH from a person.

& yes, Congrarts on the 9th Anniversary! I'd celebrate both. :lol:

Well I am married, but I am still undecided if I eventually want to have kids or not... First of all I think couples should be financially stable before they decide to start having a family, make sure that you can afford to provide a good life for your children. (Which we cannot right now, we don't even have our own place yet. We are renting a room while we finish college) And even if we were financially stable enough and had our own place right now, I am not ready for children yet. I still want my freedom

:relax:

You got it! I agree 150% on this. I mean, nobody is ever truly ready once they have kids, you learn so much on the go..so I cannot imagine being unprepared in regards to financial obligations and some future plannings. It would be harrowing. I think a good foundation is best so you can focus all energies on the baby, if anyone ever has one. Even prepared, there is hardship...so no need to invite more than neccesary from inadequate planning!

..on that note, I know I want my own cubs some day. :lol:

Simbaspirit

June 11th, 2014, 06:07 PM

I may or may not have bought clearance simba booties at the disney store even though I don't want kids for another few years.. :P I agree that kids should come at a time of financial stability. If it was up to my boyfriend we'd be married with kids by now but I really want to get the most out of life before settling down.

Leorgathar

June 11th, 2014, 06:36 PM

Thank you all for your support. I've talked with some people here and it has helped to some degree, but there's really nothing like talking to people who have been under something similar and understand much better our situation. I've already chatted with some of you, and I can't thank you enough :hugs:

Anyway, congrats to Audra and Petteri for their 9 years and Bec and Pat in advance for their 8 years :)

ThiagoPE

June 12th, 2014, 03:19 AM

I also want to congrat Audra, Petteri, Bec and Pat. I hope you all can stay together for many many many more years :)

Enviado de meu XT687 usando Tapatalk

Azerane

June 16th, 2014, 03:45 AM

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, especially from someone still in a relationship :p but my thoughts on break-ups have always been that if there really was an issue so troubling to one or both people, then despite the pain of the break-up, it is the right decision and ultimately the decision that will make both parties happier. I know it doesn't seem like that, especially if it's not a mutual thing. Two people apart, are better than a broken relationship. My parents stayed together for years (probably for the sake of us kids), but they were always short-tempered and grumpy with each other and it was hard to be around. I had always believed it to be because of my dad being away for work all the time and moving us around, but I had the wrong end of the stick on that one, only found out the real reason last year.

Also thanks everyone :)

Coingrats on your 8 years, Bec and Pat. I am super excited for you that Pat is moving to Australia. (The plans are that he will move this year right?) :D

Thanks so much Audra. It is exciting, though I think I'm still not properly feeling the excitement because we haven't submitted the VISA application yet. I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though. Otherwise, yes, depending on when we get everything submitted and how long the approval takes, he could be here before the end of the year or at the latest, early next year. :D

KanuTGL

June 16th, 2014, 01:42 PM

Thanks so much Audra. It is exciting, though I think I'm still not properly feeling the excitement because we haven't submitted the VISA application yet. I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though. Otherwise, yes, depending on when we get everything submitted and how long the approval takes, he could be here before the end of the year or at the latest, early next year. :D
Oh, wow! That is exciting! :D Here's hoping the application process will run smoothly for you both :)

Sharifu

June 17th, 2014, 08:20 PM

I just want it done already but Pat has to renew his passport first before we can do that. So I feel like I'm just sitting around and time is being wasted. Trying not to blame him or think about it though.

Did he at least start that? I know that can take 4-6 weeks to get a renewed passport.

I need to renew my passport with my married name, but I don't want to do that until I actually have plans to travel outside of the U.S. And I have no idea when that will be.

Azerane

June 18th, 2014, 04:14 AM

4 to 6 weeks! He told me it was far less than that. Damnit no, he hasn't started it yet. I keep asking but he keeps saying "I'll do it soon." I just want to get things moving.

Sharifu

June 18th, 2014, 06:30 AM

Well that's just the info I got off this website: http://travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/passports/renew.html

Looks like he can expedite it though, but I am sure that cost more money.

Azerane

June 18th, 2014, 08:18 AM

Eww, you're right. I suppose the time can be used to make sure we have all the other VISA stuff in order though.

Guntur

August 30th, 2014, 06:51 PM

Okay guys, I have this weird tale about my self and my love life.

Back on 2003, there's a new student in my high school, she is the same age as mine. For me without a doubt she's the sweetest girl I ever known in my life, till this day.

She was on my high school for a year and I didn't talk to her at all in the entire year over lack of confidence. On 2006, I was in the boot camp or National Service I saw a glimpse of her at the canteen hall. I asked her why is so familiar and such it turned out to be her twin, I mean Identical twins.

While I never saw her again, I'm quite close but ups and down friendship with her twin. It took a toll on 2006 and we never chat with each other again. But early this week I was a little weird about this facebook chat because there's a chat log on the message. It turns out to be her again and I apologize about my behavior and she does the same. It just weird that this kinda like a turned around in my life. But the real problem is I still fell into her despite all these 11 years. I'm so torn over it and I'm kinda restless about it as they both are married and have families. I feel that slowly but surely it would heal the wound.

Sharifu

August 30th, 2014, 09:30 PM

I'm not sure what to say about this. You're upset because both of these girls are married and have a family? Is it because you wish you would of talked to them more in the past? Tell them how you felt?

I'm sorry I don't have an suggestions to make you feel better. I have never been in a situation like that so I don't know what to suggest.

But I hope it will pass and you'll feel better about it soon.

Guntur

August 31st, 2014, 11:15 AM

I'm not upset about her getting married or have a family, although I wish that I could talked to Her in the past and tell her about everything.

it's cool that she contacted me again and want to befriend me. I tried million of time to approach her but this time she approach me and say hi to me personally.

what puzzled me or upset me that I still have feeling for her after all these years, the feeling never fade and I tried million times to bury the feeling and it doesn't work. With her approaching me again just give me a full nostalgic love feeling that I had in the past.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, right now I'm not making move and just wait for her to start the conversation. we had a good chat like yesterday talking about our personal life and such, one things that she changed into a better person, It might be the time for me to changed to a better person too. She, Inspires, Me. :)

cleargreenwater

August 31st, 2014, 01:53 PM

Inspiration is great and it's wonderful to have friends that do that, that inspire you to be a positive, forward-moving person, but she may very well suspect you still have feelings for her & be why she looked you up despite being married and having a family in the first place. Tread carefully and don't let anyone take you for a ride, be wary of the potential that she's filling holes in her own life and you would be the one with sorrow from it.

Utora

October 21st, 2014, 07:36 AM

:cs_sad_1: :cs_sad_3:

I'm not sure where to start. I'd like to keep it simple I think.
I've been with someone off and on for 4 to 5 years. I say off and on, though we've only had one or two major breaks in the situation.
First time, it was because while we had a falling out he promptly pursued someone else. He got back with me and was still with this person, while telling my own friends I was lazy, etc and they kept that secret from me. Yeah, so when I got back and discovered this I ended it.

I had to make a decision over the months. Forgive him and rebuild trust if I loved him and wanted us together, or move on. I gave him another chance. The hardest part was trust. Without trust, there's nothing between two people. I was shakey all the time. Things got better, and he even started to mature ....

Few months ago, the field he works in had many opportunies out west so he went. Stress started with this. There was no ETA for how long he'd be gone, so I lived in anxiety and uncertainty. He took a one day flight to see me and all this ridiculous stuff instead of communicating and planning. We would send texts and call, he has always says he has loved me, etc..but depth was lacking and in long distance there's extra care needed.
I was sure to be there for him but my needs were not met so much. Still I took it head on - started getting depressed ...losing track of myself, getting angry and irritable.

He asked if I would move out there with him. Thing is, of course I would ..I love him. We didn't really plan it though - there's no team aspect. It's like he goes and I follow. So it bothered me a little. He's making very, very good money. I never have cared agbout money. Sure it's nice, but I wanted quality time and phsycial affection most...My prime concern - he's a workaholic and status is so more important for him in many aspects. In our arguments he always says, "But I'm making money, we can get a house." ...I don't mind him working, being successful and working on plans but there's little care for our relationship...no effort put into it. I know this will never end. I told him there will always be money to be made, one more thing to buy. In an argument I asked why for so many months he works out there so much while I hurt out here, and he said "I have a life to live." That was hard to swallow. It wasn't about us...and he said it rather promptly. I always thought of us in all things..and he's been thinking of him first..it did explain a lot.

He's hot and then cold..I can never understand. He gets up and see I texted him a question and ignoresd it for many hours but he's available...I'm usually patient but, it's strange too.

Well...

yesterday I found he had a dating profile, active, in the city he is currently working. The stuff he wrote about himself angered me - it is not honest, and on top of that, his headline stated,

looking for a cute girl..

that was so hard to read, I almost passed out at work. I thought I was his cute girl. :cs_sorry:
I guess not....

I lost my mind, for all the anxiety and stress I've endured, running errands and keeping his situation established here..missing him like crazy.
He wrote that his last relationship was lasting him 3 years..and he was seeking a woman, for dating.

I thought I would die last night, my head hurt in the strangest way and my eyes burned..I hardly made it home and slept for whatever time I could before my next shift.
He knows I know. He tries to explain that he made it and never used it.

You know..I know that to be true but it's the coldness of that moment he made it, and put that crap in there...while I sat here thinking of him and waiting...waiting a long time.

He stated again he cares for me, loves me..sure he does..I don't think he loves the girls he messes with but, I don't think in his heart he sees what he does as wrong. Something is wrong with him. I don't want to believe this has happened. I told him that he's shallow, cold but has $10,000 while I hurt. I had $20 in my bank but believed he loved me so I thought I had everything...

I don't know what to do right now.
Yes, I'll live..I'll move on..but I cannot believe it. I cannot see it at all. I feel all sorts of shameful things; useless, inadequete, weak, foolish, displaced, stupid..worst of alone, very, very alone for the first time in forever. I get angry too, crazy angry..I want to break something. Then I'm sad I was angry. Then I'm angry I'm sad.

He sent flowers to my home while I was at work so naturally my mother inquired. Now she's all fired up and on the prowl so everyone knows my story and I get no rest there. As soon as my dad finds out I'll get this "I told you so" story that will provoke me yet again.

The flowers make me want to cry. It's like the very person that hurts you, you want to soothe the problem because that's who you love. It's not an issue of love - trust is gone, you feel in danger all the time, and some bitter resentment. I see flowers and want to be intimate with him, verbally affirming...he's panicking and really down, not that I care half as much...I really do love him..but I can't do it anymore. Maybe those who read this see this instance and go, why the hell does she care so much? - well, there were many good, tender moments I can never forget...we are truly connected deeply despite those hardships but the violation of trust....it kills the heart. The love doesn't leave me, but I'm in survival mode; I have to isolate myself to make it through the day.

That's the worst thing I've ever felt, and it won't go away for a long time.

:rafikicry:

Leorgathar

October 21st, 2014, 05:07 PM

I'm very sorry to hear you going through all that, Utora. I don't even know what to suggest :( If I were in that situation, I guess I too would have many mixed feelings. But I also think that if someone doesn't value you as much as you do, as much as they say they love you, that probably won't change in a very long time. He might still have his feelings for you, but people don't change that easily. I think a good and healthy relationship is one where you admire a person and they admire you back with mutual respect. And you must value yourself in the first place to know that you deserve the same respect back.

Then again, I don't know the situation well enough since I haven't really been through something similar, so I'm no one to judge. I just hope for the best for you and that eventually things will look up :rafikihug1:

Kirauni

October 21st, 2014, 07:25 PM

Whoa... that's really a sad story, Utora.
I agree with Leorgathar there. I understand why you're having mixed feelings. I don't know how I would react if I found out about my husband having a dating profile or something like that... or maybe if he started a relationship while on one of his buisness trips. That would be horrible... :(

I'm so sorry for you, really. But don't think for a second that you're worthless, stupid and weak. I know these feelings are natural if you've been betrayed. And that's what has happend to you. I think you're actually very strong, because you don't just give up and resign. You know very well that you have to live with these feelings for some time now. However, instead of giving up, you know that you'll get over it sooner or later and you just have to move on. I really admire this ability. I don't think I could do this.
I really wish you the strength to go on and of course I hope your family will back you up instead of saying "See? Told you so!".

All the best!

:timonhug:

Guntur

January 11th, 2015, 01:42 PM

Sorry to hear that Utora. as other says I would have mixture feelings and second thoughts about the relationship. But I will keep this short and simple, If you stumble into a situation like this, there's no second guessing that he's going to leave you for another girl, I'd say ditch him and find someone who willing to stay with you until god's knows when. I would not go far and try to find someone beautiful or anything just find someone that you can and willing to put your trust on.

It's running in my family, when my mom found out that my dad was dating with someone else my mom said he want a divorce with my father. As I did to reina, I ditch her with someone I know or a mutual friend of my cousin. But we only dated for 8 month and things ain't work out on my side. And I was single for my whole entire adulthood since then.

I just want you to know that find someone who you can trust 100% totally, which is checking his (New BF) history, it might sounds hard for you but once you got the answer you may just lay your head on his shoulder. I just keen on someone who I could trust on someone and there's where the feeling grows. :)

KanuTGL

January 28th, 2015, 03:54 PM

Guntur

January 28th, 2015, 04:00 PM

...I just found out that a fellow I kinda sorta have a bit of a crush on apparently is single now.

Ooh, dear...

I've only ever met this guy once, some time ago now, but he made such an impression that I haven't been able to forget him. The fact that I'm now I'm really debating whether to say something to him or not tells a lot about how blown away I was after seeing him that one time, hahaa. Is it weird to get in touch with someone you saw three months ago and haven't spoken to since? :wtf:

Kanu, You're not alone on this case. I had to wait for 8 years for her to reply my message in Facebook. Luckily these days I look for a better future after listen to advise from my close friends about moving on because she's married already.

talk to him and Seize the day Kanu, or else you're going to be stranded in the rain for long period of time. :D

Sharifu

January 28th, 2015, 07:46 PM

Is it weird to get in touch with someone you saw three months ago and haven't spoken to since? :wtf:

Yeah, I wouldn't know how to approach that without it seeming weird that you haven't talked to him in three months and that all of a sudden you want to meet again. Where do you see him? Do you go to the same school? Can you become friends with him on Facebook? Maybe that wouldn't seem so obvious. :p That way you can chat a bit and ask maybe to go out to lunch after talking for a bit? But I'm honestly not very good with advice like this, as the last time I was single was almost 10 years ago, and I was way too shy and nervous to be the first to approach a guy that I had a crush on.

Leorgathar

January 28th, 2015, 09:38 PM

Hmm well, you know I kind of suck at reconnecting with people I haven't spoke to in months as well :p But maybe you could start some conversation about a topic you have in common, commenting his posts, show some interest in the stuff he likes. If things go well that'll lead to longer chats, a friendship, and hopefully later on more than a friendship.
I don't know about him, but as a guy who spends a lot of time for myself, I'd find it nice to get a message from someone I haven't talked with since months ago. :)

Then again, I'm not good at doing so myself ><

Vidan

February 4th, 2015, 01:02 AM

I'm probably the worst at keeping up with people, regardless of how well I know them, but I suppose you could play it casual: "Hey, I remember you. We should hang out sometime." I'm assuming this is someone you know online. If not, I suppose it would be more awkward to suddenly start talking to him if you see him all the time, but you'll never know unless you try.

Azerane

February 23rd, 2015, 09:35 AM

I know I don't drop in here much anymore, but since today is pretty special I thought I should let you guys know... Pat and I celebrate our 10 year anniversary today :)

It's been a long road, and we're still on it, but it's worth it and we're almost there.

Leorgathar

February 23rd, 2015, 05:09 PM

D'awww really? 10 years today!? That's amazing, and so admirable! :cs_love: I'm really happy for you and Pat, my congratulations to you two. Here's wishing you the best in your future :hugs:

Guntur

February 23rd, 2015, 05:52 PM

Happy 10th Year anniversary Azzy. :cheese: :hugs: :D

Kirauni

February 23rd, 2015, 06:39 PM

Wow, awesome! Yes, happy anniversairy to both of you :)
All the best for the future.

Oh.. and one question, if I might: You said "we're almost there". Where would that be?

Azerane

February 24th, 2015, 04:06 AM

Thanks so much guys, it's pretty special. In the past I often celebrated the day that we first met, but the 23rd Feb is the day that we actually got together.

Oh.. and one question, if I might: You said "we're almost there". Where would that be?

I meant that we're almost at the point of not being long-distance anymore. :)

Sharifu

February 24th, 2015, 07:49 AM

Congrats Bec and Pat! I have been curious when you two will finally be living together. 10 years is such a long time to be in a long distance relationship. I can't wait to hear the two of you getting past that, because the distance is really hard. I was having a really hard time at 5 years, right before Petteri moved to the U.S.

This year is also the 10th year for me and Petteri being together. We already had feelings for each other before, but we decided to wait until we met in person first before making it official. So, our 10th anniversary is in May. It would be nice if we can go somewhere for a weekend to celebrate. Hopefully we can afford to do something nice.

I got kind of a funny story to share, since this is the Love Life thread. The other day, at work, one of my customers was telling me how he had to go out to dinner with his ex. He was also telling me he didn't know why he was doing this to himself, I guess he really didn't want to go out to eat with her. Then he said, "Well I guess everyone has to deal with this. Everyone has an ex right? I have never heard of anyone only being in one relationship." Then I just grinned and told him, "Well I have only been in one relationship, my husband and I have been together for almost 10 years." He was surprised and even wanted to shake my hand because of that. :lol: True, I know how rare that is, most people are shocked when I tell them that I have only been in one relationship, for as long as we have, and that we are married. Even my family was telling me, back when my relationship with Petteri was fairly new, that first loves usually don't last. I don't know, I guess they were warning me? Well here we are, still together. :p And still in love. :)

KanuTGL

March 5th, 2015, 05:23 PM

I'm a little late, but - Congrats on the 10 year anniversary, Azzy (and Pat!) ^^ You two really are amazing; I hope what's left of the time before you can be together for good passes really quickly now! And 10 years for you and Petteri too, Audra? That's fantastic :) I always brag about you guys when people say they don't think long-distance relationships can last... :p

As for my previous post here, there is in fact an update :hmm: The fellow in question doesn't live in this area. Long story short - he goes to a different University, which we visited in November as part of an exchange between the committees across Sweden who work with University career fairs (the University in question is in fact the one I used to go to, haha). It's closer to where my parents live, so it's some way away from here, which makes it harder to sort of "randomly" meet. I've had him as a contact on Facebook since that time though and I've really debated whether to just leave it, but yesterday I sort of saw my chance and went ahead and sent him a message along the lines of Vidan's "Hey, I remember you!" xP And he wrote back! Soo now I've at least initiated something, haha. I'd really love to have him as a friend, so I am hoping this could lead to that if nothing else :cs_happy_3:

Leorgathar

March 6th, 2015, 12:16 AM

That seems like a good start. I do hope you can get along much better with him, and who knows, maybe your friendship can grow into something more. Here's wishing you all the good luck with that :)

As for me... well, I'm in a bit of a similar situation. There's this girl that I used to like back in highschool, I never really got to talk much with her (I wasn't good at talking to girls then ><). I hadn't seen her since more than 10 years ago, but a couple of weeks ago I was taking a flight back home from the city my sister lives in, and she just happened to recognize me at the airport. We just said hi and that was all at first, but by some strange coincidence her seat number was right next to mine on the plane :lol: So we had a laugh at that, and we talked about what has been of our lives these past 10 years during the whole flight. I learned that she is quite into wildlife too, so we also talked about animals and such (I got to express my liking for big cats, which she found quite interesting xD).

A few days later we added each other as contacts, and we've had some chats since then. I still don't really know that much about her, though, but the way things are going it might be the start of a new friendship, and like in Kanu's case, I hope that at least it gets to evolve to that. But I also just recently found out that she's single, so I guess anything could happen if we end up getting along so well.
:uhno:

KanuTGL

March 8th, 2015, 02:39 AM

I'm trying not to get too hopeful, but this is still way better than the situation was before (something vs nothing xD), so that's good at least...!

That sounds promising about your situation, Leor! Wishing you luck too! :D

Guntur

April 15th, 2015, 10:05 PM

We all are in same situation.

For me, about the twins is my high school crush blocked me on Facebook while her twins that I managed to chat with during the boot camp continue to be friends with me.

I think we both are grown up and respect each other life rather easily, I usually a guy who poke first but I respect her by not poking her and continue the respect of our friendship relationship.

Oh, Did I told you that, I told her everything how I felt for her in my life and she understands it, she said that it's to late to start a relationship as she is married, and she would continue telling me that we still be friends no matter what. She kinda notice that I'm living my gaming life and she live with her life with her daughter. Guess two person living a different world is rather peaceful than catch each others throat.

Lweek

April 19th, 2015, 02:40 AM

Azerane

April 20th, 2015, 09:54 AM

Super delayed thanks to everyone, I know I've been somewhat absent of late, but I do really appreciate it.

Congrats Audra for your 10 years with Petteri as well, and I think it's fantastic that both Kanu and Leor have found a something that could possibly be something more :p

Not much has been happening here. Pat had to get his passport renewed. It only took about 7 months. What a ridiculous waste of time that was. However, he's just got it back the other day, so we can finally progress.

nathalie

April 20th, 2015, 12:43 PM

7 months? in Belgium it takes 3-7 workdays.

Azerane

April 21st, 2015, 10:34 AM

Well it was only supposed to take three weeks... so make of that what you will. At first they didn't have a reason why it was taking so long and eventually just sent it back not done (2-3 months later) saying his photo wasn't acceptable. Then he sent it in again and they said it took forever because of a backlog over Christmas etc. But now that's it's April, really not sure what the issue was. In any case, it was very frustrating.

Sadiki

April 23rd, 2015, 05:11 PM

Wow... 7 months... That is unacceptable. in Finland it takes a week. no more, no less you can get 1 year temporary passport in 24 hours. That makes me not look forward to dealing with passport renewals here once I come a citizen, which I should probably start the process soon for as it's another thing that seems to take half a year.

Anyways I'm so happy for you Bec'ey and Pat! Finally being able to shrink that distance after soooo many years set a remarkable feat on your relationship, it's something you guys been working for so long. I really don't know how you did it. for me first 5.5 years of our relationship felt life time longer than last 4.5 that we been married.

Sharifu

April 29th, 2015, 08:42 PM

I think 7 months is a really unusual time frame to renew a U.S. passport... It's too bad Pat's passport photo was considered unacceptable causing him months of delay, I don't know if he took the photo himself, but I would rather just pay to get passport photos taken, just to make sure they are acceptable. You can get passport photos taken at Costco for only $4.99. ;)

But anyways, I am glad to hear that is finally done. What's next? Pat applying for a type of visa?

Utora

April 30th, 2015, 10:01 AM

That's really inspiring hearing about such truly amazing romances. It all seems to be almost unbelievable, unreal. :-)

My love life is still the same. When my ex has broken up with me I've decided to "fix" all possible problems in my life. The hardest was my health issues (teeth). It last thing I'm solving right now. Painful, expensive but every time I'm returning from dentist I feel I'm closer to my final goal. After that I'll be completely ready for new start. Sounds like a good thing, and it probably is. But it frightening me either. It's almost five years I live single life and sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I think about new relation ship. That because I'm complicated person and I would like to feel that somebody loves me with everything I am. But when I'm observing relationships around me it looks like the most important part of the love game is keeping low in expectations. Like there are things you never can tell your partner or so. Every relation ship seems to be complicated. If you love a lot and your ambitious aren't too high then you might find a way thru it. That scares me the most that I'm afraid to be completely honest and yet If I will be completely honest then how big chance I got that she will likes it? Being tolerated is not very happy option. Not for somebody who needs to have free soul. Free soul mean being wildest myself, share it and enjoy it.

I have the exact same realization. To find someone who wants to be free with you, and not have it where you hinder them or they hinder you - is huge.

Also by hinder, maybe this sounds so abraisive but believe, it just seems to happen. In my situation I was with someone - well, to start off, I'm not a normal female. Not that I knownormal even is, but I come across as stubborn, maybe unyielding and too direct. With me there is no hidden agenda, I say it as it is. I could use sopme training in tact but I'm sensitive enough that it balances out I suppose. The biggest issue is I'm not known to invest in something I'm not interested in, or am bludgened into emotionally or verbally. So with all of that, I was with someone who was ideal because he knew himself, was not intimidated by me (could see I am caring, etc despite the lioness exterior :lol:) and was not bothered if I kinda told him things as they were. Well, the issue is, it seems to be these people are also like me in that they're very certain of what they want. I however am will to compromise, and my biggest desire is to be in it together, i.e., decisions (most), future goals, our lives, etc. This guy, was not. But when I couldn't stand it anymore and wanted my space, I was told I was lazy and ran when it got hard. There's a difference in running when it's hard vs seeing the dead end and mopving onto a better path.

I don't know what the answer is to self lead, confident and independent people. What, do we need someone so codependent they bend at every request? I can't have that. Is it so much to expect we will be in an actual REALTIONship and share life together? I guess so. I guess it's like that. Yes, lower the bar for expectations. Take it as it comes. I may just end up being alone ...

Only problem is this is death for an extrovert.
:cheese:

Guntur

April 30th, 2015, 11:33 AM

Right now I'm just keeping the love life all by my self alone right now, because I do think that if I start a relationship now with my current mental state? It would be hindered by her or by myself, Don't think women will appreciate who I am at the moment, because my mind is like a maze that only a top number one rated physician would solve my mind's maze.

In my current lifestyle and mental health, I'm getting anti social physically days by days by days to second. I'm getting seclusive even deeper than ever, I don't think someone who is my partner would appreciate that if she finds out that her boyfriend is in, in his own world day by day. Remember the day that I told you guys that I'm literally obsessed with this woman that I know? it has fade away by now thanks to my lifestyle, From the last post I made about her in this page? I never have any feeling that cling to as she kept my "love life" alive for 11 years as time goes by. as I became free from that feeling, I do feel a little lonely here and now. I just need to find someone who really understand what's going on with my head, I think if she ever try it, it would be a nightmare of maze in my mind. That's why I need someone who are strong will in life, a firm women that could decipher my words and my thinking.

I do have a lot of online friends in steam, because pretty much they understand how I play my own games in my mind. I don't really care about commitment, I already did that and like it, all it left now is someone who can unlock my mind and get out from it unharmed. I just need someone who have desire to change both of us to the better for the relationship.

Hmmm, maybe I talks to much here, I'm 27 and still single and living with my mom and live in my own fantasy to escape the pain that I've been through.

Leorgathar

May 3rd, 2015, 09:02 PM

Okay, I'll be honest here now. You know that girl I mentioned in my previous post? well, turns out I don't think it will ever happen :timonfrown:
There are reasons I prefer to keep to myself, but in short, she isn't the kind of person I thought she was. I got to know her better, and she's a nice person in many aspects, but there were also some other big turn-offs. She's just not for me, I'm afraid. At least she didn't seem that interested in me anyway, so it's all ok.

So that's where I am now, just the way I started. I have no one in mind (at least not here). Maybe I should keep some lower expectations, just like Lweek put it, but I also think I'm not surrounding myself with the right people. I mean, I'm usually a confident person in myself, but there's many people here that do give me a reason to have trust issues. I have some good friends, but I know no-one here I can totally be an open book with, they're not the kind of people I can share my real feelings to and expect a kind, understanding response, not even in my own family. I really don't like pretending to be someone that I'm not, and I certainly don't want that in a relationship.
There's only so few people I've had the pleasure to share that openness with, and all of them live so ridiculously far away (among them, you guys know who you are).

Nonetheless, life goes on, and like Lweek, I too will work on sorting out some issues in my life first before getting back into looking for that special someone. Also... I recently stumbled across with a big new life opportunity, which I'm seriously considering on taking. Basically, it's a scholarship to do a Masters degree or a PhD in Europe, I still don't know if I'm elligible for it this year, but if I get it, it can be quite a game changer. I'm very curious to see where in life would that take me.

nathalie

May 4th, 2015, 04:47 AM

Sharifu

May 4th, 2015, 05:17 AM

Just thought I would mention that today was the 10th anniversary of when Petteri and I first got together. :love: We'll be celebrating it properly in a couple of weeks from now, by going to Las Vegas for a few days. It will be fun to get away for a few days, just the two of us, and relax a bit. It's been a long time since we went on any kind of trip together (other then driving to Oregon to spend Christmas with my family). I would say it's been almost two years we took a trip together, just the two of us.

Leorgathar

May 4th, 2015, 05:49 AM

Hmm you know, I was taking it more like being more accepting with who I am with, not really as the 'best I can get'. But... You're right, I agree that it shouldn't work like that. The person I look for must be someone special to me, not seen as a list of pros and cons, of course. Perhaps it's just that I don't have good experiences with girls around here (maybe one of the reasons I would like to move from here -.-).

Leor, that's cool! Whereabouts in Europe would it be?

Well, as far as I've heard, it would be pretty much in any country within the EU or UK, but I'm still waiting for a reply to know if I'm elligible for the program this year or not (if I'm not, I would have better chances for next year, though).
I'm not sure where would I go to, or at what point it would be up to me, but I wouldn't mind learning a new language :)

Just thought I would mention that today was the 10th anniversary of when Petteri and I first got together. :love: We'll be celebrating it properly in a couple of weeks from now, by going to Las Vegas for a few days. It will be fun to get away for a few days, just the two of us, and relax a bit. It's been a long time since we went on any kind of trip together (other then driving to Oregon to spend Christmas with my family). I would say it's been almost two years we took a trip together, just the two of us.

Aww that's so awesome!! Congratulations guys! :D I hope you have a lot of fun in Vegas :hugs:

(Sorry for the quick edit, I was writing my post at the same time as yours xD)

nathalie

May 4th, 2015, 05:56 AM

I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh so hard :lol:
within the EU or UK

The UK is in Europe you know :p haha :p

Leorgathar

May 4th, 2015, 06:07 AM

Oh true true :lol: that's the way they put it when I looked into the program's info, so it isn't my fault :p xD

KanuTGL

May 4th, 2015, 01:51 PM

The UK is in Europe you know :p haha :p

Well, if certain politicians have their way, the UK may not continue to be part of the EU, so... :p

Anyway. I'll join the lonely hearts club :idiot: I'm pretty much in the same situation as Leor regarding everything - back to square one. My attempt to get to know the fellow I wrote about before kind of just faded into nothing. "The feeling" wasn't quite there, you know? And it doesn't bother me much, so I suppose it just wasn't meant to be.

I do have a couple of "crushes" that are more in my immediate area, but I don't really think anything is going to happen there. One has already turned me down once and one is a "this isn't supposed to be a crush at all gah what is happening!?" kind of thing that I'm trying to ignore, haha. So there is no lack of interesting people around where I am, but I feel the issue lies rather with myself. I'm very insecure in social situations and getting to know me is not easy :zazugo_on: For that reason I feel that I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to meeting people and there's little I can do about it. (Simply deciding that "Right, I'm going to be an outgoing person now!", as is one piece of 'advice' I've been given before, really doesn't cut it. Social anxiety, yeah!)

However, there's little point in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. For now I should focus on what lies ahead - everything else in my life is working out beautifully - and love comes along when love comes along~ Hakuna Matata, right? :timonrelax: It's difficult to not think about it though.

Edit:

Lower expectations.
I don't know what that means when it comes to a subject like this?

You don't just settle for someone because that person seems 'the best you can get'.
That's not good either.

Just don't set any bars, meet someone and see how it goes without thinking too much 'they don't have this or that'.
I think only then you really find out if its the person for you.
This!

Guntur

May 4th, 2015, 02:07 PM

I think this thread just become a Lonely Heart club. :lol:

For me I've been in this situation for 9 years believe it or not. :lol: But I know everyone have a reason on their love life problems and separations :( Well I did wrote something on the last page so I assume people already read it. ;)

edit: Great, once again less than a year she blocked me again, not surprised and suspected but it's good that I told her everything about it. either way I'm going to keep her number anyways, just in case if she's called as I don't pick up unknown number.

Leorgathar

May 7th, 2015, 05:21 AM

Lonely Hearts club.... that has a nice ring to it, heh :p

Fendi, I did read your post. I can't say I relate exactly, but I get you in the feeling of loneliness, and maybe also the concern of being a complicated person for someone else, to some degree. I don't know what to suggest, but here's hoping that you'll find someone who can overlook that and like you the way you are :hugs:

Oh well, I'm sorry if I get a bit off-topic here, but I kind of need to let this out.

That scholarship for Europe that I mentioned.... I didn't qualify for it after all, and it also seems that I won't be able to anytime soon :cs_sad_1:
I kind of already expected that I wouldn't get it for this year, but I thought I could at least apply for the next. And now I was told not even that is possible. All because I need a 8.0 average grade from my University, but I have a darn 7.9 (yes, I can't get the scholarship Because of that tenth of a point xP)

I gotta say, it wasn't just the Masters degree what I wanted, nor just the chance to travel to Europe again, but I also thought it was maybe an opportunity to... you know, start a new life. Maybe the degree would help me get a job there. Maybe I'd also have a new relationship there and stay. I don't know, I guess I just don't feel so happy living here, where I can't even be myself, and perhaps that scholarship made me fantasize a bit too much.

...Am I being ridiculous?

nathalie

May 7th, 2015, 06:15 AM

I don't think you are. I don't know what life in Mexico is, apart from the things we see over here on TV (which usually aren't good).
It's understandable, you may not feel that you belong there, or aren't happy in your own country because you've travelled a lot, and you've seen so many places.

Though, it's usually true what they say "the grass ain't greener on the other side".

Safila

May 7th, 2015, 09:47 AM

Sorry about the scholarship,it sucks when you get your hopes up and then it falls :hugs: What do you mean about you can't be yourself ?

KanuTGL

May 7th, 2015, 12:57 PM

Aww, Leor :( I'm so sorry to hear that. Such a shame, especially when it's by such small, silly margins too! But maybe it's an indication, that perhaps you should look for opportunities elsewhere? If the thoughts of moving to somewhere completely different and starting anew were that appealing, a change of scenery might be something to really look into? Just a thought, of course :3 Either way I can imagine this kind of disappointment is extremely frustrating to deal with (I know very well from my own experiences), but I hope you feel better soon :hugs:

Guntur

May 7th, 2015, 01:08 PM

Sorry about your scholarship program man, I know it's a heartbreaking situation when you're not eligible to do it.

Yeah, like you I always fantasize myself living in another country with their promising dreams, but I don't think I would ever leave this country without any permit or specialization, I would just live happy here with my current life, single, working with music and just live an easy life. I always dream to have a foreign woman in my life, not that I hate local women but I think I'm really picky when it comes to women.

Man, life is complicated, I say it in 08 and I will say it now. Unless there's a 360 with someone I knew in my life and would just accept me for who I am, I guess every girl that I know really don't want me because I'm a living breathing nuclear bomb that waiting to explode. Like the edit I wrote she blocked me again, I'm not even gonna bother adding or befriend her again because I already did what I had to do last year. She's married, I'm used to cling my feeling about her but luckily I told her everything I wanted to say to her. It's like giving your heart out and just say goodbye and start a new life. If she's decided to go 360 on me I would just accept her invitation and try to make things work even though we may be in the 30's. Love is never too old for some people.

Leorgathar

May 8th, 2015, 12:46 AM

Wow, this probably should fit better in the advice thread, hehe. Thanks for the replies :hugs:

I don't know what life in Mexico is, apart from the things we see over here on TV (which usually aren't good).
It's understandable, you may not feel that you belong there, or aren't happy in your own country because you've travelled a lot, and you've seen so many places
Hehe yeah, media does give us such a bad image, and in many ways it lives up to how it really is, it's definitely not a safe country. But actually living here isn't really that bad, I can still make a quite decent life here, and I do love the good side of it. Mexico will always have a big place in my heart wherever I go. But it isn't much about the place as it is about the people around me, which brings up the next point...

What do you mean about you can't be yourself ?
It's what I mentioned earlier in this thread, that I don't feel I have anyone here I can have a totally open talk with. I have friends, but still not the kind of people I can share my true feelings with. I don't want to criticize them so harshly, it's just a group of people I don't feel I belong in. Like I said before, there's a lot of people here who give me a reason to have trust issues. As for my family, don't get me wrong, I do love my family, but then again, I don't share the same ideals with them (being the only agnostic/atheist in it surely doesn't help), I know them well enough to know they won't take me seriously if I come up with a concern of my own, like my depression, as if it was a sign of weakness or immaturity. No wonder why I don't let them know I'm a big TLK fan, for example.
That being said, there's also some truly amazing people here, of course, I don't want to generalize. I just don't know them, or they don't live around me.

But maybe it's an indication, that perhaps you should look for opportunities elsewhere? If the thoughts of moving to somewhere completely different and starting anew were that appealing, a change of scenery might be something to really look into? Just a thought, of course :3
Yeah, that pretty much was my plan before I looked so much into that scholarship, and it's still my plan now. I think I'll do a Masters degree in another city here, like Guadalajara or Monterrey, they're pretty good places to go, as far as I've heard.
But also... the reason I got so excited about the scholarship, though, was that I would have been much closer to people I actually do care about (yeah, perhaps that sounds a bit selfish, depending on who hears it), I mean, real friends I've grown so fond of, and with whom I can be myself with. They just happen to live that far away.
Maybe the scholarship thing was a bit of an eye opener. Before that, I had already accepted I would end up staying in Mexico, and that's probably what will happen in the end anyway, but with all the excitement and thinking of all the possibilities, I thought maybe that's what my heart really wants.
I just thought I could have a good shot to make it real :(

I always dream to have a foreign woman in my life, not that I hate local women but I think I'm really picky when it comes to women.
Hehe, I actually get you there. I'm a bit too picky when it comes to women as well. Maybe that's a reason I don't find anyone here I particularly like either. And ok, I guess I too have a thing for foreigners, I admit it xD

Safila

May 10th, 2015, 10:44 AM

Is there any reason why you can't leave home and find an apartment by yourself ?

Leorgathar

May 10th, 2015, 03:15 PM

Just the timing, really. At the moment it's convenient to be here because of how close I am to my workplace, but it won't be long before I move away. Since the scholarship thing isn't happening, I think I'll stick to my original plan and move to another city to do my Masters there, most likely it'll be in Monterrey. It'll last about 2 years, so if by then I haven't settled down yet, and my grades end up above average, I might be able to apply for the scholarship after all. But who knows, anything could happen within 2 years, a new relationship, maybe ><

I'm still disappointed, but I'm feeling much better now after my last couple of posts. Thanks so much for the support :hugs:

Utora

May 11th, 2015, 05:26 AM

Lower expectations.
I don't know what that means when it comes to a subject like this?

You don't just settle for someone because that person seems 'the best you can get'.
That's not good either.

Just don't set any bars, meet someone and see how it goes without thinking too much 'they don't have this or that'.
I think only then you really find out if its the person for you.

You kinda just answered that for yourself. :lol:

Don't set any bars. ;)

But I will. It's like going to buy a car not expecting anything, or entering a business negotiation with no expectations. I don't find it wise. Not everyone compares a relationship the same way and that is fine, but for me it is serious business, and I draw lines on certain things. That's natural. I'd sooner be alone than compromise on something like that..I can be very reasonable, but making excuses and getting your heart tangled with someone that ultimately isn't what you wanted or needed...just a waste of time.

nathalie

May 11th, 2015, 06:57 AM

I didn't settle. I ain't staying/living with someone who I really don't like at all, and who I don't give a damn about.
I know there's issues, but don't even try and go that far!

Utora

May 12th, 2015, 01:43 AM

I didn't settle. I ain't staying/living with someone who I really don't like at all, and who I don't give a damn about.
I know there's issues, but don't even try and go that far!

I wasn't talking about your personal life. My original post was directed to Lweek.

Whatever you are doing is your prerogative, not mine.

Kirauni

May 12th, 2015, 08:10 AM

I've been quietly following this thread for quite some time now, but I didn't know how to put my thoughts into words.
Your answers here prove me right: Love is really a difficult issue and what works for one doesn't apply for everyone else. Okay, there are many things like that, but I think love is still even more difficult. It's sad to read that many of you are really struggling to find a partner while on the other hand others have to fight for their relationships. Come to think of it: I've been married to a couple of years now and I think love has never been easy. At least not as easy as you see it in some Disney movie *lol*.

No, for me it's also a constant fight, but at least I don't have to fight alone. And by "fight“, I don't mean that my husband and I share different opinions... or quarrel. That's only natural. ;)
I mean it in metaphorical way: You can live together with someone for a few years, keeping the love for your partner or the "candle burning" needs a lot of care an attention from both sides. But of course you all know this already XD I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts.

I'm currently having a hard time, too while everyone around us thinks "They must be so happy!". Yes, I have a wonderful husband and a lovely daughter, but I still have to face many difficulties in our everyday life. The fact that I don't have any relatives close by adds to this. I miss my family, especially my mother sometimes. My nephew plans to move to a city nearby in September, which is great, though.

However, my husband's contract at work is about to run out in July, so he has to find a new job. Unfortunately, no company around here wanted to afford another employee with his qualifications. Bad luck :( Still, God provided for us because one of the companies actually forwarded his job application to another company. Pretty weird, but the company actually wanted my husband to work for them. The only thing is that it's a job abroad in Switzerland, which is about 3 hours from where we live. Therefore, that means he has to move to Switzerland and we'll only be able to see each other at the weekends and I have to raise my daughter on my own. Because of my job, I just can't move along with him which is giving me a hard time right now. I'm a teacher but I can't simply switch schools. I have to wait until my headmaster approves and then the regional council/regional board has to approve as well. That's one thing in Germany that's rather complicated, at least when you work as an "official teacher". Some of my colleagues have been waiting for a chance to move for quite a few years now. So I think it will take me quite a few years as well.
On top of that I don't even know where I should move to, because I can't just move to Switzerland that easily (because of my job as well).
Nevertheless, I guess that whole story would also qualify for the advice-thread, right? But to be honest, I don't think I need any advice because I've already set on staying here until my request to move has been granted and I'll try to make the best out of it.

But of course all of this is affecting our relationship pretty much. We both decided to fight for our small family and I know we can do it. We've had a weekend relationship before, right at the beginning of our marriage. The problem is that I don't really feel like moving now. After five years of living in this city/village here, I've finally started to like it here. However, I think that also depends on how things will turn out when I finally return to my job in September. We'll see and I hope that our love is strong enough.

Sharifu

May 12th, 2015, 10:06 PM

Aww Kirauni, that is a hard situation to be in. I also kind of worry if I continue getting involved in the animation field, that I might have to move where the jobs are, and not be able to stay in one place for very long. I guess that's fine if you're single... But if you're married, it's hard. Unless your spouse can always go with you, but normally, they have a job too and can't follow you every time at the drop of a hat.

Plus, I think I might want to have children some day... And I really don't think that kind of lifestyle is the best for a family, unless that one working spouse makes so much money to support the whole family on that income alone, so the family can move with them. But I know that is not going to be the case with a job in the animation field...

I'm sorry, I'm going a little off topic with my own thoughts, but it's one (of the many) things that I have been thinking about for a while, if I continue pursuing the animation field.

Kirauni, that's too bad that it takes years to be able to get approval to switch schools and be able to move... What a tough situation.

Azerane

May 16th, 2015, 02:05 AM

Nothing to see here, just that Pat will be here in three weeks :cheese:

Sharifu

May 16th, 2015, 05:34 PM

Aww, yay! I'm so happy for you and Pat! :D It's been a while since Pat was visiting you last, right? You've two have been together for a long time, I'm just so happy for you two that this is finally happening. :D :hugs:

Leorgathar

May 16th, 2015, 09:56 PM

That's so great to hear, Azzy! And yep, I'm so happy too that it's finally happening for you guys! :)

Utora

May 22nd, 2015, 08:53 PM

And ok, I guess I too have a thing for foreigners, I admit it xD

:lol: I think many people do. I know I do. Who knows...maybe it leads to some sense of adventure.

& Congrats Azzy! I'm glad it is happening for you two! :cheese:

@ Kirauni: I'm sorry to hear this. It can be a real struggle to "keep the candle burning" as you mention. People change too as they get older. Not necessarily for worse I just mean, sometimes things become routine, etc...especially living with someone. If only we had the answers....love life is so tricky...

Azerane

June 4th, 2015, 11:49 PM

Thanks everyone :D Pat's on his way here now, he'll be here tomorrow evening after an 8 hour layover in Brisbane.

Guntur

June 5th, 2015, 02:40 AM

Nice and congratulations Azzy. :D

Leorgathar

June 5th, 2015, 03:38 AM

Awesome to hear! :wow: you must be really excited, I'm so happy for you, Azzy :)

Guntur

June 5th, 2015, 08:59 AM

:lol: I think many people do. I know I do. Who knows...maybe it leads to some sense of adventure.

Oh us Three. :lol:

I don't know, I only attracted less than 5 Malay women in this country that I know, aside from local celebrities who have Caucasian Anglo-Malay ancestry. I know I fell into these 2 celebrities in this world: Missy Peregrym and the lead protagonist diamond thief in Timbaland's If we ever meet again.

KanuTGL

June 5th, 2015, 10:53 AM

Thanks everyone :D Pat's on his way here now, he'll be here tomorrow evening after an 8 hour layover in Brisbane.
Aww, awesome!! ^^ I'm so happy for you guys finally seeing each other again! :D

Sharifu

June 5th, 2015, 07:48 PM

Pat's moving to Australia, right? That's what I thought anyways, but Petteri wasn't sure if you just meant he was going for a visit.

Either way I am super happy for you guys, it seems like it's been a long time since you were together last.

Azerane

July 4th, 2015, 05:25 AM

Sorry for dropping off the face of the planet again, but you know :p

And I can finally post in here now that I've managed to get a hold of the last of my family. But on August 7th, Pat and I are getting married! :D It's very exciting and it's been such a long time coming, but well worth the wait. We've just organised a wedding at the registry office, but they have a nice little room and we can have up to 30 guests. We'll probably have about 15-20 by the time my family and my close friends are there. I feel bad for Pat having them all there when he can't have anyone, but I also didn't want to deprive my family of that chance.

Pat's moving to Australia, right? That's what I thought anyways, but Petteri wasn't sure if you just meant he was going for a visit.

Either way I am super happy for you guys, it seems like it's been a long time since you were together last.

We're hoping so. It wasn't originally the plan since we didn't really have a plan to begin with. We were just really feeling the strain of being apart (19 months), so we decided he could come here for 3 months for a visit so that we could see each other and try and work out what to do next. However, after we just went away for a week and a half, we realised that would be a waste of our time and money for him to go back so now we're getting married (which we may have done anyway) and then we can apply for the partner visa before he's due to leave. Then he'll be here on what's called a bridging visa until the partner visa is processed which basically saves us the heartache of having to separate again for potentially another 18 months while the visa process happens. Instead we can spend that time together :) There's a lot of work still to be done, but I know we can make it happen.

Guntur

July 4th, 2015, 07:19 AM

Congratulations on the Marriage Azzy, it's been 10 Years since you both are together, Congratulations again. :cheese: :D

:wicked: extra cake for the forum member? :idiot:

Leorgathar

July 4th, 2015, 04:48 PM

Aww those are exciting news, Azzy! :cs_love: Congratulations! I'm really happy for you :hugs:

KanuTGL

July 5th, 2015, 10:51 AM

Oh, wow, that's fantastic, Azzy! :wow: Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys!! :hugs:

Lweek

July 5th, 2015, 03:01 PM

Congrats guys! :)

Kirauni

July 5th, 2015, 05:10 PM

Wow, great congratulations to both of you! That's really good news and I'm glad you two are finally able to get married. Of course I wish you two all the best :)

Sharifu

July 5th, 2015, 05:42 PM

Ah, congrats Bec! So happy for you and Pat. You two have been waiting so long for this. So glad it's happening. :D

Dare

July 8th, 2015, 12:46 PM

Congrats folks! :)

nathalie

July 22nd, 2015, 04:39 AM

Right!

I will pay someone a Disneyland weekend, if they can 'hook me up' with a guy that's sweet, caring, and honest :D

I think that says it all.
Since his mom died, well, we died too completely.

Crying doesn't help, maybe a little humor?

Leorgathar

July 22nd, 2015, 05:45 AM

Aww Nathalie, I'm... very sorry to hear that :( I hope things will get better with time *hugs*

nathalie

July 22nd, 2015, 06:03 AM

I'll just have a pitty party for 1.
I'm not a bad person? I'm nice, odd once in a while maybe, but nice, I'll do anything for the person I care for, then why do I get treated like this every single time.
Nobody wants me, not even my parents will be "happy" to see me coming back home.

They don't even know yet, as I don't even have a solution myself yet, I'm still at his house for the time being till I could find something I can afford to rent, but obviously staying here is not even a good solution till I manage to find a place of my own.
Work is too far from my parents, like 2,5 hours by public transportation.

Even though I'm already in my 2nd week of work, I'm not signing my contract till Monday.
Maybe I should just quit it now and go back home, where there is no big city, where there is no job uppertunity for me, where there is nothing at all, then to just die slowly in my room.

KanuTGL

July 24th, 2015, 05:13 PM

Aww, Nathalie, I'm so sorry :(

Don't talk like that though - you're a great person, who deserves better. If you can keep your job and find a new place to stay, do that. Maybe, if you feel that it's possible, find a hostel or something as an emergency accommodation until you find something more permanent? It must be such a difficult situation to be in, and it's okay to throw a pity party, but don't give up :hugs: I believe in you :zazupleased:

In the meantime, come join the Lonely Hearts Club - maybe we'll form a band or something... :p

Guntur

July 24th, 2015, 05:19 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Nathalie, :hugs: We're here. :D There's nothing wrong with you, you're normal and okay for all of us, especially with this 10 years. Maybe it just a clash of personality between him and you.

Speaking of Lonely Heart club? following the high school reunion, I might try to ask one of my female friend if she want to start a relationship, she's been into rough time during engagement. I'm not a healer person but At least I would ask if she willing to be a close friend or even lovers. Time will tell. :cheese:

nathalie

July 24th, 2015, 05:53 PM

I've find an apartment nearby hear, it has the same buslines, it's behind a grocery store etc, but it's way too much I can afford really.
I went to the realtor yesterday to ask about it, and he said he was there in the evening showing it to other people, so I could come and have a look too.
I was actually there, but then saw this young couple going inside with the realtor, so I went back home.
I can't compete with that. Dumped, alone, parttime job that hardly pays, who would they pick to rent the place? :/

Though, I would pay that "little" extra for a place that isn't tiny where the walls are crawling up to you, as I've lived like that for an entire year in his house already while renovating the living room/kitchen.
And comparing the price of this place with many other places, this place I like is really huge comparing with the rest.
Thing is, I'll have about 150 € or less to live of every month.
I made another apointment today with the realtor, going to have a look Tuesday.

ThiagoPE

July 25th, 2015, 10:52 AM

Nathalie, Life os full of adversity and we need to live with them and trying make trhought it

I really wish and hope the best for you.

HasiraKali

August 13th, 2015, 10:59 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v239/hasirakali/GIFS/tumblr_inline_nqjfm8nYrm1r4dbvm_500.gif

Sums it up pretty nicely.

Sharifu

August 14th, 2015, 07:33 PM

Aww. :hugs: to Nathalie and HasiraKali. I hope you both find a sweet and caring guy who will be perfect for you.

nathalie

August 15th, 2015, 05:34 AM

Yeah, we all know in my case that ain't gonna happen, they are all lying jerks -_-

We have been talking lately though, which made us clear up some things, which is still good anyways I think, not that it matters much.

It's extremely confusing, but I shouldn't go on about it, otherwhise I'll have 5 pages typed, lol.

Azerane

August 26th, 2015, 06:03 AM

Nathalie, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation :hugs: Not sure what else to say...

I just wanted to share that last night Pat and I submitted his partner VISA application. So he's now officially able to stay in Australia until a decision is made on that in 12-15 months time, and he is able to work as well.

Sharifu

August 28th, 2015, 02:57 AM

I'm glad to hear that Bec. When Pat starts applying for jobs, I wish him luck in his job search.

Kasei

November 10th, 2015, 05:23 AM

*joins the Lonely Hearts Band with everyone else* One chronically single girl checking in, whoop whoop! xD

I guess I'm a little different as I'm not necessarily down about being single. Despite having just turned 28 and never being in an actual defined relationship before (the guy I "dated" in highschool doesn't count), I'm so busy trying to get my career off the ground that I really feel like boys would just be an unneeded distraction for me right now. Of course, I've been saying that since I graduated high school, but...^^;

I dunno, maybe I'll find a guy while I'm up in Colorado, but it's not really my MO. Besides, it's kind of tricky meeting people when you're new to an area and don't know *anyone.* I feel like I'm always the creepy/awkward person wherever I go. xD But, I mean, I try to have good humor about it because, well, what else can you do? I did enough of the pity party stuff in college and never really felt good about myself then so I'd rather not go back to that. I'll just have to be patient and throw off society's norms about when and how often I should be dating. My love life is such a ridiculous story full of undefined friendlationships, trick dates, and unrequited tomfoolery already anyway, why not make it weirder? =P

nathalie

January 2nd, 2016, 09:46 AM

Not special enough to make a seperate thread ...

I'm very gratefull he didn't throw me out, and that resulted into me finding a place.
I move March 1st :)

I've tried to make this situation liveable as good as I could, but that has ended now.
I don't talk to him anymore, and I've asked him not to speak anymore to me either, so no nasty and harsh things can come out of his mouth ever again towards me.
After all I did for him, his true selve is completely coming out lately.
I guess with blaming me for most things, he's just saving his own skin. So he looks good towards his family.
(I find it hard to believe how someone can believe their own lies like that, knowing damn well, they are lying)
It's so extremely sad to know, that his family & friends absolutely have no idea what he is really like. So they all think I'm the bad guy.

I almost wanna say: you have my pitty

But not really :lol: sad & pathetic, that's all he is. Too bad took me so long to figure it out.
Because, as long as there's a little percentage of good in a person, I hold on to that, and try to fight for the rest.

Note to self: don't ever feel that way again.

KanuTGL

January 10th, 2016, 10:58 PM

Glad to hear you're moving out, Nathalie. I bet it'll be good with a fresh start! :)

As for myself, waugh, I'd just like to vent a little here, haha.

I'm still single as ever, but... oooh, there's a new crush...

We've been colleagues for seven months now, but we haven't done a lot of work together due to our different responsibilities and due to him being a somewhat quiet type same as me. Over the last few weeks though I've got to know him more and started to notice that not only is he very kind and sweet, but we have a lot in common too. And while I love all my co-workers dearly, a lot of them are loud and don't always hear me, but I feel listened to whenever he's around and he actually seems interested in what I have to say... Most importantly, though, is that I'm feeling like I can actually be... myself, around him. I struggle to open up and I keep many things about myself well-guarded because of old habits, but around him I'm starting to feel like I can relax and let go of some of those insecurities. This is a big deal for me. People like that are few and far between and currently I just feel like I should jump on this chance, but... augh ;_; When is it ever not complicated?

First of all, relationships within the workplace is generally, I've gathered, not recommended. I think it's because the work is so intense, and you need to be able to break from it and be able to talk to others about it (not that I have much of a social life outside of work anyway, but hey xP). I don't think it'd be an issue for me personally, but I can see how it could change group dynamics and I can see how it could be straining to work together with a partner. Still, I don't think it'd bother me exactly. (And we hardly work together anyway, haha) It's more for the sake of the others that I feel like this is a factor to consider... (Not to mention the eendless jokes and gossip a relationship within the group would generate, omg.)

Secondly, he is one of my "bosses", even if the whole "rank" thing isn't a very big deal in reality. This doesn't really bother me personally either, because I know I can separate work from free time. But can he/the others...?

Thirdly, the others have recently made it their mission to find a date for him, hah. They're looking around for girls to set him up with and seem to really be trying at this point... Meanwhile I'm sitting next to them thinking "Weeell, why don't you ask me!?" :idiot:

And lastly, if I was to tell him and he didn't feel the same way, working together for the rest of these months could be extremely awkward, which I think is my biggest hurdle here >_>; Few things are worse for me than awkwardness :go-on:

I guess the point of posting all this here is to ask you guys for advice on what to do, haha. If it's not obvious - I kind of do want to tell him, but for the reasons above I'm not sure if I should... :simbaconfused:

Azerane

January 11th, 2016, 06:51 AM

For me personally, I think the workplace gossip regarding the relationship would be even worse than the possible rejection, haha! I just don't like being a talking point :p

I understand your reservations regarding workplace ethics etc. I think that depends on how frowned upon it is where you are working. I know that some places strictly forbid it, and others it's just something that happens.

If the others are looking for a date for him, it kind of puts a bit of pressure on, because what if they find someone and he says yes and ends up enjoying the date and you know where the rest of that story goes! Then you would have missed out on a chance.

For me, having been rejected by someone wasn't too awkward afterwards, he took it as a compliment, I didn't take it personally that he wasn't interested, so all was well. Of course that's not to say that if he's not interested he won't be weird about it, but I figure it's better to have asked, than to sit there never knowing.

I know I can't give you any concrete answers here, I'm just trying to offer up different perspectives. When you say "crush", is it just a crush or an actual "I could see myself with this guy" type thing. Because I think there's a difference. If it's just a crush, maybe wait a little longer, but if it's something more, then I say go for it :D

Kasei

January 11th, 2016, 09:03 PM

I second what Az said. I would wait just a bit longer, maybe try to hang out with him outside of work (can be in a group setting, maybe invite everyone at work out for drinks or bowling or something) and see if you guys hit it off in a more casual atmosphere. As someone who had a crush on a guy at work for over a year, I understand how all of that goes. Definitely don't let it drag out as long as I did. e_e; If you feel yourself getting super attached and moving beyond the crush level then definitely say something so that you can either nurture that feeling or nip it in the bud. Good luck!

KanuTGL

January 12th, 2016, 08:49 PM

Thanks for the replies, guys :)

I don't think there is any "policy" against relationships within the workplace as such, but from what I know it's pretty rare. I really don't like being a talking point either xP But my guess would be that if anyone in the group did get together, the rest would be respectful enough to know how far they can take the jokes, so I'm actually not that concerned about that either, haha. What I really worry about is what he thinks, I guess. Last time I confessed to a crush (and I liked/like him a lot) I ended up losing my friendship with him too because it got so awkward, which was not nice to deal with D:

And I guess this is a crush, but I'm finding myself leaning more and more towards "I could actually see myself with this guy" :kiaralook: Before Christmas we went to a work-related event together (because he invited me along, woo), followed by a dinner with the rest of the group, and it was just such a nice time. Him and I talked a whole lot and, like I said above, he actually seems interested in what I have to say, haha. But he also is such a kind person, so I couldn't say if he means the things he does in a friendly way, or something else. I like to think that I'm pretty decent at "assessing" people and having a "gut feeling" about them sometimes, but when it comes to people that I really like myself, I can't tell at all... It becomes a "you see what you want to see" sort of thing, and I do want to see it so badly.
The way he looks at me sometimes though. Augh.

Sorry for the rant, it just feels nice to talk to other people about it xD I don't have many friends left in the area that I see regularly, beyond my colleagues... xP I'm probably gonna stand by for a while longer, but if it carries on like this I'm gonna end up telling him sooner or later... :cringe:

Azerane

January 13th, 2016, 06:41 AM

Hang in there Kanu :D

And Nathalie, sorry I missed your post before, at least with you moving out soon you can make a fresh start :) It's refreshing to know that you won't have to worry about any of those things anymore!

Leorgathar

January 13th, 2016, 08:48 AM

I agree with Kasei about the idea of hanging out as a group outside of the work environment and see how things go. But that said, I've never really been involved in same work environment crushes myself, so I can't really offer much in expriences with that.

This may be only from my perspective, but if a girl I'm friends with (and see daily at work) told me she liked me, I guess I would feel very flattered, especially more since I'm also looking for a new relationship. Assuming this would be a girl I find very interesting to talk with and fun to hang out with, I guess I'd quite consider it and maybe give it a chance on a date. I guess it would be somewhat awkward if it didn't work out, though, but personally I don't think that'd affect much in my friendship with her. (This is an hypothetical girl I'm talking about, btw, no such girl exists in my life... yet :'D)

Also, as a guy I know we're somewhat bad at catching up signals :p but maybe you could try telling him (or sending him a text works too) after a particularly fun day how you had a good time with him, thanking him for it. If he's anything like me, that'll have him smiling for a good while :simbasmile3:

And of course, it's better take your time if you're not entirely sure yet, see if the friendship grows closer. But I do hope it leads to somewhere in the end.
I wish you all the good luck, Kanu :)

nathalie

January 13th, 2016, 09:15 AM

Thanks guys.
A fresh start, I don't think so though ... I'm scared I'll just waste away, as I don't have to get up for no one on my day off and during the weekend.

I'm not actually scared on living on my own, I don't really need anyone taking care of me, like most men do :p

I'm more scared that in the beginning I'll just fall further in a black whole, where I'm trying to crawl out of already for so long.

Guntur

January 17th, 2016, 10:22 PM

Hmmm. :confused:
I've been thinking about Her lately in my mind and wondering that if she ever going to return to this forum at all. I know it would be an awkward situation because I haven't talk to her since 2006 and we've been fighting for the whole freaking year and it would be strange if she walk up and talk to me through here. It would be embarrassing if she realized I haven't had a love life since she left. Well, never know what the future hold but if she ever come back, looks like I have to face her again.

Kirauni

January 18th, 2016, 06:46 PM

Yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. *hits you with a stick* :simbanose:

Sorry... I just had to type that quote. But hey, I think things will turn out just fine, even if she (whoever that might be *lol*) came back. I mean, we all are not who we used to be. We all experienced many new things over the last few years and some of them changed us. So there's no way you could tell, what would happen if she came back. So stop worrying *hugs*

Guntur

January 19th, 2016, 07:23 AM

Sorry... I just had to type that quote. But hey, I think things will turn out just fine, even if she (whoever that might be *lol*) came back. I mean, we all are not who we used to be. We all experienced many new things over the last few years and some of them changed us. So there's no way you could tell, what would happen if she came back. So stop worrying *hugs*

We both hold our grudge really highly, I tried to talk to her in 2007 and it didn't work, she only reply with one message and log off. She will return of course, we either face with each other with scars...... or not. We'll see what happens.

nathalie

January 19th, 2016, 07:46 PM

My God, how judgemental can someone be?
My Godmother called me asking how I'm doing and such.

And she was all like: wauw, with how many guys have I seen you???
And things like: you finally found someone that hasn't been married before, no kids, and you still couldn't make it work???

How rude! She doesn't know anything about the situation and what happened, and she starts judging me and blaming me for everything?

3 ex boyfriends in 15 years ... I think I did a hell of a lot better then a lot of girls out there.

Way to push me when I'm already down :(

HasiraKali

January 20th, 2016, 01:36 AM

Yeah... one every five years is nothing these days. That's so rude.

nathalie

January 20th, 2016, 07:41 AM

Yeah, and it's not like they were all short, I mean, first one was 5,5 years, and now with Kenny also a little over 5 years.
So it's not like I have flings or whatever and bring home someone every month.
I knew there was a reason why I didn't tell her last time I saw her -_-

Utora

March 7th, 2016, 02:48 AM

So, been gone a while, a lot has happened (work, family, education, relationship, life.)

I left that guy I had been with for 5 years (back and forth). I did it. Finally. It was sad but also a relief. It didn't exactly lay me low but it was painful. I think, I was over it for quite some time; attached but not intimate in my heart anymore. In 3 years he probably spent 6 months here total. He maintained communication but I found stuff again...and that aside, I just decided it was over. I wanted to live.

I am very, very happy. I will admit, 90% of my irritability and anger has gone away. I have made plans with my life; one of the biggest is I will be moving to the beach in September. I am so excited.

:cheese:

I feel free and at peace.

:simbarelaxed:

Azerane

April 10th, 2016, 11:20 AM

Crazy, exciting, stressful evening today! :D It just so happened that today I signed onto Skype for the first time in months to see how Audra and Petteri were doing since we haven't chatted in ages. Thanks to Audra asking about Pat's VISA progress, I decided to check the immigration website which neither Pat or I have done for some time since he regularly checks his email for anything from them. As it turns out, we missed an e-mail they sent us a few days ago letting us know that our application had progressed in the queue and is due to be processed shortly (whatever that means in a real world time frame)!! Needless to say, we got excited and then thought we'd better double check the application that we'd attached all our documents. Well thank heavens we did because although we had everything scanned and ready to go on the computer, for some reason we'd only attached half of it to the application! :woe: I can't imagine the nightmare that would have been if they'd just denied him because we were missing a bunch of stuff. What were we even thinking when we did that, I don't even know... It's very exciting and really a crazy set of circumstances which led to us checking all those things today. Otherwise it may have just slipped us by.

It's suddenly feeling a whole lot more real again. I'm not sure how long their "due to be processed shortly" time frame is, but they wouldn't send that if it wasn't sometime this month I wouldn't think. :wow:

Sharifu

April 10th, 2016, 06:04 PM

I'm glad to see that I helped some in all this. :lol: I'm also glad to hear it seems Pat's visa will be processed soon! :D That is always exciting! Once his visa is processed, maybe he will have more luck getting hired for a job.

As for me and Petteri, I'm sure almost all of you know this from Facebook, but Petteri became a U.S. Citizen last month! It's pretty exciting to know we are done with USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) forever! :haha: Not that we ran into problems really, pretty much all of Petteri's process, from getting his visa, to green card, to citizenship was pretty smooth with no problems. It's just that since 2010, every couple of years it was a new process to do, just more paperwork, filling out forms, gathering documents, paying fees, getting Petteri's finger prints taken and going to interviews. Just so glad to be done with all this. :lol: (Although before Petteri decided to get U.S. citizenship, he had a 10 year green card, and if Petteri decided he just wanted to stay a permanent resident and not become a U.S. citizen, all he would have to do is keep renewing his green card every 10 years, so it wouldn't of been so bad, but still, nice to know we are done.) :p

Azerane

April 13th, 2016, 08:21 AM

^Yes, it was a huge help! Just can't believe the luck of the timing with how recently we missed the e-mail :)

nathalie

May 25th, 2016, 03:38 PM

*** don’t say anything on Facebook about this, there’s some people I need to tell face-to-face ***

But figured I could already just mention it in here, because, you know … it’s Lea, lol.

I’d like to think I’m going to shock some people, with what I’m about to tell you all, hehe.
Or not, and you’ll have that “oooooooooh, right …” feeling :p
(Although 2 or 3 people already knew something, as we both told a few people.)

I’m not gonna go completely into detail, it’s a very long story, but obviously this didn’t happen overnight ;)
It’s something I had been struggling with for a while, and it’s nice to find out eventually that it’s both ways.

Some may have seen on my FB I’ve had a visitor, and some may have seen on his FB he was visiting someone.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

So, yeah … me and Adam (This Land) :D

Sharifu

May 25th, 2016, 05:13 PM

nathalie

May 25th, 2016, 05:16 PM

So you mentioned this on Lea, that's a good sign. :haha: Now that I'm thinking about it, who would of thought, that you would of ended up in a long distance relationship. :lol: I just remembering you saying, you could never do it. (Even though it's not super far, but still, flying is usually involved) :p

Haha, yeah, I remember.
But then again, I've always said there would be 1 person who I'd do it for :p

Flying? Who needs a plane when there's a train o_O lol

Sharifu

May 25th, 2016, 05:20 PM

But then again, I've always said there would be 1 person who I'd do it for :p

Hmm, I didn't remember you saying that. :p But that is a good sign I think, that someone is worth it so much, that it is worth it go to through a long distance relationship for a while, just because they love that person that much.

Flying? Who needs a plane when there's a train o_O lol

:lol: That's why I said, "usually"... :p I assumed you could travel by train too.

nathalie

May 25th, 2016, 05:21 PM

Hehe yeah, takes about the same time.
Though, the airport is right around the corner for me, which is really nice, and only 500 meters away from where I work too.

Leorgathar

May 25th, 2016, 08:29 PM

Oh wow! ....New Lea Couple!!! :wow:

Ok, I have to admit the thought did cross my mind at some point, since you two have been very close, but there was no way I could be sure of it.
But it does make sense, and now it's so awesome to hear these news! :cs_grin: Congratulations guys, I'm really happy for you :cs_love:

nathalie

May 25th, 2016, 08:30 PM

Haha, thanks! I wonder why it would cross your mind though, I've met him just as many of times in London as I've met Lucy at the same times :p

Leorgathar

May 25th, 2016, 09:05 PM

Just a hunch, nothing specific really :lol:
I just thought one day "what if... naah, come on, they're just friends, stop shipping real people, Leor, sheesh!" :p

This Land

May 25th, 2016, 11:49 PM

*pokes head in*

Thanks you both, means alot ^_^

Yeah its been on the line for a while now and we both wanted to make sure :) And after coming back from my trip seeing Nathalie, we both agreed it felt so right ^_^ :love:

We had a feeling people had their suspicions hahaha xD

Guntur

May 26th, 2016, 12:31 AM

Congratulations This Land and Nathalie, till death do us apart, and for earth and heaven. :D :cheese: :hugs:

King Simba

May 26th, 2016, 06:58 AM

Whoa, now I can't really say I expected this, but after seeing the pics on FB I kind of had my suspicions. :uhno: I'm really pleased for you both. May you both have a great relationship together! :kionwow: :hugs:

As for the travelling, at least you have the option of train and road if you don't feel like flying. ;)

Now I really am convinced Lea is some kind of dating site... :psst:

nathalie

May 26th, 2016, 07:05 AM

Hehe, thanks ^^

I found it amusing, that people immidiatly go like "oh, because of the pics I saw on FB, so that must have been for a reason".
But not really no.
He's said for years he'd visit Belgium one day, because it has always been me going to the UK meeting up with people.
Me having my own place now made that rather easier then if I'd still be living with a boyfriend or at my parents :p

Nalas

May 26th, 2016, 06:21 PM

Congratulations, Nathalie, I'm happy for you! :D

I was kinda-sorta in a relationship with another girl, but things haven't been going too well, so, we've pretty much gone our separate ways.... :(

nathalie

May 27th, 2016, 07:06 AM

Thank you Nalas ^^

Too bad it didn't work out for you :-(

cleargreenwater

May 27th, 2016, 11:16 AM

Oh wow, awesome Nathalie & This Land. And Nathalie just think whenever the flying could get annoying, that you hauled butt halfway across the globe to Florida & Texas, what's a short flight every now & then compared to that??! :lol:

Have fun & I hope it works out, at least you know you both like Lion King--very important priorities, ya' know? xD

nathalie

May 27th, 2016, 12:03 PM

Haha Brea :lol:
Thanks! :)

I'm actually flying to the US again in October :p
I'd rather take the train though to the UK, I don't think I wanna be in a 'tiny' airplane, lol.

Azerane

June 11th, 2016, 11:38 AM

Awww, that's awesome you two :D I'm going to be one of those people and say I totally knew it :D :cheese: Adam had that trip to visit you and I just had a feeling, was really hoping for you both that it worked out, and I'm so glad to hear that it has :)

It's been just over a year now since Pat moved to Australia, which is just crazy. Where did that time go...

nathalie

June 11th, 2016, 11:54 AM

Why can't a male-friend visit his female-friend when being friends for over 10 years? :lol: haha

Thanks Rebecca ^^ hehe

This Land

June 11th, 2016, 06:21 PM

Thanks everyone , Means alot :simbahappy: Hopefully it shouldnt feel too long until we meet again :timonrockon2:

Time has felt very quick since i heard you and pat moved in together Azzy x3, I hope you both continue to have a happy life together :simbabiggrin:

nathalie

June 21st, 2016, 08:57 PM

Don't think I've ever in the history of Lea had many positive things to say in this topic, lol.
Last week Adam surprised me by waiting for me at my appartment when I got back from work :wow:

Ex-boyfriends who lived near me, never even bothered to even come to my house as a "surprise"/just because, ever ... so this was quite a shock :gasp: But a good one :D

KanuTGL

September 11th, 2016, 11:14 PM

Surprise visits are the best :D Ask Adam, he knows ;)

Soo for me then... about two weeks ago I actually went ahead and asked out this fellow I like. And he said yes! I suppose? In a "I'm busy with work stuff right now, but later that could be nice" sort of way. But he said that I should remind him if he forgot, so I asked again the other day and he more or less said "I'll see what my schedule's like when I can.". So he doesn't expressly say "yes", but he doesn't say no either.

And I guess I'm wondering what to make of that :'D

I'm not one to go chasing after people if they don't quite clearly show me that they're interested too, so I really don't know if I'd ask him a third time. I can't help but think that if he was interested, he'd make some sort of effort to get back to me maybe? At the same time, I'm a little encouraged by the lack of an outright "I'm not interested, sorry." :hmm: Or is this a way of getting people to stop asking?

I've never ever played the dating game before, so I don't quite know what to expect :hehe:

nathalie

September 12th, 2016, 03:56 AM

I don't need to ask him, since he was the one doing it, haha.
Twice he managed to keep something like that a secret.

I can't keep a secret for the life of me, lol.

Hmm, if you you need to remind someone I think that's kind of odd :/
I've never actually been on real dates either, but if you need to remind the same person more then once, would he really be interested in doing something sometime? :/

Leorgathar

September 12th, 2016, 08:47 AM

Hmm I wouldn't know what to make of it either, he doesn't sound like he's excited about it or something, but that's just my impression. Did he look nervous/smiley when you asked him? Honestly, I think if a girl asked me out that would be in my thoughts all day long (not that it would happen to me though, girls asking guys out on a date isn't really common here, which I find kinda silly xP)

I wouldn't say I have real dating experience either, but I actually was set on a... blind date some months ago. I never got around to mention it here because, well, it didn't go so well xP We had some things in common I guess, but since the moment we met at the restaurant she kept talking and talking about herself, constantly interrupting me, and when I found a chance to talk she got distracted with her phone -_-
(Graphical description (http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lion-Date-603299328))

What really put me off was her disinterested attitude, I was nervous about meeting this girl, and she was acting as if she had done this many times before. I try not to judge people easily, but it all gave me a bad gut feeling I couldn't ignore, so next day I decided to tell her the dinner was nice, but that I didn't think it would work between us. I got very scared of saying it, but at least she took it well ...I hope.

As of right now, I'm still on square one, I haven't really fallen for anyone in a while. I try to keep an optimistic attitude about it, but... sometimes loneliness kicks in and it does get to me :cs_sad_1: I guess I'm not so good at meeting new people, but I'll keep hoping I find someone one day.

KanuTGL

September 13th, 2016, 10:15 PM

I was thinking more in the sense of having someone come to surprise you :P I did that once, in collaboration with Adam's mum :lol:

Hmm, if you you need to remind someone I think that's kind of odd :/
I've never actually been on real dates either, but if you need to remind the same person more then once, would he really be interested in doing something sometime? :/
Yeeah, that's what I've been thinking too. I'd more or less written this off, but funnily enough he did actually write to me today and apologised for not being in touch. So that's something? We're still no closer to actually arranging a date or whatever - still no definite yes, but no definite no, so I'm scratching my head at this, hah. He seems like he kind of wants to meet up, but doesn't... take that step? I thought I'd have an answer and be able to take or leave this by now, but I'm feeling none the wiser :hmm:

Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud. This is sort of the one place I feel like I can turn to with these kinds of things ^^;

And I'm sorry to hear about your date, Leor. What a rude person to pick up their phone like that :blah: That's the last thing you should be doing during a date, I'm pretty sure! I understand that loneliness too... Many hugs :hugs:

nathalie

September 14th, 2016, 07:24 AM

I was thinking more in the sense of having someone come to surprise you :P I did that once, in collaboration with Adam's mum :lol:

Yeeah, that's what I've been thinking too. I'd more or less written this off, but funnily enough he did actually write to me today and apologised for not being in touch. So that's something? We're still no closer to actually arranging a date or whatever - still no definite yes, but no definite no, so I'm scratching my head at this, hah. He seems like he kind of wants to meet up, but doesn't... take that step? I thought I'd have an answer and be able to take or leave this by now, but I'm feeling none the wiser :hmm:

Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud. This is sort of the one place I feel like I can turn to with these kinds of things ^^;

Oh yeah, I've got to experience it myself a few times now from his mom, hehe.

I've never ever had to "throw myself in front of one's feet" so I'm really not one to give advice, lol.
But it seems like a bit of an awkward situation on his end. It is nice of him though to message you in that way.
If you keep asking you could come on to strong, and if you don't, he might move on from it too. Very tricky :/
I know myself, and I would just keep asking once every so often, hehe, or a subtle reminder "hey, weren't we going to go to the movies *wink*wink*"

Utora

October 13th, 2016, 11:49 PM

I have two emotions right now; restoration/happiness, and then sadness. It's confusing.

My boyfriend, Jean, flew in from Belgium on Saturday evening. We'd been apart 2 months and I reached my threshold, I suppose... so he flew out to restore everything and we so badly needed it. It really helped us, and we are moving forward with the "next steps".

We decided the best course is for him to come to the USA, instead of me going to Belgium; if it doesn't work, we'll work it out and discuss it from there obviously. His company is not in a position to bring him out, so he's getting a job here and moving, but in order for me to sponsor him we should be married, which we've taken great lengths to discuss.

As this process can either go smoothly or as complicated as possible I've decided it's best to visit if we cannot be together in two months time; the distance is the biggest battle right now.

Jean flew back home today so, I'm a bit sad but ok...I think we can do this.

:sarabismile2:

nathalie

October 14th, 2016, 12:49 AM

Utora

October 14th, 2016, 12:45 PM

I didn't know you guys were together already for such a long time? That's what I assume though, if he's willing to move already and discussing marriage (weather or not to get him to stay in the country)

If he already knows the language, and you don't know any French (you don't need Dutch where he's from), then that is probably a better option.

That was a strong deciding factor, the language I mean. I have no issues with starting from the bottom over there, as he's pretty established, but I am too over here and he believes there are more opportunities so, I'm ok with the decision so long as he is happy.

We have not dated very long but have known each other for a bit. Distance hindered dating. I would like to date longer, personally, but also don't have a problem with marriage. We didn't intend to meet but he flew out corporate wise in July this year and both him and a coworker were stranded outside the hotel in the rain on a Sunday; no one was available to assist them, so I picked them up. From that very moment we both felt something but that was the first we met in person. I admit I was attracted to him for quite some time but it never developed for obvious reasons; distance, other engagements in my life, etc.

I've taken a lot of time alone and with family and friends to process these decisions because I don't think they're some light issue, etc. I'd hate for him to be out here and it fails, but I don't worry too much in that right now, we are happy.

For me I have issues with the fact we work for the same company, and his boss knows it is us dating, and it is me that Jean will basically quit the company for. I don't know but personally I avoid the guy now; his boss is at my building etc. I feel like I have blood on my hands. :lol:

That aside, I'm 26 and he's a little older and more decided in life. I want to be with him, but at times the totality of circumstances added to my indecision with commitments; I've warned him over everything and am honest every day. You know it's a battle between my heart and mind. A lot of my detached, aloof mind says look Utora don't, this is steep, and where will you be in 10 years?

I'd hate to have him out here after dissolving his life in Belgium, and then we part as he's in the USA with no network, etc. I can't do that to him. But I am talking with him every day, we both know one of us could wake up the next day and it just is too much finally. I don't manage emotional health very well, I usually just disconnect...

I imagine all this sounds terrifying. I just know when I"m with him I feel peace, love and happiness for the first time in my life. He's truly happy, also. It's when you start putting all these details on the table, I get strategic like combat mindset to tackle it and my mind says "No. Don't." So you know, I have to find a balance between my heart and mind, not be rash, and be honest every day. I just don't want to lose what we felt, or hurt him but..life is so unpredictable. I don't know what I fear sometimes but it could be healthy? We'll see.

nathalie

October 14th, 2016, 02:55 PM

Utora

October 14th, 2016, 05:08 PM

And then there's me ... having seen Adam quite a few times already this year, more then we originally planned, and I keep thinking "how do you know if you can live together, even though you've met so many times, we've known each other for 10 years, but visiting one and other for 1 week every other 2 months or so, that's not really living together is it".

But I guess that's everyone's own opinion, and everyone should do what they feel is right for their own :)

You don't know, until you do....

http://www.inthemoneystocks.com/images/bryan/thanks%20captain%20obvious.jpg

:lol: Obvious I know but, there's no point in speculating until there's evidence it cna work. If you're truly happy with them when you do see them, it's worth a shot!

I've been with several guys that, things worked, some things didn't. My first love was the hardest because it was just, infatuation but I couldn't see it.

I was with a guy for 5 years and we never even approached the concept of marriage; the idea of it then even, I disregarded it..there was no way, until changes were made. Then another guy, where we worked great together but, better apart than together. With Jean it was different immediately, and that sense of "let's make this happen" has been pushing all along.

I will say now; it shouldn't take 5 years to make a decision, at the very least. You know when you know. People rarely, if at all, change at a core level.
I thought some more and I am certain my main issue is I worry for Jean so there is my hesitation - I worry to the point I shutdown. I know what I can handle, but I want to protect him. He has to also make his own mind, I need to give him that choice, and we need to communicate as we are. I am sure of what I want and it is him.

I also wouldn't fear for long term. You either know or you do not know if it can work. What is it worth to you, and the other person to take that chance? Is it even possible? Etc, etc.

For Jean and me, we both have acknowledged the potential for failure; and we continue on, mutually. So yes, everyone is different, some people don't really need to live together to be happy, etc. There's no one way to be happy for every person , and even that being said, sometimes it is so hard to achieve as I will soon find out with immigration.

:simbahead:

there is something I like,because it helps me realize my past and present:

Sternbergs Love Triangle

http://sites.psu.edu/aspsy/wp-content/uploads/sites/8070/2015/02/images.jpg

That first guy I knew for 5 years, it was definitely Liking which dissolved into Empty Love and finally to nothing.
The second deep relationship, Companionate Love.
Jean and I are Consummate Love. Passion, is something I acknowledged missing in all my relationships prior, before I even saw this graph.

Anyways it's just something that I enjoyed to see lol.

:cheese:

Guntur

October 14th, 2016, 08:27 PM

By looking at the intimacy, I've been stuck on that circle for 12 years now :lol: I'm glad everything is going well for you. :D

nathalie

October 15th, 2016, 07:03 AM

http://www.inthemoneystocks.com/images/bryan/thanks%20captain%20obvious.jpg

Rude.

Let's move it along people ^_^

Utora

October 15th, 2016, 12:10 PM

Rude.

Let's move it along people ^_^

I think you misunderstood me Nathalie. =) I'm calling myself Captain Obvious, the quote "you don't know until you know" is like saying "you die, when you are killed", so I was saying I sound like Captain Obvious.

Sorry if that offended you but it wasn't intended to be anything personal, either.

KanuTGL

October 23rd, 2016, 08:43 PM

Follow-up on my endeavours; long story short, it turned out he's actually interested in someone else and here I am now :'D

Stupid self-pitying ranting below.

See, I can't help but feel like "Right. That was it then." and by that I mean, that was it. Entirely.
I am awful at meeting new people, I'm about to leave Uni life - the place where I meet new people - and I hate, hate, hate online dating, so when am I ever going to find someone now? I guess I should surrender to the fact that I will just be a hermit cat lady after all. This person was my final shot and now it's over.

I feel like I'm just wasting away. All of my friends here - and I mean all. of. them. - have significant others in stable relationships and I can't help but feel like there must be something wrong with me for being so freaking unable to find someone myself. Like I'm just not good enough and never will be. That's the only explanation I can think of.

I am so lonely these days that it's not even funny (last night I was literally on the floor bawling my eyes out from the loneliness and isolation. I ain't proud of it) and I needed this... I needed this so badly. But it wasn't meant to be this time either. It never is.

Siiiigh -_- Enough of my woes, move along, move along~

nathalie

October 23rd, 2016, 09:19 PM

Don't talk like that, you're 26, you're still so young.
I just turned 33, and only now finally finding real happiness with someone.

Guntur

October 24th, 2016, 09:00 AM

Same, I've been stuck in the past about my love life for like 11 years now, nothing change at all. Just enjoy your life what you have at the moment and embrace the goodness. It will comes when the times right Anna. :cheese:

Leorgathar

October 25th, 2016, 12:18 AM

I'm very sorry to hear it turned out that way, Kanu. And I can actually understand your frustration very well, all my friends have had significant others for years and many of them are already married, some even with kids. I rarely get any chances to meet new people either, and I wouldn't want to online date again. So yeah, you might as well have described me up there :(

I get depressed at times thinking about it, feeling lonely does suck, but I think I'm getting better at controlling it, and like I've said before, I still try to remain hopeful as much as I can. Maybe we just need to get out of our comfort zone, find ways to meet new people out of the Uni environment. Life is full of surprises, but they don't come by just staying where we are, I guess.

Anyway, we should also listen to Nathalie and Guntur, it's frustrating right now, but we can't give up yet. Here's hoping you'll find someone someday, or that a new opportunity to meet new people shows up at least. *Big hugs* :hugs:

Sharifu

October 25th, 2016, 01:36 AM

Kanu, I know it's hard but try not to be so down. I wouldn't say that guy was the last person who you could ever be in a relationship with. Who knows, even if you had that chance, you two might of not been a good match anyways, and you would of eventually come to realize that and break up because one or both of you wasn't happy anymore. I just wouldn't think of him as your last chance to ever be in a relationship. I know you feel there is something wrong with you that you can't find someone, but you shouldn't think that way. You've been in relationships in the past.

When you and Leor say you hate online dating, what does that mean exactly? That you don't want to use online dating websites? Or are you against dating anyone you met online, even if it wasn't on an dating website? I have never used an online dating website so I don't know what that is like, but meeting Petteri was the best thing that ever happened to me. Is it because you don't think you'll find someone online that lives near you? I can understand not wanting to go through a long distance relationship again, but I wouldn't say relationships that started online always end in heart break, and you could maybe find someone local, even when looking online.

Like Leor said, you'll have to go outside your comfort zone to meet new people if you are against meeting anyone online. You are still young and you still have chances, I wouldn't feel the last guy you knew from Uni was your one and only hope.

I know it's hard but try to think positively, things will work out, I'm sure you'll find the right guy someday. (And Leor, I'm sure you'll find the right woman someday too) :hugs:

nathalie

October 25th, 2016, 04:19 AM

I agree on stepping out of your comfort zone.
If anyone knows what that's like, I'm one of those people, who would rather stay in their comfort zone, because it *is* the safest place you can be.
But it sometimes can also be the most loneliest place to be in, and I've experienced that firsthand.

And you can make new friends, even online.
I met Sarah through a Disney forum when she was asking questions about Disneyland Paris. Turned out, she was a Lion King lover, and we've been very good friends since 2013 now, and we've met twice already. If trains weren't so ridiculous expensive in the UK, we would see more of each other.

I met Vanessa through a mutual FB page, also happened to be a Lion King lover, haha, and she's one of my dearest friends now, who also happens to live only an hour by car ride away.

I'm not one to go out, and meet new people, I've never been, as I'm an extremely shy person who developed social anxiety over the years.
The only time I went out of the house, was to go to concerts, and the concerts I went too, guys were very slim in the audience, haha!

I've never used online dating sites either (I don't think I'd be that desperate, but I don't judge people who do, it can work out great for many), but I used to be part of a big chatbox, I was basically one of the guys haha, just talking about stupid things with everyone. But I'm talking at least 5-10 years ago mainly. Just talk along, laugh along, be silly, act silly (no one knows who you really are), I was quite the popular girl on there, haha!
Basically being me, who I couldn't be in the real world, where almost no one liked me who I was.
It's different meeting someone online first, and getting to know them through that.

I actually never had to go through any trouble ending up with someone, it was always them doing "the hard work".
So when I finally did have to go through the trouble myself, it was horrofying.
Things turned out allright, but if I hadn't stepped out of that comfort zone, and finally being able to say/do something about it, I had no clue what I was doing really, and if I was making the right decision of doing so.

And like I said, you're still so young, even though you may not think so about certain things in life, a lot can happen in a short period of time.

Thing is, you don't just go looking for it. When you look for it, it'll hardly ever come.

Leorgathar

October 25th, 2016, 11:40 PM

(And Leor, I'm sure you'll find the right woman someday too) :hugs:
Thank you for that :hugs:

When you and Leor say you hate online dating, what does that mean exactly? That you don't want to use online dating websites? Or are you against dating anyone you met online, even if it wasn't on an dating website? I have never used an online dating website so I don't know what that is like, but meeting Petteri was the best thing that ever happened to me. Is it because you don't think you'll find someone online that lives near you? I can understand not wanting to go through a long distance relationship again, but I wouldn't say relationships that started online always end in heart break, and you could maybe find someone local, even when looking online.
Well, in my case I really meant long distance relationships. I don't have a problem with online dating otherwise, I know very well how meaningful relationships can start online, of course, and if I for some reason get to meet someone online that I can constantly meet in person with, I'd be content with that. It's just that I put myself in a position where I can't travel long distances anymore as much as I used to, at least not in the near future. I have a very promising future here where I live, so I think that for the moment I'll look for someone locally (although I haven't really fallen for anyone here, most awesome girls I know live abroad, hehe :'D)
About dating sites... well, I was curious and made an OKcupid profile, but I don't know, it doesn't feel like it's my thing, I'd rather meet someone casually and be friends for a while before actually dating, but I haven't ruled it out, as long as it's local, I guess.

There's a Halloween party coming up this weekend. I'll try and make a step to meet new people. I don't expect a meaningful relationship to start there right away, but maybe it'll be a step out of my comfort zone (I don't enjoy staying too long at parties ><)
We'll see...

Lyonize

October 26th, 2016, 04:34 AM

There's a Halloween party coming up this weekend. I'll try and make a step to meet new people. I don't expect a meaningful relationship to start there right away, but maybe it'll be a step out of my comfort zone (I don't enjoy staying too long at parties ><)
We'll see...

Good luck at the party Leor! Don't stress out too much and have some chips and guacamole. :fina:

Azerane

October 27th, 2016, 02:20 AM

Aww, don't despair Kanu. Don't give up hope, sometimes the right person comes along when you least expect it and when you're not even looking. It will happen, don't rush into it because you want to be with someone, that just ends in heartbreak. :hugs: You'll get there, just enjoy being you and having fun doing what you please.

I'm pretty sure I forgot to write this on here, which is incredible given you guys are like my online family and have been a part of this whole thing. But Pat's VISA was approved almost a month ago now :) It was really out of the blue, we expected to be asked some questions or something but he just got an e-mail one day stating that he is now on a temporary partner VISA instead of a Bridging VISA. 12 months from the approval date they come back to us, check that we're still together etc and it will be transferred to a Permanent Partner VISA :) Very exciting stuff and takes away so much stress knowing that he's now officially here!

Vidan

October 28th, 2016, 07:00 PM

Congrats, Azerane (and Pat).

Personally I've never been in much of a hurry, but of course I think about relationships and have a certain degree of loneliness from time to time -- that being said, I think there's nothing wrong with being 20, 35, or even 45 and being single. It seems like I'm always working on some other priority (whether it be career, education, or creative pursuits) that distracts me from really putting myself out there, but maybe something will happen for me eventually. :lol: I have poked around at OkCupid a bit, but it didn't really strike me as something I could particularly get into -- for the same reason as Leor, probably -- I'd rather become friends with someone first. I've had a few back-and-forths with people on there talking about some interesting ideas or concepts, though I think most people see that as icebreaker conversation, whereas I'm more than happy to just keep talking about ideas. Maybe a lot of people move faster than me in this regard? I don't know. All I know is I haven't really had anyone (including my family) encouraging me to make something happen in the relationship department, so I haven't felt a desire to really push myself or rush into anything. :relax:

KanuTGL

October 29th, 2016, 02:50 PM

Alright, less temper-tantrum state of mind now :'D Now I'm just sad, lawl.

Thank you for the replies. Know that I really appreciate them. I do.

None the less, I still feel like "that ship has sailed" and that was that :'D

I've had a few brief attempts at online dating, but I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. I can see why that would sound ironic, considering that all my two relationships I've had started out online, but the conditions under which those happened were, in fact, very different - from the onset there was never the intention to date/fall in love; the intention was just to unite over a common interest and be friends. With dating sites or apps like Tinder the intention from the get-go is to see if you could date the person, and that feels rather cold and calculating to me. Forced and unpleasant. For a difficult-to-get-to-know person like me the concept seems perfect, but once I'm participating it makes me feel like an item on sale and not like a person :eww: Like others have said here, I want to meet someone I can be friends with first and then see if it could develop into something more than that. I've met so many amazing people at Uni through these past years and if no one took interest in me then - when I was what I feel was "the best I could be" in the best possible environment - how could I hope that someone in the "real world" could possibly...

Sigh. No, you can't rush, affect or predict these things, and that makes me feel powerless. If I wanted to, say, draw better I could practise and I would improve, but with this there's nothing I can really do to change my situation. Either it'll happen or it won't, and I frankly am so scared that it won't...

Now, I know I have a tendency to be a drama queen, and maybe things will turn out okay someday. Who knows. But I have a bit of a difficult time imagining that right now :kionrollseyes:

Keep calm and carry on, I guess. Thanks for putting up with me and my ranting, haha.

HasiraKali

October 30th, 2016, 07:26 AM

I don't have anything to add to this conversation, but I've decided that I'm single because I'm a superhero. Or just intimidating in some way. :p

Azerane

November 4th, 2016, 07:58 AM

^My Super Ex-girlfriend style, or more like Supergirl style? :p

nathalie

May 22nd, 2017, 12:33 PM

So, a year has passed since Adam was here for the first time.
It really flew by.
Feels good to be able to say positive things, as that was never the case for me.
Safe to say, I'm very happy!

Kossu

May 24th, 2017, 12:21 PM

Congratulations on the milestone, nathalie! I wish you all the best! :)

nathalie

May 24th, 2017, 05:45 PM

Yet another one, but this time a very positive one. Thank you Kossu :)

Nalas

May 26th, 2017, 04:17 AM

Congrats on your milestone, Nathalie! :)

As for me, I'm still single with 4 cats, lol. But, I recently discovered I'm demisexual, so.... xD

Vidan

June 9th, 2017, 06:36 AM

I recently discovered I'm demisexual

I'd use that to describe myself, as well, and I only learned about the term early last year. It was kind of a revelation, tbh, like: no wonder everyone else seems to move so fast in the love and romance department!

KanuTGL

June 9th, 2017, 09:57 AM

^ I'm with you both there. I've heard the word before, but I only recently looked into what it means and basically thought "Huh. There's a name for this that I feel? Fancy that." I'm tentatively rolling with it, but at the same time I'm also a hopeless romantic which feels kinda contradictory? Or maybe it makes perfect sense? I don't know. It's confusing :stick::kiaralook:

Guntur

June 9th, 2017, 07:22 PM

I'm kinda the same with you both. Even thought in a friendship time I was expecting too much to be honest. :(

Vidan

June 10th, 2017, 05:32 PM

I'm tentatively rolling with it, but at the same time I'm also a hopeless romantic which feels kinda contradictory? Or maybe it makes perfect sense? I don't know. It's confusing

I think you could totally be a hopeless romantic in the abstract sense, yet need to establish an emotional connection before developing feelings for someone. So while it might be harder for you to establish that connection, once you do, there'd be a lot for you to offer in terms of cementing that connection. That sounds like a positive thing and not contradictory at all. At least IMO, but what do I know, really xD

Nalas

June 30th, 2017, 05:33 PM

Glad to see I'm not the only one who's a demisexual here. :curious:

nathalie

June 30th, 2017, 06:46 PM

Not to step on people's toes ... but, to quote Vidan "I think you could totally be a hopeless romantic in the abstract sense, yet need to establish an emotional connection before developing feelings for someone."

Isn't that how it's supposed to go anyways? I've never met a guy and went like "I want him in my bed" before actually starting to get feelings, or an emotional connection with them.
I feel you do that first anyways, and it goes on from there.

KanuTGL

July 1st, 2017, 07:46 PM

^ Not necessarily. Different people operate in different ways. I have several friends who aren't opposed to one night stands and who have taken people home from parties for exactly that. Another friend of mine will happily get intimate with someone she's been on two or three dates with. Things like that are so far off my map that it baffles me how sexual attraction to them is no big deal. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I could never do anything like that. I move slowly, veery slowly, in relationships and couldn't imagine gettin' it on, even a basic thing like a kiss or holding hands, with someone I'm not good friends with and trust - someone I have no strong emotional connection with.

What a "strong" connection means exactly is the confusing bit I guess, but I feel that this article (https://www.bustle.com/articles/155277-what-does-demisexual-mean-here-are-6-signs-that-you-may-identify-as-demisexual) and this quote from Docor Who (because where else? :'D) sums everything up for me very well: "You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they're as dull as a brick. Then there's other people and you meet them and you think, 'Not bad, they're okay.' And then you get to know them and... and their face just sort of... becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just... they turn into something so beautiful."

That's what is is to me anyway, in my own personal experience that doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nalas

July 3rd, 2017, 01:27 AM

^I feel the exact same way as you do with people. I wouldn't want to get intimate with someone right off the bat. I'd want to get to know them for at least a year or so before "gettin' it on". I don't have anything against of how people live their lives, but for me, I would rather move slowly, too. I've been in two relationships before, but they both were rotten. Edit - I've actually been in three; the first one was actually decent. Ex and I were on and off (long distance) for about 5 years. But, he's in a relationship, and he has a son now.... :blah: So, I've been single for at least 3 years now. And I'm content with that. If I ever date somebody again, I'd want a genuine relationship; not a one-night-stand or all about intimacy. Take me on actual dates; movies, dinners, bowling alley, etc.

That's my two cents.

nathalie

July 3rd, 2017, 08:55 AM

But I don't want to get intimate either 'straight away'. And there's millions of people who don't, who want to get to know someone first on different levels, but that doesn't mean that I feel I'm a part of that 'group'.

I'll walk away from this specific topic now, as I just don't understand what's so very different about it. I still feel that's all a very normal way of wanting to be with someone.

There's always exceptions, enough people who don't care and do it night 1, or just for the fun of it, or for whatever reason they seem fit.
But I like to think that group is a minority.

nathalie

December 6th, 2017, 06:34 PM

Not much going on in here anymore either ... has our love lives or single lives become that boring? hehe ^^ ;)

Not much to tell, things are going good :)
Actually, since the last time I saw Adam in October, it's still a 15-day wait untill I go to the UK again for the holidays, and this has then actually been the longest time we've been apart. Usually saw each other again within about 45 days.
Since last year May, that will be 16 trips altogether then.
Not bad for a long distance relationship, lol!

Lyonize

December 11th, 2017, 05:06 AM

I think the last time I made a post about my own self here was... high school? I had a MAJOR crush on this girl. That all ended horribly, but who can say they're still with their high school crush, right? By now, she's just a distant memory and in retrospect, I can see that it never would've actually worked out. I was better off staying single.

In January of this year, I moved out to rent a house with a couple of my best friends. They're a couple and they've been together for a few years now. I never expected to be so emotionally affected by living so close to people that have what I'm looking for. I soon began feeling an intense loneliness. Spending time hanging out with my friends was great, but every night, they went to bed and still had each other and I went to bed and I was alone. The juxtaposition was jarring. I soon fell into a deep depression. Not the kind of depression you can understand if you haven't been through it. Not just a long period of general sadness. This was different. It was like a constant loop of emotional numbness followed by fear that I was going to be this way forever, and then back into numbness. I developed panic attacks. I'd lie awake late at night or stare off into the distance, heart pounding, just feeling crushed by the weight of the world and feeling so alone. I could always rely on my friends to lift my spirits but nobody could pull me out of this. All they could do was be there for me. But even then, I still felt alone. Slowly, but surely, I began picking myself up. There were several "footholds" along the way, events that helped a lot. I've moved on now. Things are feeling back to normal. But I still crave that closeness to someone that I've never had.

These days, I'm looking to the future. I'm working on self-improvement now. I want to be the best person I can be for the lioness that comes into my life. I'm about to move into an apartment closer to work. I'll be living on my own, which I'm actually looking forward to. It'll allow me to focus on developing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally, without the distraction of people around me who are already where I want to be.

Finally, I want to reach out to anyone who may have been through the same thing, or maybe you're in that dark pit now. You're not alone. It will end. You will feel happiness again.

https://i.imgur.com/Ym45QKq.gif

cleargreenwater

December 11th, 2017, 01:35 PM

Not much going on in here anymore either ... has our love lives or single lives become that boring?

My dog and I are doing just fine, thank you for asking :kiss: :lol:

Seriously, you and Adam both seem super chill happy and that's awesome, it's great you guys are doing so well ^^

nathalie

December 11th, 2017, 03:27 PM

Haha, CGW, good for you ^^ a dog can be such amazing company though. I really miss my cat. I know some cats are just buggers, but I got so much love from mine, he was a real lap-cat.

I am super happy ^^ Audra is getting sick of me talking sometimes I feel :P

@ Lyonize: It's good you managed to pick yourself up again, and starting to feel better! Renting a place for just you will probably also do you so much good.
And how cliche it sounds, but for 99 % it's true: it always comes when you don't expect it.

KanuTGL

December 11th, 2017, 09:45 PM

Lyonize

December 12th, 2017, 05:44 AM

Ah, love life. The sentiment that "lovers come and go, but friends remain" is, I think, one of the biggest lies I've been told. Every time a friend of mine finds love, I lose them :cs_sorry:

Most recently, my previously-single best friend and I swore that if we find partners we'd never become one of those "boring couples" that just isolate themselves and "forget" to hang out with their friends. Buut - she found a partner and has now herself become part of a "boring" couple of exactly the variety we've talked about. I barely see or hear from her now, whereas before we'd see each other frequently and talk often. I know that's what can happen, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned since we've really talked about it and said that neither of us would do that :C Point being, I don't think it should be that difficult to maintain both friendships and a relationship - or is it?

You're totally right. That does tend to happen. I think I've only ever had one friend who still keeps in contact with me regularly even after he got married. There was a period where he sort of disappeard for a while when he was first dating his then girlfriend but he came back around.

I feel kinda hypocritical because I hate that it happens to me but if I ever find someone special, I'm TOTALLY going to disappear on my friends for a while whether I put effort into keeping in contact with them or not. It's not that I'm going to TRY to stay away from my friends or something, I just know myself well enough that I know it's going to happen. I just hope I can remember to message them at least to aknowlege that it's happening and that it doesn't mean I care about them any less. :alone:

nathalie

December 12th, 2017, 08:49 AM

I've had that happen. And then, when their relationship ends, they think they can pick up with me where they left it.
I don't think so. The people who done this to me, and then came crawling back I just ignored. I don't need people like that. Who are only my friend when it suits them best.

Leorgathar

December 13th, 2017, 08:43 AM

These days, I'm looking to the future. I'm working on self-improvement now. I want to be the best person I can be for the lioness that comes into my life. I'm about to move into an apartment closer to work. I'll be living on my own, which I'm actually looking forward to. It'll allow me to focus on developing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally, without the distraction of people around me who are already where I want to be.

Finally, I want to reach out to anyone who may have been through the same thing, or maybe you're in that dark pit now. You're not alone. It will end. You will feel happiness again.

I'm glad to hear you're picking up after yourself and working on self improvement. I'm sure moving into your own apartment will do you good :) I'm kind of on the same page, working on myself to be economically stable and preparing to move out whenever I'm ready. I'm still hopeful a new romance may spark at some point, even though I still feel very lonely more times than I'd like to admit, and sometimes I get cynical too. I'm learning to be patient, and I'm slowly boosting my confidence, so... who knows, maybe I'll be in a good shape when it finally happens.

And also, thanks for those last words in your post, I know deep inside that you're right. Remember that to yourself too :hugs:

Ah, love life. The sentiment that "lovers come and go, but friends remain" is, I think, one of the biggest lies I've been told. Every time a friend of mine finds love, I lose them :cs_sorry:

Most recently, my previously-single best friend and I swore that if we find partners we'd never become one of those "boring couples" that just isolate themselves and "forget" to hang out with their friends. Buut - she found a partner and has now herself become part of a "boring" couple of exactly the variety we've talked about. I barely see or hear from her now, whereas before we'd see each other frequently and talk often. I know that's what can happen, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned since we've really talked about it and said that neither of us would do that :C Point being, I don't think it should be that difficult to maintain both friendships and a relationship - or is it?

I can't say this is the case with all of my friends, since I still hang out with a couple of them who are married (Not as often as we used to before, but we're still friends), but it did happen with some other friends before. I get to see them sometimes for a special occasion like a birthday or something, but with them it's always the same conversation that starts with "what has been of you?" and ends with "We should hang out more often", only to leave it like that and not see each other again for months -.-

I guess it's easier when you're friends with both your friend and their partner. Like, they both have their own life together, but like to hang around with you because you're all friends. At least that's the case with the friends I still get so see often, sure, I get to feel some degree of jealousy, but at least they don't totally ignore me, which I'm grateful for (although that may change with time, I guess)

That said, I know it can't be the same for everyone. I agree that it shouldn't be that difficult to maintain a balance between friendships and relationships, and I wish you didn't have to deal with that, Kanu. Here's hoping things will change for you at some point, and hey, at least you still have us Lea friends here for you :hugs: